A/N: Is it bad that I just realized the paragraph breaks I use actually don't show up on here? Yeah, it's bad... :/
Nothing felt real. Nothing felt right. Nothing would ever be the same ever again.
Kennedy had been the one to carry Willow to the hospital despite the fact they all knew it was far too late. Faith stayed with the others in the bland waiting room of the small hospital while Buffy and Xander stayed with Willow's body and talked to the attending doctor, forging lies of her being attacked by a mugger wielding an axe. Dawn was sitting off in the corner, eyes red and puffy, her tears still falling while she did nothing to stop them. The others were spread throughout the small waiting room, and Kennedy was standing by the window with bars on it, staring blankly outside as if she was waiting for the sun to rise and wake them from this nightmare.
Faith was the first to see Giles as he ran inside the emergency room doors, looking around frantically. She waved over at him to catch his attention, and as he made his way over towards them Faith could see the barely-restrained tears brimming in his eyes. Before he could utter a word, Faith just pointed down the corridor to where Buffy and Xander were with Willow's body and the doctor. Giles tried to get to the room but two nurses stopped him, explaining to him that he needed to wait with the others.
"I'm goin' for a smoke," Faith said to Kennedy softly as she tentatively approached her from behind. "You comin', Ken?"
"Yeah," she replied softly, her voice now void of any emotion. "Could use one right now."
"I thought you quit?" Dawn asked as they walked past her. "Didn't you quit, Faith?"
"Doesn't matter right now, Dawnie," she replied, feeling the tears forming in her eyes and the knot in the pit of her stomach moving up to catch in her throat. "If Buffy comes back before we do..."
"I'll let her know you two stepped out for some air or whatever," Dawn replied, shrugging as she turned to look up at the TV in the opposite corner.
Faith led the way outside and down to the side of the hospital where a tall retaining wall stood. She leaned against the bricks and took the offered cigarette from Kennedy, waiting for her to light hers first before she grabbed the lighter off of her and lit the one dangling from her dry lips. It wasn't very long before Satsu stepped out with them, leaning against the wall next to Faith while Kennedy opted on pacing the sidewalk in front of them. Kennedy stopped pacing just long enough to offer Satsu a cigarette before continuing, back and forth, forcing down her tears, her pain, her guilt, just as Faith knew they all were.
None of them said a single word to each other and none of them even looked at each other, at least not directly. Faith just leaned against the wall and stared up at the sky, just barely able to make out the stars under the glow of the city lights. Faith took one last drag of her cigarette before crushing it out with the toe of her boot. She headed back inside and found Xander standing in front of the vending machine in the waiting room and staring blankly at the contents inside while he held a dollar bill in his hand, unsure of what to get, what to do.
"Chocolate always helps," Faith said quietly as she stood next to him, "or so I hear."
"Can't believe she's..."
"I know," she sighed as she pulled him into a hug, knowing how awkward it would have felt if they were in any different situation. "Where's Buffy?"
"With Giles trying to deal with the police. Doctor called them. Probably should've used a better cover story, huh?" He asked, laughing dryly as he shoved the dollar bill into the front pocket of his jeans.
She wished she knew what to say, how to comfort him. He'd lost his lifelong best friend and she had no idea how hard that must be for him to deal with. Especially so soon after Anya's death too. This was why she used to always think it was better not to have friends or family. Keep them away from the death that seemed to follow every Slayer and those around them. But she knew better now and she knew that no matter what did happen, however many deaths there were among them, they needed each other. A support system of sorts even if she had no idea how to help them deal much less deal with it herself. It wouldn't be so hard for her. She had never been close friends with Willow, but it didn't mean her death wasn't affecting her in ways she still didn't realize.
