Writing

Mandy and I collapsed on the safety of our living room floor. With all the panic and shock now gone my mind quickly processed the condemning information of my mothers death. My heaving sobs were ugly and loud, and I couldn't care less.

"Mommy!" My voice was thick, and my nose was runny. "Come back! I need you; I can't do this alone! Why did you leave?!"

Something wet danced across my face and I opened my eyes. Through my blurry vision I saw Barney sitting in front of me. His sad brown eyes pleaded for me to tell him what was wrong.

"Barney she's gone!" I grabbed him by the collar and pulled him closer so I could wrap my arms around his neck. "He killed her! Why would he do that?!"

A loud hoot came from above us and Hooter swooped down the stairs to land on the couch behind me. Reaching out with one arm I shakily ran my fingers through the feathers on his chest. "She's dead." My voice was no higher than a whisper, and hard to decipher from the thick quality it held. "He killed mother." The strength in my arm failed and it fell to the floor with a soft thump.

"Little Mistress?"

My shoulders slumped and my head dropped so I faced the rug. I tilted my head and hummed to let Mandy know I heard her.

"Are yous," there was a pause, but because I wasn't looking I didn't know why. In all honesty I couldn't bring myself to care, "yous are saying Big Mistress is d–dead?"

My chest constricted, and it felt like my heart was getting ripped out of my chest. I couldn't find the strength to say anything so I gave another choked sob and nodded.

Mandy let out a distressed noise. "Who killed Mistress?"

Slumping backwards I pressed the side of my face against the couch cushions. I heaved a huge sigh and whispered, "Voldemort."

The next sob that rang out wasn't mine. It triggered more of my own tears, but these fell silently. "What will little…What will Mistress do?"

Hearing the change in title pulled a low groan that made my chest vibrate. The sound distantly reminded me of what a wounded bear would sound like. "I'll, um," I swallowed thickly, "need to go to Gringotts…get things in order." Barney shifted closer and snuffled my ear and cheek.

Weakly pushing him away I heaved myself off the edge of the couch. "Need to let them know." My next sentence only came out after several deep breaths and clearing my throat. "I've got to get the f–funeral ar–rangements." Even if I had no body to bury.

"What will happen to Mistress? To Mandy?"

Rubbing my face tiredly I sighed helplessly. I wished with all my heart my last two lives had made it easier to get through someone's death. As Katie I lost grandparents, both parents and two uncles to old age. They were hard, but easier to get through because I knew it was their time and they went to a better place. Same as when I was Édouard when I lost my parents in that life.

Now? There was nothing natural about mother's death. He murdered her. Right in front of me and I saw it. I could do nothing but watch when I should have pushed her out of the way or revealed myself. If I just agreed to become a Death Eater she would still be alive.

"I don't know, Mandy, but we'll get through it." I looked at her with blazing eyes. "I will not let Voldemort get away with this. His reign as Dark Lord will come to and end, and I'm going to be the one to do it."

Mandy gasped. "No, Mistress can't! You's will get hurt!"

"Mistress most certainly will!" I snapped. "Mandy he killed mother," the anger building up went back to a low simmer. "Whether it's tomorrow, next month, or even next year, I'm going to kill him. Are you going to help me or not?"

She looked at me with sorrowful eyes. "Mandy will help Mistress."

I closed my eyes in relief. "Thank you." Lacking the will to get out my wand and use magic I asked her, "What time is it?"

"It be's ten in the evening."

My eyes snapped open incredulously. "That's it?" Only seven hours ago mother and I left the house to go shopping.

Reaching into my pockets I pulled everything out while another tear slid down my cheek. Mother teased me about needed to pull my own weight, so she shrunk everything down and made me carry it all in my pockets. "Can you un-shrink these, Mandy?"

She snapped her fingers without a word, and I shifted through the bags until I found the loose pieces of parchment. "And get me a pen?"

I grabbed the pen that appeared in the air next to my head. Now that I finally needed to focus on something I realized the house was completely dark. The only provided light came from the moon. Mandy must have seen my struggle because the fireplace suddenly flared to life.

The whooshing noise it made caused me to jump and I stared at the cracklings flames in blank surprise.

"Mandy is sorry for scaring Mistress Alex!"

Blinking rapidly to remove the spots from my vision I gave my head a little shake. "It's alright Mandy. Ask next time though, okay?" She nodded guiltily and I turned back to my parchment.

