C h a p t e r 34
Voices flitted over the edges of her consciousness, like the fingers of spiders tracing the back of her neck. She shifted, lifting her head up and blinking blearily. Hazy shapes appeared in her field of vision, growing more distinct with every blink.
"I found some poppy seeds," she heard Sage say, and there was the sound of him laying down a packet of leaves. "Sorry I couldn't find any last night...I think the ones you got before were some of the last. Most of the plants around here are dead."
Sootpaw rubbed her eyes with her paw and blinked once more, and Bluepaw's body finally distinguished itself from the surrounding fuzziness. The blue-gray apprentice had her back to the two of them; she was sorting herbs into piles, trying to create some sort of structure in the messy den.
"It's fine, Sage," she meowed without turning around. "Just place one next to Sootpaw for when she wakes up, and tell the others, would you? I probably need to see to some of them again."
"I think she's already awake," Sage meowed; his green eyes twinkled down at her, and Sootpaw smiled. "Did you sleep well?" He unwrapped the little packet of leaves and a few black seeds spilled out. He passed one to her.
"Yes, thank you," she purred, giving the seed a little sniff. She frowned – the seed smelled odd, not quite like the poppy seeds that she was used to. Well, we are in a different forest, I guess that makes sense.
Her shoulders were aching, but her stomach gave a quiet growl. She didn't want to fall asleep again before she ate.
"Hungry?" Sage asked. "I'll get you something while I tell the others that Bluepaw is ready for them. Anything in particular that you'd like?"
She shook her head. "Anything's fine. Thanks."
Sage dipped his sleek head to her before turning and leaving the entrance. Sootpaw glanced towards Bluepaw and found that the blue-gray apprentice was watching him go, before she returned her attention to her herbs.
Sootpaw yawned, her tongue curling as she stretched out her body, ignoring the twinges of pain running through her stiff limbs. Despite them, she felt an odd sense of contentment. There was a warm glow inside of her, deep in her chest, as if someone had lit a fire in her heart; it was a pleasant sensation, but a puzzling one.
She let out a low purr as she thought of the dream from the night before; she didn't quite have the words to describe the whirl of images and emotions that the dream brought up for her.
I would have never thought that Chillpaw could be responsible for something so beautiful, she thought, feeling almost wistful. It's too bad I couldn't have stayed longer...he had to return back to that dim forest, the poor thing...
He's so strange, but somehow...I feel like I can understand him, at least a little bit. Is that a bad thing? I hope it doesn't mean I'm going to flip out and kill my leader. Her whiskers twitched. I guess he didn't really flip out, though...
I just wish I knew why he had done it. I thought it was revenge for Lion, but with his way of thinking about things, I don't see how it could be. He had to have known that his actions would result in his own death...so why did he do it? I can't imagine that he wanted to die...
"Watcha thinking about?" Bluepaw asked, jolting Sootpaw out of her musings. "You've got a weird look on your face."
Sootpaw flicked her ear at her. "Nothing, I was just thinking about my dreams last night."
Bluepaw's ears pricked. "Dreams, huh? What sorts of dreams? Something about a nice young tom, perhaps...?"
Sootpaw flushed underneath her fur. "No, Bluepaw, no! Nothing like that, you mousebrain."
Bluepaw laughed, and Sootpaw laughed along with her; the gray apprentice felt lighter than she had in a long time. The journey had been bogging her down, but it was as if her dream of sparkling snow had revitalized her.
"You did say something odd before you fell asleep, though," Bluepaw mewed, tilting her head to the side. "You said you had something to tell me...?"
Sootpaw swallowed. "Yeah...I've been kind of hiding something for a long time now, and I think you might be the only one that can help," she said, then closed her mouth as Sage entered the den. He dropped a finch at her paws, before looking to Bluepaw.
"Anything else I can do for you?" he asked. Sootpaw took a bite of the finch, chewing slowly and savoring the taste. Her belly let out another eager gurgle.
Bluepaw surveyed her stash of herbs, and reached out for the poppy seeds. Finally, she shook her head. "No, I think I've got everything I need now. Thank you, Sage! I'll be sure to call for you if I need anymore help."
Sage nodded, before leaving the den. Sootpaw watched the white tom pad away, before she reached out for the poppy seed, pulling it closer to her so that it was right next to the finch. Bluepaw was staring down at the poppy seeds, looking puzzled, weighing them in her paw.
Sootpaw finished off her finch and was just about to eat the poppy seed when Bluepaw suddenly turned and swatted it away. Sootpaw blinked at her with bewilderment, but Bluepaw ignored her, hurrying to the entrance of the den and yowling for Sage. He appeared in moments, looking puzzled.
