Full Metal Journal: The Life of a Military Private

I don't own FullMetal- the Gate does own his arm and leg, but the rest either belong to the military, Emily, Winry, or Square Enix, take your pick.

I'll warn you now- the ending to this chapter will be different. So brace yourself.

That said, enjoy- and remember to review afterwards.

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Entry 37:

Tonight's the night- the night we finally take down the homunculus Bradley. I'm scared, nervous, excited, anxious, happy, and terrified pissless- all at the same time. If you didn't think that was physically possible, well, now you know.

We began the operation early in the morning, with Brig. Gen. Mustang, under the guise of Lt. Havoc, being discharged from the hospital. Apparently, he had fooled them. News from the front told us they had taken casualties, but were still holding strong. That was good news- as long as they believed us there, then we were pretty much ghosts here.

Of course, all of Central command seemed to have realized that the Brig. Gen. wasn't creating a picnic over there. Maj. Gen. Hakuro's detachment has been sent out to "silence" us.

Can't silence what isn't there, now, can he?

We left the hospital. I was the only one still in my uniform- the other two were dressed in civilian clothing. Even as a civi, Lt. Hawkeye never puts her hair down. I cursed mentally- Regazzi always wanted to know what she looked like with her hair down.

Later, me and Lt. Hawkeye were sitting outside the bar, waiting for the Brig. Gen. to come out with some sort of building plan for the Fuhrer's wine cellar. Personally, I didn't sign up for this to sample the President's booze storage, but to each his own. The Lt. was deeply engrossed in the day's newspaper main page, while I was engrossed in the Funnies.

Come on- who can resist reading about the family from Xenotime and their crazy adventures?

After about three hours, the Brig. Gen. came out and changed back into his civilian clothing. He told us that the blueprints were accurate and that the Fuhrer was indeed going home today. Something inside of me grinned. It was on.

"Something wrong?"

Lt. Hawkeye was still caught up in the papers. I looked up from my little perch.

"It says that the Elric brothers were captured this morning," she said after a while.

Brig. Gen. Mustang's facial expression didn't change, but I could almost hear the gears in his brain working. I sighed, put the Funnies down, and reached for my rifle.

Looks like we were making a detour.

But when we got to HQ, we realized that everything was under control. Bright blue lights told us that the ole FullMetal Alchemist was at work, busting his ass to get out of there. We were not needed. We began to drive away when suddenly-

BAM! Something hit our hood. I grabbed my rifle automatically and aimed it at the figure, but relaxed when I realized it was Ed. Didn't see that coming.

Before long, he was riding in back with the Gen. Lt. Hawkeye was driving, and I was sitting in the passenger seat. At first, Ed had been reluctant to come with us but realized we weren't after him and settled down.

He and Brig. Gen. Mustang began talking. I can't remember the extent of the conversation, as there were too many words that were said, but I remembered them talking about how the Brig. Gen. had to do this, and that Ed couldn't come with him. Ed had his own duty, like I had mine. We would be the ones avenging Brig. Gen. Hughes- he would make sure no more homunculi would spawn from here on in.

Finally, we dropped him off. Me and the Lt. sat in the car and watched them say good-bye. How it seemed reluctant to be near each other at first, yet each did it with a smirk on their faces. Ed's gaze fell on me and in that moment, we held our own silent good-bye. And then, like the wind, FullMetal disappeared.

We continued until we finally reached the corner where I was supposed to wait. I took a deep breath- this was it. Now or never. Brig. Gen. Mustang gave me one last reassuring nod and then took off.

Lt. Hawkeye and I sat in stony silence for a few minutes. I think both of us were wondering how our loyalty had got us this far into Hell.

"Are you OK, Sergeant?" she asked me.

"Yes m'am," was my answer.

"I'm not." She said, which surprised me- the Lt. was having doubts? "To tell you the truth, I've never been more scared. But that's what makes us do what we do; fear. Remember that, Sergeant- great things are done by the most cowardly people."

I nodded. Not sure if I got it, but I tried to get it. She put her hand on my shoulder, wished me luck, and left just as suddenly as Ed had.

Which leaves me where I am right now- sitting in a car, snacking on a box of wafers, writing in this journal, just waiting. Lt. Hawkeye's words keep coming back to me- could I do great things, me being who I am? Probably- hell, I'm a Sergeant, for Chrissakes. That has to mean something.

And the others- Brig. Gen. Mustang, Lt. Hawkeye, Smokey, Shadow, Castillo, and all the others- they were all doing things in the face of tremendous fear. And the guys that were no longer with us- Brig. Gen. Hughes, Fish, Gemini, Schmitty, Boozer, Waverly, Blake, and all the others- they had all done the same. Even if their way of doing it didn't get them back in one piece, or in one case, alive. But they still did it- and we're still doing it.

Because it's who we are. We're soldiers. We're not heroes, we're not medal winners… we're just there. In ugly situations on an everyday basis, where one wrong move could get someone sent home with his leg shot off, or, even worse, in a bag. We do what's right for the world, with the feverent hope that it doesn't come back and bite us in the ass. And the best part about it is- we do it together.

I've only been a soldier eight and a half months, but that's all the time I've needed to form the best bonds a man could have with others. Everything I've been through, I've been able to handle it because through it all, I've never been alone. Whether it be my squad mates, or, as like now, my superior officers, I've never had to do anything, face anything alone.

I guess with any war and any death situation, I guess the only thing you could hope for is a band of guys you love like your brothers and a group of superiors that you trust more than anyth