Author's Note: This takes place during season five's Jefferson Lives. Reviews are always encouraged and appreciated.

"Forward Motion"

CJ sat at her desk gazing out the window. It wasn't the first time I'd seen her do this, especially lately. There's probably a lot you think I'm skipping, but, from my point of view there isn't a whole lot to tell. Zoey was kidnapped by some bad people and CJ and the rest of the gang worked around the clock until she was recovered. In that time the president relinquished power to the Republicans, Toby had his kids and Danny published his story about the assassination. I'd have more details, but a lot of the story I had to piece together myself since it was mostly hearsay to me. Shockingly, none of the really important stuff happened in CJ's office.

That was over a month ago, but CJ was still hanging around the office a lot. It was nice that she was around more often, though not from her point of view I suppose. Toby had just left the office. He was showing CJ pictures of his kids. CJ got this look in her eyes that I couldn't quite place when she was looking at the pictures. I could tell she was happy for Toby, but in a way I almost thought she looked envious or sad.

They talked a bit and before Toby left he told her that she needed to go home, but for some reason she didn't. She looked tired and I felt bad for her, but I also liked the company. I was startled by a light tap on the door.

"CJ," Josh said.

She turned in her chair and faced him. She looked exhausted, but she smiled at him. It had been a while since Josh came by for a visit. He looked as tired as CJ, if not more.

"What's happened?" CJ asked. I thought that was an odd response. Obviously the fact that bad things seemed to be happening frequently had changed the way CJ responded to things.

"Nothing," Josh replied shoving his hands into his pockets. He entered the office and took a seat in the chair across from her desk. "I was just…I needed a break."

"Yeah," CJ replied.

"I can't do it," he said.

"Berryhill?" CJ asked. I didn't really know what they were talking about, but CJ and Josh seemed to follow the conversation so I figured it wasn't for me to know.

"Yeah," Josh nodded. "The one thing he wants and I can't get it done."

"How? He was confirmed in a landslide for Secretary of State," CJ said.

"Tell me about it," Josh said. "I'm so powerless. I sear if I ever have a chance to screw Haffley in a public and humiliating way, I'm doing it."

"Is that my warning for when I have to defend you to the press?" CJ smiled.

"Yeah," Josh said, resolved.

"I'm sorry," CJ said. She looked genuinely sorry.

"Yeah." I noticed how Josh clasped his hand together and put them behind his neck. I could tell he wanted to talk. He sometimes came in and stalled until he got up the nerve to discuss what he really wanted to discuss.

"Toby said you've been here a lot lately," Josh said.

"So have you," CJ pointed out. I thought she sounded a tad defensive, but I chalked it up to being exhausted.

"It doesn't mean it's good for either one of us," Josh said.

"Yeah," CJ sighed.

"I think we all need some rest," Josh said. "We're all getting a little punchy."

"I'm not punchy." I glanced at CJ thinking that her response sounded pretty punchy for something she was denying. She took a beat and added, "Maybe I am a little."

"It's been a hard couple of weeks," Josh said. "I don't think any of us are firing on all cylinders."

"We'll get back on track," she replied. I thought she sounded a little too hopeful. As if she was asking more of a question than delivering a decisive statement.

"I kissed Amy today," Josh said suddenly. He gazed up at CJ instead of his shoes to gauge her reaction. I couldn't really tell what she thought about it actually. She gave nothing away.

"And?" she asked.

"And I just needed to tell someone," he shrugged.

"Because you feel guilty about it?" CJ asked.

"No," Josh said. "Why would I feel guilty about it?"

"Why do you need me to approve it?"

"I don't," Josh said. "I just…I don't know."

CJ, who seemed a little stand-offish, softened. "So, what do you think?" she asked.

"About kissing Amy?"

"Yeah."

"I like kissing Amy," Josh said.

"You don't think kissing her might be a bad idea?"

"I think it could be a very bad idea."

CJ thought about his response for a moment then said, "As long as you know that going in, I say kiss her."

"Are you serious?"

"She's on our team," CJ reminded him.

"For now."

"True."

"You're really not helping," Josh said with a small chuckle.

"I'm really not am I?" CJ replied with a smile. I was glad someone smiled. It helped to break the tension. Conversations like these shouldn't take place when people are stressed and tired.

