Chapter 37

Twenty-two weeks. Your dads have been reading up on pregnancy, apparently, because they have discovered that your growing little self has ears and can hear. Imagine Daryl's surprise when he came home from work to find Aaron and Eric on either side of me on the couch, taking turns talking to you. And then, of course, after the guys left, Daryl decided to talk to you, too. Well, you heard him, I'm sure. You were kicking like crazy when you heard his voice.

Katie has decided that instead of naming you Mason, your dads should name you Elsa. I doubt you'd appreciate that, but she's determined that you are in fact a girl. Unless there's another one in there with you, I think she's going to be a little disappointed. But, she'll love you just the same.

...

Twenty three weeks. You gave us quite a scare last night. Daryl rushed me to the hospital, because we thought I was in early labor. Thankfully, I wasn't, and you're still safe and sound inside me, but we need to talk, kiddo. You can't scare me like that, again. You're getting a little antsy and anxious to greet the world, I know, but you still have to wait a few months.

Katie's a little uncertain about how all this works, so imagine her surprise (and disappointment) when I told her she was going to have to wait a few more months before meeting her cousin.

...

Twenty-six weeks. You are moving around like crazy. Daryl got a kick out of watching my belly move last night. We were watching a movie, and all of a sudden, my stomach started moving. It literally looked like you were doing somersaults in there. He was fascinated, of course. I would put my hand where your little elbow would stick out, and you'd move it away. I think you're going to be a very playful little guy.

Your dads have officially finished your nursery! And Daryl and I have agreed to be your godparents. It was a very sweet thing for Aaron and Eric to do. You are so loved. We can't wait to meet you.

...

Thirty weeks. You are getting so big! You're measuring right around three pounds, and you are right on target. Dr. Greene believes you'll be around seven pounds when you're born. They always say the second baby's the biggest, so I have a feeling you'll be much bigger than my Sophia was.

The thing is, I keep having dreams about you. I dream about what you'll look like. I imagine you'll have blue eyes. I have blue eyes, and so does Daryl, so I'm sure that'll be the case for you. I imagine you might be a little redhead when you're born. I was a bit of a redhead as a baby. Daryl says he was blonde, so you might be blonde. We'll see. I think you're gonna look just like him, which means you'll probably be just as ornery. That's ok. You have Dixon blood. It'll come naturally to you.

...

Thirty five weeks. Your dads are getting nervous, calling to check in at least twice a day. I've promised them that they will know the second I know you're on your way. Daryl's been keeping his eye on me, though I keep assuring him that you're still not due for a few weeks. But, in reality, you could be here anytime. I've been having contractions here and there, nothing major and it always stops, but I've been staying off my feet a little more.

My surrogacy counseling sessions are going well. Daryl has been coming to them with me, and the closer we get to the birth, the more difficult it is to think of giving you up. But we know you will always be a part of our lives, and we will always be there for you, maybe even when you don't want us there. We love you. We are still your mom and dad, and we will always think of you as our son. We've had long talks with your dads about this, and your dads are amazing. You are so lucky, and you are so blessed. This family may not be perfect, and it may not be what every other kid has, but you'll grow up with more love than you could ever ask for. Even when you're frustrated, even when you're rebelling, even when you think you don't need two, let alone 4 people watching out for you, we will still be there, because you have brought such joy to our lives. In the short time you've existed, you've already changed so much in our lives, and you aren't even here yet.

As a side note, your cousin Katie's adoption is officially official. Just think, if it hadn't been for the idea of you, for the love that your dads and Daryl and I had for the idea of you, your cousin Katie might not have a forever home with two parents who love her to the moon and back. You have opened our hearts, you've inspired so much in us, and to you, Mason, we are grateful. You are such a blessing.

...

Thirty-eight weeks. After thirteen hours of labor and an hour and a half of pushing, you came screaming into the world and into our hearts, and you are absolutely perfect.

"Is he ok? Is he ok?" Carol cried, still squeezing Daryl's hand as a hearty cry filled the room. Aaron and Eric stood at her bedside, eyes wide with shock as they peered down at their newborn son. Daryl stared, eyes filled with tears as Dr. Greene lifted the baby up and lay him on Carol's chest. "Oh…oh my goodness. Hello. Hello." Carol cradled him in one arm, as he opened one eye and whimpered against her chest. "Hello, Mason. Hi. Oh…" She leaned forward, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. "Hello, baby boy."

The sights and sounds were all a blur, everything rushing together, fading out as the baby's cries broke through the din. There was that face. Daryl's nose and Daryl's ears and all that hair. His little fingers were pink and curling against her skin. He was heavy and warm, and Carol just wanted to hold onto him forever. She sniffled then, blinking as the tears streamed down her face

"You did it," Daryl murmured softly, kissing her forehead. "You did it, sweetheart. You did so good."

"Alright, dads. You wanna cut the cord?" Dr. Greene asked. Aaron and Eric both gloved up and cut the cord together as Carol held Mason. "What's his name?"

