Blearily my eyes opened, I blinked a couple of times, trying to clear the sleep from my eyes. Slowly my body became aware again. I felt warm, and safe. I slowly tried rolling off my side and onto my back, but there was a heaviness over my abdomen that prevented the movement. My eyes opened again and I registered everything. I remembered hazily the night before, throwing myself onto Draco, and falling asleep on him. We were both on our sides, my back up against his chest, with his arm draped over me. I sighed and frowned. I never should have relied on him, or gotten drunk with him, I should have gone back to Hogwarts. I was now in a bigger tangle than I could have imagined. The feeling that he gave me, wrapped in his arms, was something I didn't realise I had missed until I was experiencing it again. It was like we fit each other perfectly.
Maybe I was severely masochistic to put myself through this. I was too screwed up over George to get back into a relationship, but something felt so right about lying there with Draco, and waking up with him around me. I could feel when Draco woke up. His arm tightened around me and then loosened again, his breathing picked up. He nuzzled into the back of my neck before shifting a stretching a bit. "Morning Gray." His voice was deep with sleep.
"Morning, how did you know I was awake?" I rolled onto my back, now that Draco's arm wasn't restricting me.
"I guess I just knew." I felt him shrug. "I've woken up next to you enough times." I glanced at his face, his eyes were closed again. "Gray, haven't you missed this?" He asked in a low whisper.
"I guess I have. Draco, don't do this to me."
"I'm not doing anything. But, I know you have to feel this too. We're meant to be." I sighed and rolled towards him.
"Draco, of course I can feel this, and I can't tell you how grateful I am to you. For giving me a place to stay for the holidays, and for hanging about with me, and taking care of me. But I think – at least for the next little bit, I need to take care of myself. See if I still know how to do that. I said last night that I love George, and I love you, but I don't know if I love myself anymore, and I need to figure that out." Draco nodded and drew me closer to his chest for a moment. He kissed my forehead, and then lightly rolled over me, and off of the couch. I instantly felt cold from the air suddenly filling the space Draco had occupied. I unexpectedly felt saddened at the loss of his presence next to me. He padded off down the hall and I heard a shower start running. I sighed and ran my hands over my face – I just kept mucking myself up. My eyes grew heavy as I pondered the impossible disaster I had created for myself. Next thing I knew light was pouring in the window opposite me and it was much later in the day. My eyes adjusted to the light and I glanced up to see Draco sitting and regarding me. "Have you just been watching me sleep?" I asked groggily. He smiled and chuckled to himself.
"I suppose I have. I wanted to see what you were planning today."
"Clearly just sleeping. But I think I know what you mean. I'm sure you've got things to do other than look after me." He shrugged. "I'll be fine Draco, I think some time on my own will benefit me." He nodded. I pushed myself up and walked over to where Draco was sitting, I gently perched on his knee and took his face in my hands. "Thank you, Draco, I'll not forget what you've done for me." I leant forward and pressed my lips to his forehead. His breath hitched slightly. "I'm sure I'll see you soon." I whispered before standing and walking off towards my room. I felt oddly emotional as I continued on into the bathroom and started filling the bathtub.
I sank into the warmth of the bath and sighed heavily. I finished up in the bathroom and felt slightly more relaxed. I dug through my bag in the bedroom and found one of the books I had brought with me. I walked back to the living room and noticed that Draco had lit a fire before he left. There was a note for me on the coffee table, I set my book next to it and went into the kitchen to procure something to eat. Task accomplished I ventured back into the living room and picked up the note from Draco.
Dear Gray,
You don't need to thank me for giving you someplace to stay, this place is always empty, and it's nice that it finally has a use. I want you to know that I'll always be your friend, but, it's hard for me to be around you and not act on my impulses. As you said last night, you are everything to me, and I want to be everything to you. Until I can, I will settle on being your friend. You can always come to me with anything you need. I'll say as many times as you need to hear that I love you, I think we belong together, and I'll wait as long as it takes. Patience may not be a virtue of mine, but I'll be patient for you.
Yours, Draco
My heart fluttered slightly as I read the note. I wanted more than anything to call him back, but I had to uncomplicated my life first. Instead I picked up my book and read the day away. Sinking myself into fictitious problems was far easier than dealing with my own.
