Twilight: Retarded Edition
Me: Hey Edward?
Edward: God! Every freakin day you always have to bother me!!! WHAT DO YOU WANT YOU CRAZY B-
Me: Bella died
Edward: ............. O_O......................
Me: I'm so sorry Edward! It was an accident......I may be half vamp, but the vamp kind of weighs more than the human........if you know what I mean.... :(
Edward: .......O_O...........................
Me: BAAAA!!!!! YOU KNOW I'M JUST PLAYIN!
*Author nudges Edward's arm before leaving the room......still laughing*
Edward: ................O_O.....................
Lol I'm so mean..........Next week.............
Edward: *whispers to Rose, Ally, Em, Jazz and Bells*I can't stand this Author. If I have to even so much as see her shadow, I'm going to kill something.
*Bella slowly backs up* O_O.....
Edward: Bella, I said some thing, love. Not some one.
Bella: Oh okay :)
Rosalie: Well, I don't know. I kind of enjoyed her being here....
Jasper *mumbles under breath* Only because she's a bitch like you.......
Rosalie: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY!?!?
Jasper: O_O......Lo sentimos, no Inglés hablado aquí ... Si desea llegar a alguien, pulse no, por favor dejar un mensaje en el pitido. PITIDO!
(Sorry, No english spoken here... If you would like to reach someone, press seven! If not,
Please leave a message at the beep. BEEP)
Rosalie: *Snarls* Usted idiota de un hijo -
(You idiotic son of a-)
Edward: ALRIGHT, ENOUGH! This is not what I called you all to come here for!
Rosalie and Jasper: *rolls eyes* Fine. What is it then Edward?
Rosalie and Jasper glare daggers at each other, arms crossed.
Emmett: Must be that twin thing.......
Bella: Agreed.....
Edward: Okay listen up. Here's how we're gonna get the she devil back..........
NEXT DAYYYY........................... O_O..........
Me: *is sleeping peacefully on bed, face covered with my long hair and arm*
*AND NO I DON'T SNORE!!!! :p*
Edward: GOOD MORNIN YOU RAY OF SUNSHINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: *Bolts upward* WTF!? Edward!?!
Edward: *Edward is in gangsta rapper outfit* TRU DAT MY HOMIE! DAT IZZZ MY NAME BE YATCH!!! WHAT CHO NAME IS!?
Me: *Mouth is on ground* JASPER!!!!!!!!
*Jasper strolls in room*
Jasper: Hmm?
Me: What did you do to Edward?!
Jasper: Neudělal jsem nic k němu. Pokud byste se chtěli dozvědět, co je s ním, pak možná byste se měli zeptat jeho. Teď dobrý den.
(I did nothing to him. If you would like to find out what is wrong with him, then maybe you should ask him. Now good day)
Me: !?!?!?!!?! WTF!?!?! Jasper!? what did you say!?
Jasper: I don't opakovat sám. Jsem strašně líto. Teď musím jít. Sbohem madam
(I do not repeat myself. I am terribly sorry. Now, I must go. Goodbye ma'am)
*Jasper leaves room*
Me: What. The. Fuck.............?!
Edward is currently on ground break dancing and spinning on his head to rap music.
Me: Edward listening to rap!?!?!! BELLA!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Throws covers off and jumps out of bed*
Me: BELLA WHERE ARE YOU!?
*Author (meeee) runs all around the house at vampy speed and still can't find her*
Me: WTF! Where's Bella?? She spent the night, and it's only 5:18 am!
*Holy mother ducker! (yes i meant ducker) it's only Five in the f in morning! :o*
About five minutes laterz, I finally found my big sister Bella. In Emmett and Rosalie's room.........
Me: OMFG WTF!!!!!!!!????????? MY F IN EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Bella and Emmett are in a very heated make out scene*
Bella: :O U-um.........oh god!*turns very deep red*
Emmett: Oops........
*Edward bursts threw room*
Edward: YO! WHAT THE FUCK BELLAZ!? YO DAT AINT COOL BITCH!
Bella: I'M SORRY E DIDDY!!!
(A/N E Diddy?? O_o?)
Me: .................
Edward: UH-UH, HEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLZ TO THE NAW! NAW BITCH, YOU GOTS TO GOOOOOOOO PEACE!!!!!!
*Edward strikes rapper pose before runnin' out the room at vampie speed*
Me: *Mouth is literally on ground......*
********10 minutes later*********
Me: *is sitting on couch in living room* What's wrong with my family.........Edward and Rosalie just........ *Gags* Bella and Emmett!!! CARLISLE AND ALICE!!!!!! ESME AND FREAKIN JASPER!!!!! OMG....OMG..... *Author starts rocking back and forth with scared expression* O.O........O.O........OMG.......OMG.....OMGGGGGG...........
