Feedback for the previous chapter was amazing. Most of you hate the way Ashley handled the whole situation. I get that. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter. As you probably know by now this story is winding down. Only a few more chapters.
So enjoy it while you can everyone :)
Mess I Made
"Lexy open the door!" I shout through Lexy's apartment door as I bang on it. I had my mom drive me here after we left the club. I just couldn't leave things like that with Lexy. She's my best friend and I don't want to lose her. I know you're thinking then I shouldn't have slept with her girlfriend, yeah yeah, trust me I know. "Lexy please just open the door! Just let me explain please!" I beg my friend.
"Get the hell away from my door before I call the cops on you Spencer!" She yells back to me and I take a moment to decide if she's serious or not. I decide there's no way she'd really do that, so I bang on her door again.
"I'm not going away Lex. I can stay out here all night." I tell her as I lean my head against her door. I know I don't deserve her forgiveness, or for her to ever even talk to me again but I'm hoping that she will.
Praying actually.
The abrupt opening of the door causes me to fall face first onto her foyer floor. I look up at her. She has her arms folded over her chest, and a less than pleasing look on her face.
"I swear Spencer, if you don't get the fuck away from my door I'm gonna-"
"I'm sorry Lex." I tell her as I pick myself up from the floor. "I don't know how to make you understand how sorry I am. Words can't even begin to-"
"You don't get to do that." She shakes her head.
"I-"
"Don't talk to me." She shoves me backwards, pushing me out of her apartment. I stumble a bit, caught off guard. She slams the door in my face and I sigh and fall back against it. I slide down to the floor as my phone rings in my pocket. I pull it out and see that it's Ashley.
"Ashley I don't want to talk to you right now!" I tell her as Lexy's door swings open again causing me to fall in. I look up at her, laying on my back, as she stands over me.
"That Davies?" She asks. I'm done lying to her. I nod my head yes. "UnFuckingBelievable. Tell her she can come get her shit at any time, it'll be on the street." She says and I see her grabbing for the door to close it. I quickly move out of the way so I won't get slammed in the door. I roll my eyes as I hear Ashley saying something on the other line.
"Ashley please just leave me alone right now okay." I ask in a defeated tone.
"Oh don't stop talking on my account!" I hear Lexy yell through the door. I groan and drop my head in my left hand.
"Ashley please." I beg.
"I need to see you right now Spence."
"Don't you get it! We hurt her. We went behind her back and we built this relationship that we shouldn't have. We hurt her so bad Ash and right now I just need you to understand that I have to try to fix this and in order for me to do that I need you to not be around. Just don't call me so I can-"
"No!" She cuts me off. "I can't just leave you alone Spencer. I told you. I wish I could change the fact that Lexy got hurt in all this, but I don't regret falling in love with you Spencer."
"Ugh! I can't do this right now Ashley." I tell her and hang up before she could reply. I really hope she doesn't come here after me, that definitely would not bode well with Lexy. My phone rings again pick it up without looking at the caller I.D, thinking it's Ashley again. "Seriously Ashley will you just-"
"It's your mom Spencer." My mom's worried voice calms me down.
"Oh." I say softly with a sigh.
"How are things going?" I groan and bang my head lightly against Lexy's door.
"They're not. She won't even talk to me."
"Well Spencer you can't really expect that-"
"I know." I cut my mom off. "I don't expect her to just forgive me. I just... I want her to at least talk to me."
"Well you're gonna have to give her some time Spence honey, I told you when you first started dealing with Ashley about this possibility. I asked you if you were ready to possibly lose Lexy as a friend, you didn't really think it through though, did you?" My mom asks, and I know she's not judging me or anything right now but I can't help but feel like she is.
I sigh and close my eyes. Tonight is officially the worst night of my life. "Mom I'm gonna stay here tonight." I say once I open my eyes.
"Is she letting you in?" I glance out into the dark parking lot. I'm sure my mom is watching me sit my ass on Lexy's front porch right now so she already know's that she hasn't let me in.
"No. I'm just gonna sit out here. She has to come out some time."
"I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with that Spencer-"
"Mom I'll be fine, don't worry about it." I assure my mom.
