Okay. Jess, Brandy, Cess, Michelle and Chrissie….remember that thing we talked about? Well…it's in here, but only sort of…you'll get what I mean.
I hope you guys like this chapter. I really really do.
Half Love
"What's Good For Me"
I ain't no queen of hearts, I go through stages
I fall in love then complicate it, yeah, you know the feeling
without much hope , just blind ambition
pretendin' that there's nothing missin'
I always kept believing, that more, I thought if I had more
I wouldn't get so bored, but everything just left me empty
love, walking in and out of my door, wasn't good enough no more
when I don't trust myself, life really sucks
first time I thought it but I didn't do it, last time that's when I really blew it
so this time I'm gonna do it different, cause I know, I know, I know
if I put everything I have into it, eventually, I'm gonna get what's good for me –
"What's Good For Me"
By Lucy Woodward
May 1st, 2006
7:00 P.M.
Tears streamed down Ellie's face as Addison held Ellie's shaking body to her own.
"They can't…"
"They gave Hannah sixty days, honey. They can."
Ellie shook her head. "No. It's not right. Hannah doesn't want her. I want her. George was going to adopt her and take custody until I was better…they can't do this!"
"Ellie…" Ellie's knees caved and Addison went down with her, both women hitting the grass in front of the trailer with force. Addison let go of Ellie and one hand went to her lower stomach. Ellie leaned away from Addison and vomited in to the grass. George and Derek stood frozen on the porch, neither one sure what to do. Addison ran her fingers through her sobbing best friends hair as Ellie began to shake. It was then that George moved for the first time in almost ten minutes. He pulled Ellie in to his arms and Addison stood, tears streaming down her own face. "It's not fair." Addison said as Derek wrapped his arms around her. "It's just not fair." Derek pulled Addison as close to him as possible and kissed the top of her head.
"Ellie!" Both of the Shepherds jumped and Addison spun around. Ellie had gotten to her feet and was getting in to her car. "Ellie, wait!" George lunged for the passenger door handle, but Ellie had already locked the doors, and was driving away as George clung to the door.
"George!" George let go of the door and turned around as Ellie peeled out of the gravel and tore away from the trailer. Derek threw George's keys at him. "Go." George managed to catch his keys and got in to his car, speeding after Ellie. Addison and Derek looked at each other, panic on their faces. What no one knew was that George was already too late.
7:00 A.M.
Ellie slammed through the doors of the home her mother was in, only to be stopped by the angry face of the on-call nurse.
"Is everything alright?"
"I don't know what's going on, but I think your sister is aggravating your mother." Ellie sighed and made her way past the nurse in to the room Ellis and Meredith were in.
"I don't know who you are! Leave me alone."
"Ellis….please. Calm down." Meredith's voice cracked and Ellis looked angry, but her expression changed when she saw Ellie.
"Eliot!" Ellis stood and walked over to Ellie, who wrapped her in a hug.
"How are you Ellis?"
Ellis shrugged. "As good as I can be. You haven't been here in a while."
Ellie nodded. "I know. I'm sorry. I've been busy. Doctoring and all."
Ellis laughed. "I know how that is."
"Who's this?" Ellie asked, gesturing to Meredith, who was staring at her with pain in her eyes.
"I don't know." Ellis sighed, sitting back down. "She says she knows me."
"You don't remember Meredith?" Ellis shook her head. "I sent her here to see you. She's a doctor too, Ellis. She wanted to meet you…she's just an intern right now."
Ellis smiled, believing Ellie, and turned to Meredith. "Do you like being an intern? I loved being an intern. You know, my daughters name is Meredith…"
"I know, Mo…" Ellie shook her head and Meredith cleared her throat. "Uh…Ellie told me."
"Eliot and Meredith are 8 and 5…it's too bad Meredith doesn't know."
"Doesn't know what?" Meredith asked, looking from Ellie to their mother.
"Well, you know, about her father. He's probably going to leave. Poor girl." Meredith stared. "He won't tell her. He just wants to leave." Ellis took a deep breath and Meredith stood.
"I'll be right back." Meredith bolted out of the room.
"I'm going to make sure she's okay. I'll be right back." Ellie said. Ellis nodded, and Ellie raced out of the room after Meredith, finding her pacing just a few feet down the hall. "Mere?"
"My own mother doesn't remember me. She raised me. She saw you, what, four times before Michael died?" Meredith took a deep breath. "She should be able to recognize me. But she doesn't. And yet, she remembers you like she sees you all the time. You're never here!"
"Meredith…she doesn't know that I'm her daughter. She just knows my name."
"She doesn't even know my name, El. I can't believe this…and then she goes and starts talking about my Dad…I don't want to hear that! That's why I want her to know who I am. If she knows who I am, she won't talk about my Dad."
