AN: Again, thanks for all the lovely reviews for the previous chapter. Thanks also for being so patient, waiting for this chapter; it's a long one, so I hope that makes up a little bit for the wait.

I felt his lips gently touch mine once, then twice. I smiled and then I couldn't fight it any longer and drifted off to a deep, dreamless sleep.

Chapter 37: That Sunday, That Summer

The bed was so soft and warm, and I could feel Edward next to me. A sense of happiness unlike any I had ever known was radiating through my body. Was I dreaming or was this real?

My eyes were still closed, but I could see dim light through them, streaming in from the forest canopy outside our enchanted cabin. The trilling song of the evening grosbeak, still calling for his mate broke the stillness of the morning.

This was the best way to wake up ever. I didn't want to open my eyes or move, fearing it would break the spell. I could still feel Edward's lips as they had covered my body last night. Kissing, touching, exploring, conjuring feelings of pleasure I had never imagined. We had gone further than ever before, pushing against the boundaries of our unusual relationship. I still felt warm and glowing, and so full of love for him. I wasn't sure what had inspired him to escalate our physical relationship but I wasn't going to complain about it.

He had been so gentle, always trying to maintain control and hold himself in check, but he still managed to make me feel wanted and loved, igniting a flame within me that was not extinguished, but smoldered just under the surface of my skin. I always knew I could trust Edward and he did not disappoint me. I was so proud of him.

No one had ever touched me like that and I was so glad I could share that special closeness with him. I could dimly remember Edward whispering that he felt the fire within me and it warmed him in a way nothing else could, and that he thought my heart was going to burst out of my chest, but I never wanted that moment to end. I felt such a connection with him, and a kind of calm and peacefulness like I had never known.

Softly sighing with contentment I thought this had to be pure bliss, and I was reassured that Edward was able to go so far and not lose control. I thought I had must have found my happy place. I was very hopeful that when we finally removed all the boundaries our wedding night would not be as difficult as I had feared. I also wondered if I looked any different. I certainly felt different, like there was a low hum radiating throughout my body. I thought my appearance was probably akin to the way it was on your birthday; you turned a year older but you still looked the same when you stared into the mirror.

As I slowly woke up, I became aware that I was lying flat on my back, the blankets tucked around me, and Edward's arm under my neck, with a thick cushion of my long hair acting as insulation from his cool skin. I figured he had shifted me off of him during the night to keep me from getting too cold. I would be glad when we were the same temperature and there were no more barriers left between us. I was beginning to think he was looking forward to that day, too, and that was amazing, considering how long and hard he had fought to keep me human.

I was trying to recall every moment of last night, and I guess my breathing changed because suddenly I was aware that Edward knew I was no longer asleep. He began stroking my hair, softly, and then he kissed the top of my head with his cool lips.

I wanted to wake up every morning like this, and then I remembered that I wouldn't be sleeping through the night for much longer. Oops. I still couldn't quite picture what that was going to be like, except that Edward would be with me all night, every night, and then all the remaining boundaries would be gone. That would more than make up for any lost sleep. I smiled in anticipation.

"You seem happy this morning, my beautiful girl," Edward murmured, kissing my forehead.

"That was the best night of my life, Edward, and you're totally responsible." I inhaled deeply, breathing in his heavenly scent.

"Thank you, Bella," he spoke softly and I could hear the satisfaction in his velvet voice as his fingertips slid along my collarbone. "I did not believe it was possible to be this happy. You are sheer perfection, an exquisite beauty, and I do not think I deserve you, but I can never let you go." He pulled me even closer to him, and I turned on my side as his hand slipped under my pajama top to caress the skin on my back.

There were no words he could say that I wanted to hear more. He could never let me go. I slowly opened my eyes and looked up at his stunning face.

He linked his fingers with mine and held my hand on his chest. "How are you feeling this morning, my Bella?"

"Fantastic," I almost crowed.

Edward held my arm out above us, as if inspecting it. "No, I meant, are you sore at all?"

"No, I feel great. How about you?" I raised my eyebrows and bit my lip, trying to keep from laughing.

He kissed my fingertips before saying, "I am pleased that we were able to be so intimate without you sustaining any injuries. You're so ethereal, like a soap bubble, I wasn't sure I wouldn't break you. I did very well last night, in terms of self control, I mean."

I refrained from rolling my eyes. "You did everything just right, Edward. I'm the luckiest girl in the world." I couldn't stop smiling.

He smiled too, but shook his head slightly. "You are the most delusional girl I've ever known, but we've had proof of that before," he said softly, stroking my cheek.

His other hand was tracing my spine, almost as if he thought if he stopped touching me for a second that I would disappear. I often felt that way about him, and I moved my leg on top of his, snuggling even closer.