Faith looked over at the corridor as she heard Buffy's voice ever so faintly. She had the look of calm written all over her, but the storm in her eyes told Faith it was nothing but a struggle for her to keep it together. To deal. She walked right over to Faith and wrapped her arms around her tightly for a moment before she pulled Xander in for a small group hug. They stood like that until Giles came out and told them they'd all be heading back to the house together. Buffy pulled back and she and Xander talked quietly about who would be the one to try to get in touch with Willow's family to let them know the bad news.
"I'll call them as soon as we get to the house," Xander said quietly as they all made their way out the emergency room doors and into the night. "She left the number of her aunt's place. They should still be staying there since they can't exactly go home to good ole Sunnydale."
"Okay," Buffy nodded as she grabbed onto Faith's hand and intertwined their fingers. "Are we going back to the house or are we going to go back to the apartment?"
"Wherever ya wanna go, B."
"We should...go back to the house. Be with everyone," she said quietly as Dawn walked up on the other side of her and linked her arm with her sister's. "We should stay there tonight."
"Yeah," Faith nodded, giving her hand a little squeeze, which only resulted in Buffy holding tighter.
They all piled into the van—a tight squeeze, but they all managed to fit once Faith pulled Buffy so she sat in her lap instead of in the seat next to her. Faith just wrapped her arms loosely around Buffy, laying a gentle kiss to the back of her neck as Xander drove the van out of the emergency room parking lot. She could feel the pain Buffy felt, the loss, the emptiness inside that came from losing her best friend. It shot through Faith like fire with every breath they both took. She'd never before heard everyone be so quiet as they were on the short ride home—a ride that felt much longer than it actually was.
Andrew and Jackie were waiting for them all in the living room when they finally got back to the house and piled out of the van slowly. Dawn went straight up to her room, Satsu and the other two Slayers went up to their room as well shortly after. Xander went straight into the kitchen to find the number to get in touch with Willow's parents, mumbling under his breath how it was going to be one of the hardest things he'd ever have to do. Faith wanted to go up to Buffy's old room, get some sleep, but Buffy just shook her head no and pulled her down on the couch next to her and asked her to hold her for a little while. Andrew was asking questions—too many questions—and Faith was the only one besides Kennedy that could tell him exactly what had happened.
After an hour, Faith got up and made her way to the kitchen where Jackie was getting a pot of tea ready. She offered some help, but Jackie told her she didn't need any help and piled a few cups and the pot on a tray and carried it out to the living room. Faith stayed there in the kitchen and grabbed an apple out of the fruit bowl on the counter and just stood there staring at it after each bite. She felt like she was trapped in some kind of horrible nightmare world and she kept waiting for herself to wake up. She knew everyone else was feeling that way too and that it was no nightmare, it was really happening. Willow was really dead and gone and there was nothing any of them could do about it.
She'd never dealt with death like this, but she knew the others had. With Buffy's mother, with Buffy, with Tara. She chucked the apple core in the garbage and joined the others in the living room once again. Faith was trying so hard not to feel completely guilty over Willow's death even though she still felt as if it was her fault since it had been her axe the vampire had gotten his hands on. She knew it wasn't her fault as in Willow dying by her hands, but she still felt that string of guilt she knew it would be absolutely impossible to shake.
"Willow's parents are devastated by the news," Giles said as he hung up the phone. Though Xander had made the initial call, he'd quickly been overcome with emotion and Giles had been forced to take over the conversation. "They want to bury her back in California. I shall make the necessary arrangements in the morning. We should all be able to fly out there no later than Tuesday morning."
"How long we going out there for?" Faith asked, hating the silence that hung in the air, feeling as if it were sucking the very oxygen from it.
"A few days—a week at most. I'll need to contact the other Watchers, inform them that the training school we're trying to establish will have to be put on hold for another week," Giles said, sighing as he removed his glasses, looking more tired than Faith ever remembered seeing him.
"Someone needs to stay behind," Andrew said softly.
"Yes, someone does indeed. Satsu, Carmen, and Amber will remain here as will Jackie. Faith?" Giles said as he turned to look at her. "Would you mind staying behind as well?"