"Look Josh, we've all had a lot, a lot, going on lately. If kissing Amy makes you feel good then I say do it."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," CJ replied.

"I'm a little surprised," Josh said.

"Did you expect me to stop you?"

"No, I just expected a little more admonishment," he replied. I wondered if he secretly wanted CJ to talk him out of pursuing Amy again. It kind of seemed like it.

"You've knocked on the wrong door," CJ said.

"You're all about free love now," Josh teased her.

"Peace, love and happiness mi amour," she said. CJ sometimes called Josh mi amour. I didn't know what it meant, but I always thought it was a funny nickname.

"Okay," Josh grinned. He stood up. "Are you to stick around for the fireworks?"

"Nah, I'm going to head home," CJ replied. "Happy Independence Day."

"You too," Josh said.

He left the office and CJ tidied up her desk a bit before she got distracted by the popping sound of the fireworks out the window. She turned her chairs and looked outside. She sat there silently for a while before another knock on the door disturbed her.

"You could be outside right now you know," Danny said.

I smiled at him, though it was probably imperceptible to him. He'd been around for the last few months and it was nice.

"It's quieter in here," she replied turning.

"Everything okay?" he asked taking a seat. "You look tired."

"That right there is what every girl hopes to hear," CJ joked.

"It has no bearing on how attractive you are," Danny replied. "You just look like you could use a good night's sleep."

"You're not the first person to tell me that," CJ said.

"Toby?" Danny guessed.

"And Josh and Leo earlier today."

"They might be onto something," Danny grinned. "So, I won't keep you. I just came by to say thank you."

"For what?"

"For giving me the heads up on filing my article a while back."

"That was months ago," CJ pointed out.

"Yeah, but I don't think I gave you enough credit. It would have been easy for you to just go along with what Walken wanted."

"I wouldn't do that you Danny," CJ said honestly. "I know we have this push-pull thing going on, but I couldn't do that to you."

"I appreciate that."

"So why are you really here?" CJ asked. I could tell by the look on his face that she had him pegged. He was visiting for other reasons.

"You know when I said I was back?" he ventured.

"Let me guess, you're not?" she asked. I thought I caught a hint of disappointment in her voice. Her eyes also gave her away. I knew she thought Danny was a pain, but if he was leaving again, I thought it might crush her just a little.

"Sort of," he said. "It's just a little more complicated than that."

"Isn't it always?" She smiled when she said it, but I could tell the smile was masking hurt.

"I'll be here sometimes, but not all the time."

"We're not interesting enough for you anymore?"

"You're always interesting to me," Danny said in a way that made me think he wasn't using the word interesting to describe a story. "Is everything okay?"

He had picked up on CJ's melancholy demeanor. CJ had been through a lot, but I was worried about her. She seemed sadder than usual and I didn't know why.

"I'm fine," CJ forced herself to reply.

"CJ," Danny prodded.

"Everything is changing."

"Life has a tendency to do that," Danny tried to joke. When CJ didn't say anything he added, "What's going on?"

"Nothing in particular," CJ replied. "It's more the whole picture than the sum of its parts."

"Such as?"

"Sam's gone, officially," CJ began. "We assassinated a foreign leader, Zoey got kidnapped, Toby had twins, he's got this whole family now and Josh is back to making out with Amy Gardner. Everything is moving forward and I sometimes I just feel like I'm stuck here watching everything change while I'm in the exact same place I was a year ago you know?"

That was a quite a bit that CJ had gotten off her chest. I suddenly realized why she was feeling so down lately. It made a lot of sense.

Danny was quiet for a minute as he processed what CJ had just told him. For a minute I thought he didn't know what to say.

"On the upside, on that list you just rattled off there, it seems like everyone is moving forward, you're standing still and, if Josh is back making out with Amy Gardener, then he's moving backwards," he joked.

CJ gave him a tiny smirk in response. "I can always count on Josh," she replied.

"You've had a lot to deal with lately," Danny conceded. "I'm sorry about everything that happened and I'm even sorrier that I had to be a pain in your ass while everything with Zoey was happening."

"That's not…I don't need an apology," CJ said.

"I know you don't. Maybe I just wanted to give you one," Danny said. "And you're moving forward. It might not seem like it, but you are."

"I have nothing to show for it."

