The disclaimer is in the witness protection program, under the name "Er Claim Dis." Ugh. I leave for a few months and look what happens to this site. Damn. Well, here's another uninspired piece of crap from me. Oh, and excuse the grammar.
In a flash of blue-green... blue-greenness, Quicksilver arrived at the doorstep of the Brotherhood of Bayville Boarding House. He sat on the front steps for a few minutes, admiring the clouds.
"Fucking showoff," Lance Alvers said from his jeep as he pulled into the driveway. He jumped out and walked up to the front steps where Quicksilver waved to him. "What the hell? Why are you wearing your uniform?"
"Hmph, I had time to change into it while you were busy driving that snail of a jeep. I changed into it at Main, changed back to my street clothes at 5th, changed back to Quicksilver at the library, had time to read up on Plato and decide that he was egotistical and full of baloney, and then came back here. What did you do with your time?"
"This!" Lance held out a small, pink piece of paper. Quicksilver took it and looked over it quizzically, then a smile grew on his face when he realized what it was.
"This is gold, Alvers. Really, it is! If you have any concept of irony, you'd be smil-" Quicksilver dodged Lance's fist. "-ling, too. As always, I'm the only one with any gift for humor, so I think I'll have to draw a map for the others when I explain it to them."
"Hang on a second there," Lance said. He took the pink paper back. "No need to make a big deal out of this. I'll get this taken care of." Lance looked back and noticed that the paper was missing. He looked back at Quicksilver, who showed him his empty hands and shook his head.
"We-he-hell, what's this little surprise?" Todd Tolensky plucked the paper off of his sticky tongue. He clung to the side of the wall, having crawled out of the window after hearing the conversation outside. "Lance, we told you to take it easy, yo. Looks like you're due in court in three weeks."
"Due in court?" Fred yelled, sticking his head out another window. "For what?" Todd held up the ticket for Fred to see. "Hahahaha!"
"What is going on out here?!" Wanda yelled from her window. "What are you goons up to?"
"Lance got a speeding ticket!" Quicksilver yelled.
"Is that all?!"
X-Men: Evolution
"I Can't Drive Thirty"
King of the Worthless
"Okay, this doesn't look so bad," Professor Xavier said to himself, holding Lance's speeding ticket in his hands. Lance sat across from his desk in Xavier's office. "This would be pocket change for me."
"Whoa, whoa, I'm not asking you to pay this off for me, old man," Lance replied indignantly. "I just needed some legal advice, that's all."
"There shouldn't be too much trouble. You're due for an appearance in court in three weeks, all you have to do is pay the required amount, and that's all... of course, you're a male driver over eighteen but under twenty-five, so your insurance rates will see a significant increase."
"That's what I was afraid of. Is there any way out of that?"
"Well, I do have some connections with the Bayville courts, I could see about getting this stricken from your record..."
"...But...?"
"But?" Xavier smiled. "No, Lance, there's no catch. I'm doing this out of the goodness of my heart."
"No, that's a lie! You're up to something!"
"Nothing at all, Lance, I'm just watching out for the younger generation of mutants..."
"You stay away from me! You hear me?! You're a creepy old man and I want nothing to do with you!" Lance took his speeding ticket and ran out of the office, nearly running into Scott Summers on his way out.
"What was that all about?" Scott asked Xavier.
"Lance has a speeding ticket. I offered to have it cleared for him, but he refused."
"What was the catch?"
"No, Scott, there was no catch." The room was silent for a moment. Xavier watched Lance run through the grounds, heading for the gate. "Well, I was going to surprise him and tell him that I needed some of his blood so I could breed a race of geological monsters, with which I could probably replace the X-Men... they would need only a few hours of daylight due to photosynthetic genes, so I would save a fortune on food, and they could sleep in the caves, and they would be blindly loyal to me..." Scott started to back away. "Then I could take my X-Men and used them for mutant experimentation, and at last, these days of playing the kindly old babysitter will be behind me... at long last, my dream will be realized, humans and mutants will live side-by-side and under my heels, with my race of monsters to ensure that they get along, and pay tribute to me, raising mighty totems in my honor, naming vast war vessels after me! Go forth, mighty geological monsters, spread fear in my name, and trample all who dare oppose my rule!"
