AN1: Easter miracle. That's what this chapter is. I am so tired I can barely see what I am typing but I know you'll forgive me… (Another Easter miracle, this time for me, I hope.) So, this chapter isn't as long as I would've wished but some things happen, things are about to happen, as always. But thank you for reading, hope you like it and oh, beg you, check out the new poll!
On with the reading:
From the last (previous) chapter:
A destination I didn't know about, but in my heart…I knew.
'I need to be oblivious to where I'm being taken.' I told myself.
But I wasn't.
There was a battle within me that struggled to fight back, for it knew the destination, it was what awakened my senses because I felt the ground colder, the wind whispering to me as if a spell was put on it and I was getting closer to it with every step and my body was only a tool where these battles were carried but it wasn't about me, no, it wasn't only about me.
There were so many souls involved, so many innocent lives at risk and so many who were responsible.
However, none of that could stop my legs from moving.
Not even Ryuu's scream when he spotted my red eyes but then continued to walk, ignoring and accepting them.
'We're all monsters, no one is normal here, we're all sinners, guilty for what we took and never gave back, so we must pay the consequences. Even if it's a red eye or a dead body, even if it's the blame that you couldn't save a loved one or the spirit to fight for good but being beaten down for too many times because you were always alone. We're all being punished and we know it and all of this, everything, only because…we can't forgive ourselves.'
One step, two steps and then three.
And I fell down.
On…snow.
…
"No! You can take this one," he pointed at the Doctor "but you can't take Naruto! We had a deal; he suggested it and I accepted. Because he, "the 'King' pointed at me "is alive because Naruto said he will be my soldier if I release him. And Cloud came back to me since he doesn't think of you as his King at all, just like everybody knows you're not!"
The venom in his voice, he spit it with every word. And when he finished, the smile returned.
"Go home little brother, and prepare your people, tell them to pray hard because they will die very soon and they will also serve in hell since they served you!"
Words, just words but he turned around and left the room. Cloud remained.
"We take him too." Still in my arms, the Doctor said.
"We can't…" The King whispered and turned around to look at Naruto once again. But he has long closed his eyes as if ignoring us all, or just didn't care what was happening at all and just went to sleep.
"I will escort you outside."
Cloud's voice echoed in the crowded room right into my very being, or maybe, that happened just to me.
Because everything was pure madness and nothing less. As if the cruel reality and the most painful nightmare collided in one. No one seemed whole anymore, something precious has been ripped, stolen from each one of us. And there were only two options left: fight or die.
As if in a dream, we got up from the ground and behind our real King; we walked through the dark corridors, escorted indeed, by Cloud.
It pained me to watch him with such empty eyes, wanting nothing but to see us gone.
"What happened to you, Cloud?! I don't recognize you anymore! What did he do to you…?" I cried to him as only ten steps distanced me from the snow outside.
"He offered me what you've never been able to give me."
All the color drained from my face as the huge door closed in front of me.
We walked through the snow looking pathetic. Like beaten dogs returning home with their tails between their legs. I couldn't take the silence and still, I couldn't take another word being spoken.
But after all, there was nothing left to be said.
We've been defeated.
Each one of us.
…
"Look, I know you're all down now but you must be wise and go on with your head up, we aren't dead…yet, we must fight and make the best of it, we have a Kingdom to save dammit!"
"Are you really listening to yourself, Rafael?" The brat King asked me.
"Of course I am brat!"
"No, you're not. Did you see or hear anything that just happened back there?"
"I've been there brat, I remember everything perfectly."
Naruto's eyes, your eyes, Noah's eyes, Ryuu's eyes and even my own; our voices and our pain, all of these things seemed almost touchable in that damned room.
"Yet you didn't understand a single thing! We're at war, Rafael! We risked everything for Naruto! Who's not even in his right mind anymore! You said it yourself, it's all been futile!"
