A/N: Hey everyone! Thank you for last chapter's reviews and for all your adds and faves and for reading this story! I appreciate it so much! I started this story believing that no one would read it and now we've reached chapter 35! That's a total wow!
Here goes a new, long (and if I'm allowed to say, pretty amazing) chapter! I really like how this chapter turned out being so I hope you like it too!
'It's the right thing to do.' Olivia reminded herself as she walked down the marbled hallway in the way the secretary had pointed her to go and located herself in a red chair.
"Miss Benson, you can go inside his office now." The soft voice of the secretary took Olivia out of her thoughts.
The brunette nodded to the other woman and faked a small smile. She walked the few steps left and entered the man's office.
As soon as she opened the door Olivia saw Thomas Cabot sitting on his desk chair and recognized her boss' bold head seating across Alex's father. Instantly, she felt uncomfortable. She started asking herself why she was there, it wasn't necessary. They could wait.
'Don't fool yourself, Benson.' She thought and sighed. Things couldn't stay as they were.
She couldn't stay as Alex's guard. She was too involved. She couldn't do her best at protecting the blonde with everything she felt running through her body and Olivia needed to accept that. Another guard would do her job better than her. Another guard would be much more focused in whatever circumstance could occur – It was the best whether she liked it or not. After all, Olivia would never forgive herself if something happened to Alex because she wasn't paying her whole attention to her safety.
"Good morning, Olivia. Please take a seat." Thomas Cabot invited her inside his office with the signature smile of any politician.
The guard stepped into the room and politely greeted both men. Quickly, she organized her thoughts and took the chair next to Cragen's. Olivia sighed, or at least she thought she had, and finally spoke.
Alex drove Olivia into her arms without questioning. She pressed the brunette tightly against her thin body and both women remained there for endless minutes.
Olivia's mind flew back to her morning meeting, to the things that she had said and the ones that she had deliberately kept to herself. She wanted to tell Alex everything, to explain her actions and to forget about it and move on— if it only could be that simple.
The brunette felt the blonde's soft caress on her back and thought; maybe it can be that simple. After all, they loved each other. Maybe Alex would understand why she had to do what she'd done and everything would stay as it was – it could even end up being better than before.
But while Olivia made her worries vanish and enjoyed of Alex's touch, the blonde tried to figure out what had happened. Her mind was filled with different theories and hypothesis. Her heart and soul instead, were filled with the worries and fears of the uncertainty that Olivia's cry and lack of answer gave her. She was sure she had never seen the brunette like this and that unsettled her. She was holding the woman she loved, who was crying for a reason that wasn't completely clear on her mid. How would she do to comfort her if she didn't even know the exact reason that had made her cry? Alex only knew Olivia was sorry for something she had done and that was related to her job as Alex's guard having a deadline. So many things could make that happen, so many people could be involved, so many ideas came to her mind.
Unintentionally, Alex ran her hand up and down through Olivia's back. When she stepped out of her thoughts and realized what she was doing she hoped that at least the gesture would lead the brunette to speak but that didn't happen. Alex waited for a few more minutes in complete silence. The silence was finally broken by the act of the blonde woman pulling apart and freeing Olivia from her arms.
Alex used her thumb to wipe Olivia's tears away. "I'm gonna make some tea for you, okay?" The blonde said and started getting out from the couch without waiting for an answer.
"Lex, don't." Olivia took Alex from the wrist. The teenager turned to the older woman. "I need to tell you what happened now that I have the guts to do it." The brunette said almost desperately. Alex only nodded and sat next to Olivia once again.
Olivia sighed, or at least she thought she had, and finally spoke.
Olivia woke up that morning with her gaze stuck to the ceiling. The same thoughts that had been running through her mind before she fell asleep were chasing her one more time. She needed to make them disappear.
The brunette checked the time; there still was an hour and a half until she had to pick Alex up. She had plenty of time to do what she had decided to— but did she have the guts? Could she do it?
'It's the right thing to do.' Olivia reminded herself and took her phone. For only a minute she stared at the screen displaying her boss' cellphone number. She tried to fool herself with the excuse that it was too early to call him and she should better call him in the afternoon. But she knew that though it was early it wasn't too early and the man was probably already on his office. Besides, what she had to do couldn't wait another second.
