Black Roses

Tragedy/ Romance/ Angst

Rated: M

Chapter 35: Future

Okay strange, they were going in the car and suddenly everything stopped. I think we all know what I'm implying to here! OH NO!

Disclaimer: I NO OWN CCS or else, Sakura would already have cute Syaoran babies!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The ache inside my legs and head were too intense to keep me null for long. I didn't know where I was or what condition I was in. But I felt like my whole body had been ripped apart and now, was stitched back into place. A putrid scent lingered around me mixed with a familiar soft scent. A scent I would recognize anywhere.

"Sakura-san…?" I heard a woman's voice speak.

That scent was of Syaoran's home. The way his whole mansion seemed to smell. And that voice was definitely Yelan's.

I tried to open my mouth which was when I realized that I didn't even have the strength to open my mouth anymore. Moving a muscle, a single muscle, seemed like Mount Everest's climb. I felt helpless but restless at the same time. I tried moving my head but my neck shot enormous waves of heat and pain through out for me to try again. Then I did the one thing which seemed possible after all other futile attempts. I put all my efforts and energy into moving my fingers. Even one would suffice for my current condition.

And with everything in me to take it, I raised my small finger. And just then felt a light and soft warm hand on it. The hand grasped mine very slightly as if careful not to hurt me much.

"D-Don't try to move much Sakura… Its okay. You'll be okay…" I heard Yelan say.

It was her hand. Me and Yelan were never really VERY close to each other because she was always too busy with her work to ever really be there for bonding sessions as such. And I was especially not on physical terms with her because even though she was very kind to me, I was slightly afraid of her. I think the fear came out of simple respect that I held for her, being the strong and independent and successful woman that she was who even Syaoran uttered no disrespect in front of.

'Syaoran!' I thought.

That's when everything flashed back to me. Everything from when I was in the car and how everything blacked out. We were… In an accident.

This time, out of absolute worry for Syaoran, I tried to open my mouth, putting so much energy in it that it felt like my whole life depended on it. I wanted to voice my worry, ask Yelan if he was okay. If he was hurt. Or if he was beside me at all. That's when I heard a slow beeping which I was unaware of before start beeping faster.

"Sakura-san! Please don't force yourself… calm down and rest!" Yelan said out of complete anxiety.

And it was exactly then that I felt an extreme weight on my chest and felt my heart race faster and faster until it began to hurt me. The pain radiated through out my body from my heart and my head began to hurt even more than before. That's when I felt light headed and started loosing consciousness again.

'No! I need to see if he is okay!' I forced myself to stay put, to stay conscious. I just wanted to know if he was okay. Just that and I was willing to even die after that. But just wanted to know… 'Please Yelan tell me…'

But those stayed as thoughts as I couldn't speak a word. And in that anxiety I began to loose consciousness again.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I felt my eyes burn this time. Tears started brimming in them. And I could feel those tears streak my cheek down. That's when I gripped myself and shot open my eyes. And it wasn't the more brilliant idea since with the intense light I felt in my eyes, the pain became excruciating. And so I shut them again, tightly this time. But I knew I couldn't keep them close like this. So this time, very slowly, like grasping in the surrounding and getting used to the scorching light, I squinted my eyes and opened them. The light still hurt but not as much as before. And I felt tears in them again as the light entered. And the hot tears slipped out.

The only thing I could clearly make out was the light. Other than that, everything else was a blur. And with my teary eyes, the blur was becoming even hazier. So I closed my eyes tightly again to let out the last of the tears which they did after which I opened them again and looked up. It was just a simple white ceiling. A false ceiling with no design or embellishments on it.

The air around me was stiff and made me slightly uneasy. The silence around me was also making me uncomfortable. There were no human sounds.

I was at a hospital of course. Even I understood that. That's when I heard the door swish open. And though the pains were still there, they had partially subsided. So I turned my head this time, and being able to, saw Kouji come inside.

"Nee-chan, you're up!" He exclaimed.

He was holding a cup in his hand. I think it was of coffee or tea. One of the two. I looked at his excited at my state and smiled as much as I could. But I still couldn't open my mouth. I could feel it. My mouth felt dry and pasty. It was a horrid feeling.

"How are you feeling now?" He asked me as he sat down next to me.

I opened my mouth finally, feeling uneasy and dry in my mouth and closed it again, deciding to just nod.