She sighs that motherly sigh. I know that she's not okay with me spending the night outside but she gets what I'm trying to do. "Okay, but call me if you need me to come pick you up Spencer. I don't care what time I'll come."
"Kay mom. Thanks."
"I love you."
"Love you too mom." I tell her as we hang up. I glance down at my phone, the time reading after midnight. I sigh and throw my head back against the door. This is gonna be a long night.
I keep looking at the time, thinking that I can control it by making it move faster. It's not working just in case you were wondering.
I've been out here for twenty minutes and it's torture. I know I am not allowed to complain, I have very little to no room to be selfish about anything, but I just want to talk to her to straighten things out.
She could give me that little right?
No?
Well fuck you too.
I sigh as I slide my legs straight out. They're starting to cramp. I lightly bang my head against her door because I'm not going to shout anymore, just because Lexy isn't going to call the cops on me, doesn't mean another person won't for my disturbing of the peace. That'd just add to my wonderful summer vacation.
Fuck you summer.
Right…not allowed to complain.
The only thing filling the silence is the thudding of my head against Lexy's door. I really want to use the key she gave me but I don't think that would be a good idea, I already invaded something that belonged to her.
I sigh as the thoughts of the summer invade my mind. There were so many ways to go about this; I could've told Lexy that Ashley was the one form New York the minute she introduced us, I could've kept to myself when she tried to meet me in secret, I could've done so much….but I didn't want to.
I felt like I was watching myself do these things, knowing that in the end the only person that could possibly get hurt from it was Lexy. I kept saying I'd rather it be me... but I don't think I ever had any intentions on stopping this... denying this love that Ashley and I have for each other. It felt criminal to try to do so.
I'll take this time to reflect on how selfish I was…am. I know my self-condemnation isn't really doing anything to better the situation, but all I've got is this right here. Sitting and thinking how shitty of a person I am. So unless you've got something better…shut up.
Forty minutes.
Maybe if I keep banging my head against the door I'll give myself a concussion, pass out and time will move a little faster.
I fall back again and my heart leaps out of my chest as I fall through the doorway.
I turn my head to the side. Oh hey heart what are you doing over there?
I turn my head upwards to look at Lexy.
"Can you stop that shit you're pissing me off."
Now I'm pissing her off?
Right not the time.
"Lex please…" I say as I sit up and push myself onto my knees. I'm literally on my knees. Begging on my knees, it's come to this. I don't care though, anything to get her to talk to me.
I notice as her eyes scan over my body taking in my pathetic appearance. I think pity flashes in her eyes for a brief second but it quickly replaced though I'm sure she's remembering why I'm like this.
"What the fuck can you possibly have to say right now?"
I open my mouth then quickly close it.
Shit!
Words!
Need them!
"Uh…"
Those are not words Spencer!
Lexy apparently notices I ain't got shit to say and closes the door. I launch myself back landing not so softly on my ass. Hurts so much…again much deserved. I grit my teeth as I feel the years I had with Lexy slip away from me. I turn back around and use her door for support. This isn't how this was supposed to happen.
I don't know how this was supposed to happen…I just didn't expect to be sitting in front of her door for the past…hour.
My mom said to prepare myself but really who listens to their mothers when they give relationship advice…screw you if said you do because you know you're lying!
I lean my head back against the door deciding to stop pounding my head because one it's starting to hurt and two I'm pretty sure that pissing Lexy off more and three it's not going to fix anything. I close my eyes and release a heavy breath. What the hell have I done?
I fall backwards again, grabbing my head as it lands on the floor with a loud thud.
"Shit Spence I'm…"
Lexy stops her apology and I see her jaw lock.
I fell asleep.
I'm surprised I didn't get mugged out here.
Goodness that was reckless.
"Morning." I greet her groggily. My voice is so hoarse, most likely from all the yelling that I did last night.
I stand up and rub the back of my head. If I wasn't concussed before I probably am now.
Lexy doesn't say anything and I don't know why I expect her to.
She just ignores my complete existence and locks her door and walks towards her car.
"Have a great day at work!" I shout at her and close my eyes at myself. Being a smart ass is not really ideal in my situation.
