Chapter 37
Rubbing his forehead in guilt and anger, Severus sat at his desk in his quarters. He had just returned from meeting with the headmaster, an activity he had dreaded, but under the circumstances had to be done, and with Draco Malfoy.
Earlier that afternoon, after Harry's account on what happened out at the lake, Severus stormed over to the Slytherin common room and half-dragged Draco to his office. After the boy protested vehemently for five minutes against Severus' orders, he finally handed over his wand to be tested. Severus dismissed Draco, sans wand, with a promise he'd be hearing from him before curfew.
Harry had come to their quarters a few hours later after having received a letter at dinner. Severus quickly performed the test on Harry's wand so the boy could enjoy his final free hours before curfew. The results of Harry's test were then copied to the standard Hogwarts disciplinary action form. Relieved, though not surprised, Harry's results showed he was in the process of casting Protego; the only spell he had cast since the afternoon before, during which he was in class.
Severus had then performed the test on Draco's wand. The test could have been completed when he first confiscated the wand, but he wanted to have a level head during dinner and when meeting with Harry; no doubt the results would make him anything but. True to his suspicions, he was livid after seeing Malfoy's wand results in black and white on the disciplinary action form. The second curse Malfoy cast was on the borderline of being dark. As much as Severus detested the thought of having to speak with Albus, it had been absolutely necessary.
To say Albus was angry was an understatement. Severus hadn't seen the man that furious in many years. He ordered immediate disciplinary action to be taken against Draco. The sixth year Slytherin was required to relinquish his wand to the headmaster for two months, beginning that evening. Draco would only have access to it during his classes. The wand would be automatically transferred from professor to professor, being locked in one of their desk drawers, before the start of every class. He was also required to serve two weeks worth of detentions with Filtch and two weeks worth of detentions with Hagrid. In addition to the five points Severus took at the lake, another one hundred were being deducted. And finally, a letter was being drafted to send to Draco's parents the next morning.
As head of Slytherin, Severus was required to keep a copy of the disciplinary action report in his files, as was Minerva McGonagall. Currently, the report was gripped tightly between two of Severus' fingers as he sat at the desk. His eyes kept wandering over the description of the event that was written.
Upon walking up to the two boys that afternoon, he had taken his usual stance; the one before he found out Harry was his son, and immediately assumed it was Harry in the wrong. What made him think and act like that? And why didn't he give Harry a chance to give his side of the story? How was he supposed to continue building a trusting relationship with his son if he wouldn't let the boy communicate or blamed him for everything?
Getting angrier with his actions by the second, Severus slammed a fist onto the top of his desk. "Damn." The action caused something inside the desk to rattle. Eyes narrowing, he first opened the top drawer, but found nothing that would explain the rattling. He moved on to the top side drawer. His eyes immediately landed on the red heart-shaped glass bottle holding his memories. It was lying on its side and had a few other empty glass vials lying next to it. Not wanting the empty vials to break the bottle of memories, he removed them to put in his store room at a later time. Eyes still on the bottle, he picked it up and brought it to his face. He looked at it fondly, set it more securely in the drawer, and closed it carefully. The memories were still ready and waiting for the time when Harry would want to view them.
Even though it seemed Harry finally accepted them as father and son, he still had this niggling suspicion that it wasn't the case, that there was some small doubt in the back of Harry's mind. He hoped that after seeing the memories, Harry's lingering doubt would disappear once and for all.
Severus' eyes landed on the form he set down when looking for the rattling glass. Wanting the offending piece of parchment out of his sight, Severus stood up, walked a few steps to his small file cabinet, pulled open the relevant drawer, and dropped the action form into Draco's file. Sighing, he sat back at his desk.
His eyes immediately landed on a tall stack of parchment in the corner. Third year essays he still needed to grade. Severus dreaded the task, but wanted to get the grading out of the way so he could have a relaxing Sunday tomorrow. Besides, he always enjoyed grading when he was in a foul mood.