"GOOD! I'm glad you are all better…" He said happily.

I looked at the water bottle next to me on the side table and said, "W-Water." While eyeing the bottle.

My voice had become coarse and dry as ever. He watched me do this and suddenly shot up from the chair, saying "Oh right," and pouring water into a plastic cup.

Then he put a straw in the cup and slid it next to me, helping the straw in my mouth and waiting for me to drink. And for the first time, sucking in from the straw seemed like the most difficult thing in the world. But with all the will power to set my mouth straight, I managed.

Then suddenly I stopped again, "Syaoran!"

Kouji pulled away the cup once he saw that I was done. Then he sat back down and held my hand before saying, "He is in the next room. Mrs. Li is with him. And yes he is fine. Just resting…"

Though I was worried about his condition, I was glad that he was okay and resting. Then Kouji chuckled and said, "That was the first thing he asked as well. 'How is Sakura!?!?'"

I smiled a bit both out of relief and silliness of Syaoran. But I really did want to see him. Wanted to see with my own eyes if he was okay or not. But I knew that for now I had to regain my own strength.

"And believe me he is in much better shape than you…" Kouji grinned to me.

I smiled back, glad that he was better.

"But Nee-san, you should close you should close your eyes and try resting more." Kouji said to me, now more serious than before.

Though I didn't want to sleep more, my eyes were still heavy as if I hadn't slept for ages. I wonder why, though I had slept a long time, I still hadn't had enough of it. Knowing that Syaoran was okay, I was relieved and so closed my eyes and went back into slumber.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-Normal P.O.V.-

Syaoran lie in his bed, staring at the ceiling blankly. His eyes were side open and emotionless. He ached to see her, and yet could not. He didn't know how to face her. I wanted to dearly to hold her in his arms and cradle her, wanted to be next to her and be there for her as she recovers from the accident. And yet instead he stayed in his own hospital room, staring at the walls.

How was he going to face her? How was he going to break the news to her? It just seemed to hard as she was so happy before. He loved her and couldn't bear to be the barer of bad news but he knew that if it would be anyone, it should be him to tell her so that he can also hold her and calm her down if she reacts badly. And so it was to be him. But not no. For now he wanted her to recover from her wounds and get healthy otherwise bad news would become even more of a burden on her.

"Sakura…" He muttered into thin air.

"Xiao Lang, she is awake and getting better already. Just thought… I should let you know…" Yelan said, entering the room with some papers in her hand awaiting his signatures.

Syaoran signed with his free right hand and then rested back. He was lost…

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

5 days later –

"How are you feeling love?" Syaoran whispered in Sakura's ear gently as to not startle her.

But Sakura, being the way she was, shivered out of sudden fright and looked towards Syaoran. Then she smiled. She gained right and complete consciousness a day before, and her body ached a lot lesser than before. And what made her happier was that she opened her eyes to catch the sight of the most beloved person to her in the whole world. And that is what made all the pain go away, to see from her own two eyes that he was safe and alright.

"Good morning…" Sakura murmured, raising her hand to rub her eyes. But it hurt her a bit as the canola was still on. (A/n for those of you who don't know that a canola is, it's the IV you place for liquid glucose or water etc. in the hospital and the canola is the needle part which is inserted in the upper part of your hand)

"Don't move too much Sakura, it disturbs the flow of the liquid." Syaoran said, taking a hold of the same hand from underneath and bringing it slowly down to rest on the bed again, rubbing the side of it gently with his thumb.

Sakura made a face out of fun and then gestured Syaoran to give her some water. And he did so immediately, letting go of her hand and helping her drink the water from his own hands.

He was horribly worried about her. Sakura could sense the uneasiness which surrounded him. But she assumed it was because of the accident. Maybe he held himself guilty for getting her in this horrid position.

"Syaoran… Its not your fault. Why are you so upset?" Sakura blurted out, not even asking Syaoran why he was distressed.

Syaoran stared at her for a moment, trying to decipher what she meant before shaking his head and saying, "I know Sakura. I know…"

For that moment, Sakura felt better as she wanted to believe that that was the reason why Syaoran was acting so weird. She didn't want to inquire because she knew that neither did she have the strength to inquire and nor were either of them in a condition to discuss anything with seriousness.

