Chapter 37: These Are My Confessions

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Gundam Seed/Destiny because they belong to the creators of said anime/manga. I also do not own the song "Too Much To Ask" because it is owned by Avril Lavigne.

To The Anonymous Reviewer: I couldn't reply to the review, so I'll reply here. I believe I stated this in the first chapter, but if it wasn't clear I apologize. This fanfiction story is set in an Alternate Universe (AU) which means it is not in the same setting as the anime/manga. Most of the characters, (including Kira, Cagalli, Meyrin, Luna, Shinn, Rau, and Gilbert to name a few) are Out Of Character (OOC) meaning they act differently and may not have the same personality as in the anime/manga. Because this is a fanfiction story on a fanfiction site, I am able to change these things in a story as long as I put a disclaimer in each chapter. So yes, Kira is an evil bastard for the purposes of this fanfiction. His personality was changed due to Rau's actions (the rape), his parents' actions (gang violence against each other), and his own involvement in the mafia (his gang and his sister's gang; gang violence). I'm sorry if this wasn't made clear before and I hope I answered your question.

"So what do you think about us keeping the baby?"

"I'm curious as to how exactly you'll do that." Kira replied and gave him a knowing look.

"Well like I said, once she's close to the due date we'll probably quit the gangs. It would be impossible to raise a baby while in two separate gangs- enemy gangs no less! The only problem is…" Shinn told him and paused.

"Getting Cagalli and I to let you both go. I have to admit this is a pretty difficult decision you're both in, Shinn. How are you going to pay for the hospital appointments, baby products, and a house? Do you plan on getting a real job?" Kira asked with raised eyebrows.

Shinn hesitated. "Something like that…we have more to discuss, but we need both you and Cagalli's cooperation first before we can really plan anything."

"Meaning you want Bloodlust to fund everything, and she wants Pokitknives to fund everything."

"No…"

"Shinn, you never graduated High School. Remember Detective Ramius? I still need to work out getting you back in school."

"Then…fine. I can't be in the gang and go to school, but we can't get into any more trouble with the police. So I'll quit now, finish school, get a job and go from there." Shinn replied.

They gave each other level looks for a moment. Kira was being serious, and so was Shinn.

"You really want that? I'm more than ready to fund anything you might need, Shinn. You're still a Bloodlust member, which means whether you're having a baby with the enemy or not, I'll still help you out." Kira finally said.

"I still need to go back to school."

"You don't have to quit Bloodlust to go to school, just keep quiet about it."

"You really think Detective Ramius will let me stay in Bloodlust while I'm in school?"

"We'll just have to ask what limitations she intends to put on your schooling. If she makes you quit while in school, fine. I won't be happy about it, though, and it will be hard to pay for baby diapers when you aren't working for it."

Shinn sighed. "Alright, I get it, you want me to stay. But how am I supposed to stay in Bloodlust and raise a child?"

"We'll get you and Luna a house."

"But the war-,"

"The war," Kira cut him off and looked him straight in the eye as he continued, "will end."

"So how are you going to woo Kira back, Lacus?" Fllay asked. They were sitting in the living room of the base, planning their next move while Cagalli and the others were away.

"I've been thinking about that. Operation: Heartbreak was a bit too…subtle. I need to do something bold to get his attention." Lacus replied.

Fllay smirked and wiggled her eyebrows. "You mean like showing up at the base and ravaging him?" she asked.

Lacus's face lit up in a blush as she spluttered out, "No!"

Fllay laughed. "I was only joking. That's the kind of thing I would do, is all. But really, do you have anything in mind?" she asked again.

"There's a charity going on today for orphaned children, the organizers want me to sing a few songs." Lacus answered.

Fllay looked confused. "So what does that have to do with Kira?"

"I sent him an invitation."

"The war will…end? What do you mean? Are you planning to call a truce tonight?" Shinn asked with an incredulous expression.

"No. Not tonight. When the baby is born, the war will be over between Bloodlust and Pokitknives so that you two can raise the baby in peace. I will give Luna asylum, meaning no one from Bloodlust will be able to hurt her or even touch her in a hostile situation since she's pregnant. Between you two, there's peace, but the rest of us will keep fighting. Does she know the due date yet?" Kira replied.

"Oh." He breathed. "Um…We didn't…I don't know yet."

