Chapter 37
I watched as the man fell to the ground, a bullet gone straight through his head.
A bullet from a gun.
The gun that I was holding.
Staring at the body for another minute, I walked over to it, nudging it with my foot as I picked up his weapon.
Defiantly dead.
Disarming and dissembling both guns, I tossed the separate pieces up on my desk before turning to face the single other person in the room.
Tom.
He was sitting down in the corner, back against the wall, knees up to his chest, and shaking slightly.
He looked absolutely petrified.
I sighed, and took a step towards him.
He immediately shuffled back, further away from me.
He was terrified.
Terrified... Of me.
A loud, repeated banging on the door forced me to look away from the scared teenager, and I easily recognised Wolfs voice yelling at me from the other side.
"CUB OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR, RIGHT NOW!".
Sighing once again, I calmly walked over, taking the key from the dead man before unlocking it, revealing the three men standing on the other side.
He immediately threw open the door, glaring at me with all his might as he opened his mouth to yell some more, before abruptly stopping as he took in the sight before him.
Me, with my cold emotionless expression, Tom, who was practically having a panic attack over in the corner, and the dead man lying down not only a few feet week.
He eyes flickered back to mine for a split second, before he roughly shoved past, walking over to the intruder and checking his pulse, as if the bullet wound wasn't enough.
A minute later, he turned back to me, shocked, "You killed him".
I remained silent.
He slowly stood back up and walked over to me, "Cub... I'm only going to ask you this once. Did. You. Pull. That. Trigger?".
I ignored him, and instead turned to face the other two SAS men, addressing Snake first, "You should check on Tom. He's having a slight break down at the moment".
Then I pushed past them, blocking out Eagles protests and hurt look, and numbly walked down the stairs, only vaguely aware of myself throwing open the door and half-running, half-stumbling out into the semi-deserted streets.
I had to get away from there.
From where that man was.
The man that I had killed.
I had killed him.
In cold-blood.
I was a murderer.
(But you're not, are you?)
Of course I am.
(He DID try to kill you first)
But I killed him last.
(You're making no sense Alex)
Of course I am.
(And now you've officially lost it)
What would you know?
(I'm your conscience. I'm the guy who tells you what's right and wrong. You'd he surprised at what I know)
Then was I right? Or was I wrong?
(By killing that man? The same man who threatened to murder your best friend? The same man who WAS going to kill you?)
Exactly. You don't know.
(Of course I KNOW. But there's no simple answer to that)
How can there not be? Was I right? Or was I wrong?
(... You were wrong for all the right reasons)
And you say I'm not making much sense.
(Look... What I mean, is that, you killed him because you had to. You did the right thing. You protected your best friend. You saved yourself. And you possibly prevented K-Unit from getting hurt as well. That was the right thing to do)
But...?
(But... It was still wrong to kill him)
I knew it.
(No, not like that. Don't do anything stupid Alex. What I meant, was that even though he completely deserved what he got, you probably should have shot him somewhere like in the hand or leg or something. Injure him. But not kill)
Why not?
(Because then you could have asked him. MI6 could have interrogated him. Heck, even the fully-trained Scorpion wouldn't have lasted long under Wolfs questioning)
... So I was wrong?
(Alex. Listen to me. You were right. AND you were wrong. There is no such thing as right or wrong in this world, no such thing as good or bad. There's only the evil, and the innocent. You should know that by now)
I do, I just... I killed him.
(I know you did. And you did good. Think of all the other men and woman he would have murdered if you hadn't! Think of all the children's lives you've saved!)
... But I'm just a child myself.
And that was it.
I was just a child.
A child who was simply too curious for his own good.
Nothing but a kid, a kid caught in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I shouldn't be in this world.
I shouldn't be involved with the SAS and MI6.
I shouldn't be even noticed by SCORPIA, not to mind number 1 on their hit list.
I should be at school.
I should be a normal schoolboy.
I should be alive.
I stopped walking then.
I didn't know why.
But I just did.
I came to a sudden stop, and I looked up.
Looked up at the dark night surrounding me.
Looked up at the rain clouding my vision and soaking my clothes.
And looked up at what I had become, and what I should have been.
I shouldn't be part of this life...
... But I've come too far to back down now.