"Something wrong?" he asked, looking between the two of them.
"What are these?" Bluepaw hissed, shoving Sootpaw's poppy seed towards him. Sage stared down at it, then looked back up Bluepaw, clearly confused.
"A poppy seed, like I told you," he answered.
"Smell it!" she ordered. Sage shot Sootpaw a worried look, but she simply shrugged in reply; she had no idea what Bluepaw was doing. Sage obediently bent his head and sniffed the seed.
"What does it smell like?" Bluepaw demanded.
"Like...poppy seeds?"
"No! That's not what they smell like! Smell them again!"
Sootpaw was surprised that Sage didn't appear angry, despite Bluepaw's raised voice and bristling fur. "Bluepaw, forgive me, but I have no idea what you're talking about."
"They aren't poppy seeds!" Bluepaw exclaimed. "Where did you get them? What did the plant look like?"
"I told you, most of the plants around here are dead," he said. "I found the seeds scattered around some sort of dead plant, I couldn't tell what it was, but they look just like poppy seeds and they smell like them too...I don't understand, Bluepaw, what's wrong with them?"
Bluepaw shook her head. "They don't smell like poppy seeds. They smell different. Only a little bit, but it's important! Even I know these aren't poppy seeds. These seeds come from a foxglove plant."
Sage still looked confused. "Foxglove? What is that?"
Bluepaw blinked. "Don't you have them where you live? They're flowers, but tall and sort of purple..."
He frowned. "No, I've never seen such a plant on our territory, or heard of them, and Feather has taught me all the names of the plants in the forest."
Bluepaw's fur flattened. "Really? You've never heard of them?"
He shook his head. "No. Never. I swear, Bluepaw, I've never seen such a plant."
"Well, you have now..." Bluepaw sighed and turned back to the seeds. She tucked them inside the leaf packet. "Foxglove seeds are very dangerous, Sage. They can be deadly if a cat eats too many of them. They do have medicinal uses, but not as painkillers..."
Sage's eyes widened. "I had no idea, Bluepaw, I'm sorry! I thought they smelled a little bit odd, but I just assumed...I'm sorry." His ears flattened and his eyes glittered with alarm at the thought of the damage he might have accidentally caused.
Bluepaw wasn't paying attention; she was staring down at the leaves and seemed to be mumbling something to herself. Suddenly, her eyes brightened and she beamed at Sootpaw like a beacon, before racing out of the den. "Reedrush! Thistlethorn! Rabbitleap!"
Sage stared after her, then turned back to Sootpaw, looking bemused. Sootpaw laughed quietly.
"That's just Bluepaw," she meowed to him. "She kind of lives in another world, it seems like."
"Do you think she's angry?" Sage sighed. "I feel like I've messed up with her several times now, first by mentioning Bramblethorn and now this..."
"Bluepaw doesn't hold grudges, and even if she did this isn't your fault," she assured him. "If you've never seen the plant before, how could you have known? Besides, she looks happy to me."
Sage sat down next to her, and shook his head with bewilderment. "I hope so."
Sootpaw's ears pricked at the sound of coming pawsteps, and she blinked as Bluepaw burst into the den, grabbed the packet of leaves, and presented it to the warriors waiting outside.
"What is this, Bluepaw?" Reedrush asked, looking just as puzzled as Sage and Sootpaw.
"Foxglove seeds, see?" Bluepaw meowed, eagerness in her voice as she set the packet down and unwrapped it, exposing the shiny black seeds.
"They look like poppy seeds to me," Thistlethorn growled, and Bluepaw nodded with a grin.
"Exactly!" she exclaimed. "That's right, they do! Sage thought they were poppy seeds too, because he's never seen foxglove seeds before."
"If they're not poppy seeds, why do we need them?" Reedrush inquired. Sootpaw noticed how tired the silver tabby looked; her green eyes were dull and her whiskers seemed to droop. The others were tired too, Sootpaw realized; the journey was taking its toll on all of them.
"It's part of the prophecy!" Bluepaw meowed. "I didn't think we were so close, but apparently we were...anyway, StarClan told me to 'beware the false poppy; look for the dark copy.'"
Understanding gleamed in Rabbitleap's blue-green eyes. "The foxglove seeds are the false poppies. They look just like the poppy seeds!"
"Exactly!" Bluepaw purred, looking utterly delighted.
"But...I've seen this plant on our territory, and so have you, if you recognized them," Reedrush said. "Why did StarClan drag us all the way out here for foxglove seeds when we could just get them at home?"
Bluepaw's face fell. "Oh...I hadn't thought of that. I don't know..."
