Chapter 37 – Monday Night Fever

Last time:

I was just about to climb into bed for the day when my phone rang. Raphael informed me that he'd discovered through his extensive network that the former queen of Oklahoma was on the move toward the Louisiana border. I made a few calls, talked to Clovache for a few minutes, and smiled as I died for the day. Bring it on, Freyda.

Now:

Monday, 2:56 p.m.

I looked at the clock when I woke. 2:56? I'd never risen even nearly that early ever. Humans would never understand that every minute gained in our day was a victory. To gain this many minutes was a miracle.

So… roll out of bed, stretch, grab the remote, swish the mouse, start the day. What to do with the additional hour or so I'd gained? Godric wouldn't be up for another half hour at least. This was crazy! I looked around the bedroom. The note and printers' list I'd left for Sookie were gone. Good, she'd taken those with her.

I looked at the on-screen cable company directory for what was on television at this time and settled on someone named Ellen Degeneres. Since I'd never been up this early, this was a woman I was unfamiliar with. Hmmm, apparently she likes to dance. It seems she especially likes to dance with her audience. This might be fun. Wait, I'd seen this woman before; she hosted the Academy Awards in the past, and she was very funny. I sat back in my desk chair and put my feet up on the desk. I soon realized that this was some kind of talk show. Her first guest was an Academy Award winner, Nicole Kidman, who was talking about some actor she'd insisted play her husband on some HBO mini-series. Whatever…

I checked my emails while the show was playing. Oddly, I had one from Freyda. This should be interesting, I thought, so I opened it:

My Dearest Eric,

I have not heard from you in quite a while, but I live in hope, every day, of hearing from you. Why do you torture me this way? You know that we would be so good together. My offer of marriage still stands. I will shower you with gifts and pleasure beyond your wildest dreams.

Don't be obstinate; you know you want me. I've heard of playing hard to get, but this is getting ridiculous. You are lucky that I've given you my attention, and you know it. Don't make me do something that you will regret. Rather let me make you powerful, let me make you fulfilled. Stop denying yourself, you silly Viking.

Ever yours,

HRH Freyda Knutson

Oklahoma Queen

What in the hell was she tripping on? I'd told her in terms that could not possibly be misconstrued that I was not at all interested in her proposals. NOT AT ALL. I shook my head at her apparent stupidity and answered her email:

To: Former HRH Freyda,

I have told you, time and again, that I am not the least bit interested in your proposals. I have no interest in becoming your consort, which isn't even an option after the new edicts of The Authority, which means you are no longer a queen, by the way. Even if you were still queen, which I repeat – you are not, I have no interest in either being anyone's consort or in what you think you can offer me. Most importantly, and I can't say it any more plainly than this: I have no interest in you. AT ALL. Is that clear enough for you?

In addition to dissolving all monarchies-including yours, you dolt, The Authority granted all vampires the first amendment right to freedom of speech. With that in mind, I'd like to tell you that to pursue this further is a total delusion on your part. If you pursue this insane suit of yours further, I will be forced to take legal action against you, up to and including going to The Authority about your uninvited and unwanted harassment, and most especially the implicit threat in your email.

Once more, let me be perfectly clear: you mean less than nothing to me. Get a fucking clue, you moron.

With all disrespect totally intended,

Eric Northman

Still Sheriff of Area 5, Louisiana

I took a college English composition night class in the 70's. One of the things the professor emphasized was clarity. I read over my email response several times and determined that I couldn't be more clear in answer to Freyda's email. If she pursued me further, she would be doing so at her own peril. Even if The Authority or the U.S. government agents got this message, I didn't care. I could always just say that she had pissed me off… which she had. How dare she send the water fae to capture or kill my beloved, and then turn around and send me this email?

I also knew that this email would undoubtedly piss her off. Good. An angry vampire is a reckless vampire. Reckless vampires make mistakes. Hopefully, this would flush her out, and give me the opportunity to either pursue legal action against her or legitimately end her.

Another email from Raphael indicated that they had no further word on the wandering former queen since this morning's message. I checked the bond with Sookie, and I could discern nothing of concern. I had no sooner had that thought and my phone rang.

"Hello, my Sookie. How was your first commute to work?" I asked.

She giggled, "it felt kind of strange, you know? Usually, I just walk out of the house and into my job, but this morning I joined the millions of workers who have to drive to work. I felt oddly… American."

That made me laugh out loud. "Did you have a good day?"

"I had a very productive day, and I'll tell you all about it when I get home," she replied.

Gods, I loved the sound of that, "I can't wait, my love. See you soon."

"See you soon, my Eric," She replied and hung up.

