Stay

It was only as the bus started to pull away that Rory really allowed herself to think about the situation. About the fact that neither of them had brought up the incidents at the party; not the scene in the bedroom or the fight with Dean. The bedroom scene she could get over. Sure, she'd been confused and hurt at the time, but logically she knew Jess wasn't trying to push her into something. He'd just been in a strange head space while she'd been trying to bring him out of his funk.

It was his fight with Dean that had been haunting her for days. She wanted to apologise to him. To reassure him that she hadn't meant to run to her ex-boyfriend like that and to tell him that Dean's high-handed attempt to defend her honour was absolutely not what she'd intended. She wanted to tell him that it was him that she wanted. It had always been him.

But none of that had come up during their thirty second conversation on the bus. They'd skirted the issues, discussing Fran's funeral instead. And prom. He wasn't taking her to prom. He'd said he couldn't get tickets. She wasn't sure what that meant, but she filed her disappointment away to be dealt with later.

She remembered the way he'd shifted in his seat as he'd said he'd call her. The promise had been hollow, she was sure. It reminded her of the time a couple of months back that he hadn't called one weekend and she'd cleaned her keyboard and catalogued her homework while pining away, before resorting to going to a hockey game (a hockey game!). Eventually he'd shown up with tickets to The Distillers, but not until she'd questioned everything she wanted to believe about him. She didn't want to go through that again. This time she was resolved not to wait for his call. This time, she'd go to him.

She was still standing on the sidewalk. The bus was long gone and students were milling around her, some murmuring to each other about the strange girl staring at nothing. What exactly was she supposed to be doing?

And that was when Rory finally allowed herself to wonder, exactly what was Jess doing? Why was he on a bus, heading out of town in the middle of the day? Why had he been so put out when he'd seen her there? Without warning, she felt tears suddenly stinging her eyes and her throat tightened. All she could see was that plea that had been in his eyes, after his fight with Dean, that she hadn't had the wits to respond to and the look of absolute defeat in his face that had followed it. She knew now. He couldn't take her to prom and he wasn't going to call.

She remembered all the times he'd held her hand, wrapped his arm over her shoulder and made her feel safe and loved (even if the words were never said). The times that he'd known exactly what to say, or what not to say, when she'd been upset about something. The hours they'd spent together just reading or listening to music. She thought of how he'd smelt, wearing Joe Strummer's leather jacket and how excited he'd been by it. How he'd tasted that last time she'd kissed him. And then all she could think of was all the moments that she hadn't told him she loved him. All the moments that she'd wanted to, but held back. And now she knew it was too late.

She looked back out at the street, as if she was still watching the bus. But Jess was gone.

A/N: Damn it, now I'm all weepy. I hate these episodes. Sigh. For anyone interested, the song that I've used as the title of this chapter is by Michelle Featherstone. It might not be a Rory/Jess type song, but it seemed to fit in this instance. And it adds to the weepy factor.

Now cheer me up with a happy review!

Cheers,

~VC