Chapter Thirty Seven

Bella

I didn't sleep well at all that night, I tossed and turned returning again and again to the past, Edward and I, the baseball game, Phoenix, the party, but they faded fast to be replaced by new images, Pete, Charlotte, Maria, red eyes gleaming in the dark and just before I finally fell into an exhausted doze Jasper walking into the room in boots and combat trousers and wearing the leather jacket that sat in the bottom of my suitcase.

I wondered where he was now, out with his friends or with a beautiful vampire woman, watching the stars from a vantage point in the mountains. I had no idea but I wished that he was close enough to hear me whisper his name, a sad forlorn hope.

Charlie

I had no idea what had happened between Jake and Bella yesterday but it had put Bella in a really bad mood today. She was late getting up and I knew she'd been restless last night, I'd heard her tossing and turning half the night. Maybe coming back to Forks with all its memories hadn't been such a good idea after all.

She had cheered up by lunchtime however so we went for a drive to the places she'd loved as a kid then out for dinner although the cooking wasn't up to her standard, that's one thing I had missed and I told her so. She took it to heart and spent the next two days filling my freezer with a selection of my favorites to keep me going for a while when she left.

I asked about her exam results and what she planned to do with her future but she wasn't very enthusiastic, something wasn't right, she'd lost her sparkle, her drive, she seemed lost and adrift but she didn't want to talk about it with her dad so I let it be. I'd learned a long time ago that pressuring her just made her more determined not to speak.

Jake had called a few more times and they had talked but I got the impression that Bella would have been happier if he'd just kept his distance. So, when Harry and Billy threw a barbecue on the res her last night in Forks she wasn't keen on going but she realized she couldn't just not show up so she put on a brave face. I saw Jake trying to talk to her a couple of times but she seemed to give him the brush off and eventually he gave up and went to sit with the other guys glaring over at her from time to time moodily. Oh, the agonies of young love and infatuation! He needed to give up and look elsewhere, Bella just wasn't interested and I thought she'd made that as plain as she could without actually telling him where to shove it.

Bella

I couldn't wait for my holiday to end, it wasn't Charlie's fault but it hadn't been a good week, what with Jake and the memories that kept me awake. I'd done my best to hide my impatience to be gone for Charlie's sake but decided I'd made a crap job of it. He knew I was unhappy here and drove me back to the airport, probably with a sense of relief.

I had hauled the box of birthday presents down to the garden while he was at work and burned the items one by one, the pink envelope being the last to curl into white ash. It didn't make me feel any better, but then I didn't know anything that would. I had an idea why I felt so unsettled, there was something not right, something I needed to make me feel complete but I stood no chance of getting my heart's desire so what was I going to do now?

The flight back to Florida was welcome, I was alone, away from everything and everybody, almost apart from the world and it felt good, maybe too good. I knew I was teetering on the edge of something, but I had no idea what. I was scared that I'd fall and never reach the bottom. I just wanted to be with him, to feel happy, fulfilled, and complete, a pipe dream maybe but a girl has to have some kind of dream to hold on to.

When the plane landed I joined the free for all that was the baggage carousel and struggled to the taxi rank with my case. As I went I noticed all the girls were greeted by husbands, boyfriends or family and that made me feel more isolated and sad. My taxi was the usual scary ride back into the city that I'd come to expect and I was very relieved to see my apartment building. As I got out I felt suddenly happier, as if I was coming home, go figure!

When I got in I heated some soup in the microwave and ran a bath to ease the tension in my muscles then threw on an old baggy tee shirt and turned on the CD player, poured myself a glass of wine and sprawled on the couch, feeling at peace for the first time in weeks.

I must have started to nod off because the next thing I heard was a banging on the door. The CD had finished and as I looked at the clock I saw it was 6 a.m. Who the hell was banging on my door at this time of the morning? I considered ignoring it but someone was trying very hard to break the bell ring now so I looked through the spy hole and groaned then took off the safety chain and opened the door.

"What the hell do you want at this time in the morning? We, humans, are usually still asleep in case you'd forgotten".

My sense of peace was shattered, all my nightmares becoming reality as I stepped aside to let Edward Cullen into my apartment. He looked just the same as ever with his tousled bronze hair and crooked smile but now my heart didn't thump its way out of my chest when I saw him.