Grumbling, he yanked a drawer open to get out his quill and red ink. He pulled the first essay from the stack in front of him and rolled up with shirt sleeves. Two paragraphs in to the essay, he rolled his eyes. Dunderhead was beginning to seem like too nice a name for his students.
As he continued reading through the first essay, he began to wonder if his treatment of Harry earlier in the afternoon had anything to do with his memories residing in the bottle.
~SH~
Pounding footsteps and heavy breathing sounded as Harry ran through the empty castle corridors down toward the dungeons Monday morning. Having stayed up well past midnight trying to finish his homework the night before, he woke up late, missed breakfast and was now almost to the point of being late for double potions. He ran full speed down the final cold, dark corridor and breathed a small sigh of relief at seeing the classroom door still open. The potions master had yet to arrive. He rushed into the classroom breathing heavily.
"Glad I made it," Harry said as he sank down in his chair beside Ron. He glanced at Hermione and saw her shaking her head in disapproval.
"What took you so long?" Ron asked, not realizing he never saw his friend at breakfast since he was too caught up with Hermione. "We left the Great Hall ten minutes before class." He then looked at Harry with a questioning expression. "Where are your glasses?"
Harry paled at the last question. "I got up late." He plunked his book bag on to their shared table and quickly put on the glasses that he kept in his robe pocket.
"How were you able to see where you were going without your glasses?" Ron began thinking that maybe that was why Harry was so late. He knew his friend was practically blind without his glasses.
"Um…I…" Luckily Harry was saved from having to respond.
Severus entered the classroom. He shut the door loudly behind him, causing some of the students to jump, and began speaking as he swept up to the front of the classroom with robes billowing behind him. Stopping in front of his desk, he turned around and crossed his arms over his chest. "I assume all of you did your homework and completed the assigned reading." His eyes swept the classroom and landed on Harry. He looked at the boy intently for a few seconds, having been slightly worried as he hadn't seen him at breakfast.
Seeing that Harry seemed fine, he then looked over the rest of the class and began pacing. "You have ninety minutes to prepare the Elixir to Induce Euphoria. I will then stop your brewing and you will be given thirty minutes to complete the essay questions I will have written on the board with regard to the potion. If I see anything wrong with your potion between steps three and four, and ten and twelve, I will know you did not complete your assigned reading. Ten additional points will be deducted from the points I will award your completed potion." Several gasps could be heard from the students, mostly the Gryffindors. "Turn to page 217 and begin."
Harry sighed and looked over to Ron. "Guess I'll be ten points less than my normal grade." He hadn't had a chance to thoroughly read the assigned chapter. Having spent a majority of his time on preparing for the defense study group and working on the report Professor McGonagall assigned for Transfiguration, he was only able to skim through the assigned Potions chapter.
"You mean he'll finally award negative points?" Ron laughed.
Joining in Ron's laughter, Harry opened his bag to pull out his potions book and just stared inside, mouth opening wide in horror. Frantically, he began pulling everything out of his bag. Pretty soon the desk top in front of him held two notebooks, a package of parchment, two broken quills, one good quill, an empty and a full ink pot, his Charms text, and four empty chocolate frog wrappers. "Oh no," he groaned, and let his head fall onto his empty book bag.
"What is it?" Ron asked, sneaking a glance at Harry as he flipped through his potions book to the assigned page.
"I don't have my potions book." He lifted his head up and miserably looked at Ron. "I think I left it on my bed. What am I going to do? Snape will be furious and I don't need to lose any more points." Ron did not need to know that Severus had awarded him points on Saturday.
"We can share," Ron stated placing his opened text between him and Harry.
"No, that won't work." He swallowed hard and looked up to professor Snape seated at the front of the room. He didn't want to know what the man would do once he found out he didn't have his book, but he didn't have any other options. He needed the text in order to brew his potion. "I'll go see if he has any spare books."
"Why don't you take mine?" Ron asked, remembering the scene out at the lake, and not wanting any more points then necessary to be deducted from Gryffindor. "I'll ask for a book. You don't need to aggravate Snape more than you already seem to do." Beginning to push his chair back, he gulped at the prospect of the insults that were going to drip from the potion master's mouth when he asked for a book.
