Christine could feel her insides shaking. Why had she agreed to allow Suzanna and Cassie to accompany her to the audition? At dinner, it seemed to be a perfect idea. She only saw the support of her best friend and adoptive mother being a benefit. Now that the day had finally arrived, she didn't even want Erik there for fear she would disappoint him, let alone more people to inadvertently let down.
She saw Cassie give her a wide smile and could hear Suzanna rambling on about something but if truth be told, all she could really focus on was Erik's demeanor and what he was thinking her chances were. She looked over to where he was sitting and cursed his flesh mask one more time. It was impossible to really know what he was thinking, unless he told her. She decided to go over her solo again and again in her mind. When Erik selected the piece, she was ecstatic. It fit her voice perfectly and she loved singing the song. A bit of a sharp contrast from the actual character she would be auditioning for but Erik insisted her audition song should highlight her range. He reasoned it would be riskier to go with an obvious choice, rather than prove she wasn't afraid to be different.
Angel, what are you thinking? Do you really think I'm ready? She cursed herself. Ninny! He would never waste his time if you weren't ready. He is far too busy than to go on random audition calls with you. Yet, he hasn't said more than two words to me all morning.
"Christine, darling?"
At first, she couldn't hear Cassie, until the second time she called her name after the proud parent placed her hand on Christine's knee. "Christine?"
"Hmm? Yes, Cassie?"
"We're here, sweetheart."
Christine's heart sank. "So soon?"
Suzanna rolled her eyes. "So soon? I feel as if we have been riding forever. Let's go in there and show them who their new Queen is!"
Erik grinned and exited first to offer his assistance to the ladies. He then popped his head inside and saw Christine holding her head in her hands.
"Christine, what is it?"
She shot her head up at the sound of his voice. "I think we should go home."
Erik shook his head as a means to make sure he understood her correctly. "Go home? Are you ill? Christine we must go inside. What is causing you to act this way?"
"Erik, you haven't said a word all morning. You…..Do you think this is a mistake? If you feel I am not ready, I would rather you tell me than only pretend because you think it is what I want to hear. I need you to be my maestro and not my….." Friend….No, that's not what he is. I mean he is but…
"Christine Daae, you know me much better than to think I would waste my time for amusement alone. I would never come all the way out here with your best friend and mother all so I can have you make a mockery of my tutelage. When you sing, it's me they hear, remember? Why would I risk that? Why would l put you through that, unless I knew you would be flawless?"
"But…..This morning you never said anything to me about…. I thought…" She could feel her face getting hot. "I'm so embarrassed."
He smiled. "Christine, if you must doubt yourself, there is nothing I can do about that. Yet as your maestro, I command you to never doubt me. You have so much potential and you are just 15. Wait! Just wait until you have performed once or twice on stage and we expand your repertoire. My darling, can't you see? Your voice is not only my instrument to mold and fine tune but your voice has become my muse. I compare every note to it."
"And I thought you were the one having doubts….." She let her eyes gaze adoringly at him.
"And I thought you knew I could never doubt you." He then felt guilty. He was so preoccupied about formalities, he never stopped to tell her all the things she needed to hear from him. "I am sorry for making you doubt my sincere aspirations for your success. You will do well, angel and you will not only make me proud but you will finally see for yourself where you truly belong."
She wrapped her arms around him tightly. "Today, I sing for you and only you."
He kissed her hand. "What if you sing to me...And the casting directors, eh?" He chuckled. "We must not keep them waiting."
She nodded with a new air of confidence and took Erik's hand so he could help her out of the carriage. They quickly gathered inside and saw Cassie and Suzanna wave them on as they took their seats in the audience.
"Angel, you must register. Come, we'll get your form. Then I'll wait for you backstage, okay?"
She only nodded, for fear her voice would start to shake prematurely. He squeezed her hand. "Courage, you will be perfect."
When Erik presented Christine to the registrar, she handed him a form and then went to handle another matter. When Erik saw the form he tried to get the woman's attention.
"Madame, if you please. There is a mistake. Mlle. Daae is a solo artist."