"If this is a delusion it's the best one I ever had," I teased.

"Me, too, I have to admit. I'm so happy with you I often think things could not get any better, and then they do," he confided. He leaned in and gave me a slow, sweet kiss. His mere touch set my skin to tingling and when his lips touched mine we melted together and I felt my heart skip a beat. He pulled away, his eyes sparkling, his wonderful uneven smile on his lips.

"I'm very glad about what we shared, Edward; I'm a little confused, though. What made you decide that was the right moment?"

"I was so relieved by what you said; how you explained everything. It was painful to hear you say some of those things, but I was so pleased you felt you could trust me and be completely honest with me. You answered all my unspoken questions and took away all my doubts. I had this flood of feelings for you that was almost overwhelming. I needed to be close to you right then, Bella."

"I was afraid I would say something that would drive you away. I knew it was hard for you to hear those things, but I'm glad I told you the truth, and you know I've wanted to be closer to you for a long time."

"Holding you, touching you… it was beyond my imagination, Bella. It was like you made the rest of the world disappear and we were the only two people left. It was hard to maintain control but it was well worth it to be able to feel your reactions and hear your happiness." His golden eyes flickered with the same desire I had seen only a few hours earlier. "You made me feel like I'm your man."

"You are my man, and I can't imagine being with anyone else but you. I've always wanted you, Edward, always."

He lowered his head to claim my lips in a passionate kiss, leaving me breathless. I ran my hands through his hair as he kissed my cheek, my jaw, below my ear and down my neck where he inhaled deeply and rested his head on my shoulder.

"When my lips touched your delicate skin I felt like I was going to lose control for a moment; you taste more delicious than words can say."

I gave up; I was going to be blushing all day, I could tell.

"Just being able to be so close to you is a thrill I never thought I would be able to experience. I can wait until after we're married to fully express my feelings as your husband. That gives me something else to look forward to, and I am happy about that. Anticipation can be very enjoyable as well."

"Yes, I know what you mean. It also gives me something to look forward to," I heartily agreed, pleased that I was able to form a coherent sentence after listening to his velvet voice say all those wonderful things about me.

He smiled as he brought his face closer to mine. His lips hovered just above mine as he said, "I am grateful for every moment you are with me."

I leaned into him and closed the gap between us. I felt a jolt of electricity when our lips met and my pulse raced. He must have known I was getting overstimulated because he began pressing slow, gentle kisses against my lips, calming my excitement.

I wasn't sure if it was just being old fashioned that held him back, or if he was just trying to protect me, but he had been so gentle and aware of my body last night; I didn't think I would find even a single bruise when I took a shower. Yet he had made me feel things I didn't think I had the capacity to feel. I really couldn't complain. This new plateau in our physical relationship was going to make both our lives so much easier. His self-control was phenomenal. Maybe he really was the man of steel.

"I think I've had another epiphany," I announced brightly, when I had recovered the power of speech.

"Does it concern me?" He lifted his head and gazed at me as if I were the most fascinating thing he'd ever seen.

I rolled my eyes and his smile grew. "I've found something else Edward Cullen is perfect at, but that didn't surprise me at all."

I didn't think it was possible for Edward to look happier but he managed it. Everything about him was so intense. He had said he wanted last night to be all about me, but I was hoping since it went so well, this morning he would let me return the favor.

"Edward, I want to make you as happy as you've made me," I began, sliding my hand down his chest to that line of bronze hair just above his waistband. I felt his muscles tense as I softly ran my fingertips over those fine, silky strands.

"I am happy, Bella," he said, his hand moving to cover mine and hold it still.

"Last night was phenomenal, but I am aching to get my hands on you. Will you let me--" I tried again but he cut me off.

"I already worship you in frightening, dangerous ways. You simply have no survival instinct, do you?"

"I don't understand, Edward."

"I cannot trust myself right now. It is one thing to watch you lose control and to know that I am responsible for that. It is quite another to let you do what you want with me; I am already pushing my limits."

"You were so in control last night," I insisted. He just needed to have a little more faith in himself.

"Yes, I was the one in control. If I were to surrender control to you I could hurt you. I can never completely lose control with you, Bella, you are too fragile and I won't put you at risk."

I watched his face and he looked very determined. I thought about it for a moment and decided I wasn't going to be able to budge him on this. No one had self control like Edward. I sighed, but was still intoxicated by him and wanted to experience the closeness we had shared last night. I smiled up at him.

"Alright, but can we do that again?"

He returned my smile and then this incredulous look came over his face and his brows drew together in a frown. "You don't mean right now, do you?"