Harry shook his head. "Thanks Ron, but I forgot my book so I should suffer the consequences."
"If you're sure?"
"Yeah, I'm sure." Harry stood up from the table while Ron gave a huge sigh of relief, and walked up to Severus' desk. "Excuse me sir."
Severus looked up from the homework he was grading. "Mr. Potter."
"I accidentally left my text up in my dorm room. Do you have a spare one I can borrow for the class?"
"There are a few spare books in the back cupboard you may use. Please be sure to replace it when class is over." Severus then looked back down to the parchment on his desk, but not before he quickly gave Harry a disappointed look. "Five points from Gryffindor for not coming to class prepared."
Harry turned around and quickly walked down the center aisle towards the back cupboard feeling crummy inside. He did not like that disappointed look his father gave him. But he knew it was deserved.
He opened the cabinet door and was met with two shelves worth of potions texts located near the bottom. Seeing the texts were in no particular order, he squatted down and began reading the spines. Having finally found the text he was looking for, he pulled the book out. The cover was tatty and faded. He opened the book and noticed the pages were extremely yellow and the text was slightly difficult to read, as it too, was slightly faded. He put it back and looked for another copy.
A few books to the right, Harry found another copy and pulled it out. Its spine was half missing but the cover seemed to be in better shape. He opened the book, flipping a few of the pages, and seeing it was a little easier to read, though it had a lot of writing in the margins, kept it in his hands while searching for another cleaner copy. Seeing there were only the two sixth year texts, he stood up, closed the cupboard door and returned to his desk with the second book in his hand.
Already a few minutes behind in brewing, Harry quickly opened the text to the correct page. His eyes met a scribbled mess. It seemed the previous owner had written all throughout the text, not just the few pages he had looked at moments ago. He was about to get up to retrieve the ingredients he was finally able to decipher he would need, when he noticed Ron had set two sets of everything on their table. "Thanks Ron," he whispered.
Ron gave a nod in reply, his concentration on his potion.
As Harry read through the entire list of ingredients a second time and the instructions once, he noticed that besides the ingredients being altered, some of the directions were as well. The previous owner of the book certainly did not like the way the potion was originally written.
Reading through everything one more time, Harry debated on what he should do. Should he follow the new directions or try to decipher the original ones? He looked up to the professor and bit his lip. He knew he was rubbish in potions, though he was getting a little bit better, and would no doubt get a low grade or possibly a zero for this potion since he did not complete the required homework assignment. If he followed the original directions, he would probably end up with a low grade. If he followed the revised directions and got a low grade, he would be right where he would have been. In the back of his mind, he decided that if the previous owner went through all the trouble of revising the potion, then there was the slight possibility that if he brewed it correctly, according to those revisions, he might get a slightly higher than average grade for himself.
Following the revised potion won out and he began trying to decipher the messy scrawl.
Harry got to a heavily edited portion of the directions and had to study it many times before understanding what was to be done. He looked to the ingredients Ron had placed between them to use and noticed something was missing. Ron wasn't the type to forget retrieving an ingredient so he looked again at the text. It seemed the previous owner decided to add peppermint and had written in the step after the potion came to a boil and before the resting stage. Harry looked back up to the list of ingredients. Written at the bottom of the list was Sprig of Peppermint, optional. An arrow next to the line led him to the margin. Will counterbalance the excessive singing and nose-tweaking side-effects.
Though knowing the ingredient wasn't in the original potion, Harry quickly went to the potions stores and located the peppermint. With a sprig in hand, he hurried back to his cauldron and watched as the potion came to a boil. After watching it bubble for a few seconds, he dropped in the sprig of peppermint and watched as a puff of green steam rose from his cauldron emitting a light peppermint scent. He then lowered the flame under the cauldron and waited the required resting time of five minutes.
"I didn't forget an ingredient did I?" Ron asked, eyes still focused on his potion.
"No," Harry replied, suddenly tense. "I, I sliced the daisy root instead of chopping it."