The woman looked at Christine and then back at Erik. "That may be monsieur but in an effort to help save time and allow our directors to see who's voice will best match and blend better with others, all auditions must be in a form of a duet."
"A duet?!" Christine's voice went up two octaves.
The woman nodded. "Please complete the form and we will call the number on the form when it is her turn. If she has no partner, we will intermix her with the others. Thank you."
Christine looked as if she was going to cry. "Erik, what am I going to do? All we have ever practiced were solos. I do not know any other piece the way I know this song."
"Christine, don't worry. You will sing the piece you practiced."
"But how? It is not a duet."
"It will be the way we are going to perform it. Now, you just be ready to sing and follow my lead."
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The auditions seemed to move quicker than Christine would have liked and before she knew it, they called her number and was asked to take the stage. She looked around to see if she could spot Erik in the audience but all she saw were Cassie and Suzanna. She gave them a weak smile and moved ever so slowly to the stage.
"Mademoiselle Daae?"
She nodded but when no one heard her she coughed and tried to reply with conviction. "Yes? Er…Yes! I am her. I am Christine Daae, number 42."
"Good, now give your music to the pianist and ….Where's your duet partner?"
"I….." She swallowed hard and was about to say the first thing that could fly out of her mouth, when Erik came galloping up to the stage.
"I will be accompanying Mlle. Daae on the piano as well as in song. Just give us a moment." He took her hand and pulled her back stage. "Now, I don't want you to panic."
"Erik, what are we going to do?"
He took her hand and kissed her fingers. "I know you are scared but that can be a good thing. Fear can turn to determination, which leads to concentration, which proves devotion and pride for one's passion. You will not fail. Now I am going to play this piece for you and you will sing to me. Forget about everything and everyone else. When needed, I will sing along and throw in a line or two on my own."
"What part?" She tried to take the music from him to study his changes.
He pulled the music away. "You have no changes. You know this and you will be wonderful. I will shadow you. I've reviewed the song, angel. It will work. Do you trust me?"
She nodded her head as if it were not even a fair question. He kissed her forehead and whispered, "Sing, my angel of music. Sing to me."
She nodded in assurance only this time she could feel her confidence return, as she walked back on stage. Erik followed and proceeded to go to the piano.
"Mlle. Daae and I are ready."
"What's your name?"
"Erik Dexter." He then began to play by giving Christine the long introduction.
When she heard her cue, it was if someone had turned a light on inside her. She faced the directors and began to sing.
"This affection I feel is hard to understand
It's not the way I planned
My world is changing
Wherever I turn
It's his face I see
Looking back at me
And in my eyes I can't disguise
The affection I feel
Is getting the better of me."
She looked at Erik and kept her eyes on him as she sang the next verse.
"Oh for the first time it's not a dream
Oh for the first time it seems so real
That I want to remember
Every moment
That I'm there beside him
When he gently takes my hand
So here I am
Feeling things I've never felt
And all because of him
My world is changing."
Erik then added his voice to match the last note she ended on.
"She's turned my whole world upside down."
She smiled, hearing his voice match hers and continued.
"Everything that I do
I do to catch his eye
Well and I won't deny
I stand here guilty…"
She nodded to him as if the song was actually forcing her to realize she had done those things on more than one occasion when she was alone with Erik.
Erik kept his gaze on her and sang another line.
"I wonder if she feels the same…"
He then slightly nodded to cue her that the next part would have both their voices join as one.
"Is this affection I feel
Gotten the better of me
So for the first time
Can this be love?
Oh for the first time
I know it's real."
The directors looked at one another as they heard a perfect blend of spirit and passion in two voices that combined to form one perfect blend. Erik played and allowed Christine to take another solo line.
She found herself walking towards him up stage as Erik couldn't help but sing with her once more.
"But for the first time
I understand, try to understand
Yes for the first time
I realize
That all the things that happened
Well they're happening to me….."
Christine then sang out the last line with all her might.
"Every time I'm with that man."
Erik echoed her again.
"Every time I'm with her."
He then allowed her to sing the final two lines, coming in as a background voice that lingered over the tender music. He met her eyes one final time and they sang the same note on the word man.
