AN: Afternoon everybody! Or good morning, good evening, good lunchtime, good 11am, good 4.36pm, whatever time it is where you are in the world. Sorry for the wait, but here's the next chapter! Enjoy, my lovelies. x
Chapter 37. Thunder and lightning, very very frightening…! Weather was awful today – I was in town when the lightning started, I screamed in WHSmith and made this old woman give me the evils.
AN: OK EVRYBODY IM GONG ON VOCATION ON DA FRIST OF JULY (thank god.) SO IM EEDER (that sounds like cheese!) GONNA END DA FIK OR UPDAT IT IN WEEX. (weex. Why do I think of Weetabix when I read that?) fangz!1 oh yah nd prepz stop flaming sa story!11 raven fangz 4 da help c ya gurl afta vocation!11
DARKO'S PONT OF VIEW LOL (LOL DATS SO FUNNY GURL.)
Vampire and I chaind Hairgrid 2 da floor. (Haha! Who wouldn't pay to see that?)
"Oh mi fucking satan!11" Enoby said. She wuz so hot. (To each their own, I suppose…) "Maybe I cud uze Amnesia potion 2 make Satan foll in love wif me faster!1" (how the hell would amnesia potion help with that…?)
"But u r so sexy and wonderful aneway Tata," (TATA! Haha, my grandma says that. Tata, love, I'll see you next week!)(Oh, I see what she did! She was going to spell 'Tara', but misspelled her own name…) said Vampire. "Why would u need it?" (Oh trust me… she needs it.)
"To make everyfing go faster lol." said Enoby. (LOL not funny.)
"But you wont have to do it wif him or anyfing, will u?" I asked jelosly. (Gahh, I have 'Swagger Jagger' stuck in my head. Can't believe I actually liked Cher Lloyd in the the X Factor – her song is doing my head in. .)
"OMFG u guyz r so scary!11" said Britney, a fucking prep. (Woah! Where did she pop up from? Was she chained to the floor too? ARE THEY COLLECTING PREPS?)
"Shut the fuk up!1" said Willow. ('Swagger jagger, swagger jagger, you should get some of your own…' ARGH!)
"Ok well anyway lets go 2 Profesor Trevolry's room." (and so they held hands, smiled at each other, and skipped down the corridor and into the sunset, never to be seen again. Of course, if they really did skip into the sunset, they would have been frazzled to death by the sun – so it's a good thing for all.)
Draco, Ebory and I (what? Who's point of view is this now? An invisible elf's?) went to Profesor Siniater's room. But Profesor Sinister wasn't there. (NUUUUUU!) Instead Tom Rid was. (*does spazzy wave* Hi!)
Oh hi fuckers he said. (Well that's lovely.) Lizzen, I got u sum (lollipops!) kewl new clovez. (CLOVE!)
I took out da cloves from da bag. (you took out some garlic cloves from the bag? Oh, I see, Tom did the weekly shop for you. And he bought you garlic cloves, and you're a vampire and so garlic is toxic to you… ajfhejahfj;fse HE'S PLANNED THIS WHOLE THING! HE WANTS YOU DEAD TOO! VOLDEMORT IS GOOD FOR SOMETHING!) It was a goffik blak leather miniskirt that said '666' on da bak, (people are going to think your butt costs £666. Nobody would pay that much… except maybe Barney the Dino – I mean nobody.) black stilton bootz, blood red fishnetz and a blak corset. (so basically, a copy of everything you own already… does Enoby own multiple sets of the same clothes, but in different shades of black?)
"OMG fangz!" I said hugging him in a gothic way. (By which of course she means in that creepy Barney the Dinosaur way.) I took da clothes in da bag.
