Denial came first, and with it a blissful feeling that everything would be ok.
But, the denial only lasted for so long before the truth began to settle in.
"Warren?" She said his name weakly, shaking him slightly as she tried to bring back the life in the empty blue eyes. When he didn't answer, the glassy eyes reflecting her image back to her, she tried to say his name again.
It got lodged in her throat and in frustration she let out a growl, clutching to the only thing that ever mattered in her entire life.
She felt the healing thrumming underneath her skin, knowing it was useless but trying it anyway. The bubble spread, wrapping around the lifeless body. It seemed to shake, the thin barrier warping before completely giving out.
You couldn't heal the dead.
"No! No, no, no, no, no!" She screamed, burying her face in his cold neck.
She felt a tug from the claw, its blades digging into the body more as it began to pull back. She held on with all her strength, trying to keep Warren with her. She felt her feet slide, the grip loosening as the claw tugged harder, trying to bring back its catch. She let out a scream for someone to help her, trying to keep the dead Warren by her side.
Her grip slipped, and she watched in horror as Warren flew back, body dragging on the ground as the claw retracted. She screamed, chasing after him as fast as her feet would allow her.
"Rogue, no!" Logan shouted, following her as she ran.
He grabbed her waist as he came up behind her, stopping her chase as she watched Warren continued to get farther away. She tried to escape his grip, even clawing at the hands that held her back as she shouted. He maintained the hold, ignoring the small damage she was doing to his body, trying to quell that larger effect she was having on his heart.
"No! Let me go! I have to save him!" She yelled, fighting Logan's grip.
"Rogue—"
"No! Let me go! I have to save him! I have to get him back!" She screamed, pushing as the immovable body.
"Rogue, you're not going to get him back! Rogue, listen to me—"
"NO! I SAID LET ME GO!" She shouted, closing her eyes as she accessed Jean's telekinesis. She pinpointed Logan, trying to throw him back with the power. She felt the grip loosen enough for her to jerk free, turning to push Logan as she began to run.
A hand touched the middle of her back, and her eyes rolled back in her head as she was forced into sleep. She fell back into Logan's arm, Lonnie's hand falling back to his side as his power sunk in. Logan nodded softly towards the young mutant.
"Thank you." Logan murmured. Lonnie squeezed his arm with his other hand, already hating the fact that he had used his power on another mutant.
Especially Rogue.
Logan readjusted the young woman in his arms, turning to look at the destroyed mansion and the room full of injured mutants. He knew Apocalypse, Jean, Charles and Scott were long gone, and he heard the whir of machinery as it took to the sky, bringing the dead Warren with it.
"What now, Logan?" Kitty asked, her voice low and soft.
He looked at her and for the first time in her young life, Kitty didn't see the apathetic, no bullshit-no-nonsense Logan. Instead she saw a grief-stricken man, close to tears and pain. She let out a small gasp in surprise, covering her mouth as Logan stared down at the girl in his arm, regret and remorse overwhelming him.
"I don't know, Kitty. I just...don't know."
X
"You useless piece of shit!" Apocalypse yelled, motioning to the redheaded mutant. She bowed her head, brown eyes on the floor as Apocalypse continued his rampage.
"I told all of you to take Rogue back to me and leave that mansion in shambles! And what happened? You sent me this!" Apocalypse gave Warren's lifeless body a vicious kick, angry beyond reason. He looked at the destroyed Sentinel out of the corner of his eyes, a result of the mistake it made.
The 3 mutants didn't speak, each staring at the floor as Apocalypse continued to speak. "What am I supposed to do with this useless thing? Cook it? Eat it? Feed it to the wolves?" the machine yelled, pacing the floor.
"Sir, if you will listen." Charles said suddenly, speaking for the group. The other two mutants turned to look at him as he stepped forward. Apocalypse turned, pinning Charles with his red eyes.
"What?"
"Rogue is in love with this young man, correct?" Charles gave Warren a dismissive glance before continuing. "Maybe, we can use this man to draw Rogue to us."
"Continue." Apocalypse said, thoughtful.