""Every time I'm with…"
"Could I be that…"
"Man."
The audience cheered and applauded and Christine couldn't remember when she ever felt such a rush. She could feel herself wanting to fly into Erik's arms. Erik wanted to jump onto the stage and twirl her across the floor. He had never heard their voices sound so perfect together, not even in the song they wrote together.
Erik…That was incredible. We were….. She placed her hand on her heart. Every time I'm with that man…..
Cassie and Suzanna looked at one another not exactly sure of what they had just witnessed. Cassie eyed the woman before her that was no longer a little girl, while Suzanna switched her gaze from Christine to Erik and back again.
"If those two aren't in love, I don't know who is."
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A few days later Christine and Suzanna were out riding and had found themselves close to the de Chagny estate.
"I still can't believe I'm even able to ride with you today. I saw that rehearsal schedule of yours, three hours every day after your studies and that's not even including what the theatre wants. My God, Erik is going to run you ragged." Suzanna giggled.
Christine kept a firm hold on Midnight's reins and smiled softly. "Erik is a magnificent teacher and I want the extra time. I realize the theatre has their own musical director but no on one is like Erik. He just wants to ensure I don't pick up any bad habits."
"I still can remember the look on their faces after your soulful duet. I bet they are kicking themselves for putting an age limit on the ones who could actually audition. Truly, Christine the two of you were perfect."
She paused slightly as she smiled remembering the feelings that singing that song with Erik stirred inside her. It did not go unnoticed by Suzanna.
"So….."
"Yes, Suzanna?" It was as if Christine was bracing herself to what was going to happen next.
"Honestly, do I even have to say it?" Suzanna's horse was now facing Christine's.
"Apparently you do as I still have no idea what you are going to say."
"Fine, I'll spell it out for you and won't even try to play coy with my clever expressions. What has changed between you two? Clearly after that song you and he… Christine, come on. You can't say you didn't have a talk about your relationship, can you?"
Her face remained unchanged. "We talk all the time."
"About the next step?"
"What next step? Suzanna, nothing had changed. Erik and I are…"
"Yes, what are you two? Christine, now is the time to talk about your feelings. You have grown up and clearly Erik has noticed. There really shouldn't be any barriers for you two when it comes to that. If you're telling me you two are just close friends, you are lying. I saw you sing together and so did Cassie."
Christine sighed. "She has been trying to talk with me alone ever since the auditions but I can't. What would I say? What if she makes me see that I am wrong to want...What if she doesn't approve?"
"In your friendship? She batted her eyes innocently and then laughed but saw her friend's face fall. "Christine, I'm teasing. I'm sure she just wants to know what the rest of us do." She motioned her horse to move up towards Christine's. "Okay, maybe you can't answer what you and Erik are but can't you answer how you feel?"
"About who, Erik?"
"No, the weather. Of course Erik! My God, are you this dim in classes?" She sighed in frustration.
"Suzanna, I'm scared."
"Scared of what?"
"Everything... And nothing. What if I tell him and he….What if he thinks it is still too soon? What if I'm unsure and it turns out to be a big mistake?"
"Are you unsure? Christine when I saw you two the other day…"
"We were acting. It could have been for the sake of the song. It is a realization piece, so obviously…."
"It was the perfect song. It was a revelation piece, alright. I know about acting and once that song ended, the emotions were still there. Look, you are right. You can't predict what Erik is feeling but you can admit your feelings. Do you love him?"
"Of course I love him. He's been everything to me since I was seven years old."
"Hmm..I never thought you would play words against me. Are you in love with him? Better?" She matched her stare and wouldn't let go.
Defeated she dismounted and walked away from her a little. "What if I scare him away or lose him? I can't. Maybe the risk is too great."
"Christine….."
She turned her head a little and looked up at her friend with sincere eyes as she nodded and whispered, "I love him. Dear God, I love him so much."
Suzanna leaped off her horse. "Then tell him! This isn't horrible news, it's wonderful. And you won't lose him. Christine, I think Erik is just shy. I think you will need to encourage him."
"But he's the man….."
"All the more reason we women need to take action. Our men folk are useless when it comes to this stuff." She laughed.