"...er..."
"...As a joke, of course. Why would I do something that crazy?"
"Oh... oh, hahaha! You had me going, Professor. Anyway, I'm going to go check on the younger students." Scott closed the door behind him. Xavier wheeled closer to the window as the gates closed behind Lance.
"...Why WOULD I do something that crazy...?"
--------------------
"Okay, it all sounds simple enough," Lance said outside the Smith Driving School at Bayville Mall. Fred and Wanda sat on a bench nearby while Pietro leaned against the wall with his arms crossed. Todd jumped down from the balcony with a soda in hand. "Kitty says I've got to take this defensive driving course before my court date so I can get this ticket cleared. There's a problem, though..."
"It's six hour-" Pietro started.
"It's six hours!" Lance yelled.
"We know, Lance, we were there when Kitty explained it to you!"
"I can't sit there listening to that bullshit for six hours! If I'm going to go through that, you're all going with me! Now let's go sign up."
"Gotta run, two-for-one sale at Macy's!" Pietro yelled as he sped off. Lance growled, then turned back to the others.
"Okay, c'mon, Freddy. You're good at sitting."
"Yeah, I am," Fred said, putting his hands behind his head. "So good that once I sit down, nobody can make me stand up. Hey, looks like I'm sitting right now!"
"Fine, be a jerk. Wanda, Toad, I drive you guys places all the time. How about giving back a little?"
"Drive me places?" Wanda asked angrily. "The only time you take me anywhere is when you drag all of us to whatever stupid concert you want to go to, and it's always me, Fred or Pietro who has to do something to get us all in!"
"Okay, fair enough. Toad doesn't have an excuse, though. I drove him to the hospital a few months ago, remember? When your legs were broken twice over?"
"Yeah, th' X-geeks broke 'em the first time and you did th' encore," Todd snapped, rubbing his legs. "It's okay, babies, mean ol Alvers ain't gonna hurt you ever again!"
"Well, they have regular driver's ed classes. Fred's good, but Wanda and Todd, you guys still don't have them. C'mon, kill two birds with one stone."
"Since you never let me drive your jeep and that's the only car I have access to, what's the point?" Wanda asked.
"I'll take th' bullet for you, babycakes," Todd said nobly. "I'll go with Lance and then I can be your chauffeur!"
"Right, my hero," Wanda replied, rolling her eyes.
"Okay, that's settled, let's go." Lance grabbed Todd's face and forced his mouth open, then pulled his tongue out and dragged him into the driving school.
"HEY! NHO! WHAD AW YOU DOIHG?!?!"
"Why are you being a little jackass?! You just said you wanted to come!"
"AH CHANJED NAH NINTH!" Lance pressed Todd's tongue against the counter at the driving school and held it there with his forearm. The man behind the counter, balding and with tiny eyes, had no reaction. His head seemed to come to a point, making him quite pear-shaped
"Hi, I'm here to sign up for the defensive driving course and my MUTE friend here wants basic training."
"Sign these forms please. Defensive driving will be $25. Basic driver's education will be $70." Pear Man pushed a clipboard with two application sheets. As Todd reluctantly filled his out, Lance reached into his wallet.
"I've got a twenty here. Toad, can I bum five bucks off of you?"
"Gho."
"Then I'm stapling your tongue to the counter!"
"Please do not waste our staples," Pear Man droned. Todd pulled out a pile of cash from his pockets- considering how untidy the pile was, it was all stolen, no doubt- and dumped it on the counter. "This should be enough to pay for your education. Driver's education requires ten hours of class time and ten hours of hands-on training. We have Tuesday and Thursday classes-"
"Fine, can we get this taken care of quickly?" Lance asked.
"Defensive driving begins in half an hour... since our driver's education class is smaller than usual, we've paired them up into one classroom." Lance nodded and followed Pear Man to a small room...
"HI GUYS!" Bobby Drake waved to them. Lance and Todd exchanged tired looks and groaned.