I closed my eyes for a moment. I'd needed to hear my Sookie's voice after feeling all the aggravation of Freyda. I still had a good amount of time to kill. If this rising earlier became the norm, I'd have to find creative ways to use it. If I could take care of most of my sheriff business and my business business during the daytime, that would leave my nights almost entirely free for Sookie. I shook my head, since this was the only time it had happened, perhaps I was being premature. But it sure would be great…

I putzed around watching television, running my businesses, checking my investments, and anything else I could think of. Finally I asked myself: what would any other man do for his woman when she returned home from work? I thought for a moment and then it came to me, and I set to work. At sunset I ventured upstairs to put the final touches on my plan.

I was in the kitchen when I heard the front door open, and Sookie called out, "honey, I'm home."

Perfect, I chuckled, "in here, dear."

She walked into the kitchen, and I struck my pose in my ascot and smoking jacket with my pipe in hand. She cracked up laughing. I asked, "did you have a good day at work, my dear?"

When she gathered herself, she answered, "why, yes, honey I did."

"Very good. I've prepared your evening martini for you. I know what you need after a long day of work," I handed her the drink.

She took a sip, and her eyes widened in surprise, "this is really good. Where did you get the idea for this little homecoming scenario?"

I waggled my eyebrows and shrugged, "I saw something like it in a movie a long time ago. Only the roles were reversed. Would you like to know what I've prepared for you for dinner?" She almost choked on her drink and raised an eyebrow in question. "Yes, my dear, I've prepared dinner for you. Or rather I ordered it from Papa Sylvan's!" and I lifted the cover, "Voilά, the mudbug platter." She squealed her delight and threw her arms around my neck. I couldn't help the enormous smile that spread across my face.

She then kissed me with such devotion. Afterward, she shook her head, "first, I wake up this morning to find that you had unpacked all my stuff – thank you for that, by the way – then you've researched printers and called The Bonne Chance. And as if that weren't enough, I come home to martinis and my favorite dinner. Better be careful, Mr. Northman, a girl could get spoiled."

"Well prepare yourself, Miss Stackhouse, I intend to totally spoil you," I waggled my eyebrows at her again.

She giggled, "seriously, Eric. I don't expect that. I just want us to truly begin our lives together. Everything before today was just the prologue. Now the actual story of us really begins."

I hugged her to me and ran my hands up and down her back. "The story of us began more than a thousand years ago, my Sookie. It's just taken us this long to find each other."

"A+ for sweet talk," she smiled.

"I mean every word. I feel as if everything I've ever done, ever experienced was leading me to you."

"Class valedictorian, Eric. You say things that make my insides melt."

I looked into her eyes, "Every word, Sookie, I mean every word. This is the beginning of the rest of our story."

I carried her meal to the two candle-lit place settings I'd put on the dining room table, and we sat down as she enjoyed her meal while I nursed a Royalty Blended. We talked about our days, and Sookie showed me her idea for the design and wording of the wedding invitations. I loved it, and she told me all she had to do was send an email to the printers, and the invitations would be ready day after tomorrow. The wedding was underway.

I called Pam and told her about the wedding and Sookie's need for a gown. They set up a date for tomorrow night to go dress shopping. Pam assured me that she would know someplace where Sookie could get the gown of her dreams. I made sure she understood that cost was no object – in other words, Sookie wasn't to see a price tag. Sookie tried to protest, but I just reminded her that I had more than enough to pay for anything she wanted and that it would give me great joy to give her the wedding she wanted.

After Sookie had finished eating, we christened both the dining room and the kitchen in the way that only we could. Afterward, Sookie was most insistent on thoroughly cleaning all of the surfaces for the sake of future hygienic food preparation, whatever that meant. I just laughed as I helped her with this task. Finally we retired to the bed for the evening where we made love again before Sookie succumbed to her slumber.

Once she was sound asleep, I got up and dressed for Fangtasia. I hated to leave Sookie, but I had some sheriff appointments, and Rasul had asked to meet with me before he left for New Orleans in a few days. I'd told Sookie beforehand to call me if she awoke and there was a problem. I'd also instructed Clovache to keep an eye on things while I was gone. As much as I'd love for our house just to be for Sookie and me, I had to admit that having Clovache live with us had its perks.

I pulled into my spot behind Fangtasia, and I noticed the newsvans had returned. That was curious. I got out, but there were minimal camera flashes. The reporters started shouting, "Mr. Northman, will Rasul al Basir be coming in to the club tonight? Where is Rasul as Basir, etc." Ah, I see. They were now here for the new vampire of the hour, Rasul. Excellent. The world would love Rasul once they got to know him a little better. Everyone always did.