"Why didn't StarClan just tell us what we were looking for instead of sending us on a goose chase?" Thistlethorn spat. "Why didn't you and Shimmerfrost recognize what they were talking about, instead of dragging us out here?" His amber eyes burned with anger, and Bluepaw shrank back, looking crestfallen.
"Don't growl at her," Sage said quietly. "It isn't her fault. She's still learning. Perhaps your medicine cat – Shimmerfrost, was it? - should have recognized the clues, but Bluepaw is young."
"And foxglove isn't all, I don't think," Bluepaw mewed, sounding nervous. "There were clues for two more herbs as well..."
Thistlethorn's tail lashed. "Well, what are they?"
"I'm not supposed to say them all at once, StarClan said we might misinterpret them if-"
"What's the next hint?" Thistlethorn demanded, taking an aggressive step forward. Immediately, Reedrush moved between the two of them, staring Thistlethorn down.
"Get a hold of yourself," she hissed. "Bluepaw is our only link to StarClan, and she's our medicine cat apprentice. I won't have you raising her voice at her. Sage is right, she's only an apprentice; she's still learning."
Sootpaw struggled to get to her paws, wanting to help comfort her friend, but the throbbing in her shoulders and ear were too great. She bit her lip, feeling anxious as Thistlethorn and Reedrush glared at one another. Finally, Thistlethorn turned away with a low hiss.
"She shouldn't be keeping secrets from us," he said, sounding sullen. "What if we had missed this clue because Sage didn't bring back the foxglove seeds?"
"It was kind of lucky, when you think about it," Bluepaw mewed, looking anxious. "I think StarClan's looking out for us, making sure we don't make a mistake. We were sent on this journey for a reason, surely, not just to find the herbs, but to find something else...I just don't know what."
"Well, you'd better figure it out," Thistlethorn spat, then stalked away, his blue-gray tail lashing from side to side. Reedrush glanced towards Bluepaw, but her eyes held little sympathy.
"You should have told us what we were looking for, at least," she said. "We can't stumble around and just hope to find what we're looking for. I want you to try and contact StarClan in any way that you know how. Ask them to visit you in a dream; we need more guidance than what we have."
Bluepaw dipped her head and stared down at her paws. "I'll try," she mumbled.
"Alright then," Reedrush said, her voice more brisk. "How long until Sootpaw will be able to leave the den?"
Bluepaw glanced towards Sootpaw, looking thoughtful. "I'm not sure, probably a few days. She was beaten up pretty badly. Why?"
"Because as soon as she's strong enough, we're going to train," Reedrush answered. Sootpaw's eyes widened in surprise, and Reedrush smiled. "It's painfully obvious that you've been neglected, Sootpaw, and I won't say that I am not to blame. Although I'm not your official mentor, I should have taken you out more than once or twice. You're just as important as any other apprentice. As soon as you're up to it, I want us to begin training. You need to learn how to hunt and fight so that you can be an asset to this group."
Sootpaw's eyes glowed with excitement, and she nearly leaped to her paws immediately. "I'll train hard, Reedrush, I promise! I learn as quickly as I can!"
Reedrush laughed. "Don't worry about that right now, Sootpaw, just rest up. I'll check on you whenever I can. Now, Bluepaw, do you want to redress my wounds? My leg is feeling a bit stiff, and..."
Sootpaw lost track of the conversation as she conjured up a fantasy. She imagined herself facing down Reedrush and then leaping, the two of them embroiled in a fierce struggle. She purred at the thought, feeling wistful but also excited. A mentor had been all that she had wanted when they had been back home.
But unlike before, having a mentor now won't make all of my problems magically disappear, she thought, sobering a little. Having a mentor doesn't guarantee that I'll be strong enough to go through with all this. I'm hopelessly behind the others right now, and like Swanpaw said, I'm basically useless...
Still, just having the chance to really train...I'll give it everything I have. I don't want to end up like Blackpaw, so far behind my brother. I want to be the best warrior I can be, and make everyone proud.
I wonder if Chillpaw could help? He was going to be named a warrior, so he's certainly capable. Perhaps once I've heard the stories of all the cats and everything, if we have some extra time, he could help me out. She smiled at the thought and felt a prickle of excitement, before blinking as she realized that she was actually looking forward to another visit from the icy white tom. When had her dread become anticipation?
The other cats came in to be tended to as well; Bluepaw apologized over and over for not having any poppy seeds, which seemed to embarrass Sage. Sootpaw's stomach clenched with anxiety when it was Swanpaw's turn to be treated, but the ginger-and-white apprentice completely ignored her, acting as if Sootpaw didn't exist at all. Somehow, that was worse than the frosty apprentice's sharp tongue and insults.