His face was too close to mine, all that he is emanated anger and disappointment. And behind him, Ryuu and Noah looked at the ground, at the white immaculate yet cold snow.
"No. Brat, you're the one who didn't understand anything! It doesn't matter that Naruto isn't himself anymore; all that matters is that he's alive! And that now we must save both him and your damn Kingdom, that we must return immediately and make a plan to fight back and win this war! We mustn't lose! And then we'll get Naruto back, even if we have to rewrite his whole damn blond memory, we'll take him back the way I told you to take him back in the first place! Not sneaking in secret corridors, or bowing our heads to your brother but fighting because the truth you didn't want to see brat is that your brother wants what is yours, and he took what was most important to you, he took Naruto from your Kingdom! And we must take what's ours, back! That's what I understood."
…
The lone source of light, now, gone.
Left only in darkness and silence. I don't hear a thing or see anything.
But I continue to search and I invent bodies and faces with the shadows of the room.
My whole body hurts and soon, my eyes start to sting from forcing them in the darkness without even letting them rest for a second.
'Weird…I thought I heard or…saw…Sasuke. It must've been my imagination.'
The new (actual) chapter:
The moment when everything is in your hands, weighting way too heavy on your shoulders, breaking your bones since you're the only one carrying it all. You can hold it in, that's what you continue to tell yourself since you refuse to let the frustration out even if you're struggling with rocks that aren't even yours, but truth be told, one can only hold on for so long.
Chapter 37: Dirty talk
Brats are brats for good reason right now.
That's what they must think. But all the brats are currently sulking as if the war hasn't started. Well, indeed, we're on the 'sunny' side of this island. Nonetheless, just when we arrived back with God knows what help since we didn't even saw the cat anymore, we were just…transported, and then I realized how much I've missed the sun, the sand and my house. But looking at it only made me realize what I and every person living here will lose.
'Who thought one would get attached to this damn island? Not to mention that one's obliged to live in it so you hate it to begin with.'
Anyway, but that was just me. Since the brats didn't even look up from the ground.
The whole Kingdom of the brat King asked about what happened and celebrated our return, though I realized only then that they don't even know about Cloud not returning, and most of them threw some suspicious glares at Noah and Ryuu but then they all probably convinced themselves we've been gone for so long because we rescued these two brats.
The army didn't see Noah, even if it will probably will be only a matter of time since we're at war and Noah needs to be seen by everybody but not because they have to know about the 'other world' which exists on this island, the one filled with dead people, souls or whatever brats. But that somehow, he survived and he's been gone for a long time but now he's fine and …alive. The only problem will be if somebody touches him or notices he's not breathing.
"Brat." I sigh as I once again knock on the door on the 'oh so mighty King' brat. Who, has apparently, instead of reaching maturity, grown younger and retard.
"Don't make me break the door." I threatened.
It's been a couple of days since we came and I've treated anybody that needed me quickly and safe. Though there were only some colds even though we're swimming in the rays of the sun, damn kids seem to be weaker than they used to since the first time I arrived in here. It's like they are cold though the wind doesn't even blow sometimes. Now, more than ever.
I tried to reject the thought and sadly, succeeded, since it was important but at that time I didn't realize.
For I had more important problems I needed to attend.
"Brat, I will shut it down." I threatened once again.
The soldiers had no idea that their training should be more intense than ever right now, that they should mentally and physicaly prepare for a war right now. Not to mention the citizens. They will freak out and it will be a disaster since they will probably find out in the last minute, right before an army of equipped and strong evil men will be knocking at our gates.
But their King has no such worries. He's in his room.
And though I've enjoyed lying to myself with the slight possibility of him making a plan in there, or preparing for it…the time expired. I've done all that I've could've to make sure no problems with the citizens needed to be taken care of, and then went straight down into the underground house where silence and dust bathes just like the sun outside.
'Though I must agree with the kids, it is way colder than usually or my body is still stuck at the low temperature of the winter side.'
