Author's Note: Okay. I have missed John and Mer like whoa. I just have really not been in the mood to write and I was having a hard time getting Sam on Atlantis. This is the outcome. I need to warn a little for some OOC John and maybe a little OOC Mer for how she handles this situation but really, this short little fic was just me finding myself when it comes to these two again. Hopefully, the next couple fics will come easily now that this one is finished. Thanks to Kelley for inspiring me to write and helping me along. You're the best and ILU. Also, please remember: comments are love, people.

Once upon a time, Meredith thinks this would have been ideal. Not that she ever wanted to see Elizabeth lose her position as leader of Atlantis but because she's always been the type to want to have her cake and eat it too.

That's a stupid expression, she thinks. What's the fucking point of having cake if you can't eat it? Especially yellow cake with…

Right. She's getting off topic. She thinks she should probably be happy that Sam is coming. She is, in a way, even though she's sure that it's going to mean trouble for her and John. She loves Carter in a way that's completely separate from the way she loves John, but sometimes, she thinks he forgets that.

Like right now, probably. They're standing in the 'Gate room, shoulder to shoulder and she can feel how tense he is. His shoulders are squared and his jaw is set in a way that's completely un-John-like in nature. Whether he'll admit it or not, he's feeling threatened.

At John's other side, Ronon is there and Meredith can see him fingering his blaster. There's a feral grin on his face and if this was anyone else taking command of Atlantis, Meredith would be right there with him, arms crossed and chin tilted in that defiant way that clearly tells the newcomer that they are not welcome.

But this is Carter.

A wave of guilt washes over her because she realizes she's torn. This is her team, her family. Atlantis is her home and Elizabeth was her friend but before there was this, there was him. Sam was there for her when she was alone. He was the first person in two galaxies to ever get a shit about her so it's only natural that she feels a sense of loyalty to him as well.

She just has no fucking clue how to balance that.

Before she can think on it anymore, the 'Gate comes to life, almost deafening her as it begins to dial on its own. Chuck announces Sam's imminent arrival up in the control room, but Meredith ignores him as she stands just a little straighter. Teyla is beside her, face relaxed in a look of welcoming but Meredith knows better. She's just as nervous as John and Ronon.

When the worm hole opens, Meredith realizes she's holding her breath. It takes less than three seconds before Sam appears in the 'Gateroom. All in all, incredibly anticlimactic. It feels like nobody is breathing, Sam included as he steps forward, handing his bags to the two marines who moved to take them. He offers them a boyish grin, but they don't stick around to grin back. The expedition may not have always been loyal to Elizabeth, but they are to John and Meredith knows that bringing a new Military man in is a slap in the face.

"Colonel Carter," John says stiffly. "Welcome to Atlantis."

"Thank you," he says, and Meredith has to give him credit because his smile never falters despite the almost suffocating tension in the room. "Right, well, I just wanted to say that I'm honored to be here. I've come here fully committed to this expedition, to Atlantis, and to all of you. I look forward to working with all of you."

It's all the dismissal that they need because without a second's hesitation, the room begins clearing out. It isn't long before it's just Meredith, Sam, John, Teyla and Ronon.

"Nice speech," Meredith says and her voice sounds stronger than she feels right now.

"Thanks," Sam responds, breathing a loud sigh. "I also do weddings and awards shows. Book early to avoid disappointment." He pauses and runs a hand through his short hair before he offers Meredith a bright smile. "Good to see you, McKay."

"You too, Sam," she says and even though it feels disloyal to Elizabeth and John, she means it. "Um… you remember John?"

"Of course," Sam says, eyeing John carefully. "How could I forget?"

John flinches just a little at that, but his steady gaze never wavers.

"Right… well uh… okay, so you know John. This is uh… this is Ronon and Teyla. They're the aliens. I mean… not aliens, but you know what I mean, they're…" she trails off and Carter just laughs.

"Right. I've read the reports. It's nice to finally meet you. I look forward to getting to know you both."

Ronon scoffs at that, but Teyla—lovely Teyla—steps forward and grips Carter's shoulders before touching her forehead to his. "It is nice to meet you, Colonel Carter. Doctor McKay speaks of you often."

"I do not," Meredith protests, shooting a worried glance in John's direction, but he's too busy glaring daggers into Carter's head to notice.

"Maybe we should show you to your room now," John says and Meredith is almost shocked at how gruff he sounds. It's a voice usually only saved for Kolya and Caldwell on occasion.

"That would be great," Carter says evenly.

"Wonderful. Right this way, Colonel."

.::.

