A/N: So... more Heritage! Thanks to those of you who have messaged me and reviewed me for your support, I really appreciate it, especially at a time like this. I'm afraid you may have to forgive me a few typos on this because my usual proof reader is busy being awesome, but... hopefully you'll like it anyway! I'm still working on getting my 'mojo' back, and getting lots more updates written for you to make up for the super long absence, but it might take a while... (and if you asked me to email you an unedited version I'm on it, I haven't forgotten you) so in the meantime I hope you enjoy this one, and please, PLEASE send me a review to let me know what you think!

(Also, please be nice. I don't think I'm on my usual form right now.)

'So, Elliot told me you were going to have a baby in a few months.' Dr Olivet turned the page in her notepad, settling back into her chair.

Olivia sighed to herself. Damn him. 'Did he?'

'Yes, Olivia, he did.'

'OK.' Olivia shrugged. 'That's nice.'

'So.' Dr Olivet looked at her expectantly. 'Are you?'

Well, duh. Olivia rolled her eyes. 'Well, if he says so then yes, probably.'

'You don't sound too happy about that, Olivia.'

No shit. 'Don't I?'

'No, Olivia, you don't.'

Olivia rolled her eyes again. 'And?'

'Well, most people are excited. They make plans, pick out names...' Dr Olivet raised an eyebrow at her. 'Have you done any of those things, Olivia?'

Olivia bristled. Go fuck yourself. 'No. Should I?'

'Don't you want to?'

Olivia grimaced. 'No.'

'Why not?'

Olivia gritted her teeth. 'Because I don't.' Now drop it.

Dr Olivet smiled at her sympathetically. 'It's OK to feel overwhelmed, Olivia. It's OK to feel sad.'

Olivia sighed heavily. 'Look, I just said I don't want to, OK?' Why do you have to overthink EVERYTHING?

'Olivia-'

'NO!' Olivia felt a flash of what she was fairly certain was rage. 'IT DOESN'T MATTER!' Shut up shut up shut up shut UP!

'Why doesn't it matter?'

'Because... because...' Olivia bit her lip, and then everything spilled out in a chaotic rush. 'Because I'm not keeping the thing anyway, OK, I'm going to give it away, wait for it to be born and then have someone take it away, someone...' Someone better. 'Someone who...' Someone who deserves him. 'Look, I'm just not going to keep it, OK, and you can't make me, you can't, YOU CAN'T-'

'Why would I try to make you keep your son, Olivia?'

Olivia just shook her head silently, staring at her knees. I don't want him I don't want him I know I don't want him-

'Have you talked to Elliot?' Dr Olivet looked at her carefully. 'Olivia?'

Enough. Olivia looked up at her, her eyes narrowing dangerously. 'Don't you fucking judge me.' Why won't you just leave me alone?

'Why would I be-'

'Because you are!' I said I don't want him, isn't that enough for you?

'Olivia, I just asked if Elliot-'

'Fuck you!' I said LEAVE ME ALONE, now just LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!

'Olivia-'

'DON'T!' Olivia bolted upright, her eyes filled with rage. 'Don't you DARE feel sorry for him, don't you DARE make me feel bad for this!' Don't you think I feel bad enough already?

'Olivia, I-'

'NO!' Olivia cut her off. 'HE'S not the one who got attacked, HE'S not the one stuck with the baby, I AM, I'M the one who'll have to live with it, NOT HIM!'

'Olivia, calm down-'

'NO, ELIZABETH, NO, I WILL NOT CALM DOWN!'

Dr Olivet just smiled patiently. 'What is it you're so afraid of, Olivia?'

Olivia's eyes narrowed. Can't you ever just take a fucking hint? 'I'm NOT, I'm NOT afraid, you're JUDGING ME, I KNOW YOU'RE JUDGING ME, AND I HATE IT, I HATE IT, AND EL HATES ME AND NOW EVERYONE HATES ME BECAUSE I'M AN UNGRATEFUL BITCH WHO WANTS TO THROW AWAY HER OWN CHILD, AND... AND...'

'I wasn't judging you, Olivia, I was just asking what your boyfriend thought about your decision.'

'Oh yeah?' Olivia rolled her eyes. 'Why the fuck do you care?'

Dr Olivet smiled again. 'Humour me.'

Olivia sighed to herself. Oh, what the hell. 'He... well, he...' She looked away, all the fight suddenly seeming to go out of her. Crap. 'He, uh... he cried.' It was awful, it was so awful, I didn't think he'd ever stop...