"Sure. Whatever you need me to do," she replied with a nod. "You okay with that, B?"
"Yeah," she said softly, choking up a little as she let a few tears fall. "Do what you need to do, right?"
"B, if you want me to come with you I'm sure I—"
"No, just stay. You're probably needed here more than you are there."
"You sure, B?"
Buffy nodded her head and moved to cuddle closer to her while she grabbed Faith's arm and pulled it around her. When Faith began to rub her back gently, the tears she'd been holding back began to overflow and she buried her face in Faith's neck in an attempt to stop them from falling. It was pulling her apart inside seeing Buffy break down like this and it didn't help to see the others looking around as if they were zombies. She stayed down there with her long after everyone else went to bed and she just held onto her, rocking her gently in hopes she'd stop crying just enough to get some sleep.
When Faith woke the next morning, she found herself sitting awkwardly on the couch with Buffy still in her arms. She listened to see if anyone else was awake, hearing the silence broken only by the birds chirping cheerfully outside. She needed to move, to stretch out her stiff muscles, but she didn't want to wake Buffy and had to wait for her to wake up before she could move. Buffy's eyes were still red and puffy from all the crying she'd done throughout the night, but to Faith she was still as beautiful as ever and she couldn't help but smile when Buffy leaned in for a small, light kiss.
"How ya feelin', B?"
"Tired."
"You want me to go make ya a cup of coffee?"
"No," she sighed as she moved away from Faith and stretched her arms over her head, groaning softly before she curled back up against her side. "I just want to stay right here for a little while longer."
"Sounds good to me, B."
Faith was trying to be there for her in the only way she knew how, holding her and giving whatever comfort Buffy needed from her as best she could. She didn't even mind the fact that it was hot in the house, that her clothes were sticking to her skin and that she desperately needed a shower since she could still feel the vampire dust all over her. She stroked her fingers gently over Buffy's lower back, feeling her entire body reacting to such a simple touch. They both fell back asleep for a little while and woke up to the sounds of Andrew and Jackie cooking up breakfast together in the kitchen. Buffy went upstairs to shower and change her clothes and Faith joined Andrew, Jackie, and the others in the kitchen.
Kennedy was out back sitting at the picnic table alone. Faith got herself a cup of coffee and went out to join her, knowing that she needed a friend now more than ever even if she wanted to be alone. Faith couldn't even imagine how she was feeling now. Sure, she and Willow had broken up, had many fights, and she was dealing with the guilt of cheating on her, but even with all of that, she still loved Willow. Faith knew she did and just thinking about how she'd feel if that happened to Buffy, she knew it'd feel as if her whole world was torn apart. She didn't even want to think about ever losing Buffy like that since she knew that she'd never get over it, over her. She was in way too deep now and her whole heart was almost literally in the palm of Buffy's hands.
"Are you going to California with everyone else?" Kennedy asked, her voice sounding monotone and forced as she kept her eyes on the table in front of her. "I don't know if I should even go."
"Why not? You and Will were together what, six months?"
"Give or take," she shrugged. "Hard to even really say how long it's been. I just don't...feel right about going, you know? Will never even told her family about me."
"I'm not going. Someone needs to stay behind with Andrew and the mini-Slayers," Faith said and it brought out a little laugh from Kennedy. "I'd go just to be there for Buffy, but you know, trying to do the right thing and I think the right thing is for me to stay here."
"I'm going to stay," Kennedy said after a minute of her thinking and still staring down at the table in front of her. "I don't think I could handle it. Don't think Will would even want me to after what just happened. I kind of wish that...I didn't fuck things up and you know, we would have gone out on that double date and everything would have been perfect."
"She'd want you there," Faith said softly as she waited for Kennedy to look over at her. "I think no matter what just happened between you two, she'd still want you there, Ken. She loved you and I know you loved her too. Someone once told me that funerals are like...a way to find closure."