"Oh, good. I'm glad I didn't forg…Bloody hell!" Ron stood up and slowly reached a hand inside his cauldron, trying to acquire his stirring rod that was now floating in his potion.
Harry gave a little laugh and relaxed. As he watched the puff of steam from his cauldron finally dissipate, he hoped that the peppermint wouldn't be very noticeable in his potion. He really didn't want Professor Snape to know that he wasn't following the original instructions. Hopefully it wouldn't be detected when his potion was tested, though the man was a potions master so more than likely it would be. However it was too late to worry about it now.
A smile lit Harry's face as he looked at his completed potion a few minutes later. It was the perfect sunshine yellow and had the required melted chocolate consistency. Just looking at the potion made him happy. He wondered how the potion would make the drinker feel if they felt this happy just looking at it. Smile still in place, he carefully bottled up a sample and set it next to his cauldron until required to hand it in.
With the help the borrowed potions text provided, Harry found he had fifteen minutes before the class was made to work on the essay questions that were assigned. With nothing else to occupy the time, he decided to look through the rest of the text and see what else the previous owner had written.
Most of the writing was changes or additions to the potions, but there were a few things that were definitely not potions related. The few things that piqued his interest compelled him to take the book and return it to the cupboard the beginning of the next class. However, he didn't want to take the chance of leaving the classroom with the book. The professor did tell him to return it at the end class, and knowing the professor, he would search the cupboard and make sure all the spare books were there. Ignoring the pull of stuffing the book in his book bag, he instead wrote everything of interest down in one of his notebooks. He finished just as Severus addressed the class to begin their writing assignment. Harry quickly closed his notebook and text, grabbed the parchment the professor was handing out, and began the written assignment. He would concentrate on what he found in the potions book at a later time.
~SH~
"Harry. Harry!" Hermione looked next to her on the sofa in the Gryffindor common room. Harry looked like he was miles away, just staring at the fire burning merrily in front of them. "Harry?" Hermione placed a hand on his arm.
At the touch, Harry blinked a few times, and then focused on Hermione.
"Are you okay?"
Harry shrugged.
"Do you want to talk about it?" She closed the book she was reading and set it in her lap.
Letting out a deep breath, he looked back to the fire. "I have to go to the Dursley's during the Easter holiday."
"Oh. I'm so sorry," she said sadly. "I know how much you would rather stay here."
Harry nodded, appreciative of Hermione's calmness. Ron would have more than likely started ranting and raving. He was glad that for once Ron was stuck in detention. His red-headed friend had used one of the newest pranks his brothers sent from Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes on a few Slytherins in the halls that morning. Unfortunately Professor McGonagall was witness.
"Did Professor Dumbledore say why you had to go back?"
"He only said it was because the wards need strengthening."
"That doesn't make sense." Hermione narrowed her eyes. "If that is the case, why have you not had to go back until now?"
"I asked him the same thing, but he didn't answer. He just said I had to go back." Harry stood up and began pacing, hands in his jean pockets. "I'm tired of this," he whispered defeated. "It's my life. Why can't I do what I want for once? Why does Dumbledore have to control everything? Am I not entitled to be happy?"
Hermione stayed quiet, having never heard Harry talk like that before. She knew he hated staying with the Dursley's but he never looked or sounded so upset about it before. She didn't know what to tell him. As he continued to pace in front of her, her heart went out to him. Watching him sigh, she knew what might make him feel a little better. "Harry, come sit down," she urged. "I wasn't sure when it would be a good time to tell you, but now seems appropriate." Hermione bit her lip. "Um…Ron and I won't be staying at Hogwarts for the break."
"You're not?"
"No. With everything that's been going on, or not going on with You-Know…with Voldemort, Mrs. Weasley wanted Ron to come home. And, well, she also invited me."
"Oh," Harry replied, feeling hurt. Why wasn't he invited for the week? Not that he'd be able to go, but that wasn't the point.
"I know what you're thinking Harry. Mrs. Weasley knew Professor Dumbledore wouldn't allow you to come. It's not safe."