"Brat, you know I'll…"
Shot.
The brat just shot through his own door, the bullet just barely missing me and almost hitting me.
"You shit." I said it straight, without any intonation, just the lone realisation how my efforts, my worry aren't deserved, aren't supposed to exist when the said person would be capable of killing me only because the person wants to drown in its own misery.
So I part my lips, ready to say something but that something doesn't come out since I think it's smarter to just keep my mouth shut and get out.
'That will hurt him harder than any other word.'
The only problem is that this isn't about him or about me; this is about the too many people who will die because he's now, not a brat, but a damn lousy useless baby.
'I need to take care of this myself.'
I sigh as I go up the stairs and I don't look back even when I hear something falling to the floor, probably the gun he was holding. And I also childishly slam the exit door so that he knows I am gone, so that he feels guilty.
'Just as I feel.'
…
'I don't deserve to live.' I think to myself as I stare in the mirror while the water's running in the sink below.
I close my eyes, I open them back, I blink once again and then I grab my red hair, harshly.
"Ryuu, get out you brat! Don't act like the damn brat King who's not even a King, but a baby!"
I hear Rafael's tenth exasperated sentence of trying to get me out Sisay's house and also his knocking on the door, never stopping his knocking, but I don't make a sound and though I am fully conscious of the fact that he's well aware that I am in this house, I still remain quiet except for the water running in the sink and maybe the sound of my tears hitting the white texture of the sink. A sound I am sure he can't hear, I can't hear it either and I am the one crying like a fool.
Why all of this?
Well, let's just say I started hating myself the moment I got back. No, maybe, just maybe…since the second I found myself alone in this house filled with too many memories that were created in such a short amount of time but my dreams didn't help either.
So I let my hand touch the hard and cold structure of the scissor.
"Come on, Ryuu! Don't turn into a baby too!"
I pick it up and I pull at my red hair as it hits me the same time another tear finally meets the sink.
*'"You know you can't live without me, you know you love me Ryuu…"
I feel his hand slowly lifting my blouse only to reveal a flat stomach and then I feel his soft lips kissing it, bit by bit, I shifted on the white surface of the bed.'*
"Dammit Ryuu!"
I cut.
*' His tongue slowly works its way up my nipples and his hand roughly grabs my hard erection.
"Nobody knows what you like better than me; nobody can love you like I do, Ryuu." He tells me as one hand starts to rub my pants and the other pulls at my nipple, while he rises his head up and stares at me, smiling, so sure of the power he has over me and I can't fight it or find a reason to say: No, you're not right." '*
"Shh…" I whisper to myself as if calming the baby Rafael's talking about, as the tears overflow and blurry my view as the red hair falls from the top of my head into the sink or on its edge.
And I lose all strength as I support myself by the edge of the sink, my own hair tickling the palm of my hand and as I look down with tears in my eyes, but seeing, I distantly watch the red shiny hair flowing above the clear and clean water that gathered in the sink.
*' "You want me to fuck you, Ryuu?" He whispers in my ear as he slowly bites it and then licks it and I helplessly moan. My pants are long gone and so is my blouse. His big hard on is waiting against my hole, and I can't do anything but moan and try to push it in by pushing myself against it, but he doesn't let me because he just wants me to talk dirty, mostly, ordering me to do it.
"Please…" I say for he teased me so much and so well that I just can't take it anymore.
"Please what, Ryuu?"
"Please, Cloud…"'*
"Cloud, please…" I cry as I slip onto the floor from the wall that's on the right of the sink, with the scissors in my hand, letting it stay on the bathroom floor as the tears continue to flow along with the water. I embrace my knees and I just try to release all the stress and the pain but it's just not enough.
My heart misses him 'cause I've never stood more than two minutes without him since I was a child, he's all that I've got. And the dreams I kept having aren't but a sign that something bad has happened to him, all the dreams. Even if it's us walking in the park we used to go way too often because it was very beautiful and quiet, far away from the noisy world. Or if it's us in the bed making love or in the kitchen making breakfast.