I felt like all the air had been knocked out of me and I immediately looked down at my hands, wishing I could pull the covers over my head and disappear. He didn't want to do that again, and why would he? I was an idiot. His rejection was overwhelming; I could feel my cheeks burning and I wanted to run into the bathroom and burst into tears. I started to roll out of bed but before I could move an inch Edward had his cold stone arms wrapped tightly around me, trapping me against him.

"Let me go," I mumbled, fighting back tears.

"Never." His voice was fierce.

I struggled against him, pressing my palms against his chest but it was useless.

"Bella, I didn't mean it like that, you silly girl. Of course I want to do that again." As he spoke he lowered one hand down my back and squeezed my bottom. I gasped.

"Sweetheart, look at me," he gently requested.

Confused, I slowly raised my eyes to see him gazing at me intently.

"If you think I don't want to make love to you all the time, you need to have your head examined." His voice was low, seductive and convincing.

I blushed a deeper shade and he pressed his lips against my cheek.

"I don't understand; you looked horrified," I replied, my voice quivering. "You looked like I was repulsive."

"Bella, please, you could never be repulsive," he said, kissing me tenderly. "I didn't want to alarm you, but I just spent the last four hours worrying that you were in a coma."

I was still confused. "What do you mean?"

"Do you remember having any dreams?"

I recalled my strange dream from when I first went to sleep last night, but then later when I had fallen asleep on Edward, I couldn't remember anything. "No, I… I think I slept very soundly," I offered.

"Bella, you slept like the dead. No talking, no movement at all. I know how you sleep, and this was different. I got very worried… and I called Carlisle."

"Oh no, Edward, you didn't." Now I was horrified.

"Yes, I did," he said so quietly I could hardly hear him.

"I'm just going to die of embarrassment. You told Carlisle?" I shrieked.

"For heaven's sake, he already knew I wanted to make love to you; my whole family knows it. Everyone who looks at us knows it. You seem to be the only one who has any doubt," he said, his eyes dancing with poorly disguised mirth.

"Well what did he say?" I asked, finally abashed and unable to think about everyone knowing. If that were true maybe I would just spend the weeks until the wedding holed up in my room… with Edward.

"He said it may have been a combination of your nervousness, it being your first time experiencing something like that and well, my contribution," he said, turning his gaze up to study the beams in the ceiling.

I smiled. His contribution, yeah, right. Of course it was his contribution. I was amazed that I hadn't fainted or had a heart attack as it was. No wonder I slept like the dead. My poor body needed time to recover, and he overreacted, worrying about me. I could just imagine his conversation with Carlisle. Kill me now. I wondered how long I would be able to avoid seeing Carlisle when we retuned to Forks. I knew my face would be beyond pink and all the way to beet red the next time I met him. Why was my body always giving me away? If anyone ever needed to be a vampire it was surely me.

I pressed my lips against Edward's neck and that made him look at me again, rubbing my back and kissing my temple.

"So Carlisle won't tell Esme will he?" I asked, thinking about how it was impossible to keep anything a secret in that family.

"No, technically he's still your doctor and he can keep your information confidential, but Esme is going to know the minute she sees us."

I sucked in a deep breath. "Why…how… what do you mean?" Esme wasn't the psychic in the family, last I had heard.

"Frankly sweetheart, you're glowing. You have never looked more glorious and I've never been happier, so I imagine that Esme will just know. She has always wanted us to be together and happy."

That made sense. "I suppose Alice would know, too. How do you deal with all that, Edward?"

"We respect each other's privacy as much as we can, but with my abilities I can hardly complain about them. I try to block them as much as I can, and they give me my space. It really won't be a problem when we're married, you'll see. We will have privacy, I will make sure of it."

He said that with so much conviction I couldn't doubt him. I didn't know what he had planned, but I was sure it was something. Edward was like the ultimate chess player, always thinking several moves ahead.

"So it's too soon to have a repeat performance?" I asked, wanting to get clarification on this particular point.

He laughed and hugged me before saying, "Do you know how hard it is for me to refuse you anything? Why must you ask for the things I can't give you?"

"Can't or won't, Edward?"

"Bella, be good, please."

"I'm trying, but all I want is you."

"I want you, too, angel, you must believe me." His gaze was so intense, I couldn't possibly doubt him.

I nodded and he continued. "I think if we had a repeat performance you would never leave this bed. Is that how you want to spend the last day of our trip, asleep all day?"

That sounded like a plan to me. "It might be worth it," I said quietly, looking up at him through my eyelashes.

"Have I created a monster?" he asked, grinning broadly.

"That seems to be your lot in life," I muttered.

He hugged me to him again, running his hand through my hair, laughing. I could feel his chest rumbling beneath me and I pressed my lips against it, savoring the vibrations. I was glad we could tease about things like this; he was so much more relaxed.