"Her talking about Thatcher has nothing to do with who you are to her right now. As far as she is concerned, Meredith is 5 years old. It doesn't make any difference who you are."
"You are in no way the expert on Mom."
"I'm not trying to be the expert on Mom, Meredith. But I've dealt with Alzheimers patients before, and I know what they're like."
"Mom is different."
"Mom is pretty advanced…she's not that different."
"You know, you think you're so great because she remembers you…you're not all that great!"
"I don't think I'm great, Meredith. I wish she remembered me, but she just remembers the me that's been here to visit…the friend of Richard Webber, who has the same name as her eight-year-old."
"It's not fair. I'm here all the time. You're too preoccupied with Addison and Derek and George to care…"
"That is not true!" Ellie sighed. "Yeah, I've been preoccupied as of late, but…"
"Yeah and why is that? Did Addison sleep with someone else that she shouldn't have?" Ellie reached out and hit Meredith, the slap across her face echoing in the hall.
"Don't talk about her like that. You have no right." Meredith walked around Ellie, one hand on her cheek and Ellie walked back in to the room Ellis was in. Their conversation was over, if only just for the moment.
11:00 A.M.
Ellie kicked the wall. "Call it, Stevens."
Izzie glanced at Ellie briefly and then looked at the clock. "Time of death, 11:02." Ellie shed her gloves and gown and stormed out of the OR, heading straight for the scrub room.
"Are you okay?" Addison asked, coming in to the room. She'd been watching from the observation deck.
"I'm fine."
"Ellie, sometimes you lose patients…"
"I'm not an intern, Addison." Ellie snapped, drying her arms off. "I know." Ellie tried to get out of the room by moving around Addison, but was cut off.
"What's going on?"
"Nothing."
"What happened this morning? Didn't you go visit Ellis?"
"Nothing happened, Addie." Ellie shoved past her and in to the hallway. "I can take Madison home today, right? Like, she and I can move back in to the trailer?" Addison nodded. "Look, thanks for letting me have the house while she was here. You didn't have to do that."
"The house is closer than the trailer. Derek and I just figured it would be easier."
Ellie forced a smile. "It was. Thanks."
"Ellie…"
"I'm okay, Addie. Really." Ellie turned around only to run in to Meredith. "Oh. Hi."
"Dr. Shepherd asked me to come get you. He needs your help with a procedure in OR2."
"Thanks."
"Yeah." Ellie headed for OR2 and Meredith headed back down the hall, avoiding eye contact with Addison. Addison followed Ellie in the scrub room, taking a deep breath. "I'm fine." Ellie said, washing her arms.
Addison tied her mask behind her cap and sighed. "I don't believe you."
"Believe what you want." Ellie said, her voice muffled. "I'm fine." Ellie walked in to the OR backwards, leaving Addison to wonder what the hell went wrong.
5:00 P.M.
"What has been going on with you all day?" George said, helping Ellie pile her clothes in to the suitcase she'd been living out of for the last 6 days. "You've been acting strange around me, around Addison…the only person you'll talk to is Richard."
"I've had a bad day, okay?" Ellie said, kissing a sleeping Madison on the forehead as she placed the car seat on the floor and sat down on the bed. "Some stuff happened at the nursing home this morning, I lost two patients…plus Hannah was at the hospital and that scares me."
"Hannah? Madisons birth mother?" Ellie nodded and George sat down next to her, taking her hand in his. "Honey, nothing's going to happen. Hannah doesn't want her, and she knows that you can take care of her." George smiled. "Plus, now that I'm going to adopt her, Madison will have two parents…Hannah can't really argue with that."
Ellie looked at him, tears in her grey eyes. "You promise?"
George nodded. "I promise." Ellie leaned in and kissed him, placing one hand on the back of his head. "Hey…how long has it been?"
Ellie sighed. "4 weeks, 3 days, 16 hours, 4 minutes and 12 seconds." Ellie looked down. "I'm pathetic."
"You're not pathetic. Adele said that counting meant that you were recovering…it's okay, Ellie."
"I just want it to be over." She sighed, leaning in to him.
"I know, baby. I know you do." George hugged her to him, and Ellie took a deep breath. "You want to go home?"
Ellie nodded. "Yeah." Ellie picked up the car seat and smiled at her sleeping child, while George grabbed the suitcase off of the bed and followed her out of the house. Neither one of them knew where the night was going to go.
6:30 P.M.
"What do you mean, you changed your mind? That's not possible."
"Actually, Dr. Grey, it is." The woman from the adoption agency stood in the doorway as Ellie hugged Madison to her chest, George's arms wrapped around her waist. Addison and Derek were sitting at the table in the kitchen, Addison watching Ellie, Derek staring at Hannah, who looked scared. "We give the birth parents 60 days to change their minds…I thought we told you that."
