Chapter Thirty-six: Hide and Seek

Bang.

Bang.

Bang.

We all know that it takes only one second for things to change. We've all learned to cherish the good because the bad can happen so quickly. Heaven and Hell were at war for the world. But sometimes it seemed that the universe was out to get me. Us. That one moment of happiness was equal to one month of Hell. It seemed that no matter what I did or how hard I tried I was never going to find the bigger picture. There would be no green grass. The upper hand was out of reach. The high road was under construction. So all that was left was pain, heartache, and danger. Something I had to experience over and over again.

For a moment it was blissful and then the world came tumbling down again.

Still locked in a kiss, gunfire rang, piercing the walls as bullet after bullet was shot through them. For a second the kiss lasted. Then Cass arched as the bullets hit him in the back. Before now he never reacted to such human devices but the expression of pain that was now on his face was unbearable. My eyes grew wide as his body tensed. I was too shocked and scared to scream or to drop. I stared at his face, my heart stopping as a bullet hit the back of his head. He immediately went limp in my arms. His arms falling away from me. His weight falling against me. Gripping him, I fell backward, not letting him go, I hit the ground, not even feeling the pain. Rolling him, covering his body with mine as the gunfire continued to go off. I hugged his head, protecting it from any more damage, feeling the warmth of his blood. Lifting my head enough to see his face, it was the peaceful expression that usually accompanied death. Tears were streaming as I put my hand on his face, my forehead against his, as the house was still being ripped apart.

A set of arms gripped me, pulling me away from him. Struggling against them to no avail, I was pulled away from Cass, just leaving him there, bleeding, on the floor. Now it was okay to scream. It was okay to release all the emotion that was coursing through me. All the while the guns were still going off. Before I knew it I was being pushed through the back door, shoved into the backseat of a car, and driven off kicking and screaming. Only stopping when we were in the middle of nowhere and the car stopped. Falling out the car door, not being able to get out fast enough, I gasped as I tried to get air back into my lungs. There were hands on my waist as I tried to crawl away from the car.

"Evy, stop." Dean's voice said gently in my ear.

"Did you go back for him?" I screamed at him. "Did anyone go back for him?"

"There's wasn't time." Dean said with wet eyes. "I tried to but they wouldn't let me."

"He was shot. Several times. He was shot in the head!" I yelled getting to my feet.

"I know." Dean said pulling me against him.

"No!" I yelled pushing him away. I made a run for the driver's seat but Bobby grabbed my waist as I grabbed the handle. "No! Let me go!"

"Knock it off!" Bobby said as he threw me to the ground. "Do you want to get yourself killed?"

"He needs me!" I yelled back, standing and rushing him, shoving him in the chest.

"He's an angel! He'll be okay." Bobby retorted.

"No he won't!" I screamed before my voice broke and I couldn't yell anymore. My voice was raspy as I tried to make him see. "He was bleeding, Bobby. He was bleeding and he was in pain. The angel part of him is supposed to keep him from that pain. To keep his body safe and to heal him. But he felt it. He felt it like he was human and when the bullet hit his head…" I said and covered my mouth as I stifled a sob. "He fell unconscious and he didn't wake up. He was supposed to heal himself and be okay. But he didn't get up again and then YOU TORE ME AWAY FROM HIM!" I exclaimed and rushed him again, punching him hard across the cheekbone.

"Evy, stop!" Sam said grabbing my waste.

"You stop!" I yelled shoving him away. "Just stop it. Stop turning into a demon and give me my brother back." He just looked at me. Then I turned to Dean. "Please." I pleaded. "Please." He nodded and got behind the wheel.

Sliding into the passenger seat I dreaded what we'd return to. He had to be okay. He just had to be. We had just gone through this. It was too soon after what happened in my heaven that it made me think that the angel who had come after Cass had something to do with this. But if that was true then Cass being left unconscious was the worst possible thing that could have been done. If he had come to heaven looking for Cass then I knew he wouldn't hesitate to kill Cass in cold blood.

When we finally got back to the house, it was a complete mess. One half of the house was so full of holes it was almost unrecognizable. I rushed through the mess, sliding on the debris as I tried to get to him as fast as I could. Only when I reached where I had been torn away from him, he wasn't there.