--------------------
"Now I can see why you're here, but why th' hell did you have to shove me into this?" Todd complained. He and Lance sat in the back corner of the room, and unfortunately for them, Bobby had relocated to be with them.
"So Lance, I was talking to Jubilee last night..."
"Drake, SHUT UP."
"No, no, you gotta hear this. She told Jamie that Amara and Rahne were planning a surprise party for Sam-"
"Yo, you know any of those names?" Todd asked.
"Unfortunately, yes, and just because I know them-" Lance turned to Bobby- "DOESN'T MEAN I GIVE A SHIT."
"I give a shit," Pear Man droned from the front of the classroom. "I've lost the lesson plan for defensive driving, so we will continue driver's education as planned. Unfortunately, we scheduled this class for defensive driving, so this class will have to run that length... six hours."
"OH HELL NO!" Todd yelled. He sprang back, but Lance grabbed his shirt before he could jump away. "You ain't keepin' me here for SIX HOURS with ice cube!"
"Be safe drivers," Pear Man stated. "Be safe drivers. Be safe drivers. Be safe drivers. Be safe drivers..."
"He's going to do that the whole time," Bobby explained to them. "I've taken this class twice already!"
--------------------
Lance woke up abruptly. Todd and Bobby were flinging pencils at each other and Pear Man continued his three-word speech. "What time is it?" he asked.
"We've been here for forty minutes," Todd explained. He caught a pencil and then hurled it at Bobby's forehead. "He ain't said anything new."
"I'm gonna take another nap then."
--------------------
Lance pranced around in the land of unicorns. He was the prettiest princess in the land! His beautiful pink gown shimmered in the bright sunlight and he waved his princess wand towards the violet butterflies.
"'Tis a fine day for prancing!" Princess Lance said. Just then- a lion appeared! "Oh my! A noble lion! Have you come to play, or do you wish harm upon me?"
"Not at all, fair princess," The lion said. "I've brought your best friend in the whole wide world for you!" The lion hacked and coughed and spit up a disgusting, smelly yellow chunky liquid, and swimming in it was Captain Toad. He was smaller than the other toads, but you could tell he was the best because he had a captain's hat on.
"That was no fun!" Captain Toad said! "I feel terrible. Say, fair princess, what brings you here?"
"I'm awaiting my sweet prince!"
"Oh! Well, I'm waiting for the number three bus. Would you mind if I awaited with you?"
"Not at all!" And so as Princess Lance pranced with the butterflies, Captain Toad hopped around happily. Just then- a silver wind appeared! In a flash of light, Pietro the Gardener appeared, with his shovel! He had overalls and a wide-brimmed hat.
"I am finished gardening for today!" Pietro the Gardener announced. "I would like to go home, but I must wait for my good friend Thaddeus, who promised to meet me here at a quarter 'til and give me the mushrooms he owes me. Would you mind if I awaited with you?"
"Not at all!" Princess Lance and Captain Toad said, and Pietro the Gardener danced with his shovel as Princess Lance pranced with the butterflies and Captain Toad hopped around happily. Just then- a set of mechanical spider limbs extended from the ground! Mecha Wanda climbed out of the ground. She was little more than a head attached to a mechanical spider, but she did not seem to mind.
"Underground travel can be so tiring on one's back!" Mecha Wanda said. "I should like to rest for a bit, though I can barely move. Good fellows, would you mind if I rested here for a short while?"
"Not at all!" Princess Lance, Captain Toad and Pietro the Gardener said, and Mecha Wanda bopped in place as Princess Lance pranced with the butterflies, Captain Toad hopped around happily, and Pietro the Gardener danced with his shovel. Just then- two rotund children ran up to the group, one with a yellow mohawk and the other with a red one, each coming from opposite directions and stopping next to each other, facing each other. It was the Fred Twins!
"I would go further, but my twin is in the way!" The Fred Twins said in unison. "I only go forward, never backwards or to the side, so I may not go until my brother has moved out of the way, but he is so stubborn, would you mind at all if I waited here for him to move?"