Wrapped in the pages of my book I slowly started thinking, I never should have started up with George, I had used him as a crutch. Sure, I loved him, but I wasn't quite convinced now it was in a romantic way. I thought of how every time I looked into Draco's eyes my heart leap, every time he touched me there was electricity, every time I thought of him or was around him butterflies erupted in my stomach. George had never really evoked such feelings in me. He was comforting, and while he could evoke feelings of want out of me, it wasn't a central thought for me ever. If things happened they happened, I never daydreamt about him the way I did Draco. Perhaps I should take this breakup from George as a positive. If we were never really the right fit, then we would only ever hold each other back.
It would be quite harsh of me to jump straight from George back to Draco. Or would it? I hadn't really had a boyfriend since September, George rather than trusting me had folded in on himself and given up on me. He had emotionally cut me off, and if I thought about it, it really pissed me off. He was going through something I couldn't understand, but he hadn't acted fairly toward me at all. I guess if I thought hard about it I had been losing George since he lost Fred. It was understandable enough, he clung to me in the beginning but slowly became despondent. As George had pointed out I deserved more than half a person.
There was still the fact that I was unsure of myself, I had to come to terms with who I had become. Lately I was so wrapped up in drama and anxiety that I had no clue what I was actually thinking, or what I wanted. My body was practically screaming to be near Draco, but my mind knew I needed some space, if even just a week to think and know myself again.
So that's what I did. I read, and watched movies and thought, only of myself and what I wanted – what I needed. I had made up my mind and was just awaiting my return to Hogwarts, when an owl was heard tapping on my bedroom window. I had been snugged up in bed reading all day. I groaned, but rolled out of bed and let the owl in quickly. I plucked the slightly snowy note from its leg and read through it.
Dear Gray,
Blaise and I are throwing a New Year's Eve party at Zabini manor, and you must come or I'll be terribly cross with you. I know you're probably still out of sorts from the breakup, but you must come! It'll be fun I absolutely promise! Let me know as soon as you can!
Love, Miranda.
I smirked and grabbed some fresh paper and a pen, I let her know I would be there and thanked her for the invitation. New years was only a couple of days away, which meant I had some shopping to do. Thankfully it was early enough in the afternoon that the shops would still be open, and the crazy crowds for the sales were past. I went out and found what I needed easily enough, keeping a budget in mind was new to me, but I was pleased with what I had accomplished.
So, New Year's Eve rolled around and I found myself at Zabini manor. Miranda let out an inhuman sound when she saw me that almost split my ear drums. "I'm glad to see you too Miranda." I laughed as I hugged her. "It's not been that long has it?"
"Its been an age." She replied dramatically. I rolled my eyes as Blaise entered the room.
"She's in a bit of a dramatic phase Gray, you'll have to excuse the theatrics." I smiled as Blaise slung his arm around me. "You look ravishing tonight Gray, unfortunately I only have eyes for Miranda, so I can't appreciate the effort you've extended." He switched to drape his arm around Miranda, his hand resting gently on the small little bump that was barely noticeable on Miranda.
"Well that's unfortunate, as I made myself pretty just for you." I pouted. I had indeed gone out an purchased a new dress, and necklace, I had applied make-up where I normally didn't. I did have some plans for the night after all.
"Sorry to disappoint my love." He casually commented back.
"It's alright, I'd have never been able to keep up with Miranda." She smiled at me, and we made our way into the ballroom, I was there quite early so there weren't many people about yet. Slowly but surely the hall filled up, with all sorts of students. Mostly people I recognized from Ravenclaw and Slytherin, but there was the odd Gryffindor and Hufflepuff milling about. I didn't really care about most of these people, there was one person in particular I was keeping an eye out for.
I noticed him immediately when he entered the room. My nerve endings zinged and my heart stuttered. I quickly went to refill my drink and made my way over to a fireplace that dominated a corner of the room. As I knew he would, Draco sought me out, he grinned at me. "Gray, you look lovely this evening." His smooth voice washed over me and almost put me more on edge.
"Thank you. Good Christmas?" I asked.
"Not bad, what about you?"
"Quiet, but that's alright, I meant to thank you for the gift, I've been wanting that book for awhile now." He nodded.
"Glad you like it." He looked at me, and I stared back unwaveringly. I gently bit my lip.
'You'll have to allow me to properly thank you."