"How do you know?" he shot at her angrily. He was still the last to know everything.
"When has he ever really allowed you to spend time with them?"
Harry stayed quiet. It was true. He was never allowed there for more than a day or two. He still wondered how he was able to go the Quidditch World Cup before fourth year. "I'm sorry Hermione. It's just…it's so frustrating."
"Just think," Hermione began, wanting to get Harry in a lighter mood, "at least you won't have to spend the holiday de-gnoming the Weasley's garden or being the guinea pig for Fred and George's new items, or…"
"Thanks Hermione." Harry was grateful for how she kept trying to lift his spirits, even though it was having he opposite effect. "Maybe I'll be lucky and my relatives will leave me alone for once. It's only a week after all. That should be a piece of cake compared to the months during the summer holiday."
Hermione just smiled, not entirely sure what he was talking about, and picked up her book. Harry stared at the fire for a few more moments before picking up the fourth-year defense book that was on the floor in front of him.
~SH~
"Good evening, Harry," Dumbledore said, as Harry closed the office door behind him. "Please have a seat." He gestured to one of the chairs in front of his desk.
Harry slowly walked to the chair and reluctantly sat down, the last conversation he had with the man rolling around in his head. He only hoped this summons to the headmaster's office was good news. Maybe there was a change of plans for the Easter holiday.
"I trust you had a good dinner?"
"Yes sir."
"Excellent." Albus clapped his hands together. "Now I bet you are wondering why I called you here tonight." After Harry's nod, he continued. "I wanted to give you an update on your Easter holiday."
Hoping for good news, Harry sat at the edge of his seat.
"After our discussion on Saturday, I paid a visit to Surrey and spoke with your relatives. I explained the situation to them in detail. They were very understanding."
Harry began to pale slightly.
"They have agreed to take you back for the Easter holiday and are looking forward to your visit." Albus sat back in his chair and smiled at Harry. "I am sure you're excited to spend the holiday with your family."
Harry wanted to scream at the man how much he hated his family and that he'd told him that many times since his first year at Hogwarts, and the only reason they were looking forward to him visiting was so he could continue being treated like a house elf. But instead he held his tongue, beginning to feel numb. A few seconds later, he asked the one question he kept asking himself over and over since finding out he had to go back. "I still don't understand why I have to go back. I know you said it's to strengthen the wards, but normally my being there during the summer holiday is enough. What's changed?"
Albus clasped his hands together on the desk and looked at Harry intently. "I have already explained this to you when we spoke on Saturday."
"But you…" Harry began.
"You must go back," Albus interrupted loudly, his tone serious.
Harry started at the unusual outburst from the headmaster. "Fine," he said shortly a few moments later, knowing it was worthless to argue. "May I be excused headmaster?"
"Of course, my boy." Albus gave Harry another smile, his eyes now twinkling madly.
"Thank you." Without wasting any time, Harry exited the headmaster's office. Extremely angry and upset, he ran out of the castle and down to the lake. He still had an hour until his Occlumency lesson with his father.
~SH~
Images flashed through Harry's mind…
He was seated on his bed at Privet Drive with his stomach grumbling, having been locked in his room with no meals after completing the day's required chores…Having the wind knocked out of him when Dudley threw a punch because he hadn't been served dessert fast enough…Cradling an injured arm after falling off a ladder while trying to clean the Dursley's gutters and trying to sleep through the pain…Stumbling down the steps after his uncle forcefully threw him out the back door to complete his chores in the rain…Being dragged by the hair up the stairs to his bedroom after his uncle told his aunt he lost a big account at work…Being told countless times by his Aunt that he was unwanted and a burden to the family, that no one would ever love him…
Harry came to on the floor in Severus' office, sweating, breathing rapidly and trembling.
Severus lowered his wand and ran a hand over his face with a sigh, trying to ignore what he felt about seeing those memories. "I am disappointed Harry," he said quietly. "This is a huge step back. What is going on?"
"I can't do it," Harry whispered, pulling his knees up and looking at the ground. "I can't go back." His voice began to quiver.