"If you will sir, I have an idea." Charles said, smiling.
"Well, than, I am all ears…War."
X
She stayed in her room for days, only coming out for short periods of time in the middle of the night to have a change of scenery. She spoke to no one and no one could get to her. It wasn't the physical barrier of her locked door, but the emotional barrier she subjected to everyone in the mansion.
She didn't let herself grieve. She was too strong for that. With Warren's death came the realization of how weak she became, and how much she had relied on him.
No more.
She relied on herself.
She was angry. Angry with Apocalypse for killing him. Angry with Logan for keeping her back. Angry with Second for mutating her. Angry with Warren for leaving her.
Angry with herself for being the reason Warren was dead.
But, under the anger was the grief. Grief she didn't express, but held inside, bottled up and waiting to spring forth at any moment.
It was a full week before anyone saw her, and by then she had taught herself to hold it in. Hold everything in and act as normal as she could.
She didn't speak to anyone as she entered the kitchen, ignoring the silence that followed in her path. Instead, she opened the fridge, grabbed a small banana and began to walk back towards the door.
She passed Lonnie, giving him a passive glance before continuing on.
"Rogue?"
She turned, tawny eyes connecting with Lonnie's grey as she began to peel the banana. Lonnie blinked, and she watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed.
"What?" She asked, clearing her throat. Her first word in a week and she was curious to see if she could actually still speak.
Lonnie swallowed again.
"We were all wondering…if you were ok?" Lonnie finally said, hearing the mutants behind him suck in a breath as they waited for the explosion.
Rogue shrugged. "Yeah." She said dismissively, already turning to leave as she took a bite of the banana.
"Rogue, I'm sorry about what I did. I didn't mean to—"
"Knock me out cold while I was trying to save an X-man?" she interrupted, pinning him with her cool gaze. Lonnie took a step back, swallowing as his face turned red.
"No sweat, Lonnie. If it was you who had died, I am sure someone would've stopped me from saving you too. It's just common courtesy, you know?" she asked. When he didn't speak, she tsked, turning around to walk away.
"Rogue-," Lonnie began.
She ignored him, trying as hard as she could to hold it all in.
"The kid is talking to you." Logan's deep voice chided. She glanced up to see him leaning on the doorjamb, staring at her with a knowing look in his eyes. She ignored him too as she walked past, throwing the banana peel away.
Logan reached out, wrapping a hand around her arm. The feather near her heart seemed to warm, using its powers to stop her own as Logan continued to touch her. She looked down at the dark arm against her pale one before she looked up at the man before her, shrewd.
"I was talking to you." Logan said, not taking his eyes off of her face.
"I heard you." She said shortly. When she didn't say anything else, Logan released the arm.
"Ok." He said, crossing his arms as he watched her. She waited for him to say more and when he didn't, she turned to walk away.
"It ain't healthy, Kid." Logan said thoughtfully, grabbing her attention as she turned back around.
"What?" she asked.
"What you're doing. It ain't healthy."
"Shut up." She commanded turning to walk away. Logan followed her, unsure about how to approach the situation, only sure that if she kept holding it, she would die inside.
He had.
"Stop following me." She told him, irritation only growing when he blatantly ignored her and continued his casual stalk.
She picked up the pace, making it to her room in record time. Bad thing was that Logan had longer legs, a faster stride, and only one intent on his mind. He slipped into her room right after her, not giving her enough time to shut the door.
"Are you really going to make me ask you?" Logan asked, blocking her only way out as she made it to the middle of the room.
"What are you talking about?" She asked, trying to act cool as her emotions ran haywire underneath her skin.
"Come on, Rogue. You loved him."
"Don't do that." She said simply, holding up a hand to stop him. "Don't act like it mattered, cause it doesn't."
"It mattered more than anything in the world. You loved him, Rogue, don't deny yourself of that emotion."
"I loved him. As in past tense. Now that he's gone, I am not distracted, I can think clearly and I don't have to worry about him."
Liar.
