37:

Time Means Nothing

They led him in the arena with his hands tied in front of him. He fought against the man leading him around by his handcuffs. I knew exactly who it was. My heart stopped beating. My mouth was suddenly dry and my through was closing. I couldn't make a sound.

"You better hope you're gone by the time they take these stupid cuffs off."

Daryl shouted.

Just the sound of his voice left me devastated. I missed him so much. His voice was enough to knock me off my feet.

I stood up and waited for the bag to be removed. I needed to see him. I needed to know he was still the same.

"Now what should we do with these two fine gentlemen?"

The Governor asked sarcastically. I knew exactly what he would do to them. I knew at any moment he'd lead in two walkers and chain them to either side of the ring.

I knew I had to do something or risk losing Daryl forever.

"Let them go!"

I shouted at the devil standing in front of me.

"Let them go…"

I saw Daryl's body stiffen and he stopped struggling.

"Kay?"

He barely whispered.

"Oh you know these men? Working with them?"

I saw him coming closer to me. I had a very limited amount of time to save Daryl and Rick.

"Just let them go."

I said inching toward Daryl.

"Let them go? They were stealing from these hard working citizens. They need to be punished."

"Punished? This is torturing. You're so twisted up in your own head and believing your own self proclaimed Governor title that you've lost grip of reality. Just let them go for fucks sake and I'll leave with them."

"Oh sweetie. Did you forget our little chat this morning? You're not going anywhere."

"Don't fucking touch her!"

Daryl growled.

I wanted to smile. I knew it was the wrong time, but Daryl still loved me. It was all I ever wanted.

Time hadn't changed his feelings.

"Release the offenders!"

The Governor demanded stepping out of the ring. The man that was leading Daryl through the crowd removed the handcuffs from both Rick and Daryl before running out of sight. Daryl slowly pulled off the bag over his head and searched the crowd. I knew who he was looking for. When our eyes met, it was like seeing the most precious part of yourself manifest into one human being. His gaze held mine until Rick broke the silence.

"NOW!"

He shouted.

I looked around to see the chaos around me. Just as Rick had shouted, guns began firing.

It was a blur, but I felt his hands grab me and lead me out of the gunfire.

I held his hand tightly and never turned to look behind us. I just ran and ran as fast as I could next to Daryl. He weaved in and out of the crowd, making sure to never lose my hand. I was beginning to feel the effects of running just as we made it through a hole in the back gate.

There was a small car parked inconspicuously in the darkness. Daryl threw me in the passenger seat and jumped in the drivers seat. The car started right up and we were off.

"What about the others?!"

I asked panicked.

"They have a car."

Daryl explained gruffly. It was like readjusting to him all over again. His voice seemed harsher than it used to be.

We drove in silence until we reached a small clearing just off the highway. Daryl pulled the car over and got out of the drivers seat. He practically ran to the passenger's seat and yanked me out of the car. I expected him to throw me to the ground and leave me to die. But instead he pulled me into his arms and squeezed my tiny frame as hard as he could.

We just stood there for a few minutes holding each other. It wasn't awkward or uncomfortable. It finally felt right again. The hole in my chest was slowly closing and my breathing became less painful.

"Daryl?"

He didn't reply. He just kept hugging me to his chest.

"Daryl!"

I said pulling away from him.

"Where the fuck have you been?! Kaydence … Do you have any idea what you put me through?! I thought… You know what I thought! Goddammit Kaydence, I looked for you. I never stopped looking for you. You left me. You fucking left me!"

The emotion in his voice broke my heart. I had hurt him.

"I'm sorry."
I barely whispered.

"You're sorry? …You're sorry? Jesus Christ! You're sorry?! I was without you for a whole fucking year. I thought you were dead! I started checking the faces of these fucking walkers for you! I didn't let them kill a single one til I knew it wasn't you!"

"I'm sorry. I was hurt!"

"You were hurt?! I know what I did, Kay. But it was no excuse for leaving! Did it ever mean anything to you when I told you I love you? Because you fucking left me!"

Daryl didn't try to touch me again. He just screamed and screamed at me until he was physically exhausted.

I hung my head and stared at my feet the entire time. I knew he was right. I fucked up. And that mistake I made cost me my relationship with the most important man in my life. He did not want me anymore.

"Get in the fucking car."

Daryl said slamming his car door.

I hesitantly slid into the car and tried to hold back my tears. I could feel his anger radiating off of him. I could tell he was beyond angry with me. And I could definitely tell he no longer wanted me.

We drove in silence until we reached a large prison. Carol opened the gates and allowed Daryl to drive right up to the front door. Shortly after, a van full of Rick's group arrived.

I was overwhelmed by the responses I'd gotten from the group. Many different "welcome back" comments and a few hugs later and I were ready to sleep. But where would i? My bed was no longer shared by my favorite Dixon anymore. I was alone. I was even more alone now than I was stuck in Woodbury.

"Come on, sweetheart. I'll get you set up in a room."

Carol said taking me by the arm. She led me into the prison and down through several cell blocks. At the very end of the last cellblock, she opened a cell door.

"Here's your new home."
She smiled.

"Where does … he sleep?"

I asked quietly.

Carol sighed and pointed upstairs.

"He stays up there constantly."