"What are you talking about?" Placing his wand in his robes, Severus studied Harry. The boy was clearly distraught. He walked over to Harry and held a hand out to help him stand up.
Still in the mindset of his memories, Harry violently flinched when Severus held out his hand.
Seeing the flinch, Severus closed his eyes briefly, sadness apparent on his face. No one should ever have that reaction. The Dursley's and the headmaster were going to pay for what they did to his child.
Severus continued to hold out his hand.
Harry raised his eyes. Slowly, he took his father's hand. Too embarrassed at what he had just done, he stayed silent.
After Harry was standing, Severus led him by the shoulders to one of the chairs in front of his desk. Once he and Harry were seated, Severus questioned him again, his voice soft. "What were you talking about just now?"
"I thought…you said… I have to go back." Harry looked up at Severus, feeling betrayed.
"Go back to where?" Severus questioned, thoroughly confused.
"The Dursleys. For Easter break."
Severus narrowed his eyes and hissed at Harry's answer. "Who told you this?" he asked tightly.
"The headmaster. He said I had to go back to strengthen the wards." He looked down to his lap.
Angry, Severus stood up and slammed a fist onto his desk causing Harry to flinch again. "That bloody, meddling, old… I told him to stay out of our lives."
"I know I was stupid," Harry rambled, not really hearing what Severus had said. "I don't know why I thought… It's just, with everything that happened, I thought…"
"Harry, stop," Severus comforted, and placed a hand on Harry's clasped hands as he sat back down. "Please listen to me. You will not be returning to the Dursley's."
"But the headmaster…"
"The headmaster has gone barmy."
Though still upset and knowing the topic was serious, Harry tried not to laugh. It was extremely funny to hear his father speak like that.
"The headmaster is aware that we are father and son. I, after unfortunately raising suspicions at the last Order meeting, had to confide in him." Severus paused and let out a deep breath. "He does not approve of this new relationship."
Harry froze, fear gripping his stomach. If the headmaster didn't approve, would he be forced to go back to the Dursley's? Dumbledore was an extremely powerful wizard. He would no doubt be able to get whatever he wanted. If that happened, would he have to continue his life acting as if Severus was just his potions professor and not his father? He started to tremble. He could not live like that again, especially knowing what it was like to have a father.
"Harry, you have nothing to fear. You will never go back to the Dursley's. You are my son. Professor Dumbledore does not control either of our lives. If it comes to it, I will quit my job here at Hogwarts and you and I will move away."
Relieved, though still trembling, Harry nodded. "But why did he say I had to go back during the holiday?"
"Mind you, this is just speculation as I don't think like the headmaster, thank Merlin. He's trying to meddle in our lives to keep us from having this new relationship. He is manipulating us to fit his needs."
"Oh." Harry should have realized that. Wasn't that what the man had been doing to him since his first year?
"Besides saying you had to go back to your relatives, he went ahead and changed my plans for the holiday week without telling me. I had planned for the two of us to go home to Spinners End. I thought we could spend a few days cleaning and organizing it. Make it our home. Then, for the remaining days, take a trip somewhere."
"Really?" Harry's eyes lit up momentarily. Though afraid of the answer he might get, he voiced his next thought. "What did Professor Dumbledore change on you?"
Severus rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I am required to stay at Hogwarts the entire week and supervise the students staying behind."
"Oh," Harry said again, crestfallen. His father's plans had sounded absolutely brilliant. He'd never taken a real trip before. And he couldn't even describe what he was feeling at the thought of being able to make his father's childhood home into their home. At that moment, Harry truly despised the headmaster. Not wanting his father to see how much he was affected by the change of plans, he looked to his lap and began picking at a newly healed cut on his thumb.
"If you would like, you can spend the week down here in our quarters. Or for however long you would like. I will meet with the other professors who are staying to supervise and see if I can get some hours free every day or a full day or two. I would still like the two of us to take a trip or two. I cannot make any promises though."
Harry looked up. "I would like to stay down here with you the entire week." It wouldn't be the same as spending the week away from Hogwarts creating a home, but it was better than spending it alone in the Gryffindor tower.