"But, why would he be shy? We have wanted this to happen, haven't we?"
"Maybe he fears rejection because of his age?"
"His age?" Christine shook her head. "I never even saw that as an issue."
"Well, Erik may think it's too soon for you to consider something serious or he may be feeling as if the age gap is too wide."
"We have everything in common. God, as if age could stand in our way." Christine was now more and more determined.
"Then tell him! He will need to hear that from you. Unless he fears his…"
"His what?" Christine's tone seemed to be a bit on edge.
"Nothing….. How has it been between you two since coming back from the audition?"
"Fine…I mean we have dinner and we laugh and talk and maybe...maybe we tease a little but...We have productive lessons…It's heaven. Yet yesterday he had to return to the Opera House."
"That's rotten timing. Guess it's not always so great to be a genius."
She nodded and the disappointment was evident. "He'll be back in time for your performance, though."
"So, you two are coming together?" She grinned.
"Yes, of course." Her eyes lit up for a moment. "You mean, I should say something then?"
Suzanna shrugged her shoulders. "Might be the perfect outing. Both of you will be dressed up. You'll have seen a marvelous production." She grinned. "And a perfect chance to talk about the audition. Christine, you have to least talk about it. It was obvious to everyone there that you two have something special."
"We do, don't we?" She said it more to herself than to Suzanna.
"Besides he's going to need you to tell him that his face, doesn't matter." She stood and waited for her wrath.
"What did you say?"
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Phillip was inside his study trying hard not to watch the girls. He hadn't seen Suzanna in a few days and the ache of being away from her hit him hard. He was tempted to go out to them but decided against it. He knew that Suzanna would not appreciate him interrupting her time alone with Christine. She would tell him if she had wanted to see him, she would have sought him out. Then she may imply he certainly hadn't been doing that with her. It wasn't that he didn't want to see her more often but lately his free time was not his own, thanks to Raoul's return and Randolph directing some business to Phillip's attention.
When he returned to his studies, the door opened and he made a mental groan, when he saw Raoul standing before him.
"Dear brother, it is good to see you."
Phillip didn't reply. He only brought his eyes back to his book.
"What, no tearful greeting? I've been at sea for a long time. Surely you can have some pity for me, especially after father saddled me with Valerius. My God, the man is useless at sea. Thankfully he is back on land as well." He moved about uneasily in the room. "Come now, Phillip are you really going to just ignore me the whole time?"
"It will be a goal." He turned the page of his book on purpose.
Raoul scoffed and moved to the window. "Say, there's our American diva. What, are you sending her secret messages, lover boy?"
"Leave Suzanna out of the conversation, Raoul."
"Oh, that's right. The last time we spoke her name, I believe I may have bruised that jaw of yours." He smiled. He looked once more and saw another woman with her. "Who's the young girl with her?"
Phillip closed his book, knowing full well he wouldn't be able to concentrate with Raoul in the room. "Christine, of course."
"Christine?" He looked out at the window again. "What is someone like her doing with the likes of Suzanna?"
Phillip now stood and faced his brother. "One more word Raoul, I'm warning you."
"Don't be so defensive. As I recall, Suzanna can hold her own. I was just inquiring about her friend. How long has she known her?"
"You've seen her before. She's Valerius' adoptive daughter."
"The ward?! Good God, what a change. She's not at all the pitiful girl she once was."
Phillip was about to leave when Raoul stopped him. "Wait! Let's go and meet them. They are on our property, after all.
"The meadow is free to passing riders…"
"Come on, you can properly introduce us and it will give you a reason to see Suzanna."
Knowing full well that Suzanna would publically skin him alive him if he brought Raoul around Christine, he denied the request. "I will do no such thing. Suzanna and I happen to not be fighting this week and I intend to keep it that way."
Raoul kept his stare out the window.
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"Christine, we've talked of this before…..Well actually I have but you seem to only know how to be defensive on the subject. You know I like Erik and you two have my blessing to be on flirtation walk and hopefully much, much more. Yet I need to know, is there something wrong with his face? There is a…Well something on the right side and….."