I grab my seat back on the ground and wait for her to come back.
This is drastic but drastic times and all that.
It's not like if I left and came back she'd know the difference, but I would and really this is all I can think of to do right now because sorry won't ever be enough. Words won't ever fix anything and maybe my actions of camping outside her apartment like a hobo won't get her to talk to me either, but maybe if she sees I'm trying something, sees that I really want to make up for what I did to her...she'll give me a chance.
I smack my lips together, my mouth is so dry. I would really like some water. I probably shouldn't drink anything though because I'm not sure how long I'll be out here. I squeeze the bridge of my nose with my fingers, I feel a headache coming as I continue to sit.
It's now been…nine hours that I've been out here, I notice as I look at my phone with less than half it's battery life left. Like last night, I quickly grow bored and I begin to people watch to pass the time. If you want the scoop I am fully informed of the goings on in Lexy's complex community. So the dude across the street apparently is like Matilda's dad with his old car parts, I saw him shovel some scandalous equipment from his garage to his trunk last night before I fell asleep. He didn't do too good of a job at being inconspicuous.
Then there's the little old lady across the street who is a better people watcher than I am. She's been watching me all night with binoculars. I squint my eyes as notice her slip the lenses through the blinds of her window. I don't know what comes over me but I yell.
"I see you!"
She slips out from her blinds and seconds later I see them slip open again. I shake my head. I close my eyes again because really what else can I do but sleep.
Try anyway.
Nine hours and thirty five minutes. Sigh.
I jump awake as I feel someone gently grab my arm.
"What the hell?!" I put my hands up in some karate type fashion, I'm channeling all my Ninja Turtles, Power Rangers, and Dragonball Z episodes as if I can actually whoop whomevers' ass is trying to attack me. I sigh and grab my quick beating heart. "Joey."
"Spence I'm sorry didn't mean to rattle you." I smile at his choice of words only this kid can say stuff like this and not have me look at him like an idiot.
"Yeah well I should be used to it." I straighten up and feel my back crack. It hurt and feels good all at the same time. Joey grabs a seat next to me and I see a plastic bag in his hand.
"I come bearing gifts."
I hear my stomach growl, apparently it smells food. I check the time and see I've been out here for twelve hours. I really hate the fact that I haven't brushed my teeth.
What! I like having a clean mouth, there's nothing wrong with that.
"Thanks." I mumble out and grab the food that's offered to me.
"I wasn't sure what you liked so I got you my usual. I woulda called but I mean you've kinda stopped answering your phone." I just nod as I devour my burger from In and Out and moan in delight. So delicious. If my mouth wasn't so hungry I'd kiss Joey for bringing me food. I nom on some fries and he looks at me with a smile. "Crazy shit last night huh?"
I groan in acknowledgment. As my stomach fills so does my brain because I think to ask. "How'd you know where I was?"
"Ash. She called me up and told me to check on you and bring you something to eat."
Ugh that girl. I really need her to stop doing things that make me love her more, this is what's got us here... well me here, you know sitting against my best friend's door.
I can't help but smile softly at the thought of Ashley still wanting to take care of me even after I yelled at her. Which I feel awful about, I'm just a giant ball of awfulness and guilt.
I just don't know how to handle this situation…and for people who want to say just stay away from your best friend's girlfriend. Fuck off because have you not seen what's been happening. We couldn't help it. We tried and that's what I want to talk to Lexy about. It's not like we intentionally wanted to hurt her. I wouldn't want to listen to me either 'cause that's a lame ass explanation. There's not good explanation when it comes to betrayal but here I am trying to figure one out.
"She wanted to bring it herself but she thought it best to give you space." Joey speaks up when I stay silent.
I don't really have much to say. That much is evident. I really should start thinking of something to tell Lexy if she ever does decide to hear me out. Probably should do that instead of bang my head against the door or people watch.
"How is she?" I finally ask and Joey gives me a smile.
"She coasting by ya know? She's seen better days but she's missing you, sad she hurt Lexy, bummed you're upset." I understood half of that…he really is a California kid. "Do you want me give her a message or anything?"