"Mason," Daryl murmured, gently placing his hand upon the baby's back.

"Welcome to the world, Mason," Dr. Greene chuckled as a nurse put a blanket over the little one and lifted him, squalling and wriggling, from Carol's chest. "I'm not sure who wants to hold you next, but I don't think you're ever going to want for a pair of arms to sleep in."

"Thank you," Eric murmured, moving to hug Carol. She sniffled as he kissed her cheek, and then Aaron moved in, giving her a hug.

"Thank you for…for everything. You have no idea what you've…"

"It's ok. I know," Carol whispered. "Look at him. Look at your son." She choked back a cry and smiled through it, watching as the nurse handed the baby to Aaron. The wide-eyed stare as he held his son for the first time was something Carol would never forget. He held him close, held him so gentle, as if he was afraid he'd break, and Carol squeezed Daryl's hand again.

And Eric stepped closer to take a peek at the tiny little person that had brought so much love into their lives. Carol closed her eyes then, closing her eyes and squeezing Daryl's hand as Dr. Greene delivered the placenta and began to clean her up.

Daryl stroked her forehead and wiped at it with a cool cloth, whispering soft words of love and encouragement as the nurse took photos of Aaron and Eric with their newborn son. He felt a lump form in his throat as he watched the tears spill from Carol's eyes. And when he tilted her chin toward him to give her a peck on the lips, she bit her trembling lip and smiled.

"We did it," she whispered.

...

Daryl leaned against the door frame as the dim light above Carol's hospital bed cast a sterile, dim glow about the room. Aaron and Eric had left hours ago, taking baby Mason home after he'd been checked over. He was perfectly healthy in every way, and for Daryl, it was hard to believe that it was all over.

He had gone home to get a shower and to stop by Michonne's, where Katie was staying for the night, to show her pictures of the baby. And he'd gone for a few of Carol's things. She'd been so tired after the birth that she'd gone right to sleep right after Aaron and Eric had left with Mason.

From all appearances, she looked to be sleeping, but when he stepped into the room and moved closer, he could see her shoulders shaking as she lay on her side, hands covering her face. She sobbed silently, and he felt the tears well in his own eyes.

"M'here," he murmured, placing his hand upon her shoulder. She didn't turn to him. She reached up, finding his hand with her own, squeezing it tightly, holding on with every ounce of strength left in her. "Tell me what ya need. Whatever you need, I'll…"

"Can you just hold me?" she asked softly, sniffling and looking up at him, eyes brimmed with red, cheeks damp from her tears. He swallowed thickly and nodded as she scooted over and let him curl up on the bed behind her. He curled one arm around her middle and buried his face against the back of her neck. He just rubbed her stomach gently, and her shoulders shook again.

"I love you. I ain't goin' nowhere. It's gonna be ok." He kissed the back of her neck, and he let her cry, let her get it all out, because he knew that as much as she'd prepared, as much as he'd forced himself to prepare, they'd known this moment was coming and that it wasn't going to be easy. So he took a shaky breath, held back his own tears and just let her cry.

...

Heart Song – A Surrogate's Journey

Written by Carol Dixon

This book is dedicated to my amazing husband Daryl who I never would have met had I not started this journey. He has been my rock, and I am proud to say that we are expecting our own little miracle in about three months. Her name will be Rose.

To my daughter, Katie. You have brought such joy to my life. You have shown me that there are different kinds of families, and there are different kinds of loves, and I am proud to call you my little girl. I am so proud of you, and I am so proud of the young lady you are becoming. Your journey is just beginning, and just know that I will always be there to hold your hand if you need it.

To my best friend, Michonne. Words can't express my gratitude. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't still be here, and I am grateful to you for saving my life, for helping me heal, for understanding my pain. I love you.

To Aaron and Eric, watching you two as dads for the past year and a half has been one of the most beautiful experiences I've ever witnessed. Mason is so lucky to have two parents like you, and I am so thankful to you both for making us a part of your family, for including us in all of Mason's firsts.

To Sophia, I love you and I miss you, and not a day goes by that I don't wish I could hear you laugh or see your beautiful, smiling face. I see so much of you in Mason, and I sometimes swear his little laugh sounds just like yours did. I feel you with me, and I think of you constantly. One day, we'll meet again, and it'll be as if no time as gone by at all. But until then, I hope you hear my thoughts and feel the love I have for you. You will never be forgotten.

And to Mason, my sweet boy. Without you, this book never would have come to light. I never dreamed my thoughts and experiences through this surrogacy journey would be sitting on the shelf at a bookstore someday, but here we are. Thank you for giving me a reason to hope, for reminding me of the beauty and the love in this world when I was still so lost. I didn't know it yet, but I wasn't fully healed until the moment I held you in my arms and heard you take your first breaths. You are so loved, and I am so proud to see you grow and watch you bond with your dads. I am blessed to be your 'mama.' I will always be here for you.

The End