His eyes are like a dream.

I can't believe it.

I refuse to believe it. Why is it happening to me? Of all the people I could have been paired up with, it had to be Dorcas Meadows. The one girl who never has time for anything. It's just that this presentation is super important, and we have very little time to do it.

Sirius will understand, but will he be okay? It's only one time and I'll tell him, he will know and then surely it should be alright. Perhaps if I can call him? Yes! That sounds great. I'll tell him today, and I'll call him tomorrow, so he won't have to worry.

The problem is that Dorcas never has time, and then one of the few times she actually has time, it's, of course, the day I have to visit Sirius. Shrew that. I have to visit him every day, but still, we could have been doing it both Saturday and Sunday before I was supposed to meet him. Instead we take Wednesday and Saturday.

It's a mess and I don't know how he will respond to it. He will either be totally okay or have a panic attack again, I really hope for the first option.

Though it's hard to tell him. We were laying on his bed, my arms around him (we were cuddling. Like actual cuddling! LIKE REAL LIFE CUDDLING!) and he played with my hands. I'm the big spoon and he is the cute, little, adorable spoon.

Sirius took my hand and held it on his chin, I smiled and gently stroked. He removed it again and hugged it tightly.

"Really like my hands, huh?" I teased.

"They are just so big, and I feel so protected when you hold them around me." I held my other arm a little tighter around him.

"What else do you like?" I mumbled.

"Fishing for compliments, are we?" he teased, and I laughed gently. "I like your eyes… but I really like to see you with Prongs and Wormtail, you used to be so different around them than me. When I first met you, I wanted to puke, you were so fake, and smiling all the time, you seemed so perfect and it was sickening. But when you were upset because you thought they wouldn't be your friends anymore, or when you were nervous because of the kissing thing, it showed a whole other side to you. That is the side I fell in love with."

I hadn't expected that and was speechless. My face turned red and I was happy he couldn't see me.

"Are you in love with me?" I was afraid he would deny it or freak out.

"I-I… I mean" Sirius took a deep breath. "I-Is it okay?"

I pulled him even closer than he was before. "It is so okay!" I mumbled and felt my face turn warmer again. "If it's okay that I might be in love with you too…"

He took my hand and kissed my fingers. "So okay."

"Is it now I tell what I like about you?"

Sirius laughed. "Yeah."

Suddenly his whole body turned ice cold.

"Sirius?" He didn't answer, but he began shaking and I hoped the thing I thought was happening wasn't happening. Unwillingly I let go of my tight grip around him to look at him. His face was paler than usual and his eyes blank.

I tried to call his name again, but it didn't work. It was awful to just look at him like this, and knowing I was the reason he had started getting panic attacks didn't make anything much better.

"Sirius. Sirius, please. It's okay! It's okay, I'm here. Remus is here" I was sure to utter the words gently. I had no idea if it would work, but it worked last time, so maybe. He curled up into a tiny ball. "Sirius everything is okay, it's okay. You are here, I'm here, it's okay."

Sirius shut his eyes, nodded rapidly and turned around, he lifted his arm as to invite me in and we quickly wrapped our arms around each other and pulled closer. I could feel his heavy breaths on my bare neck.

"I'm okay" he repeated and nodded again. Sirius was still shaking, but it became less as we were just laying there. I bet this isn't exactly the time to tell him I won't come tomorrow. The thing is that I have to tell him soon so can enjoy this time with me, and know he won't see me before two days.

"Sure?" I checked. Perhaps it would be a good idea if I learned some more about panic attacks. My fingers found their way to his hair and played gently with it, I wished the hospital didn't have their strict rules about hair.

Sirius nodded again. "You are here, so everything is." I could feel the heat from his face on my skin, it made me blush as well. "You were saying…?"

I took a deep breath. "I like the way you stick your tongue out when you concentrate, the way you smile whenever you got something right in math. Especially the way you can look at something as simple as trees -that most people take for granted- and make them seem like the most beautiful thing in the whole wide world." And particularly when it has been so mean to you. "I like how adorable you look just about all the time."

Sirius snorted, but I'm pretty sure he also smiled. "I'm handsome, you are the cute one."

"I'm not cute" I mumbled only slightly offended.

"Yes you are with your adorable cardigans and small freckles!"

"I'm not cute" I repeated yet was secretly happy that he thought so. Everyone has always called me girly for wearing cardigans, one of the reasons I lean more towards jumpers, but nothing is as great as cardigans.

Sirius laughed and moved upwards to kiss my lips, we were now facing each other, and our legs intertwined. How do I tell him I won't come tomorrow without giving him a panic attack? Can I even give him a panic attack by saying something?

Our eyes were locked.

"You know, there's lots of homework in school, we actually have a presentation coming up that we have to do in pairs…" How can I possible concentrate when he is looking at me like that? "What I'm trying to say is… it's pretty important and I have to prepare, and Dorcas Meadows only have time tomorrow, so I can't come here."

Sirius stared at me.

"Oh."

"And on Saturday, but it will be before I come here, so don't worry. I tried to find another day, but she doesn't have time." Sirius wasn't looking into my eyes anymore, not even at my lips, he just stared down. It honestly hurts. He retreated his arms and made those little circles on his hand.

"You know I would come if I could" I continued.

"I know" he whispered. "I just… I guess I didn't realize you also have a life outside of the hospital. You have school, friends, and family, it's not fair that you feel like you have to be here every day-"

"I want to be here Sirius, you are worth it. I don't care where you are, I'll come for you, okay? It's not like I feel I have to be here, I want to be here! I just don't want you to be upset."

As I spoke Sirius curled into himself - and away from me. I don't think it was intentional, but it hurt so badly to see him like this. I reached for him, stroked his hair behind his ear, lifted his chin and kissed his lips softly.

"Please don't to that" I whispered.

"Sorry" he whispered back.

"I thought I could call you tomorrow, so we can talk for a bit. How does that sound?"

"Good" he nodded. "But, uhh… this Dorcas? Is she uhh… how is she?"

"Why? You jealous?" I teased. The blush on his face revealed him and I couldn't hold back a laugh. "Oh God Sirius she's gay." Her and Marlene came out not long ago as a couple. I kind of want to come out too because they received positive response from most other students, but I don't want to if Sirius doesn't want to.

"I couldn't know that" he replied and crossed his arms. My laugh faded and I kissed his lips gently. "What about you? Plain homo or bi, pan, ace, other stuff? Not that I mind if you are anything but gay" he quickly added the last sentence.

"Siriussexual" I replied, and he rolled his eyes, yet still grinned. Adorable. "Plain homo."

"Me too" Sirius smiled.

"Are you also Siriussexual?" I wore a fake shocked expression.

He laughed and shook his head. "Plain homo. Gay… for you."

"I'm gay for you too" I mumbled and pressed my lips against his.

Sirius happily returned my kiss, not long after he had his arms around me, and our legs were intertwined again. It's really a shame any kind of sexual things aren't allowed at the hospital because otherwise, our clothes would be other places now.

"What you gonna do tomorrow without me?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know, probably gonna paint or something… I'll miss you" he stared right into my eyes.

"I'll miss you too."

…

…

…

I wanna cuddle too.

There have been lots of reviews lately, and I'm so happy. Wouldn't hurt with a few more though… ;)