(The first and foremost thing I want to note is that none of this will spoil much about One Great Circle. For one, it's more of an overview of the events, whereas OGC goes into much greater detail, along with revealing other things about the other characters. So don't think that by reading this you'll spoil OGC for yourself. ^^
Diaries begin to feature quite a bit...I think it's a way for me to cheat and put in first-person perspective; one of my first "epic" stories was done in first person, and I still have a soft spot for writing in it, even if a lot of the first-person stories these days are badly-written wishfic.
Speaking of which, I'm planning on trying a deconstruction of the "wish-fufillment" trope within fanfic...I have too many ideas and too little time. D: But on the bright side, the mermaid fic is going swimmingly, no pun intended I swear.
So that's it. I hope you like this chapter!~ It might seem a bit longwinded, but you just have to distinguish the diary entries. I don't own.
Dedicated to Leonard Nimoy.
Why?
Because he's confirmed as one of the actors coming in for Birth by Sleep.
That's right. Spock is in KH.
Thus let the unholy union of Trekkie and Heartie commence.)
Senayax went for their room, and grabbed the big navy blanket they shared. She inhaled his scent, trying not to cry as she let it fill her. She wrapped it around her, and grabbed both his pillow and Ienzo. She disappeared into the darkness, and headed right for the library.
She looked through the skylight, and smiled. Kingdom Hearts gave the whole castle a strange silvery sheen when the sky darkened. It was so beautiful, and she could still read, even in the dark. She sighed, and then remembered something. She set down her things, and disappeared back into the darkness, and into their room. She snatched up Tales of the Keyblade Bearers and smiled, before she headed back to the library.
She set it on one of the tables and then curled up on the couch. She shifted, suddenly realizing there was something in the seat. She sat up, and pulled out a leatherbound journal. She stared at it, and then remembered--the large, overstuffed dark-blue chair she'd fallen into was Zexion's favorite. She promptly opened the diary.
"Dear Diary--oh hell, what does it matter, I know I'm just writing to myself. Teacher gave me this a long time back, and I'd never had much time to use it. Now I suppose I do, what with this place being boring as all-get-out. Xehanort--oh exuse me, Xemnas--(Jeez, he's such a pain in the butt about these things), has already started trying to work on teacher's 'Kingdom Hearts'. It doesn't bother me much. For me, nothing's really changed, except I can use the darkness, and I can smell stuff...like, in people's souls. Honestly, that's a little scary. Also, I've got this illusion...power. I made a dragon in the hallway, and I scared everyone awake. I thought it was funny, but Xemnas looked ready to kill me." Senayax laughed. Then she clutched it, realizing what it was.
Zexion had a diary. She flipped to the next page. "Diary, there's been nothing to do here of late--at least, until Saix showed up. Xemnas took him in, and he's trying to 'tame' him. I don't know how he could have the hubris to assume that he could, considering Saix brutually mauled his arm when he tried to touch him. Although I've been to see him, and I brought him a book. I think he's not savage so much as he is...so...angry. I felt bad for not trying to help before, and when he hissed, I just raised my voice louder and kept reading. I think he likes me." She continued on with interest.
"We have another Nobody here--one Saix remembers. Xemnas had been making good progress, and Saix has 'bonded' with him, to the point where I heard Brai--Xigbar--make a remark about it at the table. I don't know where Saix got it, but he almost slammed a claymore into him. Xemnas was surprised he'd found his weapons so easily, but I don't think Xigbar thought it was very funny. The new Nobody--Axel--has definitely proved really useful for calming Saix down. The two were friends before, and Saix has been growing more and more sane. It's interesting to watch. He can read, it turns out, but I still come in and read to him. He can talk, as well--he's taken to calling Xemnas 'master', to our amusement." Senayax giggled.
"It's been a really long time since we found a new Nobody. And then we found Demyx, and I must admit, he's sweet--but I wish we hadn't. Xigbar is doing all but having sex with him on the table during breakfast, and Demyx is very...naive about it. He's definitely the one of us most scornful about Xemnas's assertations of our lack of hearts, and he's really rubbing off on Xigbar. Xigbar's really happy now, even if he hasn't confessed anything to Demyx. I can smell his scent changing though, whenever Demyx walks into the room. It gets really warm and musky. It's actually kind of gross, 'cause it's Xigbar, and I know him, but I can't control this." Senayax snorted. Typical. She wasn't crying anymore, but she still kept reading. It was a link to Zexion; who he'd been and how he had lived before her.