Finally, Bluepaw dismissed everyone and turned her eager blue eyes onto her friend. "Okay, now that we've gotten all that out of the way, what was it you wanted to tell me?"
Sootpaw twitched her tail, feeling nervous. She was entirely sure that Bluepaw would believe her, but it was more than that. She wasn't sure she wanted the blue-gray apprentice to believe in her dreams. As strange as it seemed, the dreams were precious to Sootpaw; they were a burden, but they made her feel special, as if StarClan truly cared about her and wanted to empower her. Sharing such intimate feelings with Bluepaw felt wrong,but Sootpaw knew she had to try. Bluepaw was one of the only cats that could help her make sense of her dream. If she had known more about what had happened in the dream, she might have been able to save Rainwind.
Sootpaw began to explain the dreams, starting with the very first one, wherein Fogheart and the others had volunteered to find SkyClan. She described the dreams as vividly as she could, speaking of all the journeying cats that she could remember and their various struggles as they sought SkyClan. Bluepaw listened intently, and although Sootpaw's voice was soft at first, she gradually began to warm to her tale as her words painted a colorful image of the journeying cats in her mind. She pictured them clearly in her mind: noble Fogheart, fiery Amberfur, brave Oakclaw, fearsome Graystorm, swift Whitecloud, timid Birchpaw, earnest Foxpaw, and all of the other cats that had risked their lives to go in search of the lost Clan.
When Sootpaw finally finished, Bluepaw stared at her for a long moment. Her blue eyes seemed oddly downcast, and her gaze flicked down towards her paws.
Sootpaw's ears flattened, and she was beginning to think that she had made a terrible mistake, when Bluepaw smiled. It was a small smile, and looked a little sad, but it was a smile nonetheless. She looked back up at Sootpaw, and chuckled.
"That's why you came," she mewed. "You had to follow the dreams, even though you don't know where they're headed. You couldn't let them go."
"StarClan's sending them to me for a reason. How could I ignore them?" Sootpaw said simply.
Bluepaw sighed. "You really are special, Sootpaw. I never...I mean, it took a long time for StarClan to decide to send me dreams. But you're not even a medicine apprentice, and they already trust you. I don't know what that means. I guess it's a good thing, but...I can't help but be a tiny bit jealous."
Sootpaw's eyes widened – Bluepaw, a medicine cat apprentice who had always been able to make friends and who had a mentor, was jealous of her? - but she didn't say anything for a few moments. Then, she blurted, "Being special is lonely, Bluepaw. It's really, really lonely. I have all these dreams that I don't understand, and I can't tell anyone because they'll think that I'm crazy, and it sometimes feels like such a weight on my shoulders and I don't know what to do...I'm not like you, Bluepaw, I didn't ask for these dreams, and I never wanted to be a medicine apprentice. I always just wanted to be a warrior, and I've always wanted to be pretty and sleek and fast, not a huge, bumbling freak who can't sleep through a single night without having something horrible happening in my dreams..." Her throat threatened to close as the frustration and distress that she had been feeling for so long bubbled out of her.
Bluepaw moved forward without a word, and pressed her pelt against Sootpaw's. Sootpaw leaned against her, wishing that Bluepaw was Ravenwing, longing for the comfort of her mother's touch and gentle caress. Bluepaw licked her head between her ears, resting her muzzle on top of Sootpaw's broad head.
"Don't worry, Sootpaw. It'll all be okay, okay? I promise. We'll work through these dreams together and figure them out and StarClan will be proud of both of us."
"I wish I was home," Sootpaw whispered into Bluepaw's fur. "I wish I was with my mother and father and brother, and that I could train in our territory and sleep in the apprentice den and eat prey with the other apprentices and walk through the territory without having to be afraid."
"It'll be okay," she repeated. "I promise, Sootpaw, it'll be okay. I'm going to do everything I can to make sure that everyone comes home safely.
"You should rest, Sootpaw. This is all taking a terrible toll on you, and I think the only way to help is for you to get some rest. Okay?"
Her ears flattened. "I don't want to dream."
"I know. I've got some lavender here to help you relax, and some thyme will help too. Nibble on these and smell some of this." She passed Sootpaw a few leaves and several purple flowers. Sootpaw chewed the leaves and took in a deep breath of the lavender as Bluepaw had instructed. The soothing smell wafted into her nose and she let out the softest of sighs, resting her head on her paws. Bluepaw came to lie beside her again, and Sootpaw felt comforted by her warm fur.
"Thanks," she murmured, feeling herself beginning to slip away under the combined effects of the thyme and lavender, as well as her physical and emotional exhaustion. "You're my best friend, Bluepaw."