"He hates me."
I finally admitted.

"He's hurt."

"Because of me. How can things ever be the same when he hates me?"

"Because love is love. It's unconditional. Did you ever meet my husband?"
She asked sitting next to me on the bed.

"No."

"My husband was a cruel man. He would drink too much and too often. He would be very abuse to my daughter and me most days. But I could never leave him. I loved him too much to be without him."

"But he hurt you."

I said confused.

"He did. But I loved him. I wanted him and only him. It was easier to take the beatings some days instead of running away. Just give him time, honey."

Carol got up and left me alone in this cell. It felt like a cruel dose of irony. I felt like a caged animal in Woodbury. I'm literally a caged animal here.

I walked out of my cell and upstairs. It was empty except for him. He was sitting in a chair with his legs propped up against the wall. He was chewing on his thumb and didn't even notice me.

"Can we talk?"

I asked quietly.

"What's left to say?"

"I still love you."

I said before turning to walk away.

I heard him get up out of his chair but I didn't stop to see where he was going. I just kept walking as my tears began picking up pace. I was practically sobbing by the time Daryl caught my hand. I just stopped. I didn't turn to look at him. I didn't want him to see me this way.

"Look at me."
He demanded.

"Why?"

"Because I want to see your face."

"No you don't. You hate me. And I don't blame you. I hated myself the entire time I was away from you. But I tried to find you. I stopped in Woodbury looking for you. But then I wasn't allowed to leave. And I got stuck there. It was stay or be killed trying to leave. I just hoped you'd find me the first couple of months. Then I tried to leave and he caught me. He threatened me every time I tried to leave. I never stopped trying to get to you. I'm just …weak."

I never turned to look at Daryl. I never wanted to see his angry face and know how much he hates me.

I just shrugged myself out of his grip and walked back down to my cell.

It was much later before Daryl came down to my cell. He walked in the cell and sat on the bed next to me. I had spent the entire day crying. I was ashamed of my tear stained face when he turned to look at me.

"I tried to find you."

He said leaning back in my bed.

"I looked through the forest for days. I called your name and followed everywhere I thought you'd go. But then we were attacked again and we needed to leave. So packed up and I started heading out without the rest of them. Rick stopped me. He said we'd find you together. But we never did. You were nowhere in sight and you never even left a trail to follow. I thought you were dead. But not even that stopped me. I just kept leaving every morning and looking until the sun went down. I stayed out all night some nights. I just wanted to find you. I was hoping you were alive, but even being dead would have given me some closure."

He looked up at me and pulled me down on the bed next to him.

I wanted to be bold and lay my head on his chest like before, but I didn't dare.

"It wasn't until a week ago that I learned you were alive. We met a woman from Woodbury. She escaped and wanted to stay with us. I begged her to tell me if you were alive. She said there was a girl there who would scream every day. She was defiant and the leader was unhappy with her. I knew instantly that was you. You never listened to authority well."

He chuckled.

"I needed to find you. So we snuck in. And it was worse than we imagined. They were preparing for a fucking war. They knew we existed and they knew we were armed. So it became more about stopping them and then finding you. Rick and I got caught on purpose. We set up an ambush. But then you were there. I heard your voice and I couldn't even remember the plan anymore. I was just focused on you. I needed to get you to safety."

He looked over at me and frowned.

"I never meant to leave you."
I whispered through tears.

"I know."

Daryl sat up and took my hand.

"Come on. I wanna show you something."

He led me out of my cell and down several flights of stairs. We passed many cellblocks that were boarded and closed off before we reached on that was open and clear.

There wasn't a single person living in this section. It was quiet and empty.

He led me to the second cell in the row and pulled me down on the bed with him.

"I cleared this block in case I found you."

He said allowing me to lay my head on his chest.

"Why?"
"Because this is all my fault."

"No. It is not. Don't say that."

"I promised you that I'd leave with you. I'd find you a place to stay and we'd run away from the group. I should have kept that promise."

"You tried. It was me being stubborn. I should have never run away from you."

"I'm sorry about Cassie."

He said sympathetically.

"I'm sorry I ran from you. And I understand if you don't feel the same way anymore."

It was torture to speak those words but I did not want him to feel obligated. He needed to love me on his own, not because I forced him to.

Daryl leaned over and kissed my forehead gently.

"I still love you."

He said pushing my hair out of my face.

"And I still want to be with you. I want this to be ours."

"Daryl Dixon, you cleared this whole cellblock for us. Every woman's dream."

I giggled.

Daryl didn't say anything. I was nervous I offended him.

I looked up at him and he was staring down at me.

"What?"
I asked nervously.

He never answered. Instead, he sat up and pulled me upright with him. He placed his hands in my hair and pulled me into a kiss. It was the most passionate kiss I've ever experienced. He was desperately clinging to me as if I were going to disappear. His lips never left mine as he laid me back down on the little cot.

"You're still mine."
He said breaking the kiss much too soon.

"Always."

I smiled kissing him again.

"Don't ever leave me again, Kaydence."

He whispered against my lips.

"Never."

I'd never leave him again. This moment was the moment I'd been dreaming about for months. I just wanted to feel his lips on mine again. I didn't care what happened leading up to that moment. I just needed him to be mine again.