I sit back in my seat silently. I have sticky stuff on my feet. My socks are completely sticky and gross and they are now inside my favorite running shoes. I can barely sit there and concentrate on the movie that I don't really even care to see. All I can think about is everything that is on my socks. Old soda, candy, maybe even some cum. It is like the enemy's army is in my socks. I feel like if I don't get out of there, I am going to die.
"Are you okay?" Derek asks as he looked over. Apparently he has noticed that I am wiggling in my seat. I can't help it. I feel gross. I am on the verge of insanity.
"What?" I question as I look over at him. He has obviously noticed me having my spasm fits in my seat.
"My feet, Derek... They are all ick. I can't take it! I can't take it!" I shout as I jump up. This has happened before. I get obsessed with something. The fact that all of the snack foods that the theater has to offer are fighting on my feet, that has me unnerved.
"Wow... Mer! Calm down. People are looking." Derek says softly as he looks into my eyes.
"I don't care! I. Don't. Care! I can't take it!" I say as I jump up. "You get Mark now. I am leaving. If you guys want, you can stay, but you will have to walk home." I tell him as I rush down the aisle and rush to the exit. I may have a problem, but I can't help it. I have germ problems. I have huge germ problems and they are playing around in the heated environment of my shoes. The bacteria is growing and prospering.
I walk out of there like I am on fire. I swear, if they want to go home with me, they had better start running. Once I get in that car, I am driving off like a madman. People look at me as I rush by. I'm not even sure where all these people are from, considering that the mall is closed. Nonetheless, I do not care. I am out of there. I want nothing to do with allowing germs to grow in my shoes.
"What the hell, Mer?" Mark asks as he rushes alongside me. I don't care if he is mad about the movie. I really don't care about anything. I actually feel my feet heating up. Surely that is the germs growing. It has to be.
"We have to go." I tell him frankly. Between the cum that is soaking my jeans and the sticky socks, I am ready to go insane.
"What's the matter? Sex issue?" Mark asks frankly. I can tell that he is irritated. I pulled him away from a movie that surely, he had watched most of. I was selfish, but you must remember, I am suffering.
"No! No! No!" I say as I rush to the car. "I have to get them off!" I tell him as I get to the car, open the door and begin ripping my shoes and socks off. "Oh thank god!" I say in relief. I stepped in nothing wet. My feet are clean and dry, but my thick socks are disgusting. My shoes cannot be washed. Not without doing some major damage.
"You are fucking nuts, Mer." Mark says in a shocked tone. "What the hell are you doing?" He asks as I throw back my head and take in a deep breath.
"Feeling relieved." I tell him with a nod. "I feel so much better." I say frankly as I look into his eyes. "Derek... Here. Please?" I ask as I hand him my shoes.
"What?" Derek asks as he accepts them and looks over at me. First of all, I am in shock that he accepted them. Secondly, I doubt he knows what to do without me telling him. He is a man, after all.
"Throw them away. There is no saving them." I tell him and as I point to the trash can that is not far from the car.
"Are you kidding me?" Derek asks in shock. I nod my head yes and he exits the car, carrying the shoes. I can tell he is disgusted with me. I guess I can be a bit wasteful. "Someone would have really appreciated those." Derek mutters as he jumps in.
"Well... Maybe someone will get them out of the trash?" I suggest arrogantly. I should be knocked out. At least I can admit it. We remain in silence. They are mad at me.
"So... I forgot to tell you. Mark and I are leaving in the morning. I have to be back for work." Derek says quickly.
I have to admit, I'm a little shocked. There is much to be said about having sex when you want to. Derek is my reliable lay. He is a great man who knows how to use what he has. He is a student in layology. He knows every spot I have, and I have never found anyone who can compare. And now he is leaving. Just like that, he is leaving. I have to admit, that makes me a little mad.
"Oh." I say as I pull the Jeep into the driveway. "Well... That is good." That is good? How stupid did that sound? Stupid. I quickly rush out of the car, feeling the cool pavement on my feet. I rush to the door, ready to run to my room. He is right behind me, and I don't want him to know how I am feeling. "Well... It was good and all. I guess I will see you down the road." I say as I open my door. "I'm tired... So... Goodnight."
"Mer..." Derek says as he grabs my arm. I think he is sensing whatever it is I am feeling. "I will be back..." He says softly. I look at him. He's not a liar. I believe him.
"Okay." I say with a nod. "Okay..."
I'm not sure what it was, but it was something. I felt... Something. I can't explain it. I can't put my finger on it. Something. It was a feeling I had. Not love. Don't even go there. Attachment. I feel attached to Derek. I care about him. I think about him. It's the kind of feeling that makes me wish only the best for him. I care deeply for Derek. But not love. I don't love him.
