..oo00oo..
Draco
For a second I was disoriented, not knowing exactly where I was, but then I opened my eyes and knew that I managed to botch everything good in my life. I was boyfriendless, going to meet a girl I've never seen before in my life with the intentions of having her marrying me as soon as school was out just to please my parents. Can things possibly get worse?
Since I told Oliver that I was going to meet this girl today, and since he dumped me like an old shoe, I figured I might as well actually go ahead and meet her. At least that would keep father happy. So, most unenthusiastically, I stalked to the shower to get ready for what promised to be a really bad day.
With every step I took towards Hogsmede I felt less and less enthusiastic about the whole ordeal. I even reached a point where I decided I would tell my father that I didn't want to get married and the hell with politics, but as soon as I saw him standing next to the 'Three broomsticks' I knew I'd say nothing.
"Good morning Draco." He said in that clipped tone he always used around me, part disciplinary, part disappointment of how I turned out- all in all, the kind of tone that always makes you feel good and welcomed…
"Good morning, Father."
"This is Anastasia Morgendorpherstern." Boy, am I glad she's the one who will be taking my name… How do even pronounce it? A sudden fleeting image hit me of my father practicing saying her name at home, walking in front of his study's fire and I had to bit the inside of my cheek so that I would not laugh out loud,
"Good morning." I said politely, and she smiled at me. I saw her picture before now, of course, it was in that files my father sent me last week- but truth is that picture did not do her justice, not by a long shot. Anastasia was slender in built and somewhat petite (which was a good thing, I suppose, since I'm not the tallest guy around and it would be dead embarrassing to have a bride that could look down at me), she had waist-long strawberry-blond hair and heart-shaped face, a delicate bone structure that made me think of a small bird and huge midnight blue eyes. All in all, a striking image, something that any red-blooded man would want to call his own; too bad my type consisted of burly Quidditch keepers with cocks to die for…
"Good morning." She said, shit, even her voice is normal- I mean she doesn't do the whole cutsie childish squeal some girls deem cute.
"Well, I'll leave you two to get acquainted," Father said with an expression that was one step down from rolling his eyes at us, "I shall return here at three o'clock precisely to escort Miss Anastasia back to her school." Ha! I knew her last name put him on the spot! Call it vindictive, call it childish but small triumphs over my parents is what keeps me going these days. With a curt nod to Anastasia he turned his heel and marched into the pub to take the floo to wherever it is he was going to next, leaving me and this girl I knew nothing of all alone to stand outside the 'Three broomsticks' like a couple of shrinking violets. Cheers dad.
"Hmm, would you like to, erm, go and see Hogwarts?" And I would like to use this stage and thank my parents for bringing me all the way to where I am today, unable to talk to girls to save my life and with an acute dislike for blind dates.
"Sure." Well, at least I wasn't the only one feeling like an idiot here. We started making our way back to where I came from and I wracked my brain trying to think of something to say that didn't sound too silly, but of course nothing came to mind.
"So, you go to Durmstrang." Told you nothing good was coming up…
"Uh-huh. It's nice there; a little cold but I like it."
"That's nice." Gods if we're going to spend all morning this way I might go insane before we even get to the grounds…
"Hmm, I heard that Oliver Wood is teaching in Hogwarts this year." Oh, Merlin, this is going to be even worse than I thought.
"Yes." I confirmed and watched in rapt amazement as Anastasia's face lit up like a bloody Christmas tree, and she almost physically transformed from a shy girl out on a date with the last person she wanted to see to a squealing fan-girl. That was quite scary and painful too, since she grabbed my arm in a vice-like grip,
"Oh my gods! You have to take me to see him! You have to!" First of all- no I don't, second- ouch, and third- not on your life, girl! Get a grip over yourself woman!
"I don't know where he is right now." It wasn't really a lie, but it was all true either, because if I really wanted to I could locate him, I suppose.