"No…" I said as I fell to my knees. "No. Where is he?"

"Maybe he is healed and he's okay." Dean said reassuringly.

"No." I said shaking my head as I covered my mouth, silently sobbing into it. Standing, I turned to him. "He would have come for me. He would have come for us. He wouldn't have just disappeared."

"It's okay. We'll figure it out." He said gently rubbing my arms.

"What if someone has him?" I asked.

"He'll be able to get himself out." He replied.

"Not if it's someone who knows how to contain angels. What if it's the one who attacked us? We don't even know who the angel is. What if Cass is dead?" I asked as the tears flowed again. Dean just sighed and looked at me sadly. "We need to find him, Dean."

"We will." He said and pulled me into a hug.

He let me cry into his shoulder until I couldn't anymore. It was more than I deserved. He was being everything I needed him to be. Then there was barking as Lincoln came running into view.

"Linc!" I yelled and fell to my knees again as I embraced the dog. He let out a mournful whine as he leaned into me. "What happened? Where've you been?"

He took a few steps back before he turned back into a man. He grabbed a blanket from the couch and looked at me with a painful expression. I just looked back, trying to read it. Trying to figure out what he was trying to tell me without saying anything. Then I realized what it was.

"They have him, don't they?" I asked as I wiped the tears from my cheeks.

"I am so sorry." He told me, emotion coating his words.

"Where is he, Linc?" I asked sternly.

"I'll take you to him."

My next question was, "How badly is he hurt?"

"We should go." He said and left the room.

"Lincoln!" I yelled going after him. "Is it so bad that you can't even tell me?"

"They were after me." He replied sadly. "He was the last thing in the house. You left him behind."

"Not on purpose!" I yelled. "I was dragged away from him! It wasn't my choice! He was shot and I was dragged away from him. He was hurt and bleeding."

"I'm sorry." He replied.

"Let's go." I told him, running my fingers through my hair. "He needs me."

We got back into the car and Lincoln directed Dean to where Cass was. When we got to the house where he was being kept there were men guarding the outside and Lincoln assured us that the guard would be doubled inside. Someone big was inside. Only they weren't going to get out alive. Not tonight. Not while they were holding Cass.

The car had barely stopped and I was already out of it. The boys were trying to stop me but I was already too far away from them to make a difference. I didn't hold anything back as I confronted the first four that appeared. It took nothing to take them out. They waited just long enough for me to bring up my gun and shoot them all dead. Kicking in the door, I was met with a gun, but I quickly gutted him before he pulled the trigger. After he fell I took a bullet to the shoulder before I started firing on them. I managed to bring down four before I received another graze across my ribs before Dean and Lincoln came in guns a blazing. It took only a few minutes to take care of all the skinwalkers upstairs. When I opened the door to the basement, several bullets passed by as I stood clear of the door. Reaching the gun around the frame, I squeezed off several shots before the firing stopped. When I looked around the edge, two were dead at the bottom of the stairs.

"Evy don't." Dean said as I started down the stairs.

"He's down there. I'm going." I told him as I swiftly went down the stairs.

Making the turn at the bottom of the stairs, I was met with a half dozen guns, and an evil looking man. I didn't hesitate as I stepped down the last few stairs, my own gun at my side.

"So, you just decided to come in here and shoot the place up?" The evil man asked.

"You have something I want." I said with a slight cock to my head.

He laughed. "Well, well, well. Looks like we have a fighter. Though you didn't fight very hard when you left your boyfriend there to die."

"There's a difference between leaving and being taken." I retorted.

"Well, if you give me what I want I'll give you what you want." He grinned.

"First, I'd like to know who I'm dealing with." I grinned back.

He nodded and took a step toward me. "Charles McCreedy." He said extending his hand out to me. "I already know you, Evy Winchester."

"Most do." I replied. "Is Lincoln what you want?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"He has information."

"How important is it?"

"Important enough for me to keep your boyfriend until you give me him." He replied with a straight face.