She pressed 'call' and waited for Cragen to answer. Olivia heard his voice greeting her and swallowed.
"Chief, I'm sorry to bother you so early in the morning. But I need to talk with you and the Mayor as soon as possible." She spoke professionally.
"Is Alexandra okay?" He asked.
Olivia sat on her bed. "She is. But there is something I need to talk over with you and considering it does involve his daughter I'd think the Mayor would like to be part of that meeting." She rubbed her head. Somehow and thankfully, the right words had appeared on her mouth. She only hoped the same would happen when she was facing both men.
Cragen nodded and answered the young woman. "I have a meeting with him at his office in forty minutes."
"I'll be there." The brunette said and heard the dial tone. She closed her phone and sighed.
"I had a meeting with Cragen and your father this morning, before I picked you up." Olivia said to Alex, not daring to look at the blue eyes in front of her. "Last night I barely slept. I couldn't stop thinking about us and what you've told me."
The blonde squeezed Olivia's hand and the brunette found the courage of looking at her.
"I know I don't show it or talk about it, but I'm also hurting because of this. Because of the way we have to hide our feelings. There's nothing I'd love more than taking you out on a date, than holding your hand while we walk on the street, than sending you flowers and being able to write my name on the card." Olivia's eyes glittered and though she knew this speech wasn't going to end positively, Alex smiled when the brunette mention those things. "Not being able to do those things hurts me. I want us to be in a normal relationship but for now that's just impossible and I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry that we had to meet and fall in love under these circumstances."
Alex kept her tears from forming as she listened to Olivia. "I know you want that to change as much as I do and I know you think the way of changing it is telling your parents but I can't do that Alex. Not now. I love you and I'm not even going to risk this, for much attempt of a relationship it can be, I'm not going to risk it."
The brunette's words were strong and Alex knew that Olivia was right. By telling her parents they could win everything they wanted or lose everything they had built up and, with the odds being uncertain, they couldn't take the risk.
Olivia stayed silent for a second and then continued. "But I know that we can't continue being like this. I cannot be your guard anymore. In one hand, it would only make things even worse if your parents find out and it would truly compromise my career. But the main reason is that I don't trust myself to be your guard anymore. It's a clear conflict of interest. We both know it. And though I don't like the idea of someone that's not me being beside you every second, I know that it's the best for your safety."
Alex stopped fighting her tears and let them run through her pale cheeks. "So you quitted? Without previously talking with me? You took a decision that will change our relationship entirely without caring about my opinion? That was the best for my safety?" She snapped.
"I know you're angry but—" Olivia began but Alex interrupted her.
"You don't know anything about me, Olivia!" Alex shouted. "If you knew the littlest thing about me you would have known I would get like this. Of course I'm mad! I asked you to think about telling my parents about us and you just go and resign being my guard? What? You thought I would be happy? That I would ran and jump into your arms? Oh no wait, you knew I wouldn't do that since now we're not going to see each other every day and even if we do meet it's gonna be with my adorable new guard standing next to me. Of course, that'll be so much better of what we had." She said sarcastically. Alex stood up with her arms crossed and started pacing around the brunette's apartment.
A short moment of silence took place until Olivia spoke. "I did what I had to do." Though her voice was firm and strong, Alex could also hear the pain that came from it. Bright blue eyes met brown ones when the blonde turned around and faced Olivia. "I love you and I love spending time with you but I couldn't bear the simple thought of something happening to you because of me. I thought you'd understand why I did it."
"Well, I don't." Alex said and walked to where she had dropped her things. "I'm going home." She announced as she put her jacket on.
Olivia got out of the couch and went towards the blonde. "Alex, please, don't do this, we can talk and work it out."
"Are you escorting me or I need to call my new guard?" The blonde said coldly, ignoring Olivia's requests.
"Geez, Alex. Why do you have to act like such a teenager?" Olivia spoke and regretted her words immediately; knowing what would come after the brief silence they shared.
Alex burnt in anger. She grabbed her schoolbag and car keys and looked right into Olivia's eyes. "News for you, I am a teenager. I'm sorry but it came in the package. You can either take it or leave it – oh no wait, you already decided to leave it." The blonde opened the door and waited for the elevator to arrive.