At first, there were just memories of us doing the normal stuff and then the sexual dreams increased, the memories became fantasies and I would wake up with an erection that I paid no mind because the pain and the tears were stronger than any of that. I would sleep day and night, barely eating or getting any rest after all.
My body would tremble and I would be covered in cold sweat. And I'd only fall asleep when the sun would rise. As if its warmth would make it all go away or at least, bearable enough to let the exhaustion take me.
I won't lie though, I tried touching myself but that only made it lonelier. I wanted his hands touching me, I wanted to hear his voice, and I just wanted him to be safe. But I had none of that, not even the certainty that the 'King' didn't kill him after we left.
*' "You like it?" He asks as he slams into me with brute force, I feel ripped in two and I certainly enjoy it too much. The orgasm reached its limit and then it starts the nightmare. I start crying, I start pushing and hugging in the same time. And he continues to ask me what's wrong even when I try mumbling at least a broken: nothing.
And then he says: "I am right here, Ryuu. Right beside you, so stop crying. I am with you; I am yours and only yours."'*
It would all fade to black, for I'd open my eyes in reality. Finding myself in the exactly the same situation, missing one little detail.
I'd be crying, sometimes even having the orgasm I had in the dream with lots of evidence but I'd look up, at my right, at my left and even around the room, all the while crying.
For I always fall for it. I want him to be with me so bad that the dream feels too real. So far that I always believe him, I believe that's he's right next to me, but he…isn't.
'He never is.'
"Ryuu, I'm going to gather the army, I will make a move even without the baby King, so if you ever get out, you know where you'll find me…brat." And then he left.
The water filled the whole sink and it's overflowing but I don't care. I just stay there embracing myself and let the tears get out, as the water slips from the sink along with my hair.
Cutting my hair was supposed to be symbolic. The end of these dreams, giving it in return for peace. My mother believed you always have to give something in return to the universe in order for you to receive something but I knew it wasn't enough. Nothing I could offer, even if it's my hand or leg, would be enough for me to get rid of them since…those dreams were the only moments of happiness I had left.
'My offer for peace is a lie.' There's no way to be accepted and even if it was, I would be more desperate than before.
Those dreams when I could see his face hear his voice and feel him.
'As if…he's really with me. '
…
"I gathered you all here to let you know what's been going on with your King. No, with the whole Kingdom. You don't know it since your King is trying to protect you all since he knows you have wives at home, children and basically, a life. Therefore, you will tell them what I am about to tell you next but I want you all to swear before I tell you what you all need to now."
They nodded though they didn't enjoy it one bit, these are the big brats.
"Swear, dammit." I kind of ordered and this didn't go unnoticed, one of them raised an eyebrow but I ignored it.
'I know I am not your King, brats, but that baby is still in his room and we need a plan, preparation, weapons and we've no time for that baby. Not to mention that he never even had the intention of letting anybody know about it.'
"We swear." They all said in unison, as if they rehearsed.
So I let out a heavy sigh and then parted my lips, words that had too much meaning coming out, faces filled with doubt and yet worry hit me like a bullet.
'These were supposed to be soldiers, fighting for their country, yet they think only about themselves. The dog is like the master. The soldier just like its King, I guess…'
"Basically, we're currently…waiting to be attacked by 'his' army so, suggestions?"
Of course I let out a lot of it. Like how we got there, lost their King because of his red eyes, or how Noah helped me or about the unusual cat and not to mention, the unseen world, heaven or hell, both combined, or whatever that was.
'They only need to know we must move quickly before we're attacked, and that they must be prepared for anything.'
"Well, brats?"
No words were spoken; instead, silence took place of any other sound they made before. Even I was stunned of how surprised they were.
'I take it back baby King, you were right, they can't take such news. Just like you, they want to curl up in their bed, lock up their room and wish to die.'