I knew that he wasn't bluffing. Lincoln was going to be the deal breaker on this one. Even if Dean and Lincoln came crashing through the ceiling there wouldn't be enough gun power to take all of them and get Cass back in one piece.

"Let me see him." I told him.

Stepping aside, I finally got my first look at Cass. His head was dipped and there were no words for the wounds, blood, and dirt that covered his body. Tears threatened to take over but I managed to keep them at bay. I didn't know what to do. I wasn't leaving here without Cass but it was hard to simply give up Lincoln. I didn't want to do it. He was one of my best friends and I would be feeding him to the wolves. I owed him a lot, and then I realized that I owed him the world when he came down the stairs and stepped next to me.

"What are you doing?" I asked gripping his arm.

"I'm getting you back your love." He said and stepped forward. "Hey, Charlie! Long time no see." He grinned at Charles.

"Lincoln." He replied.

"Give the girl her man back." He said turning serious. "You can have me."

"Lincoln…" I said gripping his arm again.

"Evy, I'll be okay." He smiled at me.

"I don't believe you." I told him.

"You shouldn't." Charles smiled.

"Don't hurt him." I told the evil man. "He's doing this for me. Please don't hurt him."

"I promise no harm will come to him if you promise that he's told you nothing that might get him into trouble." Charles told me.

"I don't know anything." I promised as tears slid down my cheeks.

Charles motioned with his hand and two men grabbed Lincoln, forcing his arms behind his back. Two others untied Cass and threw him at my feet. Dropping to my knees, I pulled him into my arms, putting my hand on his face as tears started to stream. Looking up at Lincoln, he simply smiled at me as he was taken from my sight.

"Get Dean down here now to help you with the body." Charles told me.

"What?" I asked as my throat tightened.

That was the moment I realized that he wasn't breathing. Putting my hand on his chest, there was no steady beat against my hand. Feeling the panic start to move through me, I felt like I couldn't breathe. Shaking and rocking started to take over when Dean came rushing down the stairs. I looked at him frantically before he pulled Cass over his shoulder and rushed back out of the house. I couldn't help the horrific sobs that came from me as we drove back to Bobby's. Cass was lifeless in my arms, making it feel real. Cradling him against me, Dean couldn't drive fast enough. Sam and Bobby were waiting outside the house when we pulled in. I didn't want to let Cass go as all three men moved to help get him out of the car. Sam looked at me sadly, telling me that it was going to be okay, before I finally loosened my grip. Unable to move, I sat in the car, the whole night replaying in my head. I couldn't move. I couldn't go into that house. Not yet.

"Evy?" Dean said gently as he walked back to the car.

"I'm terrified." I said looking up at him.

Both doors were still open. Dean slid inside next to me, quickly taking my hand in his. "I know."

"Every time I think I can handle something I'm always proven wrong. Why does this keep happening to me?" I asked as tears ran down my cheeks. "Why Dean? First it was Jim. Then I died and then by the time I was alive again John was dead. Then it was Sam and then you. And now it's him. I don't understand what I did to make the universe hate me so much. Am I doomed to be miserable for the rest of my life?"

"I don't know." Dean said putting an arm around me. "And I am so sorry. So very sorry."

The sobs started to creep up my throat. "He's dead then?" I asked as the sobs broke through.

Dean's eyes filled with tears and he pulled me into him, holding me tightly against his chest. It didn't seem possible. He was an angel. He was never supposed to be able to die. Not without the right means and being beaten and shot was not supposed to be a cause of death. Dean whispered comforting words in my ear and slowly managed to calm me down. When I managed to sit up and not burst into tears every few minutes, Dean held his hand out toward me. Putting mine in his he helped me out of the car and gripped my hand tighter as he led me into the house. Stopping outside the living room, he pulled me into a hug and placed a long kiss against my forehead before releasing me. Sam and Bobby came from the room and embraced me before they gave me sympathetic smiles and moving on to the kitchen.

"We're here for you." Dean told me sweetly.

"Thank you." I told him as silent tears fell.

"Just don't disappear on us." He smiled and kissed my forehead again before he followed the others.