If Dr Olivet was surprised, she didn't show it, 'He did?'

Olivia nodded and looked away, shifting uncomfortably. 'Yeah. He didn't want to let me see it, but he did.' I could hear him sobbing from the bathroom down the hall.

Dr Olivet nodded and scribbled something on her pad. 'But he didn't try to stop you?'

'No, uh...' Olivia quickly wiped her eyes, still staring down at her knees. 'No, he... he just said that he loved me and that we'd do whatever I wanted to do.' She swallowed awkwardly. 'And I want to get rid of it.' So there.

'Him.'

'What?'

'You want to get rid of him, Olivia. Not it. Him.'

Oh, for FUCK'S sake... Olivia let out a cry of exasperation. 'Fine, it, him, what the fuck's the difference?' I already told you, it DOESN'T MATTER!

Dr Olivet sighed. 'The difference is that I'm concerned that you're trying to dehumanise your child because you're afraid that if you don't you might want to keep him.' She smiled gently at her. 'Just like you're afraid to stop being angry in case it means you have to start feeling other things like uncertainty, fear or grief instead.'

'Grief?' Olivia snorted. 'You really think I have any right to feel grief?' Is this some kind of sick joke? Because it's not funny.

'You lost your baby, Olivia. It's normal to mourn, even as much as you would for an actual, living child. No one expects you to be able to just brush it off as if nothing happened.'

Well, then they're idiots. Olivia shrugged. 'If you say so.'

'Don't you think that you deserve to grieve for your child, Olivia?'

No. Olivia gritted her teeth, a definite edge coming into her voice. 'I don't know. I guess I haven't really thought about it.'

Dr Olivet nodded and scribbled something down on her pad. 'Do you think you would feel differently if you knew that it was Elliot's child?'

Olivia laughed bitterly. 'It's not.'

Dr Olivet looked at her, raising her eyebrows. 'From what I've heard, Olivia, there's a good chance it could be.'

'It's not.' Olivia looked back down at her knees, her hands fidgeting with the edges of the sheet. 'Trust me, it's not.' I'd know if it was, I know I would.

'You seem very sure about that.'

No shit. Olivia sighed pointedly. 'Yeah, and that's because I am.' I have to be. It's easier that way.

'Why's that?'

'Because... because...' Olivia sniffed again and wiped her eyes on the edge of the sheet. Shit. Stop crying, stop crying NOW- 'Because that would be too good for me, I don't deserve that, I haven't done anything to deserve something that... that...' Angry, angry, stay angry, you don't cry when you're angry...

'Do you think you deserved what happened to you, Olivia?'

Yes. 'What?!' Olivia stared at her. 'Where the fuck did that come from?'

'You talk a lot about deserving things. It makes me wonder if you think all of this is somehow something you deserved, some kind of punishment for some unknown wrong rather than just a terrible, terrible thing that could have happened to anyone.'

'But it didn't happen to anyone, did it?' Olivia forced a laugh, quickly swiping the back of her hand across her eyes. 'It happened to me.'

'That doesn't make it your fault, Olivia.'

Oh, for the love of... Olivia had to fight the urge to roll her eyes. Doesn't she ever get bored of this crap? 'OK, fine, but that doesn't change the fact that this is not El's baby. It's not. It can't be. He doesn't deser-' Shit. She took a deep breath. Nice one, idiot. 'I MEAN, he's too good for that. He's too perfect for God to curse with a child that's half mine.'

'So, you think he doesn't deserve it?'

Olivia gritted her teeth. 'That's not what I said.'

'You almost did.'

Oh for FUCK'S sake... Olivia had to fight back a sudden surge of impatience. 'Look, Elizabeth, are we just going to sit here and argue semantics or do you want to save us both some time and come out and say whatever the fuck it is you're getting at?' We both know what you want to say, so grow a pair and just fucking say it.

'Well, Olivia, I seem to remember we were talking about your baby and whether you would feel differently if you knew that it was definitely Elliot's child.' Dr Olivet raised her eyebrows. 'That is, until you dodged the question.'

Olivia bristled. Bitch. 'I did not.'

'You did, Olivia, but that's not the point.' Dr Olivet looked at her carefully. 'Olivia... this isn't a symbol or a memento or a curse we're talking about, it's a real live child, and you're his mother.'

But... but... Olivia bit her lip. Oh no, please, please don't do this to me... 'So?'

'So, don't you feel anything?'