Just then, Yelan entered the room with a bag in her hand and Kouji next to her. Sakura grinned at Kouji and Kouji grinned back, a gesture to each other showing that it was all well and good. Yelan smiled at Sakura as she started chit chatting with Kouji and then took a seat next to Syaoran.

"You still haven't…?" Yelan whispered.

Syaoran looked away towards the window and didn't reply. He didn't want to reply, didn't want to do anything. He just wanted to stare at the beauty in front of him, lying damaged in the bed, and wanted to forget about everything else. But he knew that was too easy to do. And more than anything, he knew he would have to tell her sooner than later even if it might hurt her.

But he decided to wait until she could be discharged and brought back home. But just as this train of thought went on in his head, Sakura stopped talking to Kouji and looked at Syaoran, still smiling from the conversation with Kouji.

"Nee, Syaoran, did the doctor say anything about… our baby?"

Yelan looked at Syaoran for a bit and then gestured Kouji to get up and leave. And Yelan did the same. Sakura looked at the awkward behavior of the two and her facial expressions changed from the smiling face to one which had partial horror and partial need to know what was going on.

"Syaoran?" She said again, agitated now.

Syaoran couldn't keep eye contact. So he decided to look to the ground and shook his head. That was all he could do at the moment. There was nothing else that he could say that would make anything better.

Tears started forming in Sakura's eyes. She just started at Syaoran head, her facial expressions now twisted with horror and anger. But more than anything, sorrow.

"No…" Was the only thing her mouth allowed her to say.

Syaoran looked up at Sakura as the tears started flowing down her clear velvet cheeks. This crushed her, to see her in the emotional agony of losing a child before even knowing him. He stood up and sat next to her, wrapping his arms around her as Sakura turned and sobbed incessantly in his embrace. And for the first time, he himself felt the loss. The loss of something dear. Of something irreplaceable. He never was very close to the child… but even he could feel that he had lost a part of his life. And water welled up in his eyes. He couldn't really pin point if it was because of the child or because of Sakura breaking down in his arms. But whatever the reason, he knew that he had to be strong for her. And so he sucked in the tears and just sat there holding her in his arms.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Sakura dear, you need to eat. You can't go on like this…" Yelan pleaded, seeing Sakura sit on the dining table and just stare at her food, playing with it with a fork.

Syaoran was quiet. He had nothing to say. Because nothing her would say would make any difference. And it killed him to see Sakura in this shape. It had been 2 days since her discharge and she would only eat when she was force fed which was pointless as she had no will to eat herself.

He was already stuck in a web of issues. But where were they right now? What point of a relationship had they reached? He didn't know. He knew nothing.

Sakura was right about in the same situation. She didn't know where they stood. What of the marriage? Even if Syaoran didn't want her to know, the only reason why he was marrying her so early was because of the child and with that gone, what now? What of Syaoran? What of the whole future that Sakura had pictured a million times in her mind, with a small bundle of happiness in between? She didn't know either… anything.

At night, Sakura lie in bed to the side and yet again stared into nothingness. Just then she felt Syaoran's gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Sakura…" He called out to her in a very soft and loving voice.

Sakura hadn't heard this tone for a while now. And she knew that she always melted when he used this tone. So she turned around to look at him. Syaoran lie next to her and looked back into her eyes. They were swollen and had dark circles around them. She had lost her vibrant pale complexion. It was almost gray now. But her eyes were still the deepest of emerald.

"Kinomoto Sakura, will you still marry me?"

Sakura gawked at him. She was yet again speechless. But there was too much sorrow in her heart right then to jump up. Instead, she just smiled and nodded, turning around and moving closer to Syaoran and hugging him and he put his strong arms around her.

Syaoran knew what he was doing. Because once he asked her to marry him, there was no turning back. And he would never take back words like those. He set out to marry Sakura not wanting her to think that he was just marrying her out of obligation. But he knew he was still marrying as an obligation. But now… there was no obligation on him. And he understood that it was just a catalyst. He still wanted to marry her, he still wanted to make her completely his. He still wanted to make her his bride. And he knew he couldn't wait… because she would have more times of sorrow like this in her life. And he wanted to be there for her always…

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yeah I know I don't keep my word on updating. But I swear I will now since I am done with school for now and have my holidays!!! YAY!

Anyway…