The word rang in her head, but she chose to ignore it, instead focusing on how she was going to get Logan out of the room so that she could take one of the pills McCoy had prescribed to her.
"You're really going to lie to yourself like that? Like nothing changes because he's dead?"
"We lose men all the time in battle. You know that."
She watched as her retort cut him deep, hating that she could make him feel this way but concluding that this was the only way to get him to leave.
Logan nodded. "Yes, I know we lose men all the time. And, we grieve for them."
"I don't need to grieve for Warren." She said matter-of-factly, crossing her arms over to her chest to relieve herself of the odd pressure she felt building there.
"Don't lie to yourself like that. It's not healthy to let it build without expressing your grief."
"I don't have any grief to express. And even if I did, you would be the last person I would choose to hear it." She muttered, dropping her head to stare at the ground as she raised a hand to point at the door.
"Now, get out." She told him.
When she heard the door open and close, she shut her eyes.
"Breathe. Just…breathe." She whispered, the pressure getting worst. She pounded against her own chest to try and relieve herself of the pain, groaning softly in frustration when it didn't help.
She felt the arms wrap around her, heat pouring from Logan's body to her own chilled one.
"What're you-,"
"I'm sorry, Rogue, that I didn't let you go after him." Logan whispered, not releasing his grip. If anything, it seemed to tighten around her.
"Let go of me-,"
"That was my first mistake. Letting go. When Jean died, I shut everyone out. And there's no one more I regret doing that to than you. Don't be like me, Rogue. Don't shut people out."
"I am not shutting people out, I'm just dealing." She retorted, refusing to sink into the embrace even though that's she wanted to do the most. The pressure was unbearable, and she was afraid that if she spoke, the clamp she had placed on her emotions would break.
She tried to struggle out of the grip and growled when Logan didn't let her go.
"That's the wrong way to deal."
"Yeah! Well, it's my way!" she finally shouted, trying to push away from him. He didn't release her, and she beat her fists against his chest in frustration.
"Want to know my problem, Logan? He's gone! He said he would never leave me and he's gone! He left me alone in this stupid world all because he wanted to save me!"
She growled again, trying to hold back the emotions and failing miserably. She continued to beat his chest, trying to evoke on him the pain she was feeling inside. The pressure built more, and in an effort to stop it, she let out a sob. She didn't notice the tears as they began to build, falling down her cheeks as she continued to scream and hit.
"I'm never going to see his face again! I am never going to hear that stupid laugh or smell the food he always cooked! I am never going to watch the blue eyes lighten with laughter, or darken with anger! I am never going to be able to tell him he smelled or tell him he was lazy! I can't ever touch him again! I can't kiss him! I can't feel his arms around me! I can't tell him I love him!" She pounded Logan's chest with each breath, the pressure in her chest easing as she continued.
"It was my fault he died! My fault because Apocalypse had been after me and Warren jumped in the way to save me! My fault because if I didn't love him, he wouldn't have put himself in danger to save me! My fault! My fault! MY FAULT!" She screamed, burying her face in Logan's shoulder as her legs gave out. Logan caught her, both of them sliding to the floor as she let the emotions finally run their course.
And Logan, the man who once promised her he'd always be there, was with her through it all.
oh, what a chapter...
i didn't really like leaving you guys for a week with a cliffy, so i wrote this chapter. I kinda wanted to get it off my mind, cause it wouldnt leave me alone and let me study, but it was also because it was this chapter that fixed Logan and Rogue's relationship. I always loved him as an older-brother figure for Rogue, and to me, Logan fit the role perfectly for this chapter.
My Christmas gift to you guys is to have this finished by Christmas :D i am really loving the story and i love writing it! If you guys like the idea of me finishing it by Christmas, than leave me a review saying so :D IF not and you want to me to prolong the story...just say tht too! lol
either way, the story would have the same number of chapters (i am kinda aiming around 42-46) but it was just be released quicker. I don't know, i've had a lot of reviewers tell me they hate to see stories end, but i also have a lot of reviews who ask me to update sooN! lol. just let me know XD
now, onto finals...
R&R