I couldn't believe this was my life. All my dreams were coming true. I was seized with this overwhelming desire to talk about everything today. Things I had always shied away from before; things that had been too dire to contemplate. Somehow I felt like I could deal with them today, with Edward by my side. Being completely sure of his love gave me a new confidence.

Finally Edward kissed my forehead and said, "You look deep in thought."

"What? Oh, yes. I was thinking."

"About what?"

"Lots of things. You mostly. I was thinking about the day we met. Do you believe in love at first sight, Edward?"

"I'm not sure. I've thought about that, too. Especially since I met you."

"I know I was attracted to you the moment I saw you. You are the most stunning person I've ever seen, Edward. It's only natural."

"I was attracted to you, too."

"Is that what you call it? Attraction?" I was thinking it was more like bloodlust, but that didn't sound nearly as romantic.

"To be truthful it was more like addiction." He was being honest.

"Because I'm your singer."

"The one and only. So rare, so fine, so irresistible." He smiled, showing his gleaming teeth.

"But you were able to resist, or I wouldn't be here now."

"I am so glad I was able to control myself. You have given me a happiness I never knew was possible." He kissed my fingertips for emphasis.

"It's very easy for me to be with you, Edward."

"Now it is, but to be with me forever, it will not be easy for you."

"Which kind of leads back to what I was thinking about." Now he looked worried. "Relax, I'm still thinking about when we met. I wanted you from day one."

"I can honestly say I wanted you from day one, too. In the worst way."

"Yes, but then the next day you were gone. You can't imagine what I was feeling; I had this longing for you after only sitting next to you for an hour. I could tell you hated me, but I couldn't figure out why. I hadn't done anything to you. The way you cringed away from me, I thought I must smell bad to you."

"That is funny. I had never smelled anything better than you. Unfortunately for you."

"Then you were gone for the rest of the week, and I missed you. The looks you gave me the first day had frightened me, and I thought you hated me, and I still missed you. I longed for you to return, even when I thought you couldn't stand me. Then you came back and you were so nice after we used the microscope and I got very hopeful."

"I was sure you thought I was insane. No one in their right mind would behave the way I did to you, but I thought about you constantly, too."

"Then you saved my life, made me lie for you, and gave me the silent treatment for weeks. I was miserable but I still wanted you. You were on my mind all the time. I even dreamed about you every night."

"It was torture for me to be rude to you. I don't think I've ever told you this, but I used to run to Seattle every night, just to get away from everyone and try to figure out the best way to keep you alive."

I gasped. "You ran to Seattle every night?"

"It felt good to run, and I needed the release, after sitting next to you in class everyday. That's what I did before I started coming to your room at night," he admitted, and if he could have blushed I think he would have.

"Wow. I just kept thinking there was something wrong with me that made you dislike me, but the instant you showed the least bit of interest in me I was ready and willing. How masochistic is that? Then when you left me in the woods and I went to Italy to get you back? Again, masochistic. I think we may have this lion and lamb thing backwards."

He laughed. "I never thought about it like that, but there is no way I can be considered the lamb. There is nothing innocent about me."

"Isn't there? One thing? One thing we have in common? Or did more go on in Alaska than I've heard about?"

He looked embarrassed, but I couldn't tell if it was about the thing we had in common or if more had gone on in Alaska and I had hit a nerve.

"What have you heard?" He was going to try to find out what I knew before he divulged anything.

I wasn't going to play that game. "Wouldn't you like to know? Just pretend I know nothing and tell me the truth."

"I thought we were discussing the day we met."

"The discussion has taken a turn, in a northerly direction. I would like to hear about your adventures in the great white north."

He leaned toward me and said softly, "You are being absurd, Bella. I don't know what you're talking about. I haven't had any adventures there."

I inhaled his sweet breath and it reminded me of honey and lilacs. It was dangerous to stare into his eyes. I was so easily dazzled by him. I looked at my hands.

"So there is nothing to tell?"

"Bella, I never felt anything for anyone before I met you. I love my family, but I was never attracted to anyone but you. Not just your blood, you." He put his hand under my chin and pulled my face up so I could look into his eyes. They were liquid pools of gold.

"You are a goddess to me and I would happily worship you for eternity. Will you give me a chance to show you how much I love you?"

I blushed, and was delighted to hear him say such an amazing thing, but I still noted how he didn't directly answer my question, which only made me wonder just exactly what Tanya had done to tempt him. Perhaps I would have to ask Alice, but then he would find out. Well, it would serve him right. He knows I'm dying of curiosity but that's not what was going to kill me.

"You say the sweetest things, Edward. Sometimes 'I love you' doesn't seem to be enough to express how I feel about you. There just aren't words."