"Is that what this is about? Is this about Toby and the babies?"

"What?"

"You mentioned things you had no control over, the assassination, the kidnapping, but you also mentioned a few things changing in people's personal life. Sam leaving, Toby and the twins, Josh and Amy," Danny said. "Do you want that?"

"Want what?" CJ asked, though I knew she knew exactly what Danny was getting at. I was a little surprised he was being so blunt. But then again, I wondered if he was being blunt because he was hoping she'd suddenly open up and tell him how she really felt about him. I felt bad for the poor guy because I knew that was unlikely to happen.

"A personal life?" Danny asked. I could almost hear the hope in his voice.

"What's that?" CJ replied with a chuckle. And just like that what I thought might turn into a serious conversation dissolved into a joke. Although I felt there were shades of truth behind each of their comments.

"I'm not sure," Danny replied. "I hear that dinner and movie might be involved."

"That sounds nice."

"Yeah, it does," Danny said. "Or, you know, we could just chuck it all and run away together."

CJ smiled wistfully. "You're going to run away from journalism? Not likely."

"About as likely as you running away with me tonight."

"Yeah," CJ said sadly.

"Are you really okay?" Danny asked turning the conversation back to seriousness again.

"I really don't know," CJ said honestly. Her eyes looked a little glassy. She wasn't going to cry, but she just looked tired and defeated. "I know it's been weeks and it's stupid to still ask questions--"

"It's never stupid to ask questions," Danny interrupted her.

"Do I infuriate you?" CJ asked. "When you ask me the most basic of questions and I can't answer you?"

Danny pondered that for a moment. "Yes," he replied with a smile.

"I haven't gotten a good answer," CJ said.

"About the assassination?" Danny ventured.

CJ pressed on without acknowledging his question. "No one can tell me what I want to hear and it makes me question a lot of things."

"That's understandable," Danny said.

"I've been here five years," CJ said. "Seven if you include the campaign, but it took me five years for the illusion to wear off. Isn't that ridiculous?"

"It's surprising," Danny said. "I would have thought MS was the tipping point."

"In a way it was, but I understood that," CJ said. "It wasn't right, but the rationale I understood."

At that moment I saw a look in CJ's eyes and I realized that she knew she was saying too much. Off the record or not, she was about to shut down on Danny and I felt sorry for her because it really seemed like she needed someone to talk to.

"The assassination was a pre-emptive strike," Danny said. He was talking, but it was too late. CJ wasn't going to continue to engage in the conversation anymore.

"I shouldn't have said what I did," CJ said closing down.

"We're off the record CJ," Danny assured her.

"I know," she said. "I just…it's late. I'm tired and I'm babbling."

"I don't think you are," Danny said.

CJ smiled at him and I saw the acknowledgement in his eyes too. He knew the conversation was over and he dutifully stood up before CJ had to ask him to leave.

"Anyway, if you reconsider running away together, you know where I am," he joked.

"Actually I don't," CJ replied. "You said you'd be here, but not here."

"Yeah," Danny said. "I'm just a phone call away though."

"Well I'll see you around I guess."

"You will," Danny said walking towards the door. "And CJ?"

"Yeah?" she asked looking up at him.

"If you ever need to talk," he said.

"I'm good," CJ said, cutting him off. "Have a good 4th of July Danny."

"You too CJ," Danny said.

He walked out of her office down the dark hallway while the fireworks still lit up the night sky outside of CJ's office. She only glanced at him for a minute before she tossed a few items into her bag and walked over to the door. She turned off the lights, took one last look at the bright fireworks outside and then she left for the night.

I wasn't really sure what had happened, but I felt like something had changed. I could tell CJ felt betrayed or confused by recent events. Normally she just went with the flow, but now I was beginning to think she might not be okay with being so complacent. I also got the feeling that she was a little sad with the way her life was turning out lately. I felt bad for her. I never wanted her to be sad.

I turned my attention to the fireworks outside; the ones that signaled independence and freedom. I wondered about that for moment. Freedom and independence seemed to me to mean you had choice, but really, even with choice, there is no control over what happens next. I imagined that could be a little frustrating. I wondered if CJ felt the same way. I didn't want to get to existential and so I turned my full attention to the fireworks and just thought about how pretty they were, rather than trying to assign meaning to flashing lights in the sky.

TBC