"I know," Bluepaw meowed, and the last thing Sootpaw felt before she fell headfirst into sleep was the touch of Bluepaw's nose against her muzzle.
She opened her eyes to find Moonpaw standing in front of her, her blue eyes gleaming with concern.
"Are you alright?" the black apprentice meowed. "You're beginning to worry me, Sootpaw, you know that? I love you."
"Of course you do. You're a part of me. Is Chillpaw coming?"
"He wants to, but...if you aren't up to it, I can tell him to wait. He's going to try and bring Brightstar this time."
Sootpaw wanted nothing more than another dream of snowy skies and play, but she knew that Chillpaw was depending on her. Sighing inwardly, she shook her head. "Don't worry about me. I'm fine. Tell Chillpaw to come. I don't have anything better to do."
Moonpaw licked her shoulder before turning and darting away, disappearing into the mist. Within moments she reappeared, Chillpaw's ghostly form trailing behind her. An even dimmer shape gleamed behind him, shimmering orange and white.
Moonpaw stopped and touched noses with Chillpaw, then Brightstar; their forms instantly solidified, and they turned their eyes upon her. Sootpaw looked away, unable to meet Chillpaw's cold eyes or Brightstar's mismatched pair.
"You look tired," Chillpaw said. "We can find another time, if you would prefer it."
Brightstar's lip curled. "I knew getting an apprentice would be a bad idea. Just look at her, she's completely rundown. She needs a lot more than rest; she needs a complete overhaul, the poor thing!"
Brightstar's voice seemed sympathetic, but there was a sharper edge to it, and it grated against Sootpaw's nerves. She wanted to growl something to the aged leader, but thought better of it.
"If you can't be civil, Brightstar, at least try to be modest," Chillpaw said. "Your ego is what brought you into all of this in the first place. I suggest you ponder your actions."
"Can you at least do something about the scenery? I'm so tired of the darkness, and this dreadful mist is hardly any better!" Brightstar complained, lashing her thick tail with irritation. Chillpaw sighed, then closed his eyes and focused. The mist peeled away, replaced by lush grass and thick forest. It wasn't the usual meadow where Sootpaw and Moonpaw played; this was of a different forest altogether, and Sootpaw was willing to bet that Chillpaw had constructed it from yet another memory.
"Better?" Chillpaw asked, chips of ice in his voice. Brightstar didn't seem to notice; she was surveying the area with interest. She ducked her head, brushing her muzzle over the grass and letting out a low purr, before tilting her head to look up at the glowing sun. Seeing that the she-cat was satisfied, Chillpaw turned away.
"Where are you going?" Sootpaw asked, a note of anxiety in her voice. Chillpaw glanced at her.
"I told you before that there were things I needed to do," he answered. "You stopped me from doing them last night, so while you and Brightstar talk, I will be doing what needs to be done. It's an experiment, it shouldn't take a terribly long time."
I don't want to be left alone with her, Sootpaw wanted to blurt, but she felt Moonpaw's pelt brush up against hers, and forced herself to relax. "Okay. Try not to take too long."
Chillpaw dipped his head and disappeared into the brush, his white fur vanishing amongst the twisted shadows and curled leaves. Sootpaw withheld a sigh, and turned to Brightstar, who was still staring up at the sky.
"Darkpelt always said my golden eye was more beautiful than the sun," she purred. "He was one of my many lovers, you know. I had roughly a dozen running around, as I remember..."
I doubt there were a dozen available toms in your Clan, unless you were hitting on apprentices or venturing into other Clans, Sootpaw thought, but she bit the words back.
"I see," she mewed instead, and sat down, brushing her tail over the rippling grass. "So...the way it worked with Swiftshade is that I asked him some questions and we gradually worked towards what he had done. Do you want to do it the same way?"
Brightstar's lip curled. "I don't need to waste any time, unlike that lazy bonebag. No, darling, I'll simply start at the beginning and we'll get to my so-called crimes eventually.
"Now, let's see..." She tapped her chin with her tail. "I was born on the cusp of newleaf, when the dreary leaf-bare was finally giving way to the new life flooding the moors. My birth vanquished the last of the frost from our glorious grasslands. The mere mewls of my kithood were enough to revitalize the territory. My father – very close to our leader, you know, they were old friends; my father was very nearly chosen as our deputy, if you can believe that – often said that I was blessed from the very beginning. Why, I once-"
Sootpaw's eyes were glazed over in moments as Brightstar rambled about her great and mighty past. She had never heard a cat praise herself as much as the ex-leader was doing now; it seemed that for every word out of her mouth, there were at least three more detailing Brightstar's various conquests and victories. Her apprenticeship had apparently been nothing less than miraculous – she had fought off a badger, a fox, a pack of wild dogs, all without any assistance from the Clanmates; she had held the hearts of at least three toms; she had been often trained by the leader himself – and her time spent as a warrior was apparently even more miraculous. By the time Brightstar got around to the second time she had single-pawedly beaten ShadowClan – she had broken into their camp not once, but twice, and had both time overpowered ShadowClan's leader, forcing him to concede valuable territory to WindClan – Sootpaw felt ready to scream at the top of her lungs. Only a quarter of Brighstar's story could be true, at the most, and yet the ginger-and-white she-cat was starry-eyed, clearly drunk on her own grandeur.