Meredith has just settled into bed, science journal open on her lap when John storms in, sweaty and a little bloody from his workout session with Ronon.

"What the fuck, John?" Meredith screeches, throwing the covers back as she climbs out of bed, crossing the room the cup his chin in her hand, taking in the large gash on his forehead. "Have you seen Keller? You probably need stitches in this thing!"

He's staring at her intensely, his hazel eyes burning into hers just seconds before he crushes himself against her, ignoring the way she squirms in his arms.

She presses against his chest, trying to push him away as he kisses her fiercely. On any other night, it would have been hot, but right now, it's just really fucking irritating. When he finally breaks away, he's breathing raggedly but she doesn't get a chance to ask what the hell his problem is before he's pushing her back towards to the bed.

Her legs buckle when she hits the bed and he's on her in a second, clawing at her shirt. While she's never been afraid of him before, this is crossing into territory she's not okay with, so she brings her knee up, catching him between the legs.

"What the fuck, McKay?" He practically howls, pulling away to hold himself, cursing loudly.

"That's what I'd like to know, you dick. What the fuck do you think you're doing?" She spits, swiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

"What does it look like?"

"Looks a bit like you're trying to mark your God damned territory. Jesus Christ, John. What's next? Pissing on my leg in front of Sam?" She practically leaps off the bed, grabbing her discarded cargo pants from earlier before she pulls them up over her hips quickly. Her back is to him, and for right now, she's grateful because she doesn't want him to see the way her hands are shaking.

"Meredith—"

"Fuck off, Sheppard," she says angrily. "When you decide to act like a God damned human and stop treating me like a piece of property you need to stake claim in, you can come find me."

Her first instinct when she flees the room is to find Sam. He's protected her once and she's pretty sure if it came down to it, he would do it again but she knows that would send the wrong message to both parties. She's not afraid of John and she doesn't need to be protected from him so instead, she heads down to the lab to clear her head.

She doesn't know how long it takes before her hands stop shaking or before her heart stops trying to pound out of her chest. She has so many things she could be working on, but she can't stop thinking about the way his hands felt on her, gripping her arms roughly. She knows John; knows that he would never in a million years hurt her on purpose but he was not himself tonight and she would be lying to say she wasn't a little frightened for a moment.

It's been about an hour since she's left their room and while she's feeling a little calmer, the sound of footsteps outside of her lab is enough to set her on edge. She grips the corner of the table as John slips inside.

His hair is even more of a mess than usual and he looks more upset than he did when they lost Ford.

"Meredith," he says a little raggedly. "Jesus Christ, Mer."

"You're an idiot, Sheppard," she says, but now, there's no venom behind her words.

"I know," he says as he steps closer. He crushes himself against her again, but it's different this time. There's no wildness in his embrace, just barely controlled desperation. "I'm sorry," he says, his voice muffled by her hair. "Fuck, Mer. I'm so sorry."

"If you ever—"

"I won't," he tells her. "I won't, I swear it. Jesus fucking Christ."

She's hugging him back, her nails digging into his flesh in a way that she's positive is painful but he never flinches. He just holds her, his body trembling ever-so-slightly against her. He knows he's fucked up.

They stay like that for awhile but when they finally pull apart, he looks completely and utterly ashamed of himself.

"I'm not a piece of property, John," she says quietly, as a reminder.

"I know. God, I know."

Meredith releases a shaky breath and nods. "Good. And you… you need to figure something out with Carter because as much as you don't want him to be here, he is so… so you need to just deal with it and stop all this macho crap. This isn't you."

"I know," he says again.

"Everyone else is going to take their cue from you. We all know what it's like to feel like we aren't wanted somewhere, so let's… you know, not do that to him. He's a good person. He's not going to try to take over or anything. He's just trying to make the best of the situation too."

She wonders when she became the voice of reason in the relationship. Probably four hours ago, when Carter made it into the city, but whatever. She just knows she doesn't want to spend the rest of her time in Atlantis torn between John and Sam because she loves them both, just in different ways.

"I'll talk to him in the morning," John promises. Meredith just nods.

"Okay then."

She takes her time shutting down her equipment before she joins him in the hallway, reaching for his hand. He looks at her tentatively and in that moment, she knows that he understands just how close he was to fucking things up with her for good.

But he didn't, so instead, she just offers him a half smile.

"Come on," she says. "Bed."

"Okay."

"You really should have gotten Keller to look at your head. It'll probably get infected and scar and we wouldn't want to mess up that pretty face."

"Uh huh."

Things are tense right now. Will be for awhile, most likely, but she knows it's going to work out. It always does, in the end.