A/N: Uncle went into surgery yesterday, had to stay with my abuela, had no internet access. Sorry. Also, I'm not totally sure where this one came from.
Genre:Humor/Romance/General
Pairings:Grif/Donut, Sarge/Simmons
Rating: PG-13, bordering on R for, ahem, talk about adult situations
Summary: Grif and Donut, while in the afterglow, get to discussing what they've used in the past as lubricant.
Warnings: Mentions of sex, slight cursing, nakedness, and slash.

Comparing Products

Both men lay together on the bunk, naked and only shielded from the elements by a thin sheet. The smaller blonde's head rested on the other's broad chest, a finger tracing circles and patterns on his stomach.

The brunette's hand instinctively reached out for his pack of cigarettes; he stopped, however, not wanting to listen to the other's complaints. Instead, he put both arms behind his head as a makeshift pillow.

"That…was…intense," Donut breathed, heavy pants puncturing each word. Grif smirked, hazel eyes closing.

"Fuck yeah."

There was compatible silence for a minute save for their short and hard, uneven breathes. Then, Donut spoke again.

"I can't believe we used salad oil as lube."

"I can't believe wehad any," Grif chuckled. "Never used it before?" Donut gave a small shake of his head, fair locks clinging to his face.

"Olive oil, yeah, but never salad oil," he replied.

"Used that before. Not my favorite. I still like it better than using Crisco, though," Grif said.

"I've never used that brand before. I'm more into stuff like hand lotion and hair conditioner," the blonde told his partner.

"Yeah, you showed me that last week," the older man reminded.

"Oh, yeah. Can't forget that," Donut grinned. "I just think it feels way better than all that other stuff out there. I hate using just plain spit." As he spoke, his nose wrinkled in distaste.

"Hey, spit is effective," Grif argued. "Besides, it's way better than suntan lotion. Healthier, too, now that I think about it."

"Oh, one time on this beach, me and this guy used that liquid sunscreen stuff."

Grif nodded, having used it many times in the past, back in Hawaii. He brought a hand out from under his head and began to play with Donut's blonde locks that were still matted with sweat.

"One time at this party, this guy and I were locked in a pantry. Long story short, we ended up screwing using beer."

"Beer? Seriously?" Donut asked incredulously. The other man shrugged.

"We were already pretty wasted," he explained.

After a beat of silence Donut asked, "Could that give you a yeast infection?"

Grif cocked an eyebrow. Then, after contemplating it for a bit he answered, "I really don't know."

"Either way, beer is totally not a good lubricant."

"Maybe not for you. But come on, I was like seventeen."

"God, I'd rather use regular, cheap soap than alcohol of any sorts," Donut told him. "I mean, who wants to be lathered with beer?"

"Better than just using plain sweat," he countered.

The blonde stuck out his tongue in disgust and said, "Gag me. Using sweat is gross."

"Wasn't at the time." Donut looked up at Grif questioningly.

"You actually could stand to use sweat? That's worse than the beer thing."

"Heat of the moment between two horny twenty-year-olds who didn't have anything else."

Donut settled back into Grif's chest, the latter still running fingers through his hair. He closed his baby blues for a minute, trying to recall all the other lubricants he had used in the past. After a minute, his eyes reopened and he tiled his head so he could see Grif's face as he asked another question.

"You ever jacked a guy off then used his semen as a lube?"

"Once during this threesome between me, this dude, and his sister," the brunette admitted.

"Nice."

There was another comfortable silence between the two for a few minutes. Grif gazed up at the ceiling, his own question burning in his mind. Finally, he spoke it out loud.

"Since Simmons is a cyborg, you think he ever uses motor oil?" Donut blinked several times, taken aback.

"Motor oil?" he repeated unsurely in bewilderment.

"Motor oil," the other confirmed.

Another beat of silence, then Donut wondered, "Is Sarge that kinky?"

"Have you seen the guy?"

"That stuff can't be good for your system."

"Probably not," Grif agreed.

"Hm. You know, besides hand lotion and conditioner, my favorite thing to use every once in a while is butter," Donut said suddenly.

"Butter?" For some reason, the thought of spreading that all over the small, lithe man seemed very appealing.

"Yeah. Wanna try it?" Grif's growing erection answered for him.

-------

Sarge and Simmons walked into the kitchen later than usual; the latter's slightly awkward gait did not go unnoticed by the other two. Nor did how he eased himself down gently onto the chair. Simmons poured himself a glass of orange juice while Sarge started to toast some slices of bread.

With a glance at the smirking Grif, Donut stage whispered, "Motor oil."

Instantly, Simmons coughed and spit his drink back into the cup; his cheeks were the color of the armor he usually wore. Donut beamed.

"Guess they do," he mused.

"Knew it."

Simmons looked at the couple in confusion; Donut munched innocently on a bagel and Grif downed his third cup of coffee that morning.

"What are you two talking about?" he demanded warily. He only received a smirk and giggle in response.

Sarge, meanwhile, brought his toast over to the table, sitting down next to Simmons. His hand reached out, stopping short when he didn't spot what he wanted.

Irked he asked, "Where's th' butter?"

Donut and Grif shared a secret look.

"Already…eaten,"Grif told him. Butter was a good one to use.