Everyone: HA! GOTCHA!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: *jumps out of skin* WTF!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!
Edward: *is on ground laughing* HAHAHAHAHA YOU FELL FOR IT!!! PAYBACK IS A BITCH!!!!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*After everyone stopped laughing.........four hours later...........*
Me: *Is still staring at Edward*.........................
Edward: *is getting nervous* o_o...........
Me: *Eyes turn red*
Edward: O_O!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: *Whips out Edward's greatest fear*
Edward: *runs off screaming like girl*
Bella: Wtf................His greatest fear if a f in bunny?
Everyone but Edward and Bella: Long story......
lol when Edward was human, a bunny ate his cake and he cried.....The end XD
Next Month..........April........ :)
Bella: *cries eyes out* T-T!!!!!!!
Edward: Love, what's wrong?? :(
Bella: I-I W-w-was re-remembering w-w-when y-you l-l-l-left m-me! T-T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Edward: O.O...... I'm sorry love!!!!!! :'(
Me: .......... *i'm still not talking to Edward or Bella, so I'm just gonna be silent*
Bella: *Scoffs!* Sorry!?!?! YOU LEFT ME IN DEPRESSION FOR SIX AND A HALF MONTHS AND YOU SAY FREAKIN SORRY!?!?!??!!?! Oh no no no heh heelllll no.
Edward: Be-
Bella: HIT IT!
*Kelly Clarkson's Haunted starts to play*
Bella: *stands up on stage, which randomly appeared as do all the props in this story*
*Oh and Bella is wearing tight black leather pants, with a low cut spaghetti strap red halter top, thigh high black boots with very high heel, red lipstick and her hair is in soft curls down her back. Go 'head Bella! Work it girl!!! *
Bella:
Louder, louder
The voices in my head
Edward: *still drooling from how hot Bella is*
Bella:
Whispers taunting
All the things you said
Bella: *points to Edward*
Faster the days go by and I'm still
Stuck in this moment of wanting you here
Bella: Time
In the blink of an eye
You held my hand, you held me tight
*Bella flashes her ringed finger* (Ooooh nice Edward, nice)
Bella:
Now you're gone
And I'm still crying
Shocked, broken
I'm dying inside
Edward: :(
Bella: *Bella turns her back to Edward*
Edward: Lov-
Bella: *Turns back really fast, hair flying onto her neck*
Where are you?
I need you!
Edward: O_O
Bella: Don't leave me here on my own!
Speak to me
Be near me
I can't survive unless I know you're with me!
Edward: *swoon*
Me: :|
Bella:
Shadows linger
Only to my eye
I see you, I feel you
Don't leave my side
It's not fair
Just when I found my world
They took you, they broke you, they tore out your heart
*Bella steps down from stage, walking closer and closer to a backing up Edward*
Bella:
I miss you, you hurt me......
Edward: I'm sorr-
Bella:
You left with a smile.....
Edward: Love, I didn't me-
Bella:
Mistaken, your sadness
Was hiding inside
Edward: :(
*Bella flips her hair*
Bella: Now all that's left
Are the pieces to find!
Edward: I-
Bella:
The mystery you kept
The soul behind a guise!!
Edward: Love, Pleas-
Bella: *pushes Edward's back to the wall*
Edward: O.O
Bella:
Where are you!?
I need you!
Don't leave me here on my own
Edward:o_o
Bella:
Speak to me
Be near me
I can't survive unless I know you're with me
*Bella leans in close to Edward, as if to kiss him.....*
Bella:
Why did you go?
All these questions run through my mind
I wish I couldn't feel at all
Let me be numb!
I'm starting to fall!!!
*Bella slides down to the ground*
Edward: Bel-
*Bella springs up*
Edward: *jumps*
Bella:
Where are you?
I need you
Don't leave me here on my own
Speak to me
Be near me
I can't survive unless I know you're with me!
Bella: *leans back into Edward*
Where are you?
Where are you?
You were smiling.....
*Music ends*
Edward: *MAJOR SWOON*
Edward: Let's do-
Me: Um, hello? I'm still in the damn room........
Edward: Damn!
Bella: :(
Me: Don't have to tell me twice*
Me: *Runs like hell out the room*
LOL That was interesting. :) Nice going Bella. More to come people. Just please be patient with me. I have 102 degree fever, my nose burns, everything hurts, my throat is raw, and I'm freezing, but I can't punish you guys just because I'm sick. I had to write more for yah! Enjoy please! Oh and review :) That was Kelly Clarkson Haunted :D Oh and Jasper is speaking Czech :)
I need more medicine......... :( Byeeee!!! :D