"I don't know," I answered. "But if I hear from him, I'll let him know you are asking for him." I smiled and went inside. Well, well, well, I hoped that Rasul was ready to become the very public face of vampires in Louisiana, and because of the way he was appointed to his post, he was also likely to become more important nationally. I was sure he had the charm and polish to pull off just about anything.

I settled at my desk to review the sheriff's appointments I had tonight. After reviewing the applications and petitions, I started pulling together any paperwork I might need to distribute. The office phone rang, and I decided to let them answer it out in the bar so that I could finish pulling together the papers I needed; I always liked to look organized and prepared. There was a knock at my door, "enter," I commanded.

Maxwell Lee poked his head in to inform me that there was a call for me on the club phone. I nodded, and he left. A minute or so later I had finished assembling the papers and picked up the phone, "Northman."

"Viking, it was very rude of you to hang up on me the other night. Did something bad happen?" Fucking Victor. Still fishing for information, two days later. He must really be wondering what happened to the water fae he sent in. Hmmm… so he thinks the attack happened when we were on the phone. Perhaps I had been playing it too innocently in the past. Time to be the Viking.

"Not at all, Victor. Actually, it was something quite good. But I can't help but wonder why you have all this interest in what is going on in my life and in my area lately. It's very suspicious, to say the least." There, noodle on that.

"What do you mean?" Victor asked.

"Don't play stupid, Victor. What are you looking for from me?" I asked.

"I was just trying to finish our conversation from the other day, my friend," he replied.

Of course you were, you asshole. "My bullshit detector is off the charts on that response, Victor. First, you and I haven't talked outside of the occasional summit meeting, ever. Second, I'm hearing from you now with alarming regularity. Finally, you and I are not now, nor have we ever been friends. Fuck, I barely know you, and you sure as hell don't know me. So, I'm asking you point blank, what the fuck do you want, Victor?"

"So much for the reputed southern charm of your area… " Victor responded.

I chuckled, "Felipe said almost exactly the same thing. Why on earth you two would think that southern charm is something that extended to my habits is beyond my imagining. So your lame attempts to shame my manners are laughable. Also, you didn't answer my fucking question."

There was a pause on the other end of the line before Victor said, "Just what do you think I'm up to, Viking?"

Clever move, Victor, to go on the offense instead of the defense. That kind of strategic thinking made him a worthy opponent, if a dangerous one. No matter, he would still go down. "I believe I asked you that very question, Victor, and strangely, you have yet to answer it. Which makes me believe you are absolutely up to something. Otherwise, you would have claimed innocence. So… I will ask you one more time: what the fuck to you want?"

Victor chuckled, "is it so hard to believe that I am merely curious about you and your Sookie Stackhouse?"

"Actually, Victor, I find that impossible to believe. Consequently, be warned: I am issuing an area-wide edict that forbids your entry or presence in Area 5 of Louisiana. Further, any vampires who offer you quarter of any type will be in direct violation of this edict and therefore subject to punishment for the offense. Stay out of Louisiana, Victor. You have no power here. I'm tired of your games, and I have established a defensive line against them."

"You can't do that!" he protested, "I haven't done anything…"

Oh, if you only knew how much I already know, Victor. "I can and I will. If you can't answer a simple question, you have no place in my area. Enter the area and you will be caught, you will be apprehended, you will be punished. Am I in any way unclear?"

"I'll report you to… " he hesitated.

"To whom, Victor? To your king? To my queen? Well, I guess you could do that if, in fact, they were still monarchs, which that aren't. To the new Louisiana Vampire Liaison Office Rasul al Basir, my brother? Go ahead and see how far that gets you. So I guess that leaves The Authority. Go ahead and report me to them. I want you to. Please, Victor, please report me to them," I laughed.

"You'll be sorry, Northman," he challenged like a pouting first grader.

I just laughed, "we'll see who's sorry when all is said and done, Madden. Have a nice night," I hung up. Fucker. I was tired of playing around with him, and now the gloves were off. After a few emails and phone calls the edict against Victor Madden in my area, as well as the consequences for breaking it, was spread across the entire area and registered with both Rasul as the VLO and The Authority. I knew that this wouldn't do much to actually stop Victor, or Freyda, but if I had to take any lethal action against them, I had established standing to do so. I wasn't going to fuck around anymore where he was concerned.