"I still think I should just stay here."
"Do whatever ya need to do, just don't come cryin' to me one night cos ya regret not goin', alright?" Faith asked, offering a smile when Kennedy finally did look up at her. "Andy and Jackie are inside making breakfast. You hungry?"
"No."
"Gotta eat sometime."
"Whatever," Kennedy sighed, crushing out her nearly-forgotten cigarette before taking a fresh one from the pack and lighting it. "I feel like everything that's happened in the last couple of days has been straight out of a nightmare. Feels like any minute now I'll wake up and everything will be okay again."
Faith nodded, knowing if she said anything more it'd be too much and not the right thing to say at a time like this. She looked back up at the house when she heard the door open and she watched as Buffy walked over to where she sat slowly, trying not to spill her coffee as she walked across the grass. As soon as Buffy sat down next to Faith and gave her a soft kiss, Kennedy was up and walking towards the house, mumbling under her breath about the two of them being attached at the hips, the lips, and the fingertips.
"Breakfast ready?" Faith asked, feeling the faintest of smiles on Buffy's lips before the blonde pulled away slowly.
"Did she just say what I think she said?"
"What, 'bout us two being attached at the hips, the lips, and the fingertips?" Faith asked, watching Buffy just raise an eyebrow as she tried to fight off the blush. "She's just stating the obvious here, B. You just can't keep your hands to yourself, can you?"
They laughed, briefly, before Buffy broke apart, turning her head away from Faith as she wiped away the tears yet failed to control the sobs that escaped. She had her arm around Buffy in an instant, pulling her in close as she continued to cry. Faith could feel her own tears stinging, feeling the deeper pain Buffy and the others were feeling over the loss of their friend. She felt it too, and it hurt like hell. The loss feeling almost unbearable and in ways Faith herself couldn't quite understand. It'd be a long day and an even longer week, and she couldn't even imagine how the months ahead were going to feel for all of them.
She wanted to tell Buffy what Angel had said to her the day before, but she wasn't sure if now was the right time to bring it up. She didn't want to talk about what Angel had said about her and Buffy's relationship. His words had cut through her heart like a knife and she knew Buffy had already heard it from him when he was there before. She did think that there was a slight possibility that yes, their relationship only was what it was because of the way the barrier had made them feel, but she'd always felt something real, something deep for Buffy that she never allowed herself to fully acknowledge until they'd come to Cleveland. She knew also that if their relationship wasn't supposed to be what it was, if Buffy was feeling love for her and it was because of the effects of the barrier spell, soon as she figured it out things could get real bad real fast.
"Giles said we're leaving tomorrow morning, early," Buffy said softly as she looked over at Faith. "We're going to stay here tonight so we can get to the airport in plenty of time in the morning together."
"You sure you don't want me to come too, B? Andy could hold down the fort here for a few days to a week no problem," Faith replied, feeling rather uneasy about staying behind.
"No, you need to stay here, Faith. It's better this way."
"Okay." She didn't want to argue with Buffy. Not over something like that. If Buffy didn't want her to come along back to California for Willow's funeral then she wasn't going to press it any more. "It's not a big deal, B. We all gotta do what we gotta do even if it means not doin' it together right now."
"You're so..." Buffy sighed as she reached up and ran her fingertips over Faith's lips slowly. "I don't know why you never showed this side of you before. This caring, sweet, understanding, loving side."
"Got a rep to keep, B. Can't have everyone goin' around thinkin' I'm some big softie."
"It shouldn't matter," she said with a small smile. "This side of you...it's...amazing really, considering how you used to be. This is why I've fallen in love with you, Faith."
"Here I thought ya just fell in love with me cos the sex is bangin'," she chuckled softly and winced as Buffy punched her in the shoulder. "Well, isn't it? Gotta tell me if it ain't so I can up my game."