Olivia forced a smile. 'Nope.' Now fuck off.

'Really? Nothing at all?'

'No, I-' Olivia's voice caught in her throat and she swallowed uncomfortably, staring down at her stomach and cradling it briefly in her hands. I... I...

Dr Olivet leaned forwards, looking carefully at her face. 'Olivia?'

Olivia shook her head, still looking down at her stomach. 'No.' Her voice was quiet and uncertain. 'No, I don't.' Leave me alone, please, leave me alone, that's enough, I can't take any more...

'Are you sure?'

Olivia nodded and wiped her eyes, biting down hard on her lip. 'Uh huh.'

'Olivia...' Dr Olivet sighed. 'Olivia, I know you don't want to talk about this, but-'

Then why the fuck are you doing this to me? For fun? Olivia felt a sudden burst of impatience. 'Look, I'm sorry, but how is this any of your fucking business?' Actually, since when was ANY of this your business?

'I just want to be sure that you make the right choice for you, Olivia.' Dr Olivet gave her a sympathetic look. 'I don't want you to regret this in a few years, and given your current mental state I think there's a real chance that you might.'

Oh. Olivia bit her lip, staring at her knees. 'Well, it doesn't matter. It doesn't make any difference what I want.' It never has.

'Why not?' Dr Olivet looked at her with interest. 'Olivia... do you think your child won't want you?'

'That's crazy!' Olivia let out an odd, high-pitched laugh. 'Where the hell are you getting all this from?'

'Well, for one thing, you keep rejecting Elliot even though you say that you love him.'

You don't think I know that? Olivia smiled bitterly. 'Yes, and I do that BECAUSE I love him, not because I'm scared he's going to reject me and run away with... with that hussy from the apartment next door, or... or the mailgirl, or someone he met on the bus, or... or something!'

'OK, but you also try to push me away whenever you feel I'm getting too close.'

Olivia rolled her eyes. Yes, that's because you're a massive pain in the ass. 'So?'

'So, I think you find it easier to tell yourself that you don't want to keep your child than to open yourself up to the chance he might reject you, just like everyone else has.'

My ass. Olivia snorted derisively. 'No offence, Elizabeth, but you're full of shit.'

Dr Olivet raised an eyebrow at her. 'Am I?'

'Yes.' Except... except... Olivia took a deep breath. 'Elizabeth, uh... can I ask you something?'

Dr Olivet smiled kindly. 'Of course you can.'

'Well, uh...' Olivia swallowed uncomfortably. 'Psychiatrists have to go to medical school, don't they?'

Dr Olivet nodded. 'Yes, Olivia, they do.'

'Did you go?'

'Yes, Olivia, I did.'

'I... I, uh...' Olivia hesitated. Oh, for the love of God just say it. 'Do you know much about babies? I mean, foetuses? Late-term ones?'

Dr Olivet sighed. 'I'm sorry, Olivia, I'm afraid I don't, but I'm sure-'

Olivia cut her off. 'Do you think he's lonely?'

'Do I what?'

'My baby, do you... do you think he's lonely?' Olivia looked up at her, a faint look of pleading on her face. 'He spends every day in there, alone, without... in silence, without...' Her breath caught in her throat. 'Do you think he misses his sister?' Do you think he hates me for killing her?

Dr Olivet leaned forwards, looking at her closely. 'Olivia... do you think your son hates you, or that he blames you for what happened?'

Yes. 'No, of course I don't, but... but...' Olivia looked away, biting her lip. 'It's just... since I found out about the baby, I... I suddenly got huge, you know, I started showing, and... and the doctor told me it was because the baby had shifted to lie differently, and that was making my bump much more prominent, so... so...'

'Olivia, it's normal for babies to move around in the womb.'

'Yes, but... but...' Olivia took a deep breath, steeling herself, and then everything poured out in a jumbled chaotic rush. 'Do you think he was deliberately hiding from me because he was afraid I'd kill him if I knew he was there?'

Dr Olivet didn't even miss a beat. 'Would you have?'

'NO!' Olivia visibly flinched, staring at her open mouthed. What the hell is wrong with you?! 'Of course not, he's- it's my... it's my...' Her lip trembled and then suddenly she burst into tears. 'I don't want to hurt my baby, Elizabeth, I don't. and I don't know what to do...'