Taking a deep breath, I stepped into the living room, staring at my feet. I closed the doors behind me, taking another deep breath before I turned around. Cass was lying on the couch. Quickly moving to him, I fell to my knees, taking his head in my hands as I cried. The sobs racking my body. Kissing his lips repeatedly, his cold skin made mine feel like it was on fire. He was still full of dirt and blood. It suddenly made me livid. Needing to clean him, I got control of myself, before going to the kitchen.

"Evy…" Sam said when he saw me. They were doing shots of whiskey. They each had one sitting in front of them. Grabbing them, I downed all three without flinching, before getting a bowl out, filling it with warm water, grabbing a washcloth. "What are you doing?"

"He's dirty." I replied. "I need to clean him up."

"We need to get you cleaned up." Bobby told me.

"I'm fine."

"You've been shot." He replied.

"I'm fine, Bobby." I said without looking at him.

"You're bleeding." Sam added gently.

"I don't care right now." I said and went to leave.

"Let me help." Sam asked standing up.

"No!" I yelled turning to him. "I need to wash his body. Me. I need to do this and I need to do this alone." Turning, I walked away from them, feeling their eyes following me.

"Hey, kid?" Bobby said gently grabbing my arm. Looking at him, he stood and took the bowl from my hands. He pulled me into a tight hug, a soft sniffling in my ear. "I love you like you'll never know. You are not being punished. If there is a God then he is only giving you enough to handle. You can do this."

"I love you too." I whispered in his ear before taking the bowl and quickly leaving the room.

Closing the doors behind me again, I slowly walked to the couch, sitting on the edge. For a moment I just looked at him, putting my hand on his neck, running my hand along his jaw line. The tears returned as I stared at him. Finally taking my eyes off of him, I wrung out the cloth, gently started to wipe his skin clean. Slowly, the Cass I knew was showing through the grime of the last few hours. It was unbelievable how fast it had all gone down. How fast we had come to this moment. As the minutes ticked by, the tears slowly subsided as I became obsessed with getting every inch of his body clean. Even though his body was littered with wounds, I made sure everyone was clean. When I was done, I set the bowl aside before taking his hand in mine, running my fingers through his damp hair.

"You know, if I remember correctly, you promised me that you weren't going anywhere. You were supposed to stay with me. And I don't understand why you aren't." I frowned as I kissed the back of his hand. "I can't do this without you. After everything we've been through. All the talks and sneaking around we're finally in a place where we can be us without all the lies and judging. Happiness was in our grasp. I love you so much and I can finally tell people about you and you're not here." Putting my hand on his chest, I waited for it to rise and fall, but it never did. I waited to feel his heartbeat, but it didn't. Covering my eyes with my hand, I started to cry again, still waiting to feel that thump against my palm.

"Evy?" Sam said gently sliding open the door.

"I'd really like to be alone." I told him, trying to stifle my tears.

"I know." He said handing me a beer.

I just looked at him before accepting the bottle and guzzling it, handing it back to him empty. I expected him to leave but he sat in a chair without saying a word.

"Please leave." I told him. "It hasn't even been that long."

"It's been almost six hours." He told me. "Dean wanted to come in at four."

"That's not that long." I told him, looking back at Cass. "I'm not going to let you drag me away. Not from this one."

"I wasn't going to." Sam replied sadly. "I just wanted to give you the opportunity to talk."

"Why would I want to do that?" I frowned and looked at him. "I gave up one of my best friends for the body of my boyfriend. What do you want me to say? That it was easy? That I'd do it differently next time? What?"

"I just wanted to give you the opportunity. I wasn't expecting you to say much."

"I love him and he's gone." I replied as the tears flowed yet again. "What am I supposed to do? I still don't believe that he's gone. It's not that easy to kill an angel. Why is this happening?"

"He's losing his angelic powers." A strong voice answered.

Standing, I whipped around to see Uriel. "What?" I frowned at him.

"He spent the last week pretending to be human. He's feeling things he shouldn't. He feels love. He feels jealousy. He feels pain. Because he's with you he's losing his power and its cost him his life."

"You're lying." I frowned at him.

"Think what you'd like." He smirked at me. "But if you're looking to place blame, look no further than the mirror."