Ellie sighed. "You did, but…" Ellie turned to Hannah. "You don't want her!"
Hannah nodded. "Yes I do. I just thought that I couldn't take care of her…but my parents are willing to help. I want to keep her." Hannah glanced at Derek, who was still watching her, and then looked down. "I'm sorry."
Ellie shook her head. "No. I'm not doing it. She gave Madison up, and now she's my daughter. I won't do it."
"You don't have a choice, Dr. Grey. I'm very sorry." The woman took Madison from Ellie's arms, and even though Ellie could have put up a struggle, she didn't want to hurt the baby. "We'll be back for her things…why don't you leave them at the hospital?"
Ellie shook her head. "You can't do this." Tears were streaming down her face and Hannah's meek voice broke the silence.
"I'm sorry." She said, looking at Ellie on last time before following the older woman out of the trailer.
"No…" Ellie hissed, trying to break free of George's grip. "George let go."
"Ellie…"
"Let go!" George lifted his arms from around Ellie's waist and she spun around, shoving him towards the counter. "You promised!"
"Ellie…" Ellie raced out of the trailer, ignoring George. Addison scrambled out of the trailer after her.
"Hannah, please." Ellie placed one hand softly on the shoulder of the teenager, who turned around slowly. "I don't think you understand."
"I understand, Dr. Grey. I'm sorry." Hannah walked away, and Ellie went to follow her but was stopped by Addisons arms grabbing her from behind.
"Let go of me." Ellie said, trying to get out of the grip of Addisons arms around her waist.
"Ellie, she's gone."
"No." Ellie whispered. "It's not fair." Tears streamed down Ellie's face as Addison held Ellie's shaking body to her own. "They can't…."
"They gave Hannah sixty days, honey. They can."
9:00 P.M.
Ellie had lost George long ago. She wasn't entirely sure if he'd even followed her, but had hadn't found her, because she'd been sitting in the Monkey Pub for almost two hours, and George hadn't shown up yet, so…
"Ellie?" Ellie's head jerked up at the sound of her sisters voice.
"Mere?" Meredith nodded and sat down at the bar next to Ellie. "What are you doing here?"
"Hiding."
Ellie raised her eyebrows. "From what?"
"I took Doc to the vet this morning…the vet's hot…" Ellie laughed. "He wants to go on a date with me."
"So you're hiding here?"
"Yeah, well…what are you doing?"
Ellie lifted her half empty glass of gin and tonic and grinned. "Drinking."
"Obviously. Why?"
"Well, lets see, my sister hates me, two of my patients died today, oh, and Madisons birth mother changed her mind. Took her back."
"Can she do that?"
Ellie nodded. "She had sixty days. I didn't worry about it, because I didn't think that Hannah would want her back…but apparently she did."
"God, El…I'm sorry." Meredith took a deep breath. "I don't hate you. We just got in a fight this morning, that's all."
"I hit you."
"Yeah, well…I deserved it." Meredith motioned for the bar tender to come over and smiled. "How about another?"
Ellie looked down at the counter and then nodded. "Sure." After all, what Meredith didn't know wouldn't hurt her.
May 2nd, 2006
8:00 A.M.
Ellie woke up in George's room at Merediths house, but George was nowhere to be found. Ellie had a pounding headache, and all she could remember about the night before was that she and Meredith had ended up drinking and dancing their way through most of the night.
"Hey." Meredith came in to the room, two cups of coffee in her hand. "How are you feeling?"
"I feel like shit. God…why did you let me drink that much?"
Meredith stared, handing her a cup of coffee. "Like I could have stopped you. You did keep saying something about a sponsor…any idea what the hell you were talking about?"
Ellie took a large gulp of the coffee and shook her head. "Nope. Can we not mention this at work though? I mean…I just…can we just tell everyone I came here last night?"
Meredith shrugged. "Sure. Whatever. We have to be at the hospital in an hour." Ellie nodded as Meredith left the room. Ellie leaned against the headboard, glancing at her phone. She picked it up cautiously and cringed when she saw the screen. 12 voicemails. They were going to kill her. Ellie took a deep breath and dialed her voicemail, unsure if she wanted to hear the messages.
"El, baby, it's me. Don't do anything you'll regret. Pull over, stop the car, and call me. I love you."
"Eliot, it's Addison. Call me back."
"Ellie, honey…call me. Please. Addison and Derek are freaking out as much as I am…where are you?"
"Eliot, it's Richard. I just talked to Addison, and I heard about what happened with Madison. You need to call me. It's very important that you call me. You're in a vulnerable state. I can help you, Eliot."
"Ellie…Addison is freaking out and George is driving all over Seattle. Where are you?"