Olivia put her jacket on and followed Alex. But this time, she made it in silence. She knew she wasn't going to get anything productive out of it, so she simply accompanied Alex in her way back home.
"After the shooting, Alex and I became closer. She felt guilty of what had happened so we basically switched roles and she became some sort of guard for me. I'm glad that happened because in her I discovered an amazing young woman and someone I know I can truly trust in. I'm proud of being able to call myself her friend but I know that that shouldn't be my role. I am also her guard and yesterday, when I returned to that position, I realized that I couldn't do it anymore. I would risk my life for her without a doubt – but I don't trust myself to be one hundred percent alert all the time and I don't know for sure if the decisions I might take in a situation would be wrongfully influenced by our personal relationship and I believe that's something neither of us wants to take a chance on. I'm sorry if I disappoint you or if this gives you any sort of problems but Alex's safety has become a very important subject for me."
Thomas nodded, hiding a small smile. As soon as he had met the brunette he'd guessed she would easily bond with his daughter. Olivia was a smart, hard-working young woman and Thomas had been glad of seeing her interact with Alex as if they had been close friends their entire lives. He knew he could trust the brunette his daughter's life and that had been a relief for him. Of course, the New York City Mayor now realized that that might be also an inconvenient.
"I'd like to thank you for bringing this up so quickly, Olivia. My family's safety has always been a reason to worry about since I've started being a politician and it's a warm feeling to know Alex has someone like you in her life. Now, I believe that we can put someone else as Alex's guard easily. Right, Don?"
"Of course. I'll handle it as soon as I reach my office and before the day is over the candidate will be selected and I'll have Miss Benson's original position available." Cragen told Thomas.
"Actually, about that…" The Mayor smiled as he looked back to the brunette. "Olivia, I'd like to offer you a new job."
The woman's eyes widened as she heard Thomas speak. "Sir?" She asked, intrigued to know more about it.
"Well, you know that I'm not as lucky as my family since I generally have more than one guard around me. And you're also aware that every one of you has assigned days off." Olivia nodded and Thomas continued. "I want you to be something like my wildcard. I would like you to take the place of the family's guards on their free days and the rest of the week to be one of my guards. Of course, the first part would only apply to Irene's, Caleb's and Amy's guards but I would really like you to take my offer."
Olivia looked to Cragen, hoping her boss would need her for something else and ask Thomas to drop the offer. She didn't mind being Caleb's, Amy's or Thomas' guard once a week. But being Irene's? The woman already had suspicions about her relationship with Alex. Olivia feared that if Irene started questioning her she would said something that might out them.
"I would love to." She said. Because truthfully, what else could she have done? It wasn't up to her.
"Excellent!" Thomas cheerfully said. "How about you start with your new position next week? I would like Alex to 'approve' the selection of her new guard." He commented and then asked. "Does she know you're here?" The brunette shook her head and the man sighed. "I don't know if not telling her previously was the best thing to do, but probably I would have done the same thing."
Thomas' secretary appeared and all the looks were directed to her. She told Thomas he had a call waiting and the man replied he'll be over in a minute. "I believe that ends our meeting. But there's something else I'd like to ask for." He said looking to Cragen. "I'd like to know that this new guard won't have to remain so close to my daughter all the time. At least not when she goes to a friend's house. If she's inside a closed, private, one-entry place the guard would stay outside or standing next to the door. Alex deserves to have some time alone with her friends."
As soon as Thomas spoke Olivia smiled. The man was being beyond reasonable. Alex needed to have private moments with her friends and she couldn't do it with someone behind her every second of the day.
The Chief didn't have much trouble accepting the Mayor's request and their meeting ended quickly. Turning out to be much better of what Olivia had hoped. Now telling Alex was the only thing left and she hoped it would turn out as good as the meeting had.
The couple arrived to the mansion and Alex didn't waste time in opening her house's main door.
She stepped inside the house and looked to Olivia standing on her footstep. "I'll see you tomorrow." Alex smashed the door closed and went straight to her bedroom.
I would kill her if I didn't love her. Alex thought as she now smashed her room's door.
Olivia stood outside and sighed. She turned around and fought her need to knock the door and ask the blonde to listen to her instead of being a drama queen.
I would kill her if I didn't love her. Olivia thought as she left the mansion.
And there it goes!
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