Chapter Thirty
"Yes," I answered the Doctor. "It was worth it."
"Good," he said. "That's all that matters."
I hesitated. "Is it? Is it really?"
He sighed. "Alright, what else is on your mind?" As I hesitated, he continued, "Well, go on!"
I bit my lip. "It's just…I…" I sighed. "I love someone who's evil, Doctor! Who's killed people!"
"I've killed people," the Doctor said. "Every single person in the Restaurant has killed someone. Oh, maybe not directly. But some of them…some of them did. And all the others….they blame themselves. For not being fast enough. For not planning ahead. No matter what, you will always find a way to blame yourself."
"But they didn't!" I said, frustrated. "They didn't kill people!"
"Are you sure?" the Doctor said quietly. "Because they aren't."
"But look at what happened to me," I said quietly. "Yes, it was worth it. But I married a murderer! I killed my sister! Oh, god, what's wrong with me?" I started to cry, putting my head in my hands.
One part of my mind said, God, Rissa, why are you so selfish? It's all about you. What's wrong with me?I married a murderer, I killed my sister. Get over yourself. You're just a selfish, stupid freak.
"Shit," I heard the Doctor murmur.
I looked up. I can't remember the last time he cursed.
"What is it?" I asked.
He grabbed my arms. "Listen to me and listen quick. She's coming! You can't trust your own thoughts, Rissa."
What the hell? "Then what the hell am I supposed to do?" I asked.
"Dream," The Doctor said, locking eyes with me, before everything faded away before my eyes.
Sorry for the late posts, my Internet wasn't working. For the whole month. Well, for those of you like me, Happy Chanukah! (I meant to post this yesterday, but no internet). And for those who are still waiting...don't worry, you'll be getting presents up til New Year's! Sweet dreams. :)