"So there I was, stalking through the forest, looking for my second crow of the day – I caught three that day, total, even though crows were fairly rare in our territory – when I stumbled upon a truly astonishing scene. It was our leader and a ShadowClan she-cat, doing...well, what you might expect, if you rule out fighting. This wasn't the first time I'd caught him with a forbidden she-cat, oh no. My excellent intuition had once caused me to follow him when he left camp in the middle of the night, and he met up with our medicine cat. They had a brief fling that ended quite badly. Anyway, the she-cat was named Honeyfur. She was a dreadfully dull thing. I've no idea why Featherstar was interested in her. He had given me a few side looks, but I never went after him; twisting his affection for me in order to gain power would have been silly, not nearly fitting enough for what I had in mind. So there I was, staring at the two of them, hardly able to believe my luck, and I-"
"Stop," Sootpaw meowed. "Please, just stop."
Brightstar seemed to snap out of her blissful remembering. She blinked at Sootpaw, looking puzzled. "What is it, my dear? Puzzled about a detail in the story? Ask away, darling, I can explain anything you desire. My father always said I had a knack for it, and I mentored six apprentices, so-"
"Stop!" Sootpaw said again, more fiercely this time. "Just stop talking! I can't handle any more lies out of your mouth!"
Brightstar first looked offended, then confused, as if she didn't understand how a lowly apprentice would dare to raise her voice at such an influential cat. Then, her mismatched eyes glittered with fierce anger. "Excuse me? You would be wise to watch your tone, little kit!" Her voice had none of the light candor that it had held moments before. It was jagged now, like a rough-edged blade.
"You're lying! Your whole story is just a pack of lies!" Sootpaw exclaimed. "I'm not here to listen to your weird fantasies and your bragging. I came here to help you, and I can't do that if you're going to lie to me. I need to get to the root of why you did what you did, so I can at least find some hope that you'll be a better cat in the next life. But you're insufferable! I honestly have no idea how a cat like you could have become the leader of a Clan."
Brightstar's eyes were as sharp as razorblades now, and she bared her fangs. "I will not be spoken to in such a manner!"
"Just tell me the truth!" Sootpaw exclaimed. "Please, that's all I want to hear."
"The truth? The truth? The truth is that my father probably wasn't even my father. He looked nothing like me and barely spared me a glance as I was growing up. My mother never admitted to it, but my father was probably a wandering rogue. Because of this, I was an outcast in the Clan. Other cats were intimidated by me. They were apprehensive. I was openly mocked by most of the other apprentices. But that didn't stop me.
"I trained as hard as I could and fought in many battles, but our leader still made me a warrior late. I was determined to prove myself to him, but he was never paying attention to me. He had she-cats to chase after. When I was named a warrior, I caught him with our medicine cat, and then a ShadowClan she-cat, but I didn't say anything until the time was right. Our deputy died in a battle against ShadowClan. It was then that I revealed my knowledge of his affairs. I forced him to appoint me the deputy, then to resign as leader. StarClan wouldn't grant me nine lives so long as he was alive, but he only had two lives left by that point, and he was old. I argued with StarClan, saying that Featherstar would die very quickly and that I needed my nine lives to lead my Clan. Without then, I couldn't take the suffix of -star, and the Clan would not respect me as they ought.
"StarClan outright refused. They turned their backs on me. My deputy was untrustworthy and lazy, but so was every other cat in my Clan. I had no one to turn to and the Clan did not look to me for guidance. So I decided to take things into my own paws.
"I told the Clan that StarClan had visited me in a dream and given me my nine lives. I didn't mention any names, but I dropped hints of cats that had died in the recent path, like our dear deputy. I took the name -star, and the Clan began to trust me.
"But it was not enough. StarClan had spurned me, and I wanted more. I told the Clan that StarClan had said I was to be the most powerful leader in the Clan, that I was supposed to take over speaking to them, instead of our medicine cat. I suspected that she was aware that I knew about her former relationship with Featherstar, and I knew she would try to stand against me. I was trying to weaken her authority over the Clan.