"I know what you're trying to do," Buffy said as the smile faded from her face. "I feel so guilty for acting this way when Will is..."
"It's okay, B. Just wanted to see ya smile a little today. Shouldn't feel guilty 'bout it either."
"Thanks, I guess."
Faith had really expected Buffy to keep her at arm's length through this, yet she wasn't. Not really. The time they'd spent inside the world between worlds had brought them so close together in ways that they probably wouldn't have in such a short amount of time had they never been there. Sure, it was all sorts of crazy and unpredictable how they'd feel even after months of being back in their own world, but everything had happened for a reason and everything that would continue to happen would be for whatever reason it was. It was like trying to figure out the meaning of life. Faith knew her meaning of life. She was a Slayer, first and foremost, but now she was also a lover, a friend, a part of a family she'd always wanted to be a part of right from the beginning.
They stayed out there for a little while longer before they went inside to join the others for breakfast. Nobody said a word and the silence was deafening. The clatter of the utensils against the plates was the only sound in the kitchen until Xander stood up so quickly the chair fell back, banging to the floor and sounding louder than a crack of thunder. He was angry, upset, and the tears in his eye began to fall as he brought his nearly empty plate over to the sink and dropped it in. Dawn was instantly at his side, wrapping her arms around him as they both started to cry uncontrollably. Buffy just reached for Faith's hand under the table, fighting back her own tears as they all tried not to watch the scene of Xander breaking down in front of them.
The heavy feeling they all now endured was becoming more weighty as time went on and the fact that Willow was really dead started to sink in more and more. Giles seemed to be the only other one that was managing to hold things together, but even he started breaking down at the scene of Xander crying uncontrollably in Dawn's arms. Kennedy was the first to leave the kitchen and Faith felt torn between staying there with Buffy and the others and going after Kennedy to make sure she was okay. She ended up staying with Buffy, the decision made much easier by the ironclad grip on her hand that showed no sign of being relinquished.
Everyone went off to do their own thing as soon as the table was cleared of half eaten plates of food. Buffy dragged Faith upstairs and they laid on the bed for hours. Faith could do nothing more than just hold Buffy whenever the tears would start again, and she slept only when Buffy's tears stopped and she fell asleep for a few short hours at a time. That numb feeling never went away, not even while they slept. The third time they dozed off, Faith was woken up by Buffy's insistent lips against hers.
Faith felt like she should've stopped her, but she didn't. She couldn't. She only pulled Buffy closer to her, deepening the kiss as Buffy tugged at her shirt, urging for her to take it off. She grabbed the edges of her own shirt and nearly ripped it off. From there it seemed almost as if their clothes were shed in the blink of an eye and they suddenly lay flush against one another. She broke apart from their deep, wildly passionate kiss, looking down into Buffy's eyes as she searched for what she really wanted. All she saw was the lust, the desire, the love in Buffy's eyes.
"Buffy—"
"No," Buffy said, cutting her off as she took one of her hands and brought her fingers to her lips. She sucked in her middle finger slowly and Faith felt everything come to a standstill as she was mesmerized by Buffy in that moment. "Just make me feel something else right now, Faith."
Faith held her breath as Buffy trailed her hand down her body slowly, circling her hard nipples for a moment before moving her hand down her stomach and in between her legs to her wet pussy. Faith kissed her hard as soon as she let go of her hand and she thrust two fingers deep inside of her, stifling Buffy's moan with her mouth as she kissed her deeper. Her fingers fucked her slowly yet hard, just the way she liked it. She tried to ignore the ache between her own legs as she focused on making Buffy feel that something else she wanted to feel. She knew Buffy just wanted to, for a little while, forget about everything that had happened and this was the one way that it was possible for her to.