"That's alright," Anastasia said bravely although her face crumbled in defeat and a little disappointment for my inability to accomplish even the simplest thing- we are just going to have the best marriage life ever! "Why don't you show me the Quidditch pitch, his first pitch, this is so exciting…" And just when I thought I might be lucky and find a normal girl, someone in a Pansy calibre, she turns a mad fan on me… just my luck I suppose.
Unable to think of a better plan I did as she requested and led the way to the Quidditch pitch, desperately wishing I had a time-turner so that I could skip ahead a couple of hours and have this horrendous nightmare over and done with. But I should have known things wouldn't be that easy, not for me anyway, not when I want them to be and not when the person I least wanted to see (both for his sake and mine) was striding towards the pitch. Anastasia grabbed my arm so strong I actually felt it cut my circulation but I didn't protest because right now seeing Oliver was painful than anything she could do to me. Soon I found myself being dragged unceremoniously behind a squealing demented teenaged girl towards my ex-boyfriend as of yesterday at 10:36 p.m. before we managed to get close enough for Anastasia to drool all over Oliver though, another figure strode towards him in a brisk pace,
"Wood!" Anastasia and I watched in rapt amazement as Pansy reached to him and using all the inches the good gods graced her with (not too many compared to Oliver, really) and swung her arm back only to have her hand land on Oliver face with a resonating and quite a satisfactory smack! Anastasia gasped as if she was the one struck and I wanted to go and kiss my best friend. Fuck, I wish I could marry Pansy, if I have to marry anyone of course, we'd make a great couple- we like each other, we understand each other, we would not stand in each other's way for happiness in the arms of others! The only problem I can foresee is Pansy wanting to share boys…
Before we could react Pansy was gone, back to the castle (probably to nurse her aching arm after smacking that cement jaw…) and Anastasia dragged me towards Oliver who was standing there, a little disoriented and nursing his cheek.
"Oh, Merlin, we saw the whole thing, you should sue her!" She cried, from the stony expression on Oliver's face when he turned to see who was talking to him I could tell that we were the last people he needed to see right now. Not only did I dare to show up at his flying sanctuary (I know that he goes down to the pitch whenever he's upset and needs to let out some steam- so he does have feelings, see I knew I liked him for a reason…), but I had the unnerving gall to bring the girl that we broke our relationship over.
"Its fine," He said stiffly, not looking at Anastasia at all, but locking his eyes with mine, a vortex of feelings running through them that I didn't and couldn't tell for what they really are. "I guess I had it coming for me."
"I'm Anastasia Morgendorpherstern, your biggest fan, but you can call me Nessi." She declared in a cheerful voice and I was amazed to feel a little pang of unjust jealousy- how come I wasn't invited to call her Nessi- I'm to be her husband for the love of…
Oliver turned his gaze slowly to her at the mention of her name and took a proper look at her, tilting his head to the side,
"I know you, you're Harris' girl." I swear that Anastasia was not just beaming, she was bloody glowing!
"Yes!" she cried and then turned to me, "My father is one of the C.E.O.'s of PU." I nodded with a slight smile and tried to stay put and not slink away and leave the pair alone like I so desperately wanted to. "Fuck, I was so sorry to hear of your injury, nasty, ghastly business, but I heard you're all better now, so when are you coming back to play for the blues?" She said all in one breath, figures that my father would find me a girl that could talk by the mile… she could even out-talk Daphne Greengrass and that no easy fit to pull, trust me!
"I'm not going back to PU," Oliver said quietly and I just knew he was bursting to get everything he ever had against Puddlemere United off his chest, but figured that Anastasia wasn't really to blame for any of it, so he informed her in a tight voice, "I'll be playing for the Montrose Magpies next season."
"Oh, shoot! Now I'm going to have to start supporting the Magpies…" That brought the first real smile to Oliver's face this morning, albeit a small one,
"Thank you so much for that, Miss Morgendorpherstern, you certainly made my day." Which I suppose could be interpreted as a jibe against me… I watched with slight nausea the way Anastasia was cooing over Oliver and prayed to any god I knew that this was not how I was looking when I was around Oliver.