"She declared that StarClan had told her that I was a danger to the Clan. The Clan thought she was a loyal medicine cat, whereas I was a leader of tainted blood, and they were leaning towards her. I knew I had to prove myself to them, so I uttered a prophecy, foretelling that we would have many victories and earn back territories we had long since lost.
"I then started a campaign against ShadowClan. Their leader was a crotchety old fool, and his deputy, Badger-something, wasn't much better. We marked their land as our own, stole their prey, attacked their patrols, demolishing their morale and weakening them, making it hard for them to find food as we grew even stronger. Finally, I gave the order to attack. We raided their camp. ShadowClan's leader was killed in the fray; his heart gave out with all the excitement. We stole huge chunks of their disgusting territory for ourselves, and my so-called prophecy came to pass.
"The Clan trusted me then, and they followed what I said. I continued to tell them that I was a prophet sent by StarClan to make WindClan great. I refused to grovel before StarClan for my nine lives. My Clan was happy, do you understand, little kit? They were happy with me and they wanted to be led."
Brighstar's hubris was unbelievable. Sootpaw was sickened by it, but still confused; surely arrogance was not a crime. Attacking another Clan was wrong, but other cats had done worse. Northstar had wiped out entire Clans, even, and yet he seemed assured of his eventual place in StarClan. What could Brightstar have done that was so terrible for StarClan to forbid her passage into their kingdom?
"I was still angry with StarClan, of course, and wary of Smallpoppy. Over time, I eroded her power, claiming her prophecies for myself and making my own come to pass. Smallpoppy was furious, but there was little she could do. The Clan was enamored with me." Brightstar's odd eyes seemed to glow with a strange, burning passion as the she-cat recalled the power and prestige that she had once held in the land of the living. "Gradually, I began to turn WindClan against StarClan as well. I planted the seeds of dissent in the minds of the young, telling them the stories of StarClan that I had learned in my youth, but with little twists to show StarClan's folly. The stories were all true, of course; I did not lie to them, I merely made everything clearer to them. Do you know the story of the terrible fire that nearly wiped out the entire forest, the story that tells why rain falls? I told them that one, and many others. I recited them to the kits and apprentices of our Clan, and slowly their mistrust of StarClan grew.
"StarClan could see what I was doing. They could see that I was trying to turn WindClan against them, and they hated me for it. StarClan sent down a bolt of lightning one greenleaf, and it set our moors ablaze. The Clan would have perished if I hadn't led them to the Highstones where the fire couldn't touch us. The fire spread to ShadowClan's territory, decimating it.
"It was then that WindClan turned its back on StarClan, and it was then that they began to accept me as more than a prophet. I was a god among them, a god among the living!" Brightstar's eyes glittered with a mad flame, and Sootpaw shrank back, feeling frightened.
How could she betray StarClan like that? How could she twist the truth, lie to the future of the Clan? Sootpaw wondered, bewildered. Claiming to be a god...it's insane!
"How they worshiped my beauty, praised my wisdom, admired my strength," Brightstar crooned. "I will never forget it, no. Their eyes shimmered when they looked up at me. They believed in me, and they trusted me to lead them through the dark times.
"Smallpoppy was nearly insignificant by now, merely a cat to tend to the sick and injured, to bind the apprentice's sore paws and tend to kits' scrapes. She was a shell of her former self; it served her right. But she was cunning, foolish as she was. She tried to regain favor with me, giving me herbs to ease the headaches I sometimes received, and to help me relax after long days of leading. Being a leader is stressful, more than you would believe. I always handled it with grace, of course, but there were times...
"I cast my eyes beyond ShadowClan. Their territory was worthless after the fire. I decided to engage ThunderClan instead. It turned out to be a mistake. Their territory was bountiful and lush, and their warriors were strong. WindClan lost some of its own. But I didn't have time to mourn. I had to make sure that WindClan was the strongest it could be, so I plotted and planned to attack ThunderClan's leader and kill her. Without her, there would be no ThunderClan, you see? Killing another leader was against StarClan's rules, of course, and it wouldn't be easy, but I had no choice.
"Smallpoppy learned of my plans and put a quick end to them. The treacherous she-cat slipped some strange berries into my morning herbs, and before I knew what was happening, I was choking on the very air and thrashing about as if a badger was shaking me." Brightstar bared her fangs at the memory. "It was a painful death, and an embarrassing one. I was forbidden entrance by StarClan and forced to watch as Smallpoppy explained my treachery to the Clan, showing that I only had one life. After suffering defeat at the paws of ThunderClan, WindClan was only too eager to listen to her, and everything I created collapsed like a dead branch."