He disappeared, leaving me a shattered mess. Falling onto the couch, I pulled Cass up into my arms. Sobbing into him, I held him as tightly as I could. Sam just watched me momentarily before he left, closing the doors behind him. I sobbed harder once I was alone. Running my hand down the back of his head, feeling his broad shoulders, wishing his arms would just move around me. Soon I started to scream that I was sorry. I was so sorry, just…so…sorry. I cried till my mind was lost and I blacked out.

When I woke up I was draped across Cass's body, still gripping his coat. His chest was just as still as ever. Closing my eyes again I tried to will myself back to sleep. I didn't have the energy to face another day without him. I couldn't let him go but it was so painful to look at him. So painful to know that it was my fault. It would always be my fault. I couldn't save Dean. I couldn't save Cass.

"Evy?" Dean's voice said gently.

Opening my eyes to look at him, they immediately filled with tears as I took in the sad expression on his face. I didn't say anything, just gripped Cass tighter, laying my head on his chest again.

"You have to eat something." He told me.

"I'm not hungry." I replied.

"At least drink some water. We don't want you to get dehydrated."

"I don't care."

"Please." He said with a desperate edge to his voice.

Looking at him again, I sighed and slowly moved over Cass's body, looking down at him as I got to my feet. Bending, I kissed his lips, "Be right back, baby."

Dean gently rubbed my back as he led me to the kitchen. All eyes were on me. Dean sat me at the table and put a bowl of soup in front of me. I was grateful it was soup. Anything else wouldn't have been tolerable. After it was gone he put a big glass of water in front of me. I choked down as much as I could before trying to slip back into the living room. Sam, however, stopped me, leading me toward the stairs by the shoulders.

"You need a shower. You may have cleaned Cass up but you need to take care of yourself for just a little while." He told me gently.

"I'm fine." I frowned and tried to shrug him off.

"No, you're not. No one would be if they'd gone through what you did. Just take a hot shower. I'll watch over him while you're gone." He said putting his arms around my neck.

"Promise?" I asked leaning my head against his.

"I promise." He said and gently pushed me into the bathroom, closing the door for me.

Numb. It was the best word to describe what I was feeling right now. Numb to everything. Starting the hot water, I stripped, standing in front of the mirror as I waited for the water to heat up. I hardly recognized my reflection. I was just as bloody and dirty as Cass had been. As I looked at myself, all I could think of was what Uriel had told me.

"It's my fault." I whispered as tears slid down my cheeks. "It's all my fault."

Turning, I slid onto the floor, a new wave of tears and sobs leaving my body with such force that I shook to the point that it felt like my bones were breaking. My lungs felt like they were caving in on themselves. My heart breaking into a thousand little pieces. Falling to the side, I curled into a ball and let everything out. I had been wrong in thinking that I had let it all out before. No. There was more. Always more. I was hardly aware when someone came in and gently sat me up, lifting me into the shower, my eyes blurred with tears. Gentle hands started to rub the blood and dirt from my skin. Dean's face slowly coming into view as the tears subsided.

"Thank you." I told him, my voice raspy.

"You're welcome." He said as he gently tilted my head back to rinse my hair.

Gripping his wet shirt for balance, I let him help me, knowing I didn't deserve it. Knowing that he was doing this because he loved me, while I grieved for the man I loved downstairs. I was still shaking, despite the warm water, my breath still stuttering, and my chest in pain from the racking sobs. After I was clean, he wrapped me in a towel before he looked at my wounds. They were bad enough grazes that they both needed a few stitches. He didn't numb me and I didn't flinch as he gently sowed them up. He knew it hurt and there was more than one moment where I caught his worried expression. But I didn't care. It didn't matter. He led me to my room and helped me into clean clothes.

"You need to get some rest." He told me, sitting on the edge of the bed next to me, gently combing my hair before gently braiding it over my shoulder.

"I didn't know you could do that." I stated as I looked at it.

"Yeah…well…it's one of the few secrets I've kept from you." He said with a smirk.

"Thank you." I told him again.

"I'm sorry." He said and took my hands in his.

"I'm sorry too." I replied, squeezing his hands. "It's not fair."

"No, baby, it's not." He said and kissed my hair.