Kira nodded. "Make all the plans you need. When the baby is born we'll set you both up in a house and I'll personally declare a truce if Cagalli doesn't do so first. If you don't have a proper job by then Bloodlust will at least fund baby expenses. But I'm planning on working with The Reapers to get you a good job."

"Wait, working with The Reapers? I understand working with Mwu because you two are actually friends, but…haven't we involved them enough in our business?" he asked.

"They're already involved, why not use them to our advantage while they're snooping around? Mwu gave us this job as a Reaper, not as my friend. They're trying to help us."

"Well, anyway, I guess that's all we needed to discuss. Thanks. I should talk with Luna." Shinn replied and stood from his chair. Kira stood as well.

"If there's anything you need…just let me know. I'll see about getting you back in school." Kira said and stuck out his hand.

"You're my legal guardian now, just sign me up." Shinn replied and shook his hand.

"Are you sure you want to go back? We can weasel out of it you know…"

"I'm sure, I'd like to graduate and feel better as a parent knowing I can use my diploma to get a job without the help of the mafia." Shinn said sarcastically.

Kira stuck his tongue out at him and chuckled. "Go call Luna and see what Cagalli said."

Shinn returned the gesture and pulled out his cell phone as he walked into the kitchen to get a drink. Kira checked the table beside the front door where the mail was usually placed. He had checked the box and set the mail down when he was searching for the cameras earlier that morning. While he waited for Athrun and the others to get back he would see if anything useful came in the mail.

"Junk, bill, wrong address, packet about the spyware that will be dealt with by Athrun, more junk, and…" he paused with his mail sorting when he saw a letter from Lacus Clyne. He opened it to see a handwritten letter and another sealed letter made out by a charity for orphans.

He furrowed his eyebrows and took out the charity letter. It was an invite to a charity benefit later that day; in the entertainment section it listed Lacus. He moved on to the handwritten letter and instantly recognized Lacus's print.

Kira,

I'll be singing at the charity and wanted you to come so we could talk things over. I know you enjoyed hearing me sing back in school for the talent contests, so I thought you would like the concert I'm doing. I'll understand if you don't want to come, but please consider it. I know deep down inside the sweet and caring Kira I once knew is still in you, so if not for me, at least come for the children. Being in a gang doesn't mean you can't care about children. This isn't a trap or set-up either. I worked everything out to get you in, if you decide to come, so please come.

Sincerely,

Lacus

Kira read over the note a few times, and then looked back over the charity invite. He glanced at the envelope and noticed it was mailed yesterday, before she even knew about the meeting. He checked the date and time on the invite, it would be over before the meeting.

"No wonder she wanted to meet later tonight. She's gotten sneaky." Kira murmured.

"Are you talking to yourself now?" Shinn asked with a wary expression.

"No…Lacus sent me an invite to something. It's either a coincidence or…I don't know what." Kira replied.

Shinn glanced at the letter and invite, then to Kira's face. "You going?" he asked.

"…should I?" he asked.

"Yes. Go." Shinn said and pointed to the door. Kira raised an eyebrow and Shinn raised both of his, gesturing towards the door. "Go and talk with her. It'll get your mind off of me and Luna. Besides, it's orphaned children. You can at least donate something on my behalf."

Kira was about to ask what Shinn meant but then remembered he was an orphan himself.

Shinn got closer and gave him a sultry look. "If not for Lacus or the children…at least go for me." He whispered.

Kira narrowed his eyes and scowled. "I thought this was over between us."

Shinn smiled. "It is, but it would help if you and Lacus got back together like Luna and I."

"Why does it feel like everyone is scheming against me?"

"Because we are." Shinn replied with a straight face and Kira shot him a look. "Just kidding!" he laughed and ran away before Kira could hit him.

"You're going!" Shinn called from the hallway.

"Alright fine!" Kira called back and grabbed his keys.

"Brat." He grumbled as he got into his car.

"I have to go and get ready, I already told Cagalli everything." Lacus told Fllay.

"Alright, just make sure you get back before the meeting tonight."

"It's only a few hours, and if Kira doesn't show up then I'll be back sooner anyway. I guess I'll have to find out what happened with the shipment after the meeting."

"I'm sure everything is going fine. Hope you have fun! Break a leg!" Fllay called as Lacus walked out of the door.

"Shinn? No I haven't talked with Cagalli yet." Luna said as she walked into the room. She was on the phone.

Fllay leaned close and Stellar was watching from the hall.

"Well, she's not…I just haven't been able to ask her yet. What did Kira say?" Luna continued.