"I know." He kissed me then, his lips moving hungrily against mine. I felt a flame spreading like wildfire through my body. I ran my fingers through his hair and tugged him closer to me. I pressed my body against his and his arms held me tight. When we stopped kissing we didn't move; I rested my head on his shoulder and he pressed his cool, firm cheek against mine. Things couldn't get much better than this.

"As much as I want you forever, I must say I am still torn about changing you, Bella. I want what's best for you, and I still think keeping you as you are for as long as possible is a good idea."

"Edward," I began with a warning tone in my voice.

"I know, and I am not trying to back out of anything. I have known ever since the day I stopped Tyler's van from hitting you and I decided to find a way to coexist with you that one day this could happen. I both look forward to it and dread it at the same time."

"Why was the day you saved my life so significant?"

He looked away for a moment before returning his gaze to me. "It was such a constant, unending struggle to be around you then, I was not sure I could do it. After I saved you, it was clear that you knew there was something wrong with me, something unnatural about me. I had put the entire family in jeopardy, saving you."

"I never thought there was something wrong with you, Edward. I thought you were a super hero."

He snorted. "Yes, I remember the radioactive spider theory," he mused, stroking my cheek. "When I returned home that night, after behaving so rudely to you in the hospital, which I hated myself for, we had a family meeting. We needed to discuss what my next move would be. I thought it would be safest for you if I left Forks, but—"

"Edward, why is your first impulse always to leave me?" I interrupted.

"At the time, your being around me put you in danger and I wanted to protect you. Alice had other ideas. She shared a vision with me that showed you as one of us. I wanted to throw her through the wall in the dining room."

"Esme would not have been happy about that," I said quietly, wondering just how bad that argument had been.

"Forget Esme, Jasper was ready to rip my arms off."

"So I was causing trouble for your family from the beginning," I said meditatively.

"Bella, please don't get the wrong impression. That is not what happened, anyway. Alice was always on your side; she could see the two of you as close friends, and then sisters. She shared the vision with me because she thought you would make me happy, which you do, but I was not ready for any kind of relationship with you, much less an eternity. I was incredibly stupid, ready to throw away the only true happiness I had ever known."

"Oh. What about the rest of your family?"

"They are your family now, too, Bella. Of course Esme just wanted me to be happy; she was overjoyed. Carlisle was more cautious but also optimistic. He understood my concerns but like Esme, wanted to see me happy with someone I could love. We had many long discussions about you. Emmett and Jasper both thought I was crazy but that is no reflection on you, and Rosalie, well, you know what Rosalie thought."

I nodded. "So when exactly did you fall in love with me?"

"Carlisle thinks it was from the moment I saw you in the cafeteria, but I was not aware of it then. I had never felt anything even close to this before and that day turned into something of a disaster for me. When I saw you sitting with that shrew, Jessica, and I heard what she was thinking about you while pretending to be your friend, I instinctively wanted to protect you. Carlisle says that was the beginning of my feelings for you. Then when I was hit with your scent in biology class, I almost lost my mind and the protective feelings I had for you were severely tested," he finished with a dark laugh.

"You still protected me." He was always good; if only he would see himself that way.

"I almost killed you and destroyed any chance I had for happiness that day."

"But you didn't Edward. You were so strong, and you still are. I wish I could make things easier for you."

"I thought your specialty was making things harder," he said as his eyes danced with mischief and his mouth turned up in a smirk.

"You are one frisky fiancé today. What am I going to do with you?"

"I am sure you'll think of something," he said suggestively.

I blushed, immediately betraying myself. "Yeah, I'm thinking plenty of things but you are such a tease, you won't let me follow through with any of them," I complained aloud, a bit surprised at myself, but he started this.

"I do enjoy flirting with you, Bella. Can you blame me?" His voice was light but his eyes were dark.

"I can blame you for not following through," I retorted.

"That is not the point of flirting. Not everything must be taken to a conclusion."

"Well I would like to be taken to a conclusion," I huffed, "before I get very much older." Last night's experience had just made me long for more.

He smiled broadly then, as if very amused by something I said but I didn't believe he would tell me what it was.

"What's so funny, Edward?"

"When we return home I think I may christen the Volvo, 'Conclusion.'"

I giggled in spite of myself. He was being very naughty this morning, just like a normal teenage male, having fantasies about me in the backseat of his beloved car. Who knew? He would never stop surprising me. I thought this might be a good time to turn the tables on him.

"Edward, all this has made me think." I felt his body tense. Good. This time I wanted him to be worried. "As masochistic as I have been in the past with you, I'm beginning to see a pattern. You attract me, then you leave me, then you come back."

I leaned back and glanced at his face. His topaz eyes were now filled with dread.