With that more or less sorted, I went out into the bar and to my booth to meet with my nightly appointments. I looked around the place and decided that Sookie was right; this place was tawdry. If I didn't know any better, I would assume that whoever owned this joint was a lowlife scum. Did I just miss that before, or was I just now realizing that I was better than this place? Another problem that just presented itself: in lieu of taxes I had area vampires put in time here at the club. After all, no one wants to go to a vampire bar and not see any vampires. But The Authority had just struck down all forms of vampire taxation. I was going to have to start paying vampires to put in appearances. Ah well, I guess there is some consequence to every new freedom. The consequence to me was the need to pay vampires to sit in my club, which I could write off as a business expense. The consequence to the vampires was the additional US government taxable income they would have to report. All in all, not too terrible for any of us.

While I was waiting to begin my appointments, I pulled out the business card for Regina Spenalzo at the jewelry store and left a message that I would like to come in tomorrow night, while Sookie and Pam were dress shopping, to buy wedding rings and bridal jewelry for our wedding. I know Sookie wouldn't expect bridal jewelry, but Fintan would. Plus, it's something I just really wanted to do. I also called Ms. Peveto and invited her to be the reporter who would cover our wedding for the media. She'd earned that right as far as I was concerned. I'd emphasized with her that we were giving her an exclusive, and that we hadn't announced anything to anyone about the date and time yet. She assured me that she could be trusted in this instance, and thanked me profusely for the grant of exclusive coverage.

I was about half-way through my second appointment when I heard the alert signal from my phone. I pulled it out of my pocket and saw a text that the Disco Triplets were spotted at their house in Ruston. I did a mental tsk, tsk, tsk, for the silly vampires. While still listening to the vampires in front of me who were petitioning to open an all night hair and nail salon/spa, I texted Godric about the Ruston situation. We had agreed to meet in ten minutes in my office. I continued listening to the business plan for this salon, granted them my approval, then called over Maxwell Lee and told him that an emergency situation had arisen, and asked him to reschedule the remaining two appointments for two nights hence with my apologies.

A few minutes later Godric met me in my office. I gave him the update, looked up the location of the house on the Internet, and we took off flying for Ruston. The road route to Ruston was about forty miles due east from Bon Temps, and then shift to another highway for another twenty miles due north. It was somewhat shorter as the vampire flies. Godric and I were able to get there in just under thirty minutes, flying directly at a leisurely pace to cover the ninety plus miles it would be to drive the distance from Shreveport through indirect highway exchanges.

We found the house rather easily. It was barely an upgrade from a large shack. This home had a few bedrooms in addition to a living area, kitchen and garage. The first thing I noticed was Malcolm's tacky 60's convertible parked in the garage. And please tell me that was not the music of the BeeGees "Night Fever" blaring from their home stereo system. They really were living their own cliché. Godric and I just looked at each other and silently laughed. I circled wide around the front of the house and saw at least two dead bodies on the floor of the living room where Malcolm and Diane were dancing to the music. I could go in and capture them myself, OR I could turn them over to the human authorities. I had told FBI and Homeland Security I would do that if there were evidence to support an arrest.

I signaled, and Godric and I flew up high over their house so we could talk without being overheard. "I'm going to call our friends from the FBI and Homeland Security. I'll meet them in Ruston and bring them here. Will you stay and watch the house? Let me know if the situation changes?"

Godric nodded, "of course. I think this is a wise plan. It will establish trust with the government."

I nodded and took off for Ruston and made the call. They said they would meet me in an hour and a half. I headed back to make sure that nothing had changed and then flew to the rendezvous point where I eventually met with FBI and Homeland Security. I looked at them and said, "I told you that I would turn these nutjobs over if there were ever any evidence, and we saw dead human bodies inside when we arrived. They do not know we were there. Godric has been keeping an eye on them while I meet with you."

Homeland Security nodded, "we'll take it from here."

I looked at him and FBI and asked, "just the two of you? I don't think so. You'd be dead before you crossed the threshold. Remember that little scenario I described that night in the club… the one with three vampires in the alley? Now factor into that scenario that these vampires are slightly insane and desperate. How are you going to take them down?"

FBI asked, "what do you propose?"

"Godric and I take them down and then you secure them in silver, or whatever anti-vampire gear you have."

FBI pressed, "but there are three of them and only two of you. Won't that be dangerous for you?"

I grinned at him, "there's a reason Godric and I are sheriffs. The oldest of these three vampires is Malcolm who is at most two hundred years old. Diane was made vampire in the 1930's and Liam was made vampire only about thirty or forty years ago. Between Godric and me, we have three thousand plus years." They still looked doubtful, "trust us. Watch and you'll see." They looked at each other and nodded. "Oh, and don't be surprised if we have to get a little… uhmm… rough." The fact that I was smiling broadly at that statement may have disconcerted them a little.

Homeland Security asked, "all right, Sheriff, we'll do it your way. One question though, how