"So, we're in war?" One of them finally asked and I only nodded in response.
"Why are you telling this instead of our King?" Another asked.
"I just told you! He's in his room being the baby he always was. He almost shot me when I wanted to get him out." I informed them once again, the said person who asked nodded absently, not being satisfied at all. None of them were after all.
"Do you have a plan?" Another asked and I raised an eyebrow before I talked:
"Do you think I'd be requesting suggestions if I already had a plan?!"
"So how do you suggest we do, basically, anything?! Even worse, without our King?! This just isn't right." One of them complained.
"Why are you bitches whining at me?!" I lost it. "Do you think I do not know you are obsessed with your so dear baby King? That we need him to lead and maybe have a wise idea too?! The problem is that your King doesn't care about it, your King is too preoccupied with himself right now, because our King is a coward!"
The moment when everything is in your hands, weighting way too heavy on your shoulders, breaking your bones since you're the only one carrying it all. You can hold it in, that's what you continue to tell yourself since you refuse to let the frustration out even if you're struggling with rocks that aren't even yours, but truth be told, one can only hold on for so long.
Therefore, you need help and universe has its ways, always did.
"I have a plan." I looked behind me at the voice that talked, as all of the soldiers opened their mouths, dumbfounded, gasping for air.
…
"He left." I talked to myself, to the silence of the room, or maybe just realized the fact that Rafael has given up on me.
Maybe shooting in the door when he was standing in front of it was really a bad move.
'I know what he wants me to do…Act grown up, responsible and even worse, act like the King I am supposed to be. But being a King has never been easy. I'm never given the time to cry over my losses, my hazards and my lost wars!
Therefore, I am like a child, like the brat he says I am by staying here, in my bed, with the light turned off, while trying to chase away the memory of Naruto's eyes and Itachi's eyes.
But even when I try to be useful, I can't come up with any plan to get us out of this. And when I find the strength to get up, something keeps me in place.
'We're clearly outnumbered. Even if his soldiers aren't good in quality, there is their quantity that's terrifying. Mine are good in quality but horrible in quantity. Therefore, I can't do it like Rafael wants me to. I can't be clean about it and fight without dirty tricks, we will clearly lose, why didn't he realize that already?'
"I need to fight back. I need to win this war somehow and I need to get Naruto back." I talk to the darkness once again but I suddenly realize that something listens, as I spot two pair of eyes shining through the dense nothingness.
…
"All men prepared?" I ask one of my many soldiers and he bows further into the floor while telling me that the answer is affirmative.
"Only a short amount of time and all of them will be ready to go, but still…we can't attack." His voice is lower at the end of his sentence.
"Perfect, then, what's stopping us from attacking?" I ask him, my voice echoing against the walls of the throne room.
"Because, my 'King'…there's one tiny yet important detail that needs to be discussed…"
"Say it already." I rush him since I can't waste any time.
'I need to see my brother defeated, his people mine, his whole Kingdom mine and even his blond will submit to me, finally.'
I think to myself for it's been a long time since I've been this enthusiastic. All of my hard work, finally paying off.
"There's this one man…"
"The problem…is only…one man! Kill him and then attack!" I scream and he dares talking after me.
"But…"
"Kill him or I will kill you!"
"Yes, my 'King'."
To be continued…
AN2: Not the biggest chapter once again but the Easter got me exhausted, I am dead tired and it's 3 AM and I need to wake up at 7 and last night didn't sleep at all…well, I know you don't care but if you spotted any mistake, I am sorry but I can barely see the screen, tell me where it is, I will fix it.
Many question appeared, few of them answered, though this is like a 'between actions' chapter as you can probably tell.
However, please (beg you) check out my new poll, I want your honest opinion, I am kind of worried…
Happy Easter for the ones who celebrated it and thank you very much for reading. Wish you all the best. See you next Sunday.