Fllay motioned Milly over and they all watched as Luna paced back and forth.

"He…he said that? Really?" she asked in a breathless voice as she paused in her pacing. The girls glanced to each other and leaned closer, their eyes curious and excited.

"That's great though! You can go back and finish school now!" Luna exclaimed.

The girls looked confused and glanced to each other again.

"Oh, I can't go back. I'm pregnant and it would just be too much…too difficult. Even after the baby, I couldn't leave her to go to school." She replied again.

"Oh, I just…I say 'her' out of habit. I've always wanted a girl. But if we have a boy that would be great as well! I'm not picky." She said in answer to Shinn's question.

"What's going on?" Milly asked Fllay.

"Not sure, apparently Shinn talked to Kira about the baby. Then something about school came up. Not sure what that's about." Fllay replied.

"Stellar wants to see Shinn. Stellar misses Shinn."

"Stellar, you can't cause drama anymore with Shinn. Luna's pregnant now and we have to support her and their relationship." Milly replied.

"I feel the same kind of. Not for Shinn though. I want to see Kira real bad. I wanna tie him to the bed and-,"

"Too much information, Fllay!" Milly said loudly with a disgusted look.

"Oh like you don't want to do the same to Dearka!" Fllay replied.

"Shinn? What did you say?" Luna asked and put a hand against her other ear.

"Well yeah but I don't tell everyone in full detail." Milly muttered.

"Stellar wants to tie Shinn to a bed…"

Fllay laughed and Milly shook her head.

"Can you guys keep it down? This room has the best reception." Luna told them.

They quieted down and continued listening to Luna's conversation with Shinn.

"They were being loud, sorry. Something about tying someone to a bed." Luna told Shinn. "Yeah we uh, don't get a lot of action." She giggled. She laughed again at what he said as the girls scowled at her.

"It's too bad Operation: Heartbreak is over. Since Lacus claims Kira I can't exactly flirt with him anymore." Fllay said and pouted.

Stellar nodded and also pouted, crossing her arms and leaning back in her chair.

"But anyway, I'm really glad he's cooperating. I just need to talk with Cagalli, I'm sure she'll feel the same." Luna said.

"Well, I'm not sure about that. Maybe she'll agree, but I figure she'll just let me leave. It really all depends on how things go." she continued.

"I wonder what Kira said…" Fllay murmured and glanced to Milly. "It sounds good though. Maybe he'll call a truce after all?"

"I doubt it, maybe he'll just let Shinn quit." Milly replied.

"No, I won't say anything. Cagalli should know though…but…okay, I understand." Luna replied to Shinn.

Fllay's eyebrows furrowed as her curiosity heightened.

Luna looked over and saw all three faces looking expectant. "I uh, gotta go. We can meet up and talk everything through."

"Love you too, bye."

"So what did Kira tell Shinn?" Fllay asked as she stood. Milly and Stellar also stood and looked curious.

"He's going to cooperate. He even said he'd give us money for the baby and set us up with a house if we need." Luna replied.

"Cool, but I bet Cagalli will beat that offer. If the enemy Godfather is doing more for her own gang member and friend that would look bad. Plus she'd be pissed. This is a good thing." Fllay told her.

"Yeah, and Shinn's also going back to school. When he…got back from the hospital the detective told Kira Shinn had to finish school since he dropped out to join Bloodlust." She added.

"Wow…your baby's daddy is going back to school. This just keeps getting interesting." Fllay said excitedly.

"Well I'm glad for you. Things seem to be getting better after all that madness took place. Hopefully Kira will make good on his promise to help you both out." Milly said and hugged her.

"Thanks, hopefully Cagalli will feel the same as Kira. From what she said earlier I'm sure she won't mind our decision." Luna replied and hugged her back.

"I guess we'll find out when she gets back." Fllay said.

"Where did Lacus go?" Luna asked.

"To get Kira back into her and off of Shinn." Fllay replied with a smirk.

"It's the first time I ever felt this lonely. I wish someone could cure this pain. It's funny when you think it's gonna work out 'til you chose weed over me, you're so lame."

Kira walked into the charity as Lacus began her song. He stopped as he listened to the lyrics. This song wasn't exactly fitting for a charity about orphaned children.

"I thought you were cool until the point, up until the point you didn't call me when you said you would. I finally figured out you're all the same, always coming up with some kind of story."