"We've got another new Nobody--Luxord. He's nice, and he's been teaching me how to play card games. I must admit, I'm not too thrilled--luck is annoying, there's no planning behind it. But that's all right, the effort of working is nice to me. Xaldin's been trying to seduce him, I think. He's really good at manipulating people. But Luxord won't have any of it. It's really funny, and I'm wondering when, if ever, Luxord's going to give in." Senayax nodded, flipping the page.
"Axel's proven to be a very interesting Nobody--he's brash and loud, and very overprotective of Saix. Xemnas tried to bring him back to his office, and I think Axel took it the wrong way, and ended up punching the Superior in the face. (It was totally funny.) Xemnas might have strangled him if he hadn't found out Axel's attribute was fire--through a second-degree burn on the left side of his face. But we did manage to find out he had a good left hook as well." Senayax burst out laughing. It was so amazing, just to read this...to understand her family better. She flipped another page.
"Diary, I feel really bad for Vexen. We've got another new Nobody, and he's...um...well, there's no real polite way to put this, but he's gay. I mean, I'm not surprised or freaked out--Xemnas was pretty much asexual in practice, but he definitely leaned toward guys, Xigbar was bisexual and completely unabashed about it, Xaldin was just very open-minded, gender-wise, and Vexen was sort of the same as Xemnas--only...well, he doesn't like being touched. Thing is, Marluxia--that's the new Nobody--well, he's the exact opposite. He's totally into Vexen, and it's actually kind of cute. We're all trying to understand 'emotions' or our faint impression thereof, but he's definitely the most assertive of it, apart from Demyx. And he brought Vexen flowers--actually, that's not the correct word. He turned the whole lab into a garden. It was beautiful, but all the flowers made me sneeze. Vexen had a total hissy fit though, and started screaming at Marluxia that he'd ruined his labwork."
"Then Marluxia pointed him towards one single rose, completely encased in ice. He'd laughed and said that obviously, Vexen didn't care much about that, since he'd kept the rose Marluxia had made just for him intact. Vexen shrieked, and practically shoved him out of the lab. We were all laughing, but Marluxia's taken that rose and started breeding it. There's a whole patch in his greenhouse of pure ice roses. They're beautiful, and we know he's leaving them out for Vexen. I wonder if Marluxia really will wear him down. I've known Vexen forever, and he really doesn't like romance. It's not his thing. Also, Marluxia's totally straightforward, and Vexen's feeling backed into the corner. Maybe I should tell Marluxia more about him before Vexen locks him in the freezer." Senayax smiled. It was strange to see all of this, when she knew how the story ended. She kept reading.
"We've been trying to take things normally, and do them like regular people lately. It's really tough, but we've sort of settled into a routine. Lexaeus and I stay in the lab with Vexen usually, and in between experiments he rants about Marluxia. Lexaeus actually finds it amusing, but it doesn't bother me either way. Romance is something pointless, stupid. I mean, it's not like anyone in this castle isn't either way older, crazy, one of my old friends, or all three. There's been a few reports of a Nobody around--a girl this time. But she apparently electrocuted someone to death when he tried to grope her--actually, that's how we found out--so I'm not sure what Xemnas really hopes to achieve." Senayax giggled.
"Well, it turns out that her name's Larxene. Lexaeus, well...oh my god, Lexaeus. He's just...he's never been really obvious about observing people, it was a talent of his--but he cannot stop staring at her. Not in a bad way--she just fascinates him. He's been teaching her hand-to-hand combat, and I think the general consensus is 'better him than I'. She seems to tolerate him more than the rest of us--and she and Marluxia get along great. They're practically inseparable, and if Marluxia wasn't so obviously gay, I think Lexaeus might be jealous. I think it's really funny." She kept turning the pages, knowing Roxas would show up soon.
"We've found our 'Key of Destiny'. He's a very spacey boy, but Axel's taken him in. And also probably taken his virginity. I mean, I honestly did not know a man could seduce someone that fast. He was very naive when he first arrived here, but within approximately a week, he'd become very used to Axel's unsubtle molestation. Xemnas would complain, except Saix told Axel they were in a relationship, and Axel promptly told the entire castle. It surprised absolutely none of us. Xemnas still acts like he was doing a good job hiding it. He really can be very thick sometimes." Senayax giggled, and turned the page.