Unable to write on the rugs surface I slowly dragged myself over to the fireplace. There I had more light, and hardwood between the rug and hearth where I could lay the parchment.

"Would Mistress like for Mandy to turn on more lights?" She asked tentatively.

"No."

"What about–"

"I said 'No' Mandy!" Immediately after yelling I took a deep breath. "Forgive me, Mandy." I looked into her glassy green eyes and felt even worse. "It's been a long day."

She shook her head rapidly. "No, Mistress! Mandy should have known better then to push you right now."

Smiling shakily I cleared my throat. "I would love a glass of water."

As soon as I finished she popped away and I heard noise come from the kitchen. The familiar sounds had my lips twitching in a mockery of a smile.

When she popped to my side with the glass of water I took it silently. Not feeling the strength to say thanks or produce a real smile. I actually felt dead inside.

Holding the glass of water I noticed the water inside sloshing around. Setting it aside I held my hands up to the firelight and realized my hands were trembling. I slowly curled and uncurled my fingers, feeling the soreness in the joints, and then realizing I felt sore absolutely everywhere.

The memory of getting hit with Voldemort's Crucio came to the forefront of my mind. I winced at the echo of pain it held. I'd forgotten all about it. Too shocked by the events that played out afterwards to focus on it.

"Is Mistress alright?"

I sighed helplessly. "I will be. If I need you for anything I'll call." A moment later I heard a pop, signaling her disappearance to somewhere else in the house.

Not trusting myself to keep a good hold on the glass I left the water off to the side. Gripping the pen in my right hand as firmly as possible I brought the tip against the parchment and began to write.

Dear Sirius,

I'm sorry for giving this to you so late–or early depending on when Hooter gets this to you. I know you wanted to meet up before school started, but I'm not sure if I can.

If you get this letter after the morning paper then you'll know about the attack on Diagon Alley. If it's before then, well, then there's been an attack. Mother and I were there. We got separated–

Wet spots dropped onto the paper, and I raised a shaky hand to my cheek and found tears silently falling from my eyes. I hadn't realized how much it would hurt to write this, but I should have known better.

–and I did my best to find her. Even going so far as to steal a Death Eaters cloak and mask so people would get out of my way quicker.

I don't know if the idea was smart or stupid. Stupid because I ended up getting found by another Death Eater and apparated to Voldemorts lair, or smart because I found out my mother was with them.

He killed her. Mom's gone and I don't know what to do. She…was the only family I had left. Now all I have is a houself, an owl, and a dog.

I'm all alone Sirius, and I've no idea what to do next.

Love,

Alex

Folding the parchment into a small rectangle I set it to the side and grabbed another sheet of parchment.

To Mr. or Mrs. Potter,

I hope this isn't too much to ask, but I would be grateful if you could send one of those potions that heal the after affects of the Cruciatus curse. I got in a bit of trouble today.

Sincerely,

Alex Palmer

I wondered if I should explain more about the reasons behind getting hit with Crucio, but decided against it for now. If they wanted one before sending the potion that was fine, but at that very moment I couldn't find the energy to explain the death of my mother for a second time. Even if it was just over a letter. I wouldn't be getting replies until the next day, so I could get some rest to clear my head.

"Here Hooter," folding up the second letter the same way I did the first one, I wrote Sirius' name on his and Mr/Mrs Potter on the other, "send these to Sirius Black and the Potters. You know James Potter?" He hooted. "His parents."

Ha snapped the parchments into his beak. Sending me the bird equivalent of a searching look he shuffled his wings before flying up to my room where he could get out through the open window.

Staring blankly into the flames I wondered what was going to happen to me. I could try emancipation, but if that didn't work I might have to go to an orphanage since technically I wasn't old enough to live on my own.

I didn't know what to do. I was always well into my adult years when my parents died. Technically my father was still alive, but he held no memories of me and hated magic so he wasn't an option. Usually I could go on with my life as usual, but there were questions now that needed answering. Would I be the one to plan a funeral? Could I get emancipated or would I be shipped off to an orphanage or my father? Who was even going to come to her funeral? She didn't have any friends that I knew of. I just told Sirius because I needed somebody else to know what happened. He's my best friend, my lifeline–next to revenge on Voldemort. Sure I had Lily, Christy, Beth, Eliza, Edmund and the other Marauders, but Sirius? He's becoming my everything.