CHAPTER 34 – INTROSPECTION

He paused outside her quarters as he walked swiftly down the hallway towards his own. Remembering last night and the way her body had felt beneath his as she gave him what he had been craving these past two weeks. A part of her. Hell, make that all of her. She hadn't held back. No, not at all. All that passion and emotion she poured into her photos and her writing, it was there in spades... in the darkness as he had entered her body and felt her primal reaction to that first touch. Sam was right. Lego blocks, fitting together and maybe, just maybe. Building something really great that could last.

He continued on to his own quarters, grimacing a little when he paused in front of the mirror. This morning's shower may have washed away the grime of the day before, but the darkened circles under his eyes were testimount to a very heavy few days. Emotionally and physically. Scrubbing a hand over his face, he decided against the shave – heading instead to his running shoes pushed untidily into a corner of the room. He needed to think and he'd do it the way it did it best. Just as Nicole had done that first day. Run it off. Run into it. Then face it head on.

That ever present ocean breeze immediately dispelled the slight headache that sat dully at his temples. Taking a deep, cleansing breath of that Lantien air, he closed his eyes and when he opened them again he was running, footsteps pounding a satisfying rhythm over the pier. The contents of the note flew through his mind with the same rhythm. A meeting with the people that could bring down the world as they knew it, if they weren't stopped. His girl. Alone and unarmed against monsters who would kill her without impunity. He recalled how she had stood her ground against the wraith, tiny – yet larger in spirit than anyone he had ever met. Had heard from Rodney how the wraith had simply... paused, when she had almost brought him to his knees. Just as she had brought him to his knees. In a different way.

To let her go in there armed with nothing more than her camera. And it was doubtful they'd allow that... laptop, then. Armed and dangerous... that was his girl. He couldn't resist the bark of laughter that escaped, and wafted forgotten, into the Lantien sky. Yeah, she'd probably kick their proverbial asses – with words and that scathing tongue. He wondered who in that room would come out unscathed from that meeting.

So, yeah, he'd worry. Yeah... he'd be pounding the crap out of something the whole time she was out of his sight. But in the end? There was no choice. There never had been and she had known that in Sam's office a short time ago and found just the right way to let him know.

He continued with his run, sweat drenched and a little dangerous. But with clarity now, and that was what he had been missing before.

A short time later he was torn between laughter and concern. It hadn't taken him long to find her. There had been some snickers from personnel as he had passed by them in the hallway, and some whispering and he had picked up enough to know that Ronon was doing what Ronon did best. Beating the crap out of someone. He headed in the direction of the workout room, where Ronon and himself spent many hours sparring with one another. It was not John who came out on top most of the time. Ronon was a formidible opponent, and John had taken many a trip to the infirmary for stitches and other patch up jobs after a particularly intense session with Ronon.

He heard the thud of a body hitting the floor just as he walked in and shock replaced amusement when he saw the small frame of the woman who was presently tipping his normally fairly ordered world, into slight chaos lying supine on the floor with the large Satedan hovering over her, with a hand extended.

"Jesus, Ronon. If you are doing what I think you are doing... then there's no place on this base for you to hide. If you get my drift."

"Chill, Sheppard. I'm not hurting her. Tell him, Nicole. Have I damaged you... yet?" Ronon's voice held a thread of amusement and something else. John heard the undercurrent and his posture relaxed.

"You couldn't have waited until she had no prior injuries? Carson's gonna put your balls into a vice if you mess her up any more, and that's tame compared to what I'll do to you."

"Yeah? You and who's army, Sheppard?"

John spluttered slightly. Ronon had been quick to pick up on earth slang and terminology and more than just occasionally, he came out with a particular expression that sounded just... wrong... coming from this non earth human.

"I'll take you on any day of the week, Chewie..." John's pet name for Ronon, so called for the large Wookie in Star Wars, his favourite all time movie, brought a smile from Nicole who had just been pulled to her feet by Ronon. John saw for himself that she was unharmed and saw the calculating expression that she aimed his way.

"Come over here John, and I'll show you just what I learnt... if you think you can take me on?" Her smile was cheeky and more than just a little challenging and unable to resist he found himself standing in front of her, a hand reaching out automatically to her waist, pulling her in close to him. Tipping her face up to his, she quickly read the clarity he had found in that punishing run, and smiled to herself. So... it was 'thinking' and not 'stewing'. Good job Colonel John Sheppard. Now let's take this up a level... hmmm?

She didn't give him any time to think. Hooking her much shorter leg around one of his long ones she caught him off balance immediately and suddenly he was down on the ground looking up into her amused brown eyes, surprise flickering in his hazel ones.

Ronon's bark of laughter echoed around the room. "Don't feel too sorry for yourself Sheppard. She had me down on that ground more than once. She'd got some moves of her own. She's packing some heat in that small body, and she's fast. Hell, make that super fast. A walking pint sized weapon."

John rolled to his feet. Wisely, she did not offer a hand down to help him up, thinking that it might rub his already fragile ego a little raw.

"So... what do you think?" Her eyes sparkled now, and he thought of mercury – everchanging and somewhat unstable.

"About what?" he grumbled, brushing down his pants as he pulled himself up to his full height, trying unsuccessfully to intimidate her with his size.

"Think I can hold my own? In that meeting?"

He glared down at her now. Mercury? Hell, she was pure atomic energy, and this somewhat elite group of theirs? A classic high school chemistry show and tell. Colonel John Sheppard and Nicole Harmon – caught in electromagnetic fields causing like charges to repel each other and unlike charges to attract each other. Sam was the proton keeping them together in the nucleus because the strong force would oppose and overcome the forces of repulsion from the electromagnetic field. Nicole... the binding energy associated with the strong force, the energy holding the nucleus together. Himself... the stable atom with enough binding energy – Nicole - to hold the nucleus together permanently. And the somewhat irreverent through that followed... Ronon, a sometimes unstable atom with not enough binding energy to hold the nucleus together permanently known in chemistry as a radioactive atom. His team. And his woman? Yeah, maybe she was the unstable one... radioactive and ready to take on the world.

"Don't bring levity to the table, Nicole. You know better than that. This will be no 'run back to my safe world if things go wrong' scenario. This is a conspiracy with no safety net. Yeah, I get that you have done some heavy stuff over the years, I've seen some of the pictures, read the stories. But you always had a safety net, didn't you? Well guess what sweetheart? It's been ripped out from under you, so if you go down? You go down hard. So, don't get me wrong... I love your attitude... or at least a part of me does, and I am so damn proud of you for taking this on. But I have to make sure your head is in the right game... because this is a game of thrones like you've never come across before..."

Ronon had stepped back from the intensity in his voice and chose not to comment. This was not his argument and a part of him understood what he was trying to do. But another part? Screamed at John to let Nicole handle this her way. With levity if necessary. If that's what it took for her to do this, then let her have that much.

John wasn't finished. "Hell... I don't want you to go into that meeting with us arguing... so, I'm done with what I wanted to say. Got that off my chest. I just want you safe."

She had been about to wind up with anger of her own, but this last comment? Deflated that anger immediately and she simply stepped into his arms and let him hold her, burying his face in her hair.

"Ever considered taking up writing, John?" she murmured against his chest. "You certainly seem to have more than your share to say..."

And was rewarded with a hearty burst of laughter from John and Ronon who shook their heads and exchanged a look.

She'd be ok.