"Not at all!" Princess Lance, Captain Toad, Pietro the Gardener and Mecha Wanda said, and the Fred Twins jumped in place as Princess Lance pranced with the butterflies, Captain Toad hopped around happily, Pietro the Gardener danced with his shovel and Mecha Wanda bopped in place
Suddenly- a trumpet!
"Oh! It is my prince!" Princess Lance pointed towards a stagecoach making its way to the group. Bobby sat at the top, holding the reigns. "Tell me, coachman, has my prince arrived?"
"He sure has, missy!" The door opened and out stepped Sheriff Kitty, big and built with a manly mustache and tough boots, carrying a lasso and two six shooters at each hip.
"Where's mah princess?" Sheriff Kitty asked in a manly voice.
"It's my, sweet prince!" Princess Lance called to him.
"Good, ah've found you at last!" And the two lovers embraced! Such joy was in their hearts! Sheriff Kitty slapped Princess Lance! "Now git in the wagon, we're goin' home."
"But sweet prince, this is my home, and these are my friends!"
"NOT ANYMORE!" Sheriff Kitty slapped Princess Lance again! "Git in the wagon, we're goin' home and you're gonna cook me up a good meal cuz I'm FAMISHED, woman, YOU HEAR ME?!"
"What? You're not my sweet prince!"
"I'm as good as a low-life crazy like you's ever gonna git! Woman you get in that wagon or I'm gonna beat you black and blue and you're STILL gonna make me mah flapjacks in the morning!"
--------------------
Lance woke up suddenly. Todd and Bobby were still flinging pencils at each other. Pear Man's speech was still the same.
"Argh, that dream again... Toad, what time is it?"
"Five minutes after the last time you asked!"
"DAMMIT!" Lance slammed his head against the desk. "That's it. I'm desperate. Drake, tell me about Jubilee."
"Sweet! Well, you see, I had told Roberto that the door was locked, and Mr. McCoy wasn't around, so I-" Bobby looked up and Pear Man was standing at his desk. He grabbed the edges and lifted the desk with Bobby in it high into the air.
"THERE IS TO BE-" Pear Man brought the desk down, smashing bits of it off, then lifted it again, "-NO TALKING-" Pear Man slammed the desk against the floor again, breaking more of the desk, "-IN MY CLASSROOM-" Large shards of metal and wood flew as Pear Man hammered the desk once more, "-EVER!" Pear Man threw the desk against the wall with Bobby still in it and it bounced off, hitting four other students before finally stopping against the opposite wall. Lance and Todd looked at each other nervously. "Now then." Pear Man returned to the front of the classroom. "Be a safe driver. Be a safe driver..."
"Drake's dead, yo," Todd noted.
"Let's hope so..."
"..jubiLeE..." Bobby muttered. He was bloody and bruised.
"Nope. Okay, we need to find another way to pass the time."
"Let's count th' mounds of stucco on th' ceiling."
"That's a stupid idea!" Lance looked up to see that Pear Man was ready to make him his next bitch. "Oh God..."
"THERE IS TO BE-" Lance rolled out of the desk before Pear Man picked it up, but he didn't seem to notice as he continued bashing it against the floor. "NO TALKING IN MY CLASSROOM EVER!"
--------------------
Four hours later, only two desks were left intact, occupied by Lance and one other student. Toad sat on a pile of wrecked desks and the rest all lay unconscious on the floor.
"Be a safe driver," Pair Man explained. "You can do this buy obeying the speed limit. Observe and obey stop and yield signs, and always wear your safety belt. This concludes defensive driving. You will get your certificates in the mail. All driver's education students, I'll see you on Thursday."
"Finally! That nightmare is over! C'mon, Toad, we better get home." Lance and Todd walked out of the driving school and noticed that the mall was close to closing time.
"Hang on a second, I gotta do somethin' real quick." Todd hopped into one of the bathroom halls, where a dark-skinned man wearing a coat and sunglasses waited for him. "Hehehe... hey there, ol' buddy... listen, I need a favor."
"A favor, you say?" Forge took off his sunglasses. "I can make anything for you in six hours time."
"Yeah, get me a fake driver's license, I can't do it th' legit way."