From the sounds of things, Buffy wasn't the only one turning to sex to forget what had happened in the last twenty-four hours. She broke apart from the kiss when she felt Buffy shakily run a hand down her back, over her hips and in between her legs. With her other hand firmly around the back of Faith's neck, keeping her there in close proximity, Faith felt completely trapped in a good way, the only way feeling trapped felt good. The emotion was almost too much and Faith had to force back her tears just to feel wave after wave of pleasure that shot through her body with every teasing pass of Buffy's fingers over her clit. They were breathing heavily, their lips barely touching, eyes closed, lost within the passion, the pleasure, the feel of one another.
Every small moan that escaped past Buffy's lips fuelled Faith's already highly charged libido and she tried to hold herself back, wanting nothing more than to fuck Buffy to abandon, until she was so sore it hurt so good. But she kept it slow, fucking her hard and deep as she could, feeling her inner walls clamp down on her fingers with every thrust. Faith kissed her deeply, fucking her mouth with her tongue in time with her fingers deep inside her cunt. Faith felt her own orgasm creeping over her body and Buffy had hardly touched her, but it never mattered to her. All it took sometimes was feeling Buffy coming against her fingers or her tongue and she was right there with her.
Faith moved down her body, moaning softly as Buffy pulled her fingers away from teasing her clit. She circled her tongue over each hard nipple, her eyes never leaving Buffy's face as she watched the pleasure she felt overtake her. She moved down the rest of her body quickly, feeling how close she was and wanting nothing more than to taste her as she came. Faith slowly slid her fingers out and licked them clean, watching Buffy as she looked down and watched her, her eyes glazing over slightly before she threw her head back and let out a whimpering moan.
She slid down to the edge of the bed, pulling Buffy down with her and positioned her just the way she needed to as she knelt on the floor. Buffy's legs were instantly over her shoulders as she dove right in, fucking her as hard, as fast, and as deep as she could with her tongue as she circled her clit with her thumb. She moaned deeply in the back of her throat as Buffy came and she drank her nearly dry before finally placing a kiss on either side of her thighs and crawling up on the bed next to her, watching as she tried to catch her breath, the last bits of her climax rolling through her body.
"Hey," Faith whispered softly once Buffy opened her eyes and turned her head slightly to look at her.
"Hey," she smiled a little as she pulled Faith in for a deep, passionate kiss.
"Getting kinda late," Faith said once she broke apart from the kiss. "Got an early flight in the mornin', B. Should get some sleep."
"I can sleep on the plane," she said, smirking as she moved to straddle Faith quickly before Faith had the chance to register the fact that Buffy was far from finished. "Right now," she sighed softly as she sat back and stared down at Faith's naked form, "I need to make you feel as good as you made me feel."
"You always make me feel good, B."
There were those few moments when Buffy always seemed unsure of what to do when she topped Faith with intentions of devouring her, worshipping her body. But those few moments were very vague and quickly disappeared the second she leaned down and wrapped her lips around one of Faith's achingly stiff nipples. She bit her lip, still tasting Buffy all over her lips and tongue, and she tried not to close her eyes, wanting to watch Buffy as her lips and tongue travelled all over her body. As soon as Buffy's tongue ran the length of her slit and her lips wrapped around her clit, she knew that sleep was definitely not going to happen all night long. And she really couldn't be any happier about it either. It might have made her feel a little guilty for wanting to forget about what had happened to Willow, but if it helped them both get through the night, then she'd go with it.
By the first light of dawn, Faith could barely move. Buffy had exhausted her to no end and it felt good—real good. They lay tangled in the sheets and each other and Buffy was idly stroking her fingers over Faith's stomach as they listened to the others in the house trying to finish their packing for the trip to California. Buffy said nothing as she laid a soft, lingering kiss against Faith's lips before getting up from the bed and picking up her discarded clothes from the floor. She still had to pack, but most of her clothes were at the apartment now. Faith slid out of bed and got dressed, neither of them really looking at one another until Buffy headed for the locked bedroom door.
"I need to go..." she said softly as she turned to Faith. "I have to..."