"Come on, Anastasia, we still have a lot to see." I said stiffly and tried to pray the swooning girl off of Oliver, even though a part of me wanted to punish him for what how he treated me last night and that meant leaving him in her merciless well-manicured clutches, but I guess I'm a sucker for everything Wood…
It took a while but eventually we managed to get out of sight of Oliver so that Anastasia could regain some sort of ability to talk normally again. I was really scared she might decide she wants to see Oliver's first potions class, or first astronomy class or whatever else her crazed mind would come up with so I tried a different tactic,
"It's such a beautiful day; let's go for a little stroll around the lake, instead of being cooped up in a stuffy castle." Anastasia gave me a shrewd look from under her long lashes and I knew that the ditzy appearance have fooled many before me.
"Come on, then." She said and grabbed my arm, nearly skipping her way towards the lake. Against my better judgment I discovered that I'm actually beginning to like her. We walked for a short while in silence until we found a nice spot to sit in the shade and talk, not that I really wanted to talk but the Hogwarts Lake can only hold that much interest…
"So, tell me all about the wonder that is Draco Malfoy." I picked at the grass and tried not to smile, because that wasn't funny, really,
"Not much to tell, I'm sure you got all the information before hand."
"Yeah, all the boring stuff about school and family, but I want to know the real Draco. Do you have a girlfriend?" And that's where it got sticky…
"Erm, no."
"I bet you're one of them 'ladies guys' that girls keep swoon over and are just lining up to get a piece of you." She said with sparkling eyes and a dancing smile and I couldn't help but grin in return,
"Hardly! I'm not exactly build for flings."
"So how come you don't have someone?" I ducked my head and looked at the grass again, picking at it more furiously and trying to keep my blush at bay,
"Oh… I see, you do have someone but you guys broke it off when you came to meet me." I looked at her in complete puzzlement, she's bloody good…
"How…"
"My boyfriend threatened to do the same." She smiled sadly and I gathered my knees to my chest, well if we're playing the honest game, I guess now it's my turn,
"Well, it's a little complicated…" I stammered,
"So you and you girlfriend didn't brake up over me?"
"No, and yes," before she could look anymore confused I elaborated, "We did break up because of you, but he wasn't my girlfriend." And I think that this is the closest I ever got to actually tell someone I'm gay…
"What was he like?" at this point neither of us was looking at the other, just staring out at the lake, it was easier that way I suppose,
"You just met him." I clenched my jaw and waited in rapt fascination for her to react, she didn't disappoint,
"Oh my gods, I'm trying really hard not to squeal here… so I'm just going to say that I think it's the cutest thing I've ever heard!"
"Yeah, well, it doesn't matter anymore, does it?" I picked up a small stone and tossed it across the lake furiously,
"Was that slap in your honour then?" I chuckled softly,
"Yes, Pansy is my best friend."
"Bet you'd rather marry her over me any day." Ok, now she's starting to get really scary, is Legilimency a required course in Durmstrang?
"I don't really want to marry anyone." I confessed softly,
"What would you like to do?"
"Potions." I almost whispered the word and was mightily surprised when Anastasia pushed me hard and just because she caught me by surprise I fell to side awkwardly,
"Shut up! Me too!" She squealed again, that sound is getting a little irritating, I don't mind telling you. I sat back up, smoothing my hair and trying to look cool and collected, as if I wasn't just tossed about like a bloody quaffle by a girl half my size… "I got accepted to the Institute for next September, but my parents will never let me go…"
"Mine either." I said with a sad smile, I wonder how the 'National Institute of Potions Making' is still surviving if half his potential students are on the 'maybe' list. We sat there in silence for a few more minutes, binding our time and lamenting our constricting life. Well, at least I was, I bet Anastasia was just sitting there imagining Oliver nude.