"That is fine, though you still have a few weeks to decide," Severus replied, pleased that Harry still wanted to spend time with him. He thought his son would jump at the chance to have his dorm room, and most of the Gryffindor tower, to himself, as there were only a few other Gryffindors staying for the holiday. "We will discuss the details when we get closer to the holiday."
"Yeah," Harry said, still sounding depressed. He dropped his head. Why did the headmaster always have to ruin everything? Why couldn't he have the life he was finally beginning to feel he deserved? He began picking at his thumb again, unaware of the damage he was doing.
Severus studied Harry and immediately realized the boy was taking this news real hard. His eyes traveled down to Harry's hands, the objects that were currently holding his son's attention, and snapped to a pool of blood on one of his hands.
Without Harry even noticing, Severus swiftly stood up and grabbed a towel he had by the sink and returned, kneeling before Harry. He grabbed the hand that was picking at the bleeding re-opened cut and set it on Harry's lap. He wiped the blood off the thumb and then pressed the towel over the wound for a few moments to stop any more bleeding.
Harry finally became aware of what his father was doing, but still kept his head down.
"Let's get this cleaned up," Severus stated, standing up and leading Harry over to the sink. "I do not want it to become infected." Severus turned on the water. Once it was warm, he pulled Harry's hand over the sink and let the warm water run over his thumb. He then lathered up his own hands with soap and water and rubbed them over Harry's thumb to clean the wound.
The final memory that flashed though Harry's mind minutes ago was making a reappearance; being told countless times that he was unwanted, a burden, and no one would love him. The emotions associated with that memory were being squashed down as the water was shut off and his hand was being dried. As he watched his father gently rub a healing cream over the wound, Harry knew without a doubt that his aunt was wrong. Surely a person who was unwanted, a burden and unlovable wouldn't be treated this way. His father obviously didn't agree with his aunt. A new emotion began to bubble up inside Harry, however he was too scared to name it, afraid it would disappear forever if it was named. Instead, with a terrible longing in his heart, Harry turned and quickly wrapped his arms tightly around Severus.
Severus placed the jar of healing cream on the counter and wrapped his own arms around Harry, pulling him closer, not surprised in the least of his son's actions. He'd actually been waiting for it. "Everything will be fine," he reassured. He rested his chin on the top of Harry's head.
"I guess," Harry breathed quietly a few seconds later.
"You need to trust me, Harry." He felt Harry nod against his chest.
"I do." Harry really did. He realized it had been months since he doubted everything Severus said and did.
Without even thinking, Severus removed his chin and kissed the top of Harry's head.
At that affectionate gesture, Harry felt his eyes fill with tears. No one had ever done anything like that to him in all his life. He blinked a few times to help will them away. When he gave a sniffle, he felt his father tighten his hold. Harry smiled and closed his eyes, content to stay where he was.
A few minutes later, however, Severus drew back from Harry, but kept his hands on his shoulders. He looked intently at his son, glad to see no tracks of tears. "All right?"
Harry looked up to his father with bright eyes. "Yeah," he said shyly.
"Good. Let's go sit back down." Severus again led Harry over to his desk. After they both sat down, he asked the question that first popped into his head when Harry stated Albus told him about returning to the Dursley's. "When did the headmaster have this discussion with you about staying with the Dursley's?"
"Erm…Saturday, after the incident at the lake and before I came down here for my detention with you. And today, before coming here."
"Why did you not bring up this conversation with me?"
Harry shrugged his shoulders. "Didn't think I needed to. I always have to do whatever Dumbledore says."
"Harry," Severus began quietly, "the headmaster does not control your life. He may have told you what to do in the past, but that is not the case anymore. Seeing as Albus has his own agenda, I would like you to come to me whenever he requires you to see him. I would also like to know what he is telling you and what he may say you need to do."
"Okay."
"I do not trust him anymore."
"Neither do I," Harry whispered. He ran a finger over the thumb that his father healed moments ago. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you."