"Done. Come by and pick it up tomorrow." As Todd hopped out, Forge noticed Lance's expression. "I have to fund my inventions somehow, you know."
--------------------
"BULLSHIT," Lance screamed. The Brotherhood house began to tremble and its inhabitants scrambled for cover. "THIS IS SUCH BULLSHIT!"
"What is it this time?!" Fred yelled from under the kitchen table.
"I just got off the phone with Kitty, and it turns out, I had to REQUEST the stupid class or the judge won't count it! I wasted six hours FOR NOTHING!"
"So what's the big deal? Just take it again!" Pietro said from the stairs. "It's not like you were going to use that time for anything else."
Lanced hated it when Pietro had a point.
--------------------
"Well, well, well," said Judge Gordon. Rather than meet in the courtroom, Lance went straight to Judge Gordon's office. Unfortunately for Lance, Judge Gordon had presided over every single Brotherhood trial... not counting the incident the previous year involving Pietro and a gas pump. "Mr. Alvers, nice to see you walking into my office under your own power. To what do I owe this honor?"
"Speeding ticket," Lance muttered.
"Speeding ticket! Alright! Alvers scores another one!"
"Yeah, yeah... listen, can I take a defensive drivi-"
"Alvers on the ball again! What happened, your white-haired buddy couldn't carry you fast enough? Oh! Score one for Gordon! How do you like them apples, Alvers?"
"Can you please stop that?"
"Alvers wants the judge to stop! Ain't gonna happen! Alvers just got OWNED!" There was a moment of silence. Judge Gordon continued, in a calmer voice, "So, you plead guilty to the charges?"
"...I could plead non-guilty?"
"Yes. Do you?"
"Uh... I plead non-guilty. It wasn't me. I'm not continuing until I have a lawyer present."
"Did someone call for an attorney?" Pietro asked as he zoomed in and sat on Judge Gordon's desk. "My client, Mr. Alvers, denies all charges that you have so callously brought against him."
"Tell him, Pietro!"
"Do you have any evidence?" Judge Gordon asked.
"Uh... uh... give me a moment to speak with my client." Pietro pulled Lance's chair to the other side of the room. "Well, what now? Do we have any evidence?"
"Why are you asking me? You're the lawyer here!"
"No, we're co-lawyers!"
"I'm not representing myself!"
"Okay, so we don't have any evidence, fine..." Pietro rubbed his chin. This was clearly a sign that he was smart!
"You know, you have until the next court date to gather your evidence," Judge Gordon told them from across the room; whether he had heard anything they said was a mystery to them. "Since I've got a pretty free schedule with the FABULOUS X-MEN helping to prevent so many crimes, I can squeeze you in this Friday."
"Right, thanks!" Lance waved insincerely.
"That gives us three days," Pietro noted. "In that time, we can make up some evidence and get your record as squeaky clean as my smooth, soft yet firm behind!"
"Pietro, you know I hate it when you use metaphors. Our cash reserves are running low, so I guess we have no choice. Alright."
--------------------
"Okay, so this is the spot where I got pulled over," Lance explained to Pietro and Fred. They stood at the corner of Main and Fifth sometime past midnight. Lance's jeep was parked where he had been stopped. "It was about ten seconds between the time the sirens turned on and the time I pulled over. I was doing sixty in a thirty zone, so going at sixty miles an hour means that in ten seconds I covered... uh..."
"Er..."
"Uh..."
"Less than a mile," Lance said. "Okay, point is, the sirens started when I drove past Burger King. How far is it from here to there?"
"Er..."
"Uh..."
"Less than a mile?" Fred deduced.
"Right, so that means that any evidence against me would be found between this street corner and Burger King." Todd landed in the jeep after a long jump, putting his feet on the dashboard and his hands behind his head. "Took you long enough. Are you done scouting?"
"Yep. Checked every street sign and traffic light around th' street, no cameras, no detection devices, nothin'."
"That's a start. Now, first thing we need to do is-"
"Get back in the jeep and drive back home!" Cyclops announced as he appeared with Jean Grey, Nightcrawler, Shadowcat and Rogue.