Was she talking about him? He narrowed his eyes and edged closer in the crowd. She spotted him and smiled as she sang on.

"Every time I try to make you smile you're always feeling sorry for yourself. Every time I try to make you laugh you can't, you're too tough, you think you're loveless. Is that too much that I'm asking for?"

Yes, she was singing about him. He knew there was something fishy going on when she invited him to a charity. Of course he enjoyed listening to her sing and watching her put on a show, but apparently this was all planned out. Was she trying to get his attention?

"I thought you'd come around when I ignored you, sort of thought you'd have the decency to change. But babe I guess you didn't take that warning, 'cause I'm not about to look at your face again!"

She looked away from him and back to the crowd as she sang the last verse and he scowled. He turned to leave but stopped at the next lyrics.

"Can't you see that you lie to yourself? You can't see the world through a mirror. It won't be too late when the smoke clears, 'cause I, I am still here. But every time I try to make you smile you'd always go on feeling sorry for yourself. Every time I try to make you laugh you stand like a stone, alone in your zone. Is that too much that I'm asking for?"

She definitely just got his attention. He half wanted to leave, half wanted to stay and hear the whole song. It didn't exactly sound like she was begging to get back with him, but she wasn't really trashing him either. This was bold for her; it sounded more like something Fllay would do…before tying him to a bed.

"Yeah yeah, yeah yeah. Can't find where I am, lying here alone in fear. Afraid of the dark, no one to claim, alone again. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! Can't you see that you lie to yourself? You can't see the world through a mirror. It won't be too late when the smoke clears, 'cause I, I am still here.

"Every time I try to make you smile you're always feeling sorry for yourself. Every time I try to make you laugh you can't, you're too tough, you think you're loveless. It was too much that I'm asking for."

As she ended the song he clapped along with the others with a smirk. The next song was one of her popular hits, a favorite among the audience. He guessed the first one was just for him. When she was done with her set she thanked the guests for having her and praised the charity for organizing this benefit for the children, then urged the crowd to help however they could. He listened intently, never taking his eyes off of her. He remembered their last date and conversation, as well as the night they were together when she was captured. All thoughts of Shinn, Luna, the baby, Mwu's job, and Cagalli's betrayal were wiped away as he looked into her eyes and became mesmerized by her voice.

"You came! Oh I'm so glad!" she said excitedly and hugged him. "Sorry, I'm really happy." She replied at his surprised expression.

He smiled. "It's fine, I'm glad I came. I liked your song, Lacus." He told her with a knowing look.

She blushed becomingly and ducked her head. After glancing around she took his hand and led him to a less crowded area.

"Look, I know you have a lot on your mind and those words were a bit…much…but I just wanted to-,"

"Get my attention? Well you've got it." He stated with a small smile. Something glinted in his eyes, and she wasn't sure if she could trust him or not.

"Kira, you scared me. What you did to Luna, how you treat Shinn…I thought you would kill us all after you woke up from…from the attack. I don't even know how you feel about me anymore." She told him with a forlorn look.

"Lacus, I…" he began but paused. "I feel the same way about you. I mean, because of what I did…I thought you hated me or something."

"I don't hate you Kira. I thought you were into Shinn now, or that you had changed too much to care about me anymore." She replied.

"You don't think I'm a monster?"

"No. I think you're trying to be a Godfather and fighting as hard as you can for…something. I'm not going to say you did the right thing, and I'm still frightened of you, but…you remember that night when you kidnapped Milly and I while Cagalli had Shinn and Dearka?" she asked suddenly.

"Yes." He whispered.

"I felt…at home with you. I was happy. I loved you then…and I still love you." She confessed.

His eyes widened and he opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. He looked into her eyes, looking for the lie, the trap, the manipulation.

All he saw was love and sadness in blue orbs.

He finally smiled and touched her cheek, feeling the heat of her blush beneath his skin. "I love you too Lacus. I'm sorry, for everything."

She beamed and hugged him again, and he hugged her back tightly.

-Author's Note: Phew! That took a while to get out. I thought of having Lacus sing the song while driving the other day and was rushing to get this out so I wouldn't forget! Please review and let me know what you think, any questions, comments, etc. are welcome. I left myself an opening for the next chapter so I can't complain about having nothing to work with…I just have to…you know…write it out. Thanks to all my loyal reviewers and fans! Your favorites and reviews encourage me to keep going, 37 chapters and still far from over! Woo! Peace out!-