"I'm pointing this out now because I want you to know that I will not accept your ever leaving me again. I simply will not allow it. If you ever try to leave me again I will go from masochistic to homicidal."

He was smiling now. He thought I was being funny, but I wasn't. I was deadly serious.

"You can smile, but just know that I mean business. You have been warned."

"Soon we will take vows that will join us together forever. I know I behaved horribly to you in the past, and I will always regret that. I will do my best to make sure you only have happiness in your future."

I couldn't mistake the sincerity in his velvet voice, but even as he said that I could see the sadness in his eyes, knowing he was thinking of when I would be changed and experience the same unending thirst he suffered with. That was going to be my new reality, but as long as he was by my side I wouldn't care.

"As long as we are together, that's all that matters." I hoped he believed me.

"You are way too good for me."

"If you keep telling me that, one day I'm going to believe it."

He laughed. "I will make you believe it."

"You think you can make me believe anything, don't you?"

"Unfortunately, we already have proof of that." He was thinking of that day in the woods again.

"I'm not that girl anymore, Edward. I hope I've grown up since then."

"I know that; you have become a woman. An utterly extraordinary woman."

That reminded me of something else I had been wondering about.

"Edward, what's it like to get up and look in the mirror everyday and never see any change?"

"I don't spend a lot of time looking in the mirror, Bella."

I snorted. "Well, if I looked as good as you do I think I would spend some quality time there."

"Rosalie does that enough for everyone, and you just do not see how beautiful you are."

I smiled shyly and felt myself blush. "You make me feel beautiful, Edward."

His topaz eyes lit up like he had just struck gold and his smile was wide.

"You know what I meant, though. Isn't it a little strange to never get a wrinkle or see yourself get older as the years go by?"

"Yes, it is very strange, but you get used to it after a while. You don't have much of a choice," he said sardonically.

"It's funny, because I always just think of you as being three months older than me. We were both seventeen when we met. When I turned eighteen, I sort of automatically made you eighteen, too, in my head. That's also why I can't turn thirty, because one or two years doesn't make a difference, but a dozen years would make an obvious difference." At this point it seemed silly to try and conceal any of my thought process from him.

"You will always be seventeen in my head, too, but you know it does not make any difference to me what your physical age is. You will only get lovelier with time. I wish you had more time…"

"The only time I'm concerned about is the time I can spend with you. You don't know, but when we're alone like this I just wish you would do it now. Change me now. I'm so afraid something is going to happen before the wedding to separate us and I will never be able to be with you." I was shaking now, and his arms tightened around me, holding me closer.

"Bella, please calm down. Take a deep breath. Nothing is going to separate us now." He rubbed circles on my back until I quieted. His tone was lighter when he spoke again. "Are you just looking for another way to get out of the wedding?"

"No," I gulped. "Now that I know what's going to happen, it can't happen soon enough to suit me. I feel like the Volturi are breathing down my neck, no pun intended, and I'm so ready to get on with it."

"Bella, I have told you their concept of time is different than yours. Even with Jane's recent warning we are not obligated to rush. I will not have you using the Volturi as a reason to marry me."

"No, I'm not doing that, really, but I can't exactly forget about them either. They don't have anything to do with why I want to marry you, Edward. I will just be happy when I'm no longer so breakable," I finished, hoping to reassure him.

"That day will be here soon enough. Try not to rush it. Let's enjoy each day for what it is."

"That's easier for you than it is for me because you're not the one who can get run over by a logging truck. Or drown, or get attacked by a bobcat. Or get a paper cut. Even my slightest movement can lead to disaster."

"You are right about that." He sighed and looked thoughtful, as if he was considering my plea, but he made no other comment.

"There's one more thing," I said hesitantly.

"Tell me."

"I know you've told me I may lose some of my memories of my human life..."

"Yes."

"Tell me about how that works; what I can expect?" My hatred of surprises knew no boundaries.

"It seems to be determined by how smoothly your transition goes. By that I mean, someone who is violently surprised and taken by force can have a very difficult time and retain few of their human memories. Sometimes I think that's what happened with Alice. Or perhaps her human life was so painful she has blocked it out. We still don't know for sure, but in any case, the memories will fade to a certain extent over time. I think it may be a kind of self-defense mechanism."

"So if my changing is my idea, and you do it very gently, I could retain my memories?"

"That's the theory. Your situation is a bit unusual, so we do not have a lot of data we can compare."

"I understand that. I want you to promise me something."

"Anything within my power."

"If I don't remember being human, will you tell me about it? About Charlie and Renee, and Angela…" my voice broke then, and I fought back the tears I felt spring to my eyes. I felt so guilty about leaving all of them, and Jake, but maybe it would be better if I forgot about him. Maybe it would hurt less, and that was the purpose of forgetting.