'Olivia-'

Olivia didn't seem to hear her. 'The doctor... the doctor said he's moved into the position they take before they're born, that he's just getting ready for that, but... but...' She wiped her eyes, choking back a fresh sob. Fuck. 'And it made me think about.. about when he's going to be born, listening to him crying and... and just ignoring him and waiting for someone to take him away rather than soothing him, knowing I'd never see him again, I... I...' She shook her head blankly, tears streaming down her face. 'I don't know what to do and there's no one to help me, Elizabeth, I can't even ask my mom because... because...' Hold it together, Olivia, just hold it together, just a little bit longer... Olivia bit her lip, forcing herself not to break down. 'She'd know what to do, I know she would, but she's not here, and I... I...' She shrugged helplessly. 'And I just... I... I just... don't.'

'OK.' Dr Olivet nodded and jotted something down. 'Why do you think your mom would be able to tell you what to do?'

Olivia just stared at her. Well, DUH. 'Because she made that same decision herself, remember?' God knows you've mentioned it enough times yourself.

'Well, if you think about it, Olivia, you already know what your mother decided to do.'

'So?' Olivia rolled her eyes. 'Just because she was too weak to do the right thing doesn't mean I have to be.' My baby's innocent. He doesn't deserve to pay for my fuckups.

Dr Olivet raised her eyebrows at her. 'So you think your mother was weak?'

Oh, for the love of... 'Well, no, I didn't say that-'

'You did.'

Olivia gritted her teeth. 'OK, fine, maybe I did, but I didn't mean it like that, OK?'

'How did you mean it?'

Olivia rolled her eyes again. Fuck off and die.

'Olivia?'

Olivia gritted her teeth, forcing back a growing twinge of impatience. For fuck's sake, don't you ever get bored of this shit? 'Look, can we just change the subject now?'

Dr Olivet didn't seem to hear her. 'Is it because she drank? Is it because she let herself get attacked, because she let herself fall apart, because she was selfish enough to leave you when you still needed her?'

'Fuck you.' Olivia's eyes narrowed, a steely edge coming into her voice. 'Don't you DARE talk about my mom like that.'

Dr Olivet ignored her. 'You're angry at her for leaving you, aren't you?'

'She... I...'' Olivia clenched her fists, swallowing a sudden pang of anger. 'She... she shouldn't have drank so much. She shouldn't have been so fucking careless. She shouldn't have... she shouldn't have...'

Dr Olivet leaned in closer. 'She shouldn't have what, Olivia?'

'STOP IT!' Olivia felt an unexpected surge of panic. 'My mom doesn't have anything to do with this!'

'I think she does.'

Oh, for FUCK'S SAKE- Olivia let out a cry of exasperation. 'Why? Why do you think that?'

Dr Olivet sighed and sat back in her seat. 'Because I think that the reason you want her to tell you what to do is because you want someone else to tell you that you should keep your baby.'

Olivia felt an unexpected pang of hope. Really? 'Do you... do you...' She looked at Dr Olivet, forcing herself to sound casual. 'Do you, uh, think she would?' Say yes say yes say yes say yes-

Dr Olivet sighed again. 'I don't know, Olivia, but it doesn't change the fact that this is a decision you have to make on your own.' Dr She smiled sadly at her and put down her notepad. 'I can't tell you what to do, and neither could your mother, because we're not the ones who would have to live with your decision.'

'Mmmm.' Olivia bit her lip and looked away, blinking back tears. Why does this have to be so difficult, why, why can't it just be easy...

'Olivia?' Dr Olivet was looking closely at her face. 'Are you OK?'

No. 'Yes, I... it's just...' Olivia forced a smile, her lower lip trembling. 'Sometimes I really miss her, you know?'

'Do you miss her now?'

Olivia swallowed uncomfortably and shook her head. Do not cry do not cry do not cry do not cry- 'Nope.'

Dr Olivet leaned forwards again and put her hand on Olivia's shoulder. 'It's OK if you do, Olivia. It's OK to admit that you miss her, just like it is to feel angry at her for dying and leaving you alone when you still needed her.'

But... but... 'Elizabeth, I... I...' Olivia bit her lip, lunged forwards and threw her arms around Dr Olivet. 'I want my mom, Elizabeth, I want my mom...' She buried her face in her shoulder, her breath hitching and catching in her throat as she sobbed. 'I want my mom...'

A/N: Did you like it? Please send me a review and let me know! The little review box is right down there, you don't even have to sign in!

No, I'm not a review whore. Shut up.

(PS: I love you all.)

(PPS: Also, feel free to go check out Judgement and Blame, because I just updated those recently too!)