"I know," Faith said with a smile as she wrapped her arms around her. "Got plenty of time, B. Flight's in two hours."
Buffy let out a soft sigh as she held on to Faith for a moment before she reached for the doorknob and opened it slowly. She took a few deep breaths, reaching behind her for Faith's hand before stepping out into the hallway and managing a small smile as Faith instantly intertwined their fingers and followed her down the stairs. Everyone was in the kitchen drinking coffee and talking quietly about plans to head to the airport in less than half an hour. Buffy looked panicked and Faith just gave her hand a gentle squeeze in hopes that she could keep her calm, just a little.
"I need to pack!" Buffy said in a hushed whisper to her as she let go of her hand. "Shit, I don't have enough time to pack what I need!"
"You'll be fine, B. Plenty of time."
"Not for me!"
"Buffy?" Dawn said as she pointed to a small suitcase by the back door. "I couldn't sleep last night and I knew you'd forget to pack so I went over to the apartment and got a few things for you."
"Thanks," she said as she walked over to Dawn and hugged her. "God, I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't—"
"It's nothing. I just grabbed what I thought you'd need and Giles said anything else we need to get we'll get it when we land in LA."
Faith left the two of them there to talk quietly and walked over to the coffeemaker where Kennedy was standing, staring blankly into the mug she held in both her hands. She grabbed a clean mug out of the cupboard and poured herself a cup, sighing softly as Buffy stepped up behind her and wrapped her arms around her.
"We're leaving soon," she whispered as Faith slowly turned around in her arms and wrapped her own around Buffy almost protectively. "I'm going to miss you."
"Gonna miss you too, B. Only gonna be gone for a couple days. Y'know, I'm not much of a phone person, but you could always call me if ya miss me too much or whatever."
"I will," she said as she leaned in for a soft kiss. "Are you going to stay here at the house with everyone or..."
"Prob'ly be here, B."
"Okay."
Before Buffy could even lean in for another kiss, Dawn made gagging noises from across the kitchen, muttering under her breath how they needed rules about sucking face in the kitchen. Buffy barely pulled away from Faith as she grabbed one of the bagels out of the basket on the counter and chucked it at Dawn to get her to shut up. Faith cast a quick glance over at Dawn as she ducked out of the way of the flying bagel. It caused her to laugh a little before the small smile on her face turned into a frown. Everyone was suddenly thinking the same thing—that it wasn't right to laugh, smile, and joke around when Willow had died just two nights ago.
Faith spent the next twenty minutes with Buffy once they'd gone out to the front porch together to have a little bit of time to say goodbye alone. Faith kissed her slowly, sensually, deeply, trying to savour every last second she had with Buffy before she left. It'd be the first time in over two months that they'd be spending so much time apart. Buffy didn't want to stop kissing her, not even when the others came out and loaded up the van with their luggage. She ignored Giles as he called out for her to hurry up and finish saying goodbye to Faith and she ignored Kennedy as she joined them on the front porch with a cup of coffee in each hand. When Giles started beeping the horn, she finally pulled back from the kiss.
"I'll call you when we land," she whispered softly against Faith's lips, kissing her once more and keeping it chaste.
"Okay, B."
They said nothing else. No 'I love you's' no 'goodbyes' and not even another 'I'll miss you' were uttered between them. Faith took the cup of coffee Kennedy had brought out for her and the two of them watched as Giles backed the van out of the driveway and drove off.
"You two are seriously head over heels in love with each other, aren't you?"
"Fuckin' right we are," Faith said proudly as she lifted her mug to her lips to try to hide the grin that slipped out. "Sometimes I can't believe we're together and it's actually workin' out, y'know?"
"I know. Willow talked about you two a lot," Kennedy said quietly as she leaned against the railing with her back to the street. "Sometimes I think she was a little jealous that you two have what you have and that we could never have that together. I know what I had with her couldn't touch what she once had with Tara and it can't touch what you and Buffy have either."