Joey collects my trash and don't even realize how quickly I finished my food. I want to cry a little because I miss it already. I should've savored it a bit more.
I try to think of something to tell her. I don't know what to say but that seems to be the running theme of this shitty situation. I just shake my head as I look down. He just nods and pats my leg.
"It'll be okay Spencer. Just hang in there."
I mumble out something out and I'm not sure if I even understood what I said. I watch as he leaves and I see the old lady snooping again I just point at her and she disappears. Nosey.
Nineteen hours and my mother calls me again. I probably should answer her before my phone dies.
"Mother?" I start dryly.
"Spencer this is enough you need to come home."
"Mom I can't. I need to talk to Lexy we have to straighten things out."
I'm starting to sound like a broken record.
"Spencer I understand you're upset but let's be rational here."
"I am being rational. I have to show her I'm not going anywhere no matter how much she tries to push me away."
"Honey you have to give her time, she's upset and you forcing yourself on her isn't going to help things."
"Neither will space mom!"
"Spencer—"
That's all I get before it cuts off and my phone dies. Awesome now I won't be able to keep track of the time.
–
Twenty one hours.
I'm just guessing here...
"You're seriously still here?"
I look up at Lexy as she looks down at me annoyed. I stand up, my legs feel like jell-o. I probably should've jogged in place or something. I hold onto the wall for support and watch as Lexy effortlessly takes out her house key and goes to open the door.
"Lex…please." I beg in a tired whisper. "Please."
Her face is sideways to me as she keeps her head forward. I notice as her jaw clenches as she restrains herself from giving in. She slowly turns her head to look at me and now I'm scared.
"Spencer…there is nothing you can say to me right now that I want to hear. Nothing you say is going to fix shit so just go home!"
I look down then back her. "I know that this is so beyond messed up Lex, but if you just give me a minute I swear I can explain." I try. She sighs and turns to face me. Oh my God, is she gonna hear me out right now? She looks at me without saying a word and I take this as my cue to speak. I open my mouth but once again words just won't form. You have got to be fucking kidding me Spencer!
You've been sitting on her front step for twenty one hours and your ass can't think of a single word to say when you finally get the chance?
You don't deserve for her to listen!
Lexy let's out a laugh of disbelief as she shakes her head. "Can I have the key I gave you please." She holds her hand out expectantly. I dig around in my pocket for her key, detaching it from my key ring before handing it to her. She snatches it from my hand before going inside and slamming the door behind her. I sigh as I put my back against the wall and slowly slide down. I shimmy over to the door and start to lightly bang my head against the door again. The old lady is watching me and I have no energy to send her any mean hand gestures.
Hour I don't fucking know.
I start to get hungry again, I mean I passed hungry hours ago right now I'm freaking starving. I know it's late though because Matilda's dad is shoveling parts into his trunk again. How has he not been found out already? He is so not good at hiding this.
"Spencer!"
I snap my head in the direction of the deep voice.
"Dad? What are you doing here?"
"It's time for you to come home sweetheart."
I shake my head and he kneels down in front of me. I start to tear up and the tears waste no time falling. I guess I'm more tired than I thought.
"I can't dad. She's so mad at me. I'm not doing enough."
He doesn't argue with me but comes up beside me, slipping his arm under my knees and the other behind my back as he effortlessly picks me up of the ground and walks me away from Lexy's door. I wrap my arms around his neck and bury my head in his shoulder as the tears continue to fall.
"If it's worth anything…your mom is the best choice I've ever made and I would do it all over again if I had to."
My dads words comfort me a little as he places me in the car and drives me home.
–
I showered, brushed my teeth and ate some food and now I'm right back at Lexy's. I stopped at the store first and got her some flowers. Yeah, cliché I know but right now I got nothing else. I'm gonna try everything I can to get her to talk to me.
She should be leaving for work in about five minutes and I want to catch her before she goes. I plop down on her front step and I can see the lady across the street already being miss nosy pants again.
I give her a wave and a smile and she quickly disappears from the blinds. She'll be back in a second.
The opening of Lexy's door behind me startles me, but I jump up quickly and turn to face her... flowers in hand. She glances down at the flowers then back up at me. She laughs and shakes her head as she turns back around to lock her door then brushes past me, taking the flowers from my hand.