Edward pulled me closer to him and began kissing my forehead. "Of course I will tell you anything you want to know. Anything you do not remember. You do not have to worry about that."

"I'm afraid I won't remember every minute of our time together, either. I don't ever want to forget the first time you stepped out into the sunshine. Or our first kiss. I couldn't stand it if I couldn't remember those things." I felt the hot tears running down my cheeks.

"Please do not fret about that, Bella. I am sure you will remember all those things. Please don't cry." He wiped the tears from my cheek with his long, cool fingers and then brushed his lips across my other cheek. Then he kissed my lips and he tasted salty. I hiccupped, feeling slightly better.

He smiled down at me. "If you should not be able to recall everything exactly, we can recreate it and then you will have a fresh memory; and if I were being totally honest, there are some painful parts of our relationship that I would not mind you forgetting."

I knew what he meant, but I wasn't sure. The time when he was gone was the worst time of my short life. I wasn't sure if I wanted to remember all that pain, either. Then I had a terrible thought. "What if that's the only part I do remember? Those months when you were gone and I was so miserable?" I felt that time was etched on my soul and as bad as it was there would be no way for me to ever forget it.

"Bella, how can you think something like that? You are supposed to be the optimist, remember?"

I smiled weakly, but I was still worried. "What if I wake up and I don't remember you at all?"

"I do not think that is possible. I believe our connection is stronger than that, but if you did not remember me then I would court you all over again. I would take you to our meadow on a sunny day and I would kiss you just like the first time. I would do whatever it took until you either did remember or until you fell in love with me again. I hope I know how to please you by now, and I will never stop trying to make you happy."

I blushed. He did know how to please me, and he made me happier than I had ever been.

He continued, saying gently, "You know, I believe Alice is planning on having the wedding and the reception videotaped. You could go around and create little memories with everyone there, and then watch them later. That is an option that was not available to any of my family."

"Hmm. That seems like a good idea, but I'm afraid it would be too painful to watch if I couldn't actually remember all those people."

"We could always do it and then you wouldn't have to watch it if you didn't want to. It could just be there as a possibility, if you were ever curious, and we could make copies for your family, to have after you are gone," he said gently.

"I guess that is a good plan. It would be especially nice for Charlie and Renee to have. They could see how happy I was with you, and how much I loved them, even if I can't be with them. Yes, let's do that, Edward."

"You are an angel. You don't care about making a record of the day for yourself, only for your family. I love you so much."

"This is a good idea. I feel much better now. I won't worry about it anymore, and I trust that you will look after me, and guard my memories in case I need a refresher course. You know all the important events in my life. They've all occurred when you were there." I smiled at him, so full of love, and saw that love reflected in his sparkling topaz eyes.

Edward brought his palm to my cheek and then leaned over and kissed me, pressing me back into the pillows. It would be tough for life to get any better than this.

He released me, and propped himself up on one elbow. "Are you hungry? Your breakfast is going to be here soon," he said as he rubbed my stomach with his cool fingertips.

I giggled and nodded. I was hungry. I knew I should get up but this was so nice, I hated to move a muscle.

"Do you want to have breakfast in bed?" I could hear the amusement in his voice.

I guess it was clear that I didn't want to get up but I knew he must have something planned for the day so I forced myself to sit up. "No, I'm getting up," I said as I kicked the covers off my feet and slid off the bed.

I teetered next to the bed for a moment and walked unsteadily toward the bathroom. I heard him chuckling behind me but I kept walking, slowly, until I reached the door. "It's not nice to make fun of the human," I called over my shoulder, which only made him laugh louder. I couldn't help it if I was still experiencing the after effects of our experiment last night.

I closed the door and stepped up to the sink, turning the water on so I could wash my face and brush my teeth. I stared at my face in the mirror, looking for the glow Edward said I had. I thought I looked the same, maybe my skin was a bit flushed, but that was not really unusual for me. My hair was wild, full and tangled like seaweed. Oh, my. I had a lot of work to do before breakfast.

I picked up my hairbrush and began to think about last night. As much as I had feared talking to Edward about Jacob, I couldn't be sorry about the results. He had looked so miserable and I could feel the pain I was causing him but when he finally understood everything, his attitude had changed instantly. I wondered if I would ever be able to keep up with his mercurial mood swings, but I would be happy to spend eternity trying.

After sharing that special closeness with Edward, I began to question whether what I had felt for Jacob had in fact been real love. I couldn't even imagine wanting to experience that feeling with Jake, it somehow just seemed wrong. I had always felt like Jake was family, and then my best friend. He had kept me alive while Edward was gone, and that's when I started to let my feelings get confused.