There is a feeling I get when Derek leaves. It is an empty feeling. It feels like a big part of my life has walked out. I get this way. I get attached to people and then when they leave me, I get more than sad. I have to keep my distance when I know that things will be shifting. Generally I will step aside and begin my disconnect. That doesn't happen with Derek. I don't know why, but it never happens.
I can't sleep. I hate it when I can't sleep. It's torture. You never know how insomnia sends people into insanity until you experience it. You have no control. You can't force yourself to sleep. You can't make it come. Your body starts to ache and your brain quits functioning correctly. God I wish for sleep. Damn Derek, taking up my thoughts.
iI lay in the comfortable bed with my eyes closed. It feels so comfortable and perfect. The bed is just firm enough, the sheets soft and fresh smelling. And then I feel it. An arm. I have an arm laying across me chest. I quickly open my eyes and look over in shock. I see Derek's dark curls laying on his pillow beside me.
"Mmm... You're awake." Derek says with a smile as he looks into my eyes. His blue eyes bore holes into my soul as he looks, reading me so well.
"Uh... Yeah." I mutter as I look at him, him holding me so tightly.
"Mmm... That's good. Really good." Derek says with a smile as he rolls towards me. I look at him with a smile on my face as he covers his body with mine. I feel his lips press against mine gently. I close my eyes as I feel his tongue slide in so gently. I can't take it. My tongue quickly wraps around his, fighting hard as I suck gently. "I want to fuck you." Derek moans as he pulls away.
"Yeah... Oh yeah." I agree as I look down at myself. It doesn't take long to realize that we are both lacking our ever so important clothing. "Just... Yes." I say as I rub my leg along his hard cock, feeling his balls press gently.
"Oh yeah." Derek agrees as he climbs to his knees and pulls my legs, scooting me towards him. "I'm going to fuck you so good in that tight little pussy of yours." He tells me as he bumps the head of his hard cock into my clit over and over again. "Unless... You don't want it?" He asks as he pulls away.
"Oh damn you, Derek! Do it! You know I want it!" I shout quietly as I look at him. "Why? Why? Why do I need you?" I ask as he slides back up between my legs. "Oh god... Why?" I ask myself loudly.
"Why what?" Derek asks breathlessly as he slides himself into me. I know he is feeling my tightness around him. I know he loves it. "Oh god... Fuck... You are tight." He says with a smirk as he fills me to the brink. "Why what? What's going on?"
"Why do I do this? With you? Why?" I ask as he slides in and out, a shit eating grin on his face. "Why?" I ask as he slams my core with his huge dong. "Oh god... Why?" I pant as he slides in and out over and over.
"Oh god... Why? Why do you have to be so fucking tight? Why does your pussy have to be dripping wet for me?" He asks with a big grin as he holds himself up with his hands on the bed. "Oh god... You are amazing!" He says as he takes a nipple in his mouth and sucks gently.
"Oh god...Harder...Harder... Faster!" I pant out as I feel my heart start to beat rapidly. It feels like it is pounding out of my chest, Derek takes a bite of my nipple and smiles as I let out a groan. It hurts, and yet it feels so damn good.
"Ow!" I shout as he grinds it between his teeth, licking it with his tongue. He bites and pounds, all at once. "Stop."
"You know you like it..." He tells me as he looks up. I can feel his muscle pulsating. It wants me. I want him. "Oh god... I am ready to cum... I am cumming. You cum for me... Cum for me... Come on, Mer." He begs, knowing that he is cumming himself.
"Oh god... Oh...oh...oh...oh...ah...faster...oh god...YES!" I scream as I feel myself hit the edge and plummet. My walls contract hard and fast. My feet twitch uncontrollably. My face is twitching like crazy. I am losing control, my eyes rolling back in my head. "Oh..." I whimper loudly at I hit bottom.
"Oh my god... Holy shit!" Derek spits as he shoots his seeds into my core and relaxes his body, letting our reflexes take over. "You are fucking great." He tells me as he lays there on top of me. "I love you..." He mutters as he leans down and kisses me.
"I love you too." I reply with a smile. It feels so right./i
I quickly sit up in my bed, looking around. I can feel my heart beating rapidly. It was just a dream. Thank god, it was just a dream. I don't love Derek. No way do I love him. Damn it. I can't believe that just happened. I must be losing my mind.