"Ellie please call me. I know Madison getting taken is horrible…believe me, I know what it's like to lose a child, El, you know that. Honey, I don't want you to be alone right now. Call me sorella."
"Ellie, it's Mark." Ellie froze. Why the hell was he calling? "Addison called me, she's frantic. You really need to call one of them back. God damn it…Ellie, I'm worried about you too…please, call someone."
"Ellie…" Ellie cringed at the pain in George's voice. "Honey, please. Please call me."
"It's Izzie. George just called and told me about Madison. I'm so sorry, Ellie. Call me if you need to talk to someone."
"Eliot, it's Richard again. You haven't called me or anyone else back, and we're all starting to get really worried. Please, call someone."
"Sorellina, you have to call one of us back. Addison can't sleep, George is pacing the trailer…this isn't good. Call someone, Ellie."
"Ellie, it's Derek again. We've called every bar we could think of in Seattle and we can't find you. Some place called the Monkey Pub said that they might have seen you, but they can't remember…Ellie, we need you to call us back. Addison thinks something really bad has happened to you, and I'm inclined to agree with her. Eliot, please." Ellie took a deep breath and deleted the final voicemail. She wasn't ready to talk to any of them yet, so she took a gulp of her coffee and sent a text message to Addison.
Addison jumped as her cell phone vibrated in her pocket. Richard and Derek looked at her as she flipped it open.
"It's Ellie." She said, smiling. "She says, 'I'm fine. Sorry I didn't call you back, I'll be at the hospital in an hour.'" Addison took a deep breath. "Do you think she's okay?"
Richard shrugged. "She probably went drinking last night, but we won't know until she gets here." Addison and Derek nodded. "I need you two to be doctors right now. When Ellie gets here, I'll let you be worried friends, but not right now." The Shepherds stood, nodding and made their way out of Richards office. "Addison?" Addison turned around, a quizzical look on her face. "Be careful. I know you didn't sleep very much last night, and I don't want you to collapse."
Addison scoffed. "Richard…"
"I'm not stupid, Addison. I know."
Addison stared. "Know what?"
Richard rolled his eyes. "Are you not six weeks pregnant?"
Addison cringed. "Okay, I was going to tell you…"
"It's okay, Addie." Richard stood and gave his old friend a hug. "I'm actually pretty happy for you guys. As long as you promise not to quit."
Addison laughed. "Me? Quit? Never." Addison smiled and the two of them left, leaving Richard alone in his office. As soon as they were out of sight, he made his way back to his desk and picked up his phone, dialing the number of the only person that could help him.
"Hi, it's me. I need your help…"
11:00 A.M.
Ellie had managed to avoid long conversations with anyone for two hours. She'd found Addison, Derek, George and Richard and assured them that she was okay, and she'd also called Mark. That probably wasn't her best decision, because it had sparked an argument, but she felt like she should call him.
"Eliot."
Ellie turned and smiled. "Adele! Hi." Adele gave Ellie a much needed hug, and Ellie took a deep breath. "How are you?"
"Oh I'm fine." Adele said, crossing her arms. "You, I hear, are not."
Ellie shook her head. "I'm okay. I had a bad night last night, but I'm fine."
"How bad?"
Ellie sighed. "It was just not a fun evening, that's all."
"So no alcohol?"
Ellie swallowed and shook her head. "Nope."
"Hmmm…." Adele smirked. "I don't believe you. And I don't tolerate liars."
"I'm not lying."
"Ellie, don't you think it would be good to talk to someone?" Addison asked, leaning over the counter.
Ellie turned. "No." She snapped, staring at Addison. "I don't need to talk to anyone. I'm fine."
"Obviously you're not." Derek said, joining the group, George at his side.
"Great. Now I'm surrounded." Ellie mumbled, leaning against the counter.
"What?" Adele asked.
"Nothing. Look…would you all just leave me alone? I'm fine." Ellie tried to walk away, but was stopped by Adele moving in front of her. "I have patients."
"Your interns can take care of your patients." Adele said. "You're not fit to treat people."
"I'm fine!" Ellie yelled, shoving between Derek and Adele and in to the nearest on-call room. "Leave me alone!" Ellie slammed the door and leaned against it, trying to take deep breaths. It wasn't working very well though, because the nausea was rising, and soon Ellie was out of the on-call room and racing down the hall, barely sliding in to the bathroom and in to the stall before vomiting in to the toilet. Ellie's eyes were closed, so she didn't notice the blood until the opened her eyes and wiped her mouth. Ellie flushed the toilet, grabbed a paper towel and walked in to the hall slowly. "Addie…" Her voice was weak, but Addison spun on as if on cue. "Something's wrong." Ellie stared at her best friend, who was racing towards her, and gagged once before completely passing out.
Um. I really hope you guys liked this. Like really really hope.