Her tail was lashing from side to side with anger. Sootpaw found herself wanting to turn and flee, to dash into the forest and leave the terrible she-cat behind. Brightstar was so different from Swiftshade, so different that it was impossible to picture them walking through the Dark Forest together. Swiftshade was many things, but filled with pride he was not. He had at least been ashamed of what he had done. Brightstar seemed to want nothing more than to relive her glory days.
As if on cue, Chillpaw appeared, his white fur flickering in the corner of Sootpaw's vision. She turned towards him quickly, and he seemed to sense her discomfort.
"Did you finish whatever you were doing?" Brightstar asked, and he nodded.
"My business is finished. Is yours concluded as well?"
Brightstar looked to Sootpaw expectantly. Sootpaw swallowed and jerked her head, wanting for Brightstar to leave her dreams as quickly as possible.
Chillpaw touched Brighstar's nose, and the ginger-and-white she-cat's form began to flicker and melt away.
"Head into the mist, then wait for me," Chillpaw ordered. Brightstar turned away from him without a word and padded forward, melting away just before she touched the brush.
Chillpaw turned to Sootpaw. "Your expression tells me it did not go well. What is the matter?"
Sootpaw wanted to press her nose into his fur, but she resisted the urge. "S-she's horrible, Chillpaw. She's twisted, evil, insane! I don't understand her at all, I just don't. How am I supposed to help someone like her? She can't change, not with a soul like hers."
"Silverstar said that everyone deserved a second chance. I assumed you held the same beliefs. Is that not so?" Chillpaw asked.
Anger flickered within her. "You don't get to mention Silverstar. Don't draw her into this, not after what you did to her. Don't try to use my leader against me!"
Chillpaw's eyes were unreadable. "Then what do you suggest I say?"
"Reassure me! Tell me she can change! Tell me there's a better side of her that I just haven't seen, that there's more to her than the horrible things that she's done!" Sootpaw knew even as the words bubbled out of her that there was nothing Chillpaw could say to change her mind, but she had to give him the chance.
"Brightstar is what she is, I am what I am, and we are what we are. We can't change our core aspects, no matter how much we try. I will always be as frigid as leaf-bare, and she will always be as full of pride as a bluejay. That's one of the rules of life. It is unalterable, and so are we."
"You don't think cats can change? You don't think we're in charge of our own destinies?"
"How can I believe I am in charge of my destiny when I don't believe in destiny?" he responded. "We make choices. We can alter our paths in life. But nothing can change who we are at our very cores."
Sootpaw shook her head. "Chillpaw, I can't take this, not now. I have to believe that cats can change, that they can be good, that we all have choices in who we become. And you all are making this so hard, all of you Dark Forest cats are, and I just feel so..."
"I don't mean to cause you discomfort." He fixed her with his icy eyes, as if his piercing gaze was staring into her very being. "Believe that Brightstar can be a good cat, if it makes you feel better about what you are doing. I could be wrong. I don't know everything." He glanced away from her, and he almost looked wistful. "There are things beyond my understanding...I'm not driven by the same things as most cats. Perhaps my observations are flawed because I do not see through the same passion-focused lenses as the rest of you."
"Go," Sootpaw said, lacking the strength to raise her voice above a whisper. She felt hollow, defeated, hopeless. Even the thought of Brightstar and her story made her pelt crawl, and the last thing she wanted was to talk to a cat as lonely and lost as Chillpaw. He was a killer, as hard as it was to believe sometimes.
"As you wish." Chillpaw tilted his head, and Moonpaw raced up to him to touch his nose. As they touched, Chillpaw's form flickered, then melted away like morning dew.
"What are we going to do now?" Moonpaw asked, looking back at Sootpaw expectantly. Sootpaw laid down, resting her muzzle on her paws and did not say a word as the dream that Chillpaw had built vaporized around them, leaving nothing but dull, swirling, endless mist.
AN: My two-year anniversary was December 30th. I can't believe I've only been writing here for two years, it feels like so much longer than that! Thank you guys so much for supporting my writing. I wouldn't be here without you.
Also, Brightstar's point of view in her dialogue is incredibly fun to write for some reason. She is just so skewed and full of herself and so faux-elegant in her descriptions. It pleases me in a strange way, I love charries that are narcissistic to the extreme, and she certainly fits. Her sin is obviously Pride, and we'll chat more about that at the blog. I'll try to update the blog tomorrow morning, but if I can't it will be tomorrow afternoon.
Also, you guys might not remember the story that Brightstar mentions. It is from Snatched, and it is the story that Snowpaw tells Frost, Rain, and Cricket in Chapter 8: Apprentices. I like lil callbacks now and then. :3