"You two had something special, though," Faith said, offering Kennedy a smile in hopes of reassuring her. "Just gotta remember those good times you two had together is all. Gotta forget all the bad and what it was like near the end. Gonna drive ya crazy if ya don't."
"Hurts so much," Kennedy sighed as she let the tears fall easily. "I never had a chance to tell her how sorry I was for making such a stupid mistake. I really broke her heart, Faith, and now she'll never know how sorry I am for being so fucking stupid."
"Sure she knows, Ken."
"Satsu and I were talking last night," she said as she turned to look at Faith. "She wants to...try this together and I told her I needed some time. She's pretty understanding about it, but..."
"But she's being persistent, isn't she?"
"Yeah," Kennedy said, chuckling a little as Faith nudged her with her shoulder. "I don't know. I like her and all and she's pretty good in bed," she said and she let out a soft sigh as she lowered her eyes to the ground, "but I'm kind of scared because of the connection I feel with her. It's never been like that with anyone else before, you know?"
"I know. Scared me how I felt with Buffy at first too and to be honest, still kinda scares me even now. It's like finding the other half of your soul or somethin', ya feel complete but you're also afraid one wrong move will send 'em runnin' as far and fast as they can away from ya."
"You ever think about where you two will be a year from now?"
"Hopin' we'll still be together. Buffy's the longest relationship I've ever had and I kinda wanna keep her," Faith replied, smiling despite trying to fight it. It was hopeless to fight that smile since just thinking about Buffy warmed her heart and her soul. "Hopin' she'll put up with me for that long too. Cos you know me, I can be a kinda stubborn asshole sometimes."
"Maybe that's one of the things she loves about you?"
"Maybe. Gotta say, though," Faith said as she let out a deep breath and turned to look out at the street, "never expected bein' in love with someone would change me so much. Keep wanting to be a better person for Buffy cos she deserves nothin' less."
"Love is a little crazy sometimes and it's better just to go with it than to try to understand it. Willow said something like that to me once."
"We're all gonna miss her like crazy, Ken."
"I know," she replied, her voice quavering as Faith reached out with one arm and pulled her in for a small hug. "God, I hate this. Every time I think the tears have dried up, they just come rushing back on me."
"Nothing wrong with crying, Ken. Just let it out," Faith said softly, still holding her with one arm and offering her yet another smile. "Ain't like you don't have a shoulder to cry on either. Mine's open and willing to soak up the tears any time ya need it. Just watch where ya put the hands."
"Faith!" Kennedy laughed as she pushed her away. "So, what's the plan for today?"
"Thinkin' I'll swing by the store later, pick up a case of beer, and we'll mourn out back under the tree and drink ourselves stupid."
"Definitely could use some alcohol right about now."
"Way too early, Ken."
"Haven't slept yet."
"Me neither."
"I know. I heard you two going at it all night long," she laughed softly. "Who knew Buffy would be such an animal in the sack?"
"I sure as hell didn't," Faith chuckled before finishing off her coffee and motioning for Kennedy to follow her inside. "Y'know, I'm kinda glad Buffy didn't hear Dawnie and Xander last night. She woulda flipped."
"Yeah, no kidding. Kinda fucked up that their first time is one night after Willow..." Kennedy trailed off, shaking her head as she followed Faith into the kitchen. "Okay, their whole relationship is kinda fucked up and doesn't make much sense yet at the same time it does. I do feel bad for Xander, though. First he loses Anya and then his best friend. That has to be rough."
Faith nodded her head, smiling over at Jackie who was currently standing by the stove cooking up a fresh batch of bacon. She poured herself another cup of coffee and hoisted herself up on the counter as Satsu, Carmen, and Amber came in from out back. Her heart already ached, missing Buffy more than she thought would be possible, and she hadn't even been gone for an hour yet. It was going to be a very long couple of days and she couldn't wait to have Buffy in her arms once again.