"It's been two months since Roxas has arrived. We've settled into our routine--summon horrific abominations against god and mercy, kill Emblems with Roxas's Keyblade, listen to Marluxia completely ignore (or smash through), all of Vexen's locks and doors, and the subsequent shouting Vexen does afterwards, try to ignore Axel having very loud sex with Roxas, or, alternately, hear Demyx fall to the floor after Xigbar tried--again--to have sex with him on the ceiling. Oh yes--Xigbar eventually cornered him, and said something to the effect of 'you are the sweetest, most innocent, completely pure and utterly gorgeous man I have ever met in my life. I must have sex with you.' Demyx absolutely adores him though, and whenever he feels like coming into the library to say hello, we usually discuss it. I tell him all sorts of things about Xigbar--things that if Xigbar knew I'd told Demyx...well, the Superior would be cleaning up what remained of my body after he'd effectively turned me into a chunky mess of blood and giblets." She giggled, and kept going.
"Today...I met the most interesting little girl." Her eyes widened, realizing what he'd started writing in it. "Her name, apparently, is Senayax. She's a Nobody...and she's strange. I don't know how old she is--but neither does she. She's tiny, and honestly quite cute, I'll admit it. She's asleep now, right next to me. Today's been kind of eventful with her, considering she turned into a horrific monster...but that's not what I see. It's not her. She seems to like me, and I honestly don't know what to do. Most of us don't really have the same emotional range she does. Maybe it's because she's young, but she's put us all to shame on emotions. She's bright and easily amused and gets angry at the drop of a hat and then back again. It's enough to make you believe our emotions are real." Senayax smiled, and kept reading.
"Diary--this is her first mission today. I've spent a lot of time with her lately, and she's so...amazing, just trying to fight the monster inside her. She doesn't remember, but I see her screaming and fighting against whatever darkness is inside her, and...I'm stunned. She's almost freakishly strong for a little girl. And...and she loves me. I think. It's so strange...but she always comes back here. She doesn't have a reason, and she could always sleep somewhere else...but she just keeps coming back here. I don't mind, either, but...it's strange. Remember when I said love was useless? Stupid? Hah. Believe me, I'm still convinced, but she's starting to beat that notion out of me. I feel like I'm a stuffed animal dragged along with exasperated adoration, worn with love. Sorry, that's a bit overdescriptive...but it's true. I'm just another playmate to her, someone she's trying to convince to enjoy life. But the question I'm beginning to ask myself...do I want to be more?" Her eyes widened, and she kept reading.
"She hates me. My god, she hates me, and I'm pretty close to following suit. We lied to her. She found out...on that mission--she'd left to protect us...and I'd felt so worried--my whole purpose in life right then seemed to be only to protect her. But then she found out about that wretched beast...and that we'd known. She hasn't come in to sleep. I've been trying to forget how she made me think--how she made me believe I could feel, even if just for a little while--but it's no use. The hollow space in my chest is taunting me. I need her. It scares me to think that, but I know it's true. I need her. And she hates me. She hates me." Senayax closed her eyes, and even though she knew it was just a book, she whispered, "I'm sorry, Zexion...I love you so much..."
"Today she's hiding. I just don't know what to do. So I'm going to do what I promised her so long ago. I'm going to buy her a velveteen rabbit, and pray that she forgives me." She cradled the book close, before opening it again and going to the next page.
"Diary--she's back. She came back, and she's back in my bed, and she's so warm against my touch. She told me...she'd never hate me, that she couldn't ever do that. I realized how good that felt, and how much it meant to me, and then I think...I think it was actually feeling it. Demyx...Demyx might be right...because I promised her I'd never lie to her. And I meant it. But there are some things I can't tell her, and the first one I can think of is that as I look down on her right now...I want to make love to her." Her eyes widened.
Zexion...wanted...to... have sex? He wanted to have sex with her? She blinked, and kept reading--right now, she couldn't do much else. "Diary--it's been a week now. I haven't had time to write--been spending it all with her. I loathe myself for wanting her. Her skin, her eyes, her lips...she's so beautiful. The lust, the need, it all pumps through me, and I can't even deny it. She kissed me last night. I thought, in that moment, I could hear my heart beat. She's...simply amazing. She's a candle in the darkness, and I don't even care if I get burned--I just don't want to diffuse the flame. She's beautiful. God, I want her." The diary skipped a few days, finally coming back to the day before, right before he'd left.
"I know it now. I adore her. Simple as that. She's the sweetest, most innocent, and pure girl I've ever met in my entire life. She's truly a part of us, all of us. We all surround her--not like she is our god...more like...she's our last flicker of light. Someone utterly untouched by the ravages of this war between us and the Heartless, the darkness itself. She is both immune and above it. If nothing else, I would do anything to make sure she stays that way. Because she is the last bit of light we have left. And I...I'll take care of her...because I love her." Senayax shut the diary, and closed her eyes.
"Zexion...I love you so much." She whispered. She cuddled under the blanket, hugged both Ienzo and the diary close, and fell asleep smiling.