She took them... that's a good sign right?
I turn and watch as my friend makes her way to her car, but not before stopping and throwing the flowers in the garbage bin at the top of the sidewalk.
Nice.
She gets in her car and drives away with out so much as a second glance back to me.
I sigh and rub my forehead. What the hell was I thinking?
–
"No strawberries, right, yeah she's allergic to those. Just pineapples and mango, and apples. Oh you have grapes too right? Yeah okay. And this is all the fruit covered in chocolate or just... oh okay, yeah that works. Okay, thanks. How long will it be? Okay, I'll pick it up in few hours. Thanks." I hang up the phone with the edible arrangements receptionist.
"How's it going honey?" My dad peeks his head in my room and asks.
"I don't know." I shrug and flop down on my bed. I came home after leaving Lexy's earlier but only to eat and figure out what to do next. My dad was nice enough to let me borrow his car for the day.
My dad comes and takes a seat next to me on the bed. "Spence honey." He starts. I sigh and lay my head down on his shoulder. He pats my face gently before continuing. "This isn't going to be an easy fix you know. She may never get over it." I lift my head to look at him. "And I'm not saying that to discourage you or anything, I'm just trying to prepare you for what may happen. You understand right?" He asks, I nod and lay my head back down on his shoulder. "I'm not proud of the fact that someone had to get hurt in order for me to find your mother. But..." He pauses as a smile creeps on his lips. "Your mother is best thing to ever happen to me Spencer. Without her, I wouldn't have you," He looks down to me and smiles. "And Glen... and Clay even. So I'm not proud that I cheated but I am completely happy to be where I am today." He gives me a soft smile before patting me on my knee and standing up. "Lexy may calm down eventually and talk to you, but I think until then... you should give her some space let her process things a bit you know." I groan and nod. He's right. Just like my mom said, I'm not giving Lexy a chance to be angry. I'm forcing myself on her and it's not right. But I need to try. I need her to know... no to see that I'm trying.
"Thanks dad." I tell him. He nods and leaves my room. I throw myself backwards onto my bed as my phone rings in my hand. I already know who it is without having to look at the screen. "Yes Ashley." I answer the phone. I'm not annoyed at the fact that she keeps calling me I'm just... I don't know... I feel like she should be making more of an effort to fix things with Lexy too. I guess a relationship is easier to get over than a friendship.
"I don't think I ever really loved her." She says and it catches me off guard. Wait what?
"What?" I ask sitting up on my bed.
"I think I was in love with the idea of being in love. Lexy was the first girl that ever called me out on my shit Spence, she told me what I needed to hear when I needed to hear it, she supported me when things weren't okay, she encouraged me when I needed encouragement, she was fun and happy and easy and I think that I was in love with all those things... all those things about her I loved, but never her... I don't think-"
"Stop Ashley." I cut her off. "Just stop it!" She can't fix this by claiming she never loved Lexy because I know she did. Before me everything was fine. I'm a life ruiner, a home wrecker, a cheater, a liar. I could go on and on and none of those things are me! That's not who I am! At least before Ashley it wasn't. So I'm mad. I'm mad at her and I'm mad at myself for allowing her to change me into the type of person that would put their own feelings before their best friends. "Don't do that. Don't belittle your relationship with her to make me feel better."
"That's not what I'm doing Spencer. I'm telling you what I know to be the truth. What I've just realized anyway. I've been thinking about it all night and day today. I-"
"Ashley I gotta go." I cut her off. I can't stand to hear another minute of this.
"Spencer please. Just let me come see you, let's talk about-"
Yeah... I hung up the phone. I know that if I talk to her for any longer I'll give in. Right now my happiness is not important. All that matters right now... is talking to Lexy. I bury myself in my covers, waiting until Edible Arrangements calls me back to let me know my order for Lex is ready.
"Spence." My mom shakes me awake. Shit! I fell asleep. I grab my phone and see I have five missed calls from Edible Arrangements. I listen to my voice mail.
