I am such an idiot.

Sugimura gives me somewhere between fifteen and twenty minutes to run away, to escape from Kiriyama's deadly grasp. But I don't, I stick around to watch the fight in its entirety. And not even as an active member! I was given a gun for fuck's sake, and I can't even find it in me, while the two boys wage war with their fists, to find my gun, or one of the many that Kiriyama has dropped, and put a bullet through the killer's face.

What was the point of me staying here? Obviously it wasn't to help, because I completely screwed that one up. And it couldn't have been to watch the fight, either. Because every couple of seconds, I would feel the urge to vomit, could taste the bile in my mouth. I even dry heaved a few times. The blood and sweat and the total savagery of it all – it made me sick to observe the fight. I didn't enjoy a single second.

Why didn't I run away?

Was it because I felt I owed Sugimura something? Because he came looking for me, searched for me to escape with him and Shuuya and Noriko and whoever else? Do I feel indebted to him, that if Sugimura was going to put his life on the line for me, the least I could do was watch him succeed or fail? Or maybe I never thought he could lose, that he's so big and strong and tough that there was no way that he could be defeated.

But he has been defeated. He has lost. He is on the ground, a bullet deep in his gut, fingers sliced off, missing an eye, all bloody and tired and just plain beaten. And, of course, here I am, useless as ever, waiting for Kiriyama to finish us both off. I can see it in Kiriyama's eyes – or maybe a better way to put it is that I don't see it. I see no hesitation, no mercy, no guilt, no shame, no nothing.

I thought Sugimura had killed Kiriyama. We both did. But, apparently, taking a few bullets to the chest isn't enough to finish the boy off. He's indestructible, unbeatable, empty.

A robot.

That's what he is – not human, not even demonic, just a machine. All he can do is simply react to his surroundings, and he can do so with more skill than almost anyone else. How were we supposed to stand a chance against someone like that? How is including Kiriyama in The Program anything more than a death sentence for the rest of us?

Kiriyama stands over me, aiming the gun at my head. Again, I remind myself of how stupid I am, how I should have escaped when I had the chance, how I should have helped Sugimura during his brave battle against…the robot. It's too late for regrets now, because I'm the next name on the list for announcements. My name will ring through the open air of this island, echoing against the waves that surround us.

All the time leading up to this – it all feels like such a waste! The fear of being alone in the playing field, of sensing death slowly breathing on the back of my neck. The terror of waking up in that classroom, of knowing that I would most likely die. And even before that – the stress I would place on myself to complete my homework, the arguments I had with my mother, the flower arranging. All of that, just a total waste of existence!

I stare down at Sugimura, at the fear and pain that are plastered all over his face. I can see it in his eyes – he wants to know why I didn't escape, why I didn't run away. I wish I had an answer for him. I wish…for a lot of many different things. But mostly I wish that he and I had had more time together.

That's when it hits me. He found me, rescued me. I would be dead without his help, without his protection. Sugimura saved my life when he found me out there in the playing field. He gave me hope, made me laugh, and protected me when we were in danger. I couldn't have done any of that alone. My ki, my life force, became entangled with his. If he died, then I would die. It wasn't just his battle with Kiriyama – it was both of ours. We would succeed or fail as one being.

I smile at Sugimura. His eyes widen in surprise. I extend my arms out, wanting to feel his embrace one last time.

I hope he realizes it too. That he and I became a team, a partnership, a fusion. And that I hold no regrets. It was a…nice way to spend my last couple of hours in this world. To feel special, and worthwhile and…

BLAM!