"Aw, geez... look Summers, we're just looking for a way out of a speeding ticket, WHICH I DIDN'T DESERVE," Lance lied. "C'mon, tell him, Kitty!"
"Well... sorry, Lance," Shadowcat replied. "Orders from the top, what can I do?"
"Look at us! We're not even dressed for battle!"
"That's funny, because we are!" Pietro dodged Cyclops's optic blast and let it hit Lance, who fell back against Fred. Pietro dashed towards the X-Men, but he was lifted off the ground by Jean's telekinesis. Todd jumped on her shoulders and pushed her to the ground, freeing Pietro, who ran behind Cyclops and pushed him to the ground, but Shadowcat tackled him and phased him through the sidewalk, trapping him halfway in.
"Hey, hey, HEY!" Fred grabbed a nearby car and hurled it at the X-Men, nearly hitting poor frozen Pietro. "WATCH IT YOU BRAINLESS BAG OF BLUBBER!"
"I gotcha now!" Todd yelled, jumping towards Nightcrawler, only to catch smoke. As he looked around, he saw an outstretched palm... "OH HELL NO!"
"Get back here swamp-breath!" Rogue yelled. Todd hopped away, but something hit him in the back and sent him back in the opposite direction- an optic blast. Todd flew threw a department store window, lying on the ground among littered glass and broken mannequins and torn clothing.
Jean deflected another car thrown by Fred then lifted herself and Rogue off the ground as it began to shake.
"HEY, WATCH IT!" Pietro yelled, still trapped under the sidewalk as cracks appeared in the concrete. Nightcrawler jumped onto Lance's shoulders and wrapped his tail around his chest, then jumped forward and hurled Lance with him, right against a news stand, shattering it.
Now there was just Fred. Cyclops, Nightcrawler, Rogue and Jean regrouped and he started to back away.
"Hey Freddy, what are you doing here?" Wanda asked as she walked out of a book store holding an Anne Rice novel.
"Uh... just chatting with some old friends," Fred said, looking at the X-Men with new confidence and crossing his arms.
"Oh. Hey," Wanda said insincerely. Turning back to Fred, she asked, "Are the others around? If you see them, tell them I'm not going to be home for dinner."
"Well I dunno, I'm not sure where the rest of the guys are..." Fred said suspiciously, raising an eyebrow and grinning at the X-Men slightly. "In fact, I'm getting kinda worried. Maybe we should look for them."
"Zis isn't looking good for us Scott," Nightcrawler panicked. "You remember vhat happened last time she was here, don't you?! DON'T YOU?!"
"Alright, alright... I'm sure the court won't believe whatever evidence they can come up with. X-Men, retreat!" Jean lifted Cyclops and herself into the air and Nightcrawler teleported with Shadowcat and Rogue. Wanda scratched her head.
"What was that all about?"
--------------------
"Well, there's good news," Lance said to the assembled Brotherhood members in the hall outside the courtroom. "I just have to take that stupid class again and the X-Men have to pay some property damage."
"I'm guessing by the look on your face that there's some bad news," Pietro asked.
"Yeah, there- hey, where was my attorney when I needed him?"
"Uh... sorry, I was caught up in paperwork. Red tape, litigation, you know how these things are."
"Yeah, really. Bad news is... I agreed that we'd all do community service to pay for the damage and to pay off the ticket... department store damage, two cars and fees for the excavation team that had to dig YOU out of the sidewalk... since we can't pay any fines because we're poor as dirt and minors can't do jail time, and as the adult, I can't leave you."
"Hey, I thought at least two of us were 18," Wanda said.
"Yeah, I dunno. Fred might be 18. Fred, are you?"
"Huh?" Fred looked up from his bag of chips. "Sure, why not?"
"NO! You're supposed to say 'no'!" Lance yelled.
"Uh, okay. I'm your kid. Give me some money, dad."
"Haha, yeah!" Todd added. "I need th' keys to the car, dad, I'm takin' Suzie to th' ice cream social! It'll be swell!"
"See, it was funny until you killed it," Pietro told him. "Stop. Just stop. What kind of community service are we talking here?"