'Hello Ms. Carlin this is Edible Arrangements letting you know your order is ready to be picked up. Our store closes at six so please be here before then.' I hang up my phone and look at the time. Ugh! It's 5:45pm. There's no way I can make that. I jump up from bed and throw on my shoes.
"Gotta go mom, I'll be back later." I tell her as I run out the door.
"No spending the night outside Spencer!" She yells to my retreating figure.
"Promise!" I yell back.
–
"No no no no no!" I shout as I make it to the store. They're closed and don't open back up until ten tomorrow. I can't wait until ten tomorrow. I bang on the glass door, I know someone is in the back. A white-haired woman peeks her head out of the back room, saying something that I can't hear. Probably that they're closed but I keep banging anyways. She shakes her head and visibly sighs before coming and opening the door.
"I'm sorry but we're closed." She tells me and goes to close the door again.
"Wait no please." I stop her, putting a hand up to keep the door from closing.
"I'm sorry hon but we're-"
"I know." I cut her off with a nod. "I understand that you're closed and under any other circumstance I wouldn't ask you for any favors or special treatment because you don't know me and you have no reason to." I shake my head, shrugging. "I messed up really bad. I did something horrible and I'm tryna fix it. Nothing is working so I'm hoping that doing something sweet and spontaneous like giving her a basket full of fruit will at least get her to look at to me." I unload on the poor old woman. The woman face softens as she opens the door a little wider to let me in.
"Name sweetie?" She asks, walking back towards the back room.
"Spencer Carlin." I tell her, forcing myself to give her a small smile. I know she didn't have to do this. She goes in the back and comes out with my fruit basket. I went with the classic, I'm sorry basket; filled with all her favorites.
"52.47." The lady says. I hand her three twenties.
"Keep the change." I take the basket and give her another smile. "Thank you so much." I turn to leave but her voice stops me.
"If you did something as bad as you say sweetie." She pauses as my eyes meet hers. She gives me a smile and a head nod. "I think you can do better than a basket of fruit, don't you?" I don't say anything. I purse my lips and turn to leave.
I surely can do better than a basket of fruit.
–
Lexy should be getting home from work soon. I've been sitting outside her place for about thirty or so minutes. She's a little later than normal but that's cool. I'll wait as long as it takes.
The slamming of a car door causes me to look up and I see Lexy walking this way. She rolls her eyes and groans when she sees me.
"Spencer I'm really tired and don't have the strength for this right now. Just go away please." She asks in a low tone. I can tell that she really isn't in the mood right now. I'll just give her this basket and go.
"I just wanted to give you this." I stand, handing her the fruit basket. She looks down at the basket and back at me. I'm half expecting her to throw it away like she did my flowers earlier. But she doesn't she takes it and unlocks the door to her apartment. That's it? No yelling or fruit throwing or anything? I think I was expecting to get a pineapple up side the head or something. "Lex." I say softly just as she steps over the threshold. She freezes, hand on the handle, before sighing and going completely inside her place. I drop my head and turn to walk away.
"Did you sleep with her?" I hear behind me as I'm descending the stairs. I stop in my tracks and turn back to face her. Do I lie?
No!
No more lying Spencer!
"Lex it-"
"Did you sleep with her?!" She asks a bit more firmly this time. I have to man up right now and just tell her the truth. I'm sure she already knows the answer, I guess she just needs to hear it from my mouth.
"Yes." I nod. "But it was only one time and I swear Lex that I-"
"Save it!" She cuts me off, shaking her head. "Just save it." She slams her door and I drop my head. Before we slept together this was probably fixable, I probably could have gotten her to forgive me. But now... now I know there's no chance. It's not like a deserve her forgiveness anyways. The door opens quickly as I'm turning to walk away. "And take this shit." She tosses the fruit basket at my feet. "I don't want your guilt fruit! Just leave me the hell alone Spencer!" She yells before slamming the door once more. I bend down to clean up the fruit, trying to show Lexy that I'm trying to clean up the mess I've made. Well she threw the fruit, but you get what I'm saying. When I'm done I throw away the sixty dollars in fruit and head to the car.
Lexy is never going to forgive me...
–
Chapter title- Parachute- Mess I Made