"As am I. No doubt the thought of going back to the Dursley's was unnecessarily eating away at you these past six days."
"And what I thought it meant," Harry voiced quietly.
Severus raised an eyebrow but didn't question Harry's statement. He thought he had a pretty good idea of what the boy was thinking.
After Harry looked up and gave a shy smile, Severus stood up and walked around to the small bookcase behind his desk. He ran a finger over the spines of several books on an upper shelf as he read the titles. Spotting the one he wanted, he pulled it out and walked back over to Harry. "I think it would be a good idea for you to read chapters twenty-nine and thirty before your next Occlumency lesson on Tuesday."
Harry sighed at the change of topic, but reached for the book. He opened the cover and found the index. He looked up to his father as he read the chapter titles. "Feeling Overwhelmed? and Using Your Distraction as a Distraction? You haven't had me read from a text in a while. Why do I need to read these now?"
"I thought it would be obvious with your performance this evening," Severus stated with concern creeping into his voice. "You were obviously distracted by your recent conversations with the headmaster. So much so that it had you reverting back to the level of competence you showed when we started Occlumency in your fifth year."
Hearing those words, Harry's face fell. He dropped his head and looked at buttons on his father's shirt.
"Do not feel bad about this Harry. Prior to tonight, you've shown great improvement in the art. Tonight's glitch just showed that you are ready for the next step in mastering Occlumency." Not having raised his eyes, Severus lifted Harry's chin until their eyes met. "Being prepared in all states of emotion and in all types of conditions is extremely important, Harry," Severus said sternly. "I want you to be prepared if you ever face the Dark Lord again. He should not be able to get in to your mind under any circumstances." He stopped and swallowed thickly, remembering what happened during Harry's fifth year. "I do not want him manipulating your mind again and leading you to your death."
Though shivering at the memory of that night, Harry pressed his lips together at the intensity of his father's voice and nodded. He closed the book and hugged it to his chest. "He will never get in my mind again, dad. I promise."
"I am going to hold you to that," Severus said with a small smile. He studied Harry intently for a moment then stood up and knelt in front of him, knowing it was time to say these next few words.
Fidgeting under the intense stare, Harry looked down in confusion as his father knelt in front of him, grabbed both his hands and held them in his own. When Severus began speaking a moment later, Harry looked back up.
"Harry, if something happened…I couldn't…I don't think…," Severus' voice became extremely rough as he rambled, not able to voice what he was feeling, "…I can't imagine…you don't…"
Seeing the distressed look on his father's face and in his eyes and the difficulty he was having at expressing whatever it was he wanted to say, Harry launched himself at him feeling slightly scared. He immediately felt his father's arms pull him tight, almost to the point of cutting off his air, but he didn't care.
Feeling his father shaking slightly, a feeling that scared him as Severus was the epitome of a stoic man, Harry was about to ask him what was wrong. Before he was even able to open his mouth though, his father began to speak.
"Harry, you don't know how much you mean to me. I can't lose you," Severus whispered, the words just tumbling out of his mouth on their own accord. "I love you."
All the air rushed out of Harry's lungs at those three words; words he never thought he'd hear being said to him. His throat and eyes started to burn madly and he began to tremble. He knew what was coming next…the tears. But he didn't want to start crying. He tried everything he could to stop himself; blinking rapidly, biting his lip, holding his breath, but soon he found himself sniffling with tears rolling down his cheeks. He buried his head in his father's chest.
Breathing raggedly, Severus closed his eyes tightly and pulled Harry closer to him. Cradling the back of his head with one hand, he then rested his chin on top of the mop of messy black hair. He desperately hoped Harry would be true to his word.
As the two sat kneeling on the hard, cold, stone floor clinging to each other, Severus knew this was another big turning point in their relationship.
I sure hope no one minds the fluff at the end, though it is my favorite part of the chapter. It couldn't be helped. :)
Since I had to actually split this chapter into two shorter chapters, I'm hoping there won't be much of a wait before the next update. Gotta love having an hour lunch everyday at work to write this.
Thank you all for the wonderful reviews and adding me to your alerts.