"Uh..." Lance's eyes darted around. "Well..."
--------------------
"Now this is just cruel," Pietro complained. He wore an orange vest like Lance, Fred and Todd and dragged with him a garbage bag. Their mission was to pick up litter along the road next to the Bayville Mall. "C'mon, just let me whiz through here, I can get all this junk trapped in a whirlwind and fling it out of town in five seconds and we'll all have the rest of the afternoon off!"
"For the last time, Pietro, it doesn't work like that!" Lance yelled. "It's not how much work we do, it's how much time we take! It's basic contract labor, don't you know anything?!"
"Yeah, so maybe when we get this done they'll assign us to a nursing home or something, then at least we'll have air conditioning and some poor stooges to amuse us! And how come Wanda doesn't have to work?"
"Because I didn't do anything, genius," Wanda said, sitting in the driver's seat of Lance's jeep. "I'll be back to pick you guys up later. Lance, you don't mind if I drive around for a while, do you?"
"What the-?! Yeah, I do mind! That's my ride!"
"Well... I'm going to drive it anyway. Later!"
"Hey! HEY! GET BACK HERE!" Lance yelled at the jeep as it sped away. "AT LEAST PUT SOME GAS IN IT!" As the jeep turned at the next street, another car pulled up next to them, with the words "SMITH DRIVING SCHOOL" written on the trunk.
"I GOT MY LICENSE!" Bobby Drake yelled to them. Pear Man sat in the passenger's seat with his usual look of indifference. "Maybe the Professor will let my drive the X-Van now... now wait, Scott's car! Yes! Rolling in style!"
"We have places to be," Pear Man droned.
"Oh, right. Catch you later, Lance!"
"Ha, ha, ha," Lance muttered sarcastically to himself as Bobby began to drive away, "No you won't." A pillar of concrete emerged from the ground beneath the car, hurling it into the air. It crashed hood-first against the pillar itself with enough force to rain scrap metal and assorted parts along the street. Pear Man had his steabelt on, but poor Bobby fell through the window. No, don't worry, you fucking babies, he's not dead, but he's really badly injured and bleeding. In fact, his head is pretty messed up. But don't worry, Iceman fans, he's still alive! Idiots.
Er. Anyway.
"Now what did you go and do that for?!" Pietro whined.
"Now we just got more crap to pick up!" Todd complained.
"Look at this mess!" Fred yelled. "Hubcaps, cylinders, spark plugs... we're never gonna get all this junk off the street?"
"No, but we won't have to," Lance told them. "We work until our time's up, then we let some other chump deal with this. And besides, look at Drake."
"He has a point," Pietro admitted. "Okay, back to work..."
--------------------
Wanda was cruising along on her way back to the Brotherhood boarding house, passing by Bayville High. She couldn't find anything decent to listen to, so she just hummed to herself. She checked herself in the rear-view mirror.
"These driving glasses are pretty sharp," she said. Looking in the mirror, she saw something else- flashes of red and blue. "Oh no..." Wanda sighed and pulled over. The officer casually walked over to the jeep and leaned in.
"Mornin', ma'am. Do you know how fast you were going?"
"Uh... fifty?"
"Sixty in a school zone. I'm afraid I'm gonna have to get you a ticket. License and insurance, please?"
"Uh... I don't have my license yet."
"Well that's a shame, really, I'm gonna have to put that down." Wanda lifted her hand and pointed it towards the officer. "Mmm-hmm, I know you're a mutant, ma'am," he said without looking up from the ticket he was writing. "There's a bunch of kids, parents and teachers watching us right now, so I got witnesses. This is going on your record either way, so you might as well take it peacefully and save everyone some trouble." The officer handed her the ticket. "Now, I'm a gentleman, so I'll let you drive back to your house without your license, but you have to get that ticket taken care of. Have a nice day, ma'am."
"Yeah... thanks." Wanda shifted gears and drove rather aggressively the rest of the way home. For the first time in a long time, Wanda was a loser and she did not take it well.
The End
Well I can't let Wanda have too much fun. Ugh. Eight months and this is the best I could come up with?