As their family vacation continues, Sebastian takes his husband on a little adventure that has nothing to do with Disney.
Notes: This is a re-write of a Klaine fic that was originally dedicated to itallstartedwithharry, so I'm dedicating this one to her as well :)
"I'm not coming out."
"What do you mean you're not coming out?" Sebastian asks, slathering himself in sunscreen. "You already are "out". We're married, remember? It's not a secret. Everybody knows."
"Ha-ha." Kurt snatches the sunscreen out of Sebastian's hands and applies a third coat to his face and chest, adding a fifth, then a sixth layer to places that don't normally see the sun. "You know what I mean. I'm not leaving this hedge, and you can't make me!"
"Kurt, babe, trust me, it'll be fine."
"You can say that! You're carrying the beach bag! You've got a shield!"
"Do you want me to hire someone to carry the bag for us? Because I can totally do that." Sebastian raises a hand to summon a porter. Kurt yelps and burrows further into the bushes.
"Put … your … arm … down!" he scolds. "Don't draw more attention to us!"
"More attention?" Sebastian chuckles. "No one's even looking."
"Yeah, because I'm behind the hedge. No one needs to stare at the hedge, or laugh at the hedge, or judge the hedge's love handles."
"You don't have love handles, Kurt." Sebastian snickers. "You worked out 18 hours a day for the past seven weeks to prepare for this vacation. And that's on top of your usual three."
"Which could have been avoided if we both agreed to forgo this stupid nudist resort trip and spend the afternoon with Thomas and my folks at California Adventure!"
"So what you're saying is you'd rather be riding that psychotic Ferris wheel and nursing a motion sickness bag than lounging around naked and soaking in some West Coast sunshine with your sexy husband?"
"Y-yes," Kurt says, quickly but unconvincingly. Thomas was excited as all get-out to go on that damned Ferris wheel with its shifty gondolas sliding all over the good Goddamned place. And Kurt's dad promised him on pain of a finger in the eye that they'd ride it. Which meant Kurt would have to, too, because even though Thomas would be fine with his dad, Carole, and Hepburn, that's the kind of father Kurt is. And he's sure Thomas would love it.
But Kurt, with his chronic vertigo – not so much.
"And if you do have love handles, I'm sure they're ripped … just like the rest of you." Sebastian looks his husband up and down, licking dry lips as he visualizes what's hiding behind manicured branches of French Lilac and Dense Yew.
Kurt rolls his eyes, but that comment seems to do the trick, luring him out from behind the safety of the dolphin-shaped topiary. "Okay, okay. I'm coming. Just … keep your eyes peeled."
"Oh, I am," Sebastian promises, staring openly at his husband's ass as Kurt crosses the border between the shaded patio and the sun-drenched sand.
"Not at me!" Kurt reaches behind to grab Sebastian's hand. Sebastian tries to get his husband to grab something else entirely, but Kurt slaps it away, earning him a pained, "Oof!" So Sebastian maintains a safe distance, enjoying the view. After a few minutes of being out there on his own, Kurt grabs a hold of Sebastian's arm and tugs him closer, needing the security of his husband by his side. "For cameras and cell phones. I don't need my pale ass showing up on America's Funniest Home Videos."
"Is that show still on?"
"Sebastian!"
"Relax, Kurt. If you haven't noticed, there're signs all over saying No recording devices allowed."
"Yeah. And that worked so well for Jennifer Lawrence and Kate Upton. No one listens to signs, Sebastian!"
"Well, lucky for us, we're not exactly celebrities."
Kurt gasps. "Speak for yourself!"
"Okay. You're a celebrity … sort of," Sebastian amends. "But not today. For now, we're just a boring, regular married couple enjoying a day at the beach."
"A nude beach."
"Yup. A nude beach." Sebastian saunters ahead and takes the lead, directing Kurt toward a collection of lounge chairs within reach of the water. A few other beach goers have already claimed a handful, so Sebastian walks Kurt to the far end, where at least a dozen empty chaises separate them from sunbathers. Sebastian scoots the last two chaises closer together and farther from the group. He sets a towel out over the sunbaked straps and gestures for Kurt to lie down, offering him the end-most chaise … but Kurt doesn't. Sebastian turns around to find out why.
Kurt looks terrified.
"Pretend we're alone out here," Sebastian says, taking his arms and guiding him to his seat. "Don't think about anyone else. Feel the sun on your skin, the wind in your hair, and try to become one with the universe."
Kurt sighs, resigning himself to an hour of lying naked in the sun. Sebastian wanted to do this. This was his idea. Kurt is doing this for Sebastian, his husband. And even if he wasn't, Sebastian has the car keys.
Kurt can't leave.
This is all Sebastian's fault!
But as Kurt reclines, he begins to notice that this isn't actually all that bad. The beach isn't too crowded, and the people who are there seem to be minding their own business. The water feels warm where it curls under his feet, and the sun overhead feels nice on his skin – all of it.
"Alright. I'll give it a shot," he says. Sebastian hands Kurt his shades. Kurt puts them on, closing his eyes behind tinted lenses. "I'll just come to terms with my new, inevitable YouTube popularity when we get back home."
Sebastian grins, closing his eyes and reaching between them to hold his husband's hand. "That's all I ask."