"I didn't do it for gratitude, but far be it from me to refuse." He smirked. I held a hand out to him, he raised an eyebrow before taking my hand. I led him out onto the abandoned balcony.
"I want to thank you for more than the book. Thank you for giving me the time I needed, giving me a place to stay. It was exactly what I needed to figure everything out." He looked down at our still joined hands for a moment before looking back into my eyes.
"I already told you no thanks were needed for staying at my apartment. But you're welcome all the same. What have you figured out?" He asked.
"I've figured out that George, well, that he hurt me for longer than I realised. That I can stand alone when I need to, but, that relying on other people doesn't make me weak. And –" I drew in a breath and blinked before looking back up at Draco. "And I realized that I love you more than I knew. You absolutely saved me, and I know you wouldn't do that for just anybody. I-" But I was cut off from completing the thought when Draco's finger lifted my chin. He kept his eyes on me as his face drew nearer. His lips found mine and I closed my eyes, his hands slid into my hair as my arms went around him. The kiss very quickly turned into something desperately passionate. Draco backed me up against the wall and ran his hands down my body. My hands found themselves entangled in his hair. My lungs were burning and it felt like my whole body was trembling, as if on cue Draco released my mouth and kissed a line to my ear. We both breathed in the night air as Draco finally pulled back.
My hands slid to frame his face, he smiled sweetly at me. "I feel like I've waited a lifetime." He whispered. "I've missed you so much."
"I've missed you too." He softly kissed me again quickly. "Will you put the past where it belongs, behind us, and move forward with me?" I asked in a whisper. He smiled, a lopsided grin, and leant in to kiss me.
"I would do anything for you." He told me as he drew back. "But, you already knew that." I blinked quickly a couple of times.
"I've come to realize that we've both been very stupid, for a long time." I slid my arms around his back. "All of this stuff keeping us apart hardly matters. I just want to be happy." He pulled me into his arms fully and clung onto me like I would fade away at any moment. I rested my head on his shoulder and sighed happily, closing my eyes. I was unsure of how long we stood wrapped in each other before we heard a throat clearing behind us. I lifted my head to see Blaise and Miranda watching us from the door.
"Does this mean what I think it does?" Blaise was grinning widely. Draco looked at me and smiled. I looked back at Blaise and nodded. Blaise let out a whooping noise, and Miranda laughed. I knew that she probably had her doubts at the moment about Draco and me, but I didn't care. "Well come on then, this needs to be celebrated, and I don't think either of you have had enough to drink!"
"We'll be in in a minute." Draco assured Blaise. Blaise smirked.
"You two best behave out here, no funny business!" He shot us a wink before slinging his arm around Miranda and walking back inside.
"Well, should we head in?" I asked.
"In a minute. There is something I have to say to you first." I quirked an eyebrow up at him. The right side of his mouth gently curved up in his signature smirk. "I love you Gray." I smiled.
"I love you too, Draco." He leant down and placed the gentlest of kisses on my mouth.
"Now I think Blaise said something about drinks?" He grinned as he drew back.
"He did." I took Draco's hand in mine and sighed heavily at the thought of having to go back into the party. I had really only come for two reasons, and they were both fulfilled. I wanted to make Miranda happy, and coming to her party ticked that box, and I wanted to see Draco, which I had successfully accomplished.
"You're still a partier through and through, huh?" He asked me jokingly.
"Can't get enough." I retorted dryly. He laughed and pulled me back into the house.
"It'll be fine Gray, we can leave in about half an hour, we just have to stay till midnight." I pouted and Draco laughed. We quickly found Blaise and Miranda. Blaise managed to get shots and a drink in our hands in mere seconds. The rest of the night was a haze of shots and laughs. The one thing that stuck out was that Draco never let go of my hand.
AN: So I know the wait on this chapter has been awhile, but I've been so stupid busy. I have some days off here so I'm going to try to write through to the end of this tale and get it posted before I get even busier. I hope that the processes make sense in this chapter. I was kind of trying to justify Gray's swift relationship changes. I think it makes sense. Anyway be sure to let me know! I'd like to thank my two reviewers for the last chapter love . fiction . 2017 (I realized that your username never goes through properly) and beth626! And of course just a thanks to anyone who reads, favs, or follows this story in general. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! ~WS