"Please, stop. Suzanna, I love you but don't make me discuss his face."
Suzanna paused and looked at her with care. "So, there is something. Christine, please know that I only noticed because of my time reading make-up books and stage costumes. It isn't noticeable. Have you…..Have you seen what's behind…I mean…"
She stopped her by speaking a one word answer. "Yes."
"And that doesn't matter?"
"Never." Even if Erik doesn't know it, it will never stop my love for him.
Taking her friend off guard, Suzanna took Christine's hand and smiled. "Then I suggest you tell him everything, and start with that part first."
"You're not going to ask me what he looks like?"
"No, why would I? It won't change who he is on the inside. A mask, no matter how scary or beautiful won't change a good person into a bad person or bad person into a good person. It's what's inside that determines ones worth."
Christine wanted to cry. How long has she been carrying this inside her? Not just the last few days about her love for her angel but the secret she alone carried with regards to Erik's face. She hadn't seen it for almost two years and yet she would never forget it. However, it wasn't as much the scars or the missing skin she recalled. It was the immense sadness she saw in his full face, when he thought she could never look with her heart and see the real man behind the self-proclaimed monster. Maybe Erik will stop wearing the flesh mask at the cottage for fear Suzanna will stop by?
"Suzanna, you can never tell anyone. If …"
"Tell anyone, what?" She winked at her. "As I told you Christine, I know all I need to know about your angel. Now what are we going to do to get him to know all about you, eh?" She giggled.
She joined in and realized they hadn't talked of Phillip in far too long. "What has become of you and….."She gestured over to the house.
"Ah, well let's just say you aren't the only one confused."
"What happened? I thought everything was going so well."
"It was….I mean is….Well, I haven't tested the waters."
"What do you mean?"
"With my rehearsals ending so late, Phillip and I see each other at the oddest of hours. Thus there has been no pressure on my part to know whether he is seeing me and damn his father and mother or seeing me in secret. Besides, lately I haven't seen him much at all. His baby brother is home."
"Suzanna, it is obvious he cares a great deal for you."
"I know." She looked up at the house. "But is it enough? Is it enough when the Comte tells him that I am common, American trash and being with me is one-step above marrying a whore."
"Suzanna!"
"It's true, Christine. In their eyes my acting is another form of prostitution."
"But Phillip doesn't see it that way."
"For now…" She then looked at the hoses and back at Christine. "Aren't we supposed to be riding?"
Christine smiled. "Race you?"
"Now, you're talking." She was about to climb up onto her horse when she saw something red on Midnight's saddle. "Christine what on earth is that red thing on Midnight?"
She turned around in confusion and then rolled her eyes. "Oh that." She laughed. "It was with her when Erik bought her and I just haven't had a chance to throw it away. It must have distinguished her from the other folds and since she is so black, the red scarf made her stand out."
"Yes but not in a good way. Truly, that thing looks tattered and torn from where I stand." She went up to Midnight and pulled it out. "Midnight, don't worry about the life you knew before. Christine and Erik will take very good care of you and buy you a new red scar if that is what you so desire." She then pulled it out and handed it to Christine. "Free her, my friend. Only you can."
Christine nodded and laughed. "She's right, Midnight. It's time to embrace your new home."She kissed the horse and climbed up. As she threw the red scarf unceremoniously into the air, she arched over and pulled Midnight's reins. "Are you ready?"
Suzanna grinned and jumped up on her horse. "I'm going to beat you!"
As the girls raced off, Raoul watched with keen interest. "Phillip, Christine dropped her red scarf. Now's my chance to claim it for her and be introduced properly."
Phillip eyed his brother."Raoul, leave it alone. She is Suzanna's best friend. Do you really think you will have a successful meeting?"
He walked briskly to the door. "Don't worry, dear brother. I won't let her poor taste stop me from making her acquaintance." Fear not my beauty, I shall rescue your scarf and let you thank me properly.
A/N: The duet is from the musical Tarzan entitled, "For the First Time" and I think very fitting for our couple. So Fop has entered the picture. I'm not sure about you guys but that red scarf story always irked me. Really was that all he could cling to? So weak I'm about to prove it. LOL