Edward was so sweet to realize that his leaving me caused as many problems as he thought it would solve. I was fairly confident that he would never run off and do something so drastic again. It was my responsibility to never believe such a lie again, either. For whatever reasons, we belonged together, and I would not allow him to be so foolish a second time.

The fact that he could accept the inevitability of my becoming a vampire was a very good sign. His supernatural strength and mind reading capabilities made him superior in so many ways, and he was used to things going his way. His newfound acceptance of reality was making it easier to talk to him about what it would be like when I was no longer human. This was the most unusual situation; I knew none of the Cullens had asked for what I wanted, so again I was going to be the freak.

I was very glad that even Rosalie was finally coming around to accept my decision, though only fractionally. I knew she still thought I was insane, but she had stopped making things so uncomfortable for me, and for that I was grateful.

About ten minutes later I opened the door to find Edward standing at the foot of the bed, still in his pajama pants with a clean tee shirt in his hands. He was about to put it on but he paused when he saw me.

I smiled and began stalking toward him, my arms in front of me, reaching for the shirt, but just before I got to him I tripped. He took a step toward me and caught me before I could hit the floor. I grabbed the tee shirt with my right hand and circled both arms around his waist, feeling the hard muscles in his back. I pressed a kiss into his chest, where his heart was. It didn't beat like mine, but I didn't care. He couldn't be a better person if he had two hearts. I felt him kissing the top of my head.

"What do you think you're doing?" he asked, puzzled by my attack.

"I thought I made it clear last night I didn't want to see you in another tee shirt," I said as I took a step back and threw the tee shirt over my head, pulling it down and noticing it reached almost to my knees. I smiled up at him and placed my right hand on his chest.

"Your chest should never be covered up, at least not when we're alone together."

"You are absurd, but you know that, don't you?" He looked mystified.

"You just don't see yourself clearly. You're like Adonis, Edward." I sighed in anticipation of our honeymoon, when I would finally get to see all of him as much as I liked. I had a feeling that was going to be a lot.

He shook his head and then looked me over from head to toe. "You look adorable in my tee shirt. Silly, but adorable."

How dare he call me silly? While I contemplated my next move, I half turned away from him and reached both hands between my neck and my hair, which was trapped under the tee shirt. I gathered my hair up in my right hand and used my left to pull it out from under the shirt. I twisted it around in my right hand and draped it over my shoulder.

Edward took a swift step, closing the space between us and pulling me to him roughly. I gasped as I felt his lips on my neck, the shock of his cold mouth against my warm flesh making me shiver as he kissed and licked my throat. I wasted no time in throwing my arms around his waist. He managed to slip his hand under the tee shirt and my pajama top to caress the skin on my back. I pressed myself against his chest, moving one arm to run my hand up his shoulder and into his silky hair.

My neck was being ravished, from the base of my throat up to my ear. He paused to whisper seductively, "If you were doing that on purpose to tempt me, it worked."

It took me a moment to realize he was talking about how I had moved my hair off of my neck. It had been an unconscious act on my part, but one that I would file away for future use.

Edward suddenly straightened up and his eyes traveled down my face to my lips and they darkened as he gazed at me.

He had not spent any time grooming while I was in the bathroom and his hair looked wilder than ever, with a big chunk of it falling on his forehead. I loved it like that.

I could feel that electric current buzzing between us as his lips were only inches away from mine. The wait for him to kiss me was agonizing, but I watched the corners of his mouth turn up in a small smile. He was enjoying this slow torture.

He pressed himself against me until I felt every hard plane of his body. I closed my eyes and leaned forward slightly until our noses touched. He tilted his head and teased my lips by barely brushing against them.

"Edward," I sighed, hoping he could tell I wanted more than teasing.

I heard him suck in my breath and then he pressed his lips against mine firmly. They moved slowly at first, and then he parted his lips and again teased me with the tip of his icy tongue. I smiled and he took that opportunity to slip inside my mouth and deepen the kiss. I was glad he was holding me so tightly because my body was losing any sense of control as I ran my hands through his hair until I was breathless.

He gasped too as we broke apart and I rested my head against his shoulder, panting. "I shouldn't have done that," he said, but he didn't sound like he meant it.

"Hmm… what?" I asked, still slightly dazed.

Before we could get much further I heard a knock at the door.

AN: Reviews equal love, people. I would appreciate hearing what you thought about their Morning After.

I could never have written this chapter without the feedback and advice from my fantastic Beta, Ranma15177. I always value her perspective and she is a tremendous help with every chapter. My original Beta, not done baking also contributed greatly to shaping BMOM. Check out my Favorite Author's List and see their stories, too , you'll be glad you did.