"OK Profesor Sinister isnt hr what the fuk should we do?" (Change the seating plan and swap your names around? That's what people usually do when a teacher isn't there and a supply's covering.) asked Draco. Suddenly he loked at a sign on da blak wall. (my skirt blew up while I was walking past a bus today. It was parked as well, so everybody was staring at me. The wind caught me and my skirt blew right up, and I was like OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT and caaaalm. This was my face: o.O)
"Oh my fuking satan!1" I screamed as I read it. On it said Evry1 Profesor Sinister is away. She is too gottik she is in Azkhabian now. (NO! MY FAVOURITE GOFFIK PROFESSOR!) Classes shal be taught by Dubledork (I have no idea who this is, but let's just go with it.)who is bak but he shall not be principal 4 now. Sincerely Profesor Rumbridge. (that was something to scream about? …. Really?)
"OMFG!111" I shoted arngrily. "How could they do that!11" (Obviously it was all planned just to make you upset. I'm sill not sure if this is Enoby's POV or the invisible elf's POV.)
Suddenly Dumblydore came. (DUMBLEDORK! -throws him some garlic- WE'RE MAKING A PLAN TO KILL ENOBY! IT INVOLVES GARLIC!)
"WHAT DA HELL R U DONG IN MY OFICE!1" he began to shoot angrily. Sudwenly I saw Morty Mcfly's blak tim machine!111 (Oh, so now there's a machine which produces Tims! WHAT KIND OF WORLD DO WE LIVE IN?) I jumped seductivly in2 it leaving Draco and Vampire. Sudenly I wuz back in tim!11 I looked around. It was…Profesor Slutborn's efface! (Hooray kids!) I sneaked around. (I just found lemonade in my school bag. Erm, random.) Suddenly I saw da Amnesia potion on his desk. (Ooh, it's cloudy lemonade!) It wuz blak wif blood-red pentagramz in it. It was the shape of a cross. I put it in my poket. Suddenly da door opened it wuz…..Profesor Slutgorn!11 (NOW HE SOUNDS LIKE A GOAT!)
OMG wut r u doing (Ron did it.) fuker he shooted angrily I don't kno wut da fuk r u DOING I SHOUTED ANGRILY. (aww, somebody's PMSing. SLUTBORN…. MAKE… ENOBY… ANGRYYYYYYYY!)
"Oh sorry I wuz just looking around koz I thought it wuz class." (that is possibly the crappest excuse ever.) you said finally hoping he couldn't c da potion in ur pocket. (what the hell? Why are we in second person now?)
"Oh ok u can go now." said Profesor Slutborn. (Hah! Talk about the most gullible teacher ever!)
You went to the conmen room after putting on my clothes. (The POV changes and second/to first/to third person changes are giving me a headache.) Silas, (who? He sounds like the crazy dude round the corner.) Samaro and Snap were there practicing Vampirez will Never Hurt U by MCR. (I listened to MCR on Youtube. They're not bad, I suppose. I'm still not sure what Gerard Way's white hair was all about – I was just reminded of my grandma.)
"Oh hi you guys." I said seductively. "Wheres Satan?" (Waiting for you in hell with a cauldron full of boiling water and frog's guts – I mean, a bouquet of goffs.)
"Oh he's cumming." said Serious. "BTW u can kall me Hades now." (Andy Sixx looks a bit like a clown gone horribly wrong. My friend is obsessed with him, so I decided to look him up, and bearing in mind that I'm terrified of normal clowns, I nearly shit myself. I was like, 'Gahhh! Did your girlfriend's makeup bag explode in your face?') Suddenly Satan came. He was wearing a smexxy blak leather Jackson, (The Jackson 4 want their 5th Jackson back.) blak congres shoes, a Slipnot t-shirt and a blak tie. (when on earth did goths/emos/vampires start wearing ties?)
"Ok I will see you guyz at da concert." (how many concerts do you go to?) I said and then I went with Satan. (OHMIGOD NO HE'S GOING TO MAUL YOU! I wish this was a horror story. Then who knows what kind of bloody end Enoby would meet? –cough- chainsaw –cough-)