--
My morning routine has been shot to hell. It has been shot to hell because I can't do anything but think about that damn dream that I had about Derek. I told him I loved it. Can you believe I told him that? I don't love him! I don't get it. Why would my mind be thinking such things? Why would my subconscious be thinking about sex and love with Derek? All I know, is that I hate it. I hate that I had this dream. It makes me sick. I even disappoint myself.
Somehow I make it through the hell that is this morning. This morning filled with Derek love that I do not want, nor do I truly have. I pull on a pair of jeans and a tee shirt. I have no one to impress. In fact, I didn't even have to do a good job shaving. I love that part of being single. You shave when yo want. Go clean? Sure. Look like a beast? Maybe. You do what you want. You don't have to impress anyone.
"Morning..." I mutter as I stumble into the kitchen. I don't even bother to look up. I don't really care about who or what is in here.
"Good morning." I hear the familiar voice of Derek say happily.
I look up in shock. Derek is there. Derek is here. Derek is sitting at the counter on a stool. I thought for sure that he would be four hours into his eight hour trip by now. No. He is still there. He is still in our house. As my eyes look into his, I have to look away. I can't look into his eyes knowing that I had dream where I was in love with him. If I look into his eyes, he may know about this dream. I don't want him getting the wrong idea. He doesn't need to think I love him or something like that.
"Derek! What are you doing here?" I ask in shock as I look up at him. Not that I wanted to see him go. That void. It's the void that keeps me from being myself
"Well, we don't need to go home until tomorrow. I guess you are stuck with me." Derek jokes with a smile. He has a good smile. A good smile and honest eyes. No, I am not in love with him. I'm just stating a fact. It's the cock I am after. You know I like the cock.
"Oh... Joy." I say with a faint laugh as I grab a cup of coffee. I hope my face doesn't look like my grandma's if I drink all this coffee. Maybe I should switch to tea. Do tea drinkers have less stress and a less wrinkled look about them? Good thing to check out, I guess. Either way, I am drinking it.
"Yes. Joy. Pure joy, actually." Derek agrees with a smirk. He seems to be able to handle my sarcasm better than anyone I know. It's somewhat refreshing. I like someone who can play along in my little games. As long as they let me win.
"So... Would you like some breakfast?" My grandma asks happily. So chipper is she who smokes like a stack in an industrial zone. Perhaps she never saw the black lung that my mother showed me.
"Actually, grilled ham and cheese sounds good." I tell her happily. I like grilled ham and cheese and I swear she makes the best grilled ham and cheese ever.
"Coming up." My grandma says as she gets out the makings for everything out and places it on the counter. She seems so content pleasing others. I will never get how making others happy makes her so happy. I wonder if I will be that way. My aunt isn't. She doesn't care about pleasing others. She doesn't care about the Susie homemaker crap that grandma holds so dear.
"How does it feel to be served?" Derek asks as he looks up at me. That was a bold statement for that little man. I'd like to know who he thinks he is.
"My people love me." I reply arrogantly. They are my people. Everyone is my people. Everyone is there for me because I am so great. And lovely. All that good stuff... It's all me.
I watch as Mark plays around with the radio. I always cringe when I see him doing that. I know what he listens to and I know how grandma reacts. I can just see him blasting it on, and sending her into some sort of fit, rendering her unable to make my sandwich. That would be a true tragedy. I think I would cry, because I am actually hungry. I glare at Mark, and he just gives me a grin. I hope he gets smarter as he gets older.
It comes from nowhere. It comes from nowhere and every time I have the same reaction. I feel my stomach knot up so tightly I can't breathe. It is like I am trapped and I can't move. I can't move and I can't breathe. Everyone emotion that I have ever had seems to mix together in a tornado, right in my core. I tense up. I feel sick. Nausea is at the top of my list at the moment, as is getting the hell away. I quickly turn around and rush out of the room. I hide in the small half bathroom and try to hold back my tears. I can hear them talking, but just barely. I hate them. I hate them all. I have everyone.
"Is she okay?" Mark asks in shock as he looks around. I can only imagine that they figured out that that particular song makes me sick.
"Turn that song off!" My grandma says quickly as she looks over at him. I hear the radio go silent. There is silence throughout the house at the moment. I am sure those two are wondering what was going on.
"What is wrong with the song Heart Shaped Box? It's a good song. I've never heard anyone cry over it." Derek says frankly. I feel my stomach only knot more as I sit on the closed toilet lid. Did he have to say the name.
"We don't listen to that song in this house." She says curtly. I have never heard my grandma be curt in her life. Right now, she is being curt.
"I'm sorry, grandma." I hear Mark say meekly. I just sit in the bathroom and let the silent tears fall. I hate life. I hate it.