I looked out into the corridor before closing the door again.

"What, no Rosalie?"

He looked a little abashed but shook his head,

"No Bella, just me. It's been a long time I know but you still look good."

Well, wasn't that nice to hear, what had he expected, a wrinkled old crone? He gazed critically around my apartment as he spoke and I couldn't help a sarcastic question.

"See anything you like?"

I'd had my fill of the Cullens, this particular member most of all, but my tone startled him.

"I'm sorry I was just curious. Rose and I came back because of you, Carlisle thought you might need protection".

Now that was funny and I couldn't help a laugh.

"Because of me? No. I'm fine, see..."

I twirled around like a child showing off a new party dress

"So you and Rose can pop off back to your little love nest in the snow. Sorry to have bothered you but I've got protection coming out of my ears as it is".

He sighed

"I thought you might react like this, I'm sorry Bella for leaving you the way I did but in my defense, I did it for your own good".

I threw my hands up in exasperation,

"Oh well if it was for my own good I should be thanking you. Two years of nightmares and fear, all for my own good and I should thank you? Two years of wondering when Victoria would find me and I should thank you? A boyfriend that abandoned me with a mouthful of cutting words and I should thank you? Well thanks, Edward, thanks a bunch, now fuck off back where you came from.".

I opened the door with a grand gesture to see Rose leaning against the opposite wall and rolled my eyes then smiled comically and broadly

"Oh god, you too? Well thanks, Rose and please pass my heart-felt thank you's to the rest of the Cullens.".

I stood, stony faced trying not to show just how angry I was feeling right now.

Edward

Rose and I had thought it was going to be awkward but even I hadn't thought Bella would be this bitter.

"Bella, we wanted to apologize and tell you were here for you if you need a friend. We didn't get Carlisle's message in time to help Jasper with Maria but we are really glad you got out unscathed. We're getting a place near Forks and if you ever want to visit you'll be more than...".

Bella
They were unbelievable and I stared in disbelief at Rose who seeing my expression had trailed off in mid sentence.

"If I were hanging off a cliff by my finger nails I wouldn't trust you two to prevent my falling so why in your wildest dreams you would think I'd feel better knowing you were here I can't imagine and as for the invitation...I don't think so. You know the people I feel sorry for are Carlisle and Esme, you two and Alice have ripped their world apart not to mention Emmett's but I guess I shouldn't be surprised. After all, the notion of family sticking together seems to mean a whole different thing to the Cullens. Now I'd like you to leave and not contact me again. I don't need babysitters, especially you two".

Rose laughed at that,

"No? What about the homicidal maniacs with the surname Whitlock?"

I stiffened,

"Funny you should mention Charlotte and Pete, two people who didn't even know me yet put their lives at risk for me while the family who had professed to love me like I was one of their own stood by doing effectively nothing."

I knew who she was really referring to but I wasn't going to make it easy for her and she frowned opening her mouth,

"I meant..."

"Yes, I know who you meant Rose and I have nothing more to say, so just go."

I slammed the door shut probably waking most of the other inhabitants of the building but at that moment I really didn't much care, I was so angry.

Rose

I thought it best to leave, Bella was really distressed and I guess I didn't really blame her. I had thought the visit a bad idea when Edward suggested it, we'd never done her any favors and she was still very bitter. I'd suggested to Edward that we watch from a distance, just to make sure she wasn't threatened by Victoria or any of the creeps from the auction who might have slipped past undetected by Charlotte Whitlock, after all, she wasn't infallible.

She wouldn't be thankful for anything we did, and personally, I didn't care about saving her sorry little ass but Carlisle had asked for our help and it might make things easier between us if Edward and I were seen to be doing our bit.

As we left I could see he was upset by Bella's attitude and tried to console him.

"Edward, did you really expect her to fall into your arms in gratitude? She's a crazy bitch who doesn't recognize genuine help when it's offered, we'll watch out for her for a while but I'm not going to spend years in Jacksonville protecting her ungrateful ass... let our crazy brother do the job if he's so eager. Come on I need to hunt."

He left reluctantly and I wondered if he still had feelings for Bella, if so then I needed to know, I'd strangle the little bitch myself if she came between us.