"Hey I know," She cried out and I automatically flinched, she's not going to get me a second time! "Why don't we make a pact?" I turned to her and raised my eyebrow in that aristocratic move I was so famous for,
"A pact? What are you, twelve?"
"A pact that we are both going to meet in London in September at the institute." I looked at her dubiously, but she didn't phase out, "Think about it, we're going to meet either way, will it be the institute or will it be our wedding?" Are those my only options? Gods I'd rather be dead… Anastasia stuck out her hand and looked at me expectantly, and after a while I gingerly reached my own hand and shook it.
"Great, see you in September." She declared with a huge smile, and I had a feeling our bargain was somehow completely screwed up. Anastasia glanced at her wristwatch and sighed aloud, "Come on, we better head back to the village, your father will be there to pick me up soon." I helped her up and we brushed the grass off before heading back towards the gates.
After deposing Anastasia safely in my father's care and only earning one suspicious glare from Lucius (a success in my book) I returned to the castle, desperate for some release but then I remembered I didn't have anyone to go to but my right hand. So I opted to go to the prefects' bathroom because at least there I could relax and submerse my sorrow in colourful bubbles.
I was lying there amongst the bubbles, feeling very relaxed and in sync with the universe, which is to say, I was shedding as many tears as there were bubbles around me. This is so unfair. It's the first time I was loved, the first time I felt worthy enough of myself just because I knew that I was the one who put these little sparkles in Oliver's eyes, and now… I bet Eva would say something about my insecurities and how I hide behind a mask of egotistical snobbism just so that no one would be allowed in. she'd probably say something about how Oliver managed to slink in under my defences and bring out the real Draco… Well, right now her glorious son is doing heavens know what but not with me! I bet he'd have a new lover by the end of the weekend… oh, Merlin, he's going to have a new lover by the end of the weekend and he's going to forget all about me! A sort of Thanks for the lovely shag but it's time to move on to bigger and better things! Well, bigger in the metaphorical sense, I hope… Oh, no… his new lover is going to be hung like a horse… Wait, that doesn't make much sense, Oliver's the top- most of the times. He's new lover is going to be gorgeous, everything that I'm not, tanned and muscular with a toned body and dark eyes and hair and a fucking sexy Italian accent!
I think I've been in the hot water for too long…
After dragging myself out of the tub and returning to my room I was again plagued with those horrible thoughts. Oliver was going to snap his fingers and replace me just like that! After all, what does a seventeen years old slip of girly boy holds for someone like Oliver Wood? He needed someone to get off on while stuck in this castle and silly old me, all starry eyed and fantasies of Quidditch players just couldn't wait to get laid for the first fucking time in his miserable life. So basically he did me a favour… Ever so grateful Oliver Wood.
I'm so pathetic… I should just forget all about Wood and carry on with my life, find myself another lover and all that rot. Well, it can't be easy what with seeing your ex-lover at every turn, without the possibility of escaping or ignoring him. But It's only for a month, then I'm out of this hell-hole for good and free to live my life, er, relatively free… alright, free of coming back to this place and that's the only free I'll probably get. But I can do it, so what if this up coming month is the most important month in my academic career here, so what if I couldn't possibly concentrate on any of my classes because I'll be miserable and depressed the whole bloody time… I don't have a choice…
I can't even burden Pansy with this, not when she's all happy and giggly basking in her new love, fuck she looks the way I did only seven months ago… Fuck can it be this long? It feels like we've been together for years, what with the fact we had so much bad shit going down between us and we can't seem to agree about anything, what the hell has kept us together for so long? Is it because of the sex? Gods I hope that's not the only reason, though no one can diss that! Seven months… And I don't even have anything to compare it to, but I can say for sure that it's Oliver's longest relationship, yes; we've broken the Peter record by a little over a month. Do you think we lasted that long because we're both cupped up in this castle and we just didn't have a choice?
Whatever the reason is, I'm pretty sure this is the worst I felt ever.
A/N: 'I'd rather be dead' is a phrase that one of my friends always use, for pretty much everything. You'd be amazed how well this works.