Sitting with him was calming, though I wanted to be back downstairs. When Dean finally allowed me to return, the happier me would've smiled to see Sam watching over Cass. But it didn't. Sam's face looked like he had been crying. My eyes were currently dry and stinging. Walking to the couch, I looked down at Cass. He looked as peaceful as ever. Sitting next to him, I took his hand in mine, kissing the back of it before running my fingers through his hair.

"I just want to see those blue eyes of his." I whispered aloud, a small smile actually gracing my lips. Gently caressing his face, I bent and kissed him. "Just once more. Even if that's all I get." Putting my face next to his, I took a moment before whispering, "I love you", into his ear.

Leaning back, I smiled as I ran my hands down his chest. Remembering all the good times we had. Remembering the smile he only gave to me on the rarest of occasions. He loved me. I don't think I could comprehend how much he loved me. I knew how much I loved him and to have that reciprocated tenfold was something that doesn't happen as often as it should. I thought I might start crying again when I noticed the cuts on his body.

"Dean…" I said airily.

"What is it?" He asked rushing forward.

"They're fading." I replied and looked up at him.

"Evy…" He said with a smile on his face.

"Does this mean what I think it means?" I asked. Hope starting to flurry up inside of me.

"It might." He said and kissed my hair. "Come on, Sam." He said and led his brother from the room.

Something changed. Something was happening to him. He was healing. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. Afraid to blink in case I missed something. I rested one hand on his chest, the other on his face, just waiting for something more to happen. It was as if the wounds were healing before my eyes as they faded further. Soon they were just pink lines on his skin. I felt tense as I waited for something more to happen.

My heart stopped when I felt it. His heartbeat. Just once and then there was nothing again. When mine started beating again it began to race as I stared at him. I tried to control my breathing but there was no control anymore. He was coming back to me. Slowly. But he was coming back. His heart beat again. Then again. And again. And again. His chest rose under my hand. Just once and then it was still. It felt like an eternity had gone by when he took another breath. Then another. And another. And another. Leaning further over him, I waited for his eyes to open. He would. I would once again be able to see those blue eyes.

"Cass…" I whispered and his eyes slowly opened. His blue eyes gleaming as a small smile moved across his face. "You came back to me."

His hand moved to my face and before I could say anything more his lips were against mine. Kissing me passionately, he pulled me down against his chest. Running my hand up and down his chest, I put my other on the back of his head, feeling the wholeness. My fingers gripped his hair as his free hand gently squeezed my side.

"I love you." He finally whispered to me.

"I love you." I smiled and kissed him again.

He smiled back, putting his forehead against mine. Breathing him in, I felt the oncoming tears of joy that were starting to brim in my eyes. There was a shutter in my breathing, making him gently pull my face away from his. He frowned and wiped the first tear that fell. I couldn't look in his eyes. I would break down if I looked at him.

"I just need a minute." I said and rested my head on his chest.

"I'm sorry." He said and kissed the top of my head.

"No." I said and looked at him. "It's my fault." I didn't try and hide my tears this time. I let them fall as I caressed his face.

"No, it's not. Why would you say that?" He frowned.

"Uriel told me that it was my fault. That spending so much time with me was making you lose your angelic powers." I told him.

He sighed, running his fingers through my hair before gently kissing me. "No, it's not your fault."

"Are you sure?" I asked, not wanting it to be true but didn't want him to lie to me to make me feel better.

"I'm sure." He said and kissed me deeply.

"I was terrified." I told him.

"I know. I'm sorry." He said and held me tightly against him as he sat up, pulling me into his lap.

"I thought I'd lost you." I said with my hand on his face, gently rubbing his cheek with my thumb. "I thought you weren't coming back."

"It's not that easy to kill an angel." He smirked and kissed my shoulder.

"I didn't think it was." I blushed. But then my smile disappeared. "But you weren't here. You weren't breathing. Your heart wasn't beating. What was I supposed to think?"

"That no matter what happens, I'll always return to you." He told me before turning his head, placing a kiss against my palm.

Grinning from ear to ear, I kissed him passionately, taking full responsibility for whatever happened to the couch.