Dazed and Confused

Usual Disclaimer: There is only one genius behind the Twilight series and it's not me!

The very beginning of this chapter is while Bella is in her blackout. I tried many many times to put additional spacing between the lines to indicate time lapses with no success. So the only remedy since fanfiction will not allow me to format properly was to provide you with this brief explanation.

BPOV

"She appears to be free of any physical damage, her emotional state seems to have taken most of the damage."

"It's time for you to prove yourself to our girl now, help her to come back to us Edward."

"Bella and my relationship was…is complicated."

"It's simple really; I pushed her away. I told her I didn't love her"

"Believe it or not I was for once in my existence being unselfish…giving her what I believed she needed at the time."

"Who am I to question destiny?"

"How did you know Derrick had taken Bella to the park?"

My dream was so odd this time; most times they were vivid and clear I could remember every moment with perfect clarity. This dream was very unusual…there were only bits and pieces, snippets really, that I could recall and none of it made any sense – my past joining my present. I knew once I woke up it would all disappear like vapors…I wasn't ready for that yet. Even though it was illogical, I wanted to stay in this place with him…"Edward…"

"Yes Love" I heard his voice call softly, the velvety tenderness sounded so close…I knew this was just part of the dream. Edward was gone, forever removed from my life because I wasn't what he wanted.

My head felt like I was swimming in fog…I tried in vain to recall more details of the dream but it was on the edges of the fog. The only thing that was registering was his voice in my head, then a gentle breeze hit my face and the scent hit me – his scent.

This was wonderful, let the fog wrap around me if it brings memories like this. I felt a cold gentle streak on my cheek so reminiscent of when his fingers would trace my face, like an electric current running down the side of my cheek. His voice called out to me again; it was a whisper. This felt so real – the sensation of his lips next to my ear made it that much more enjoyable, he wanted me to wake up. No...I didn't want to open my eyes, this was heaven -- I didn't want to return just yet.

Understanding it was only an illusion and the longer I took to embrace reality the worse it would hurt, I opened one eye to peek at my surroundings – not wanting to be blinded by the sun as usual. That particular reality could wait until the fog lifted more. As my lid slowly opened, I caught the most beautiful sight possible, my illusion continued…wait a minute this couldn't be I know I'm in my own bed. So why does it feel like his body is lying next to mine something wasn't right. I opened both eyes to clear my head completely.

What the…there he was in all his glory, my Adonis. How? I needed to focus – I struggled to sit up and wrenched my arm. Damn, he was sitting right here with my favorite crooked smile, "What…what are you doing here?" I asked him as the pain from my arm caused me to realize he really was within reach – only pain could make it real.

The question wasn't really a question at all when I initially asked; it was more like a question to myself – confusion and frustration forcing it from my lips. When he answered his voice was anxious but it still sounded like music to my ears, he was worried about something. He wanted to have Carlisle check me over, what for? As he left my side to escape I stopped him, there was no way he was sneaking away I wanted an answer. Exactly what was he doing here, here in my room at school, here in Vermont…none of this made any sense.

He pretended he didn't hear me, if he thought he was being clever I wasn't buying it. With his hearing the people in the house next door could drop a pin and he'd hear it. A year had come and gone without a word from him, I wake up and find him in my room acting like he never left. Even though I should never be surprised when it comes to him, this was odd. What happened to the promise he made to not interfere in my life? I never wanted him to leave but he did and I had to learn how to live without him. I wanted answers now – before anything else, I needed answers.

He seemed genuinely upset when he took my hand, and said, "Bella don't you want me here? Am I no longer welcome in your life?" His voice normally smooth like velvet held an anxiousness and raw desire, how could I do this? I didn't want to upset him, I certainly didn't want him to leave but I wanted to know what his return meant.

I looked up into his face, the face that always shook me to the core. He needed to understand that I never stopped loving him, but that didn't change the situation at this moment. "We weren't discussing my wishes Edward, I asked about yours. I'd like to understand why you've returned. My love for you has never wavered you on the other hand left me. I'd like an explanation as to why you've returned."

There, I said it…somehow I found the courage to tell him what I really needed him to understand. And then my emotions gave way and the tears began to flow. I felt so weak once again, I hated the fact that tears always sprung to my eyes whenever I was angry or sad and right now I was both.

As I cried he did what only he could do – he kissed the tears following the trail as they slowly slid down my face. Any other guy would have held me, or sat uncomfortably with me until they stopped, not knowing how to properly comfort a crying woman. His actions were just what I would expect from an early 19th century man. So gentle, loving and understanding; this was what I had missed most, his ability to make me feel like I was the only thing that mattered.

As the tears continued I wondered what his return would mean, was he only here for a visit? Why did he return? Nothing had changed I was still human, he was still a vampire…all the complications were still intact. I was happy when he was in my life, even with the complications, but apparently he wasn't.

His seemingly happy mood when I woke up was hard to understand…when he left it was very obvious that our relationship was over for good. The cold hardening of his eyes as we stood on the path in the woods next to Charlie's house was a look I would never forget. The days leading up to his leaving – his silent brooding, the detachment he had when he spoke those words. So what did his return mean, where was all this happiness coming from?

As I thought about this I was able to get enough control to look at him, the hard part would be addressing the real issues. The answers were important, but I wanted to delay the questions as long as possible, being in his presence once again was something I had wanted for so long. Now he was here and I was crying instead of languishing in the moment. I didn't know how long he would be here, so I wiped away the few remaining drops of water leaking from my eyes and gazed into his beautiful face.

The purple bruises under his eyes, accented by his pale skin…his beautiful nose straight and perfectly aligned with his chiseled jaw. I reached up tracing his features with my fingertips, wanting this moment to last forever. His cheekbones prominent and perfect in everyway, but his lips were what I was drawn to most; the fullness gave the appearance of a suppleness that didn't actually exist.

My fingers traced his cheeks moving slowly to the outline of his lips and suddenly his hand held mine as he kissed each fingertip lightly, almost as if tasting the tender skin. I held perfectly still remembering how much my blood tempted him while watching his eyes. They were pitch black but held a softness that could mean only one thing he was controlling his instincts. My heart rate accelerated as my breath quickened, his lips were slowly caressing the top of my hand and I couldn't think straight. Although his actions were simple and pure, the emotions racing through me right now were downright erotic.

As his lips left the trail from my fingertips to the top of my hand the feeling created was a current of electricity that pulled with such force my breathing stopped. I watched his face; his eyes were closed now as he continued faintly kissing his way to my wrist. He inhaled deeply before kissing it lightly and then his tongue delicately licked the tender skin; it was as if lightening had pierced my heart…I gasped. He'd never done that before – the feeling inside me threatened to overwhelm me and I wanted to wrap myself around him begging for more. But I was frozen, shock and pleasure suspending all movement. The smile on his face, the crooked outline turned up at the corners, I couldn't speak.

Studying his face I realized he was probably pushing his limits. His eyes conveyed just how much he needed to feed perhaps this was the reason he returned. Maybe the pull of my scent was so clearly imprinted in his memory he'd finally decided to act upon his instincts. I didn't want him to leave but knew it was necessary. His thirst would get the best of him and he'd either act on it or withdraw and leave punishing himself for something he couldn't control. I was already too immersed in his return and needed answers before he left for good. Perhaps if he left to feed, we could have the conversation that I needed so desperately.

If I could convince him to hunt it would give me the opportunity to collect myself. Even though it felt like time had stopped temporarily I knew the moment of his departure was imminent. I needed to say something to prolong his visit; clearing my throat I offered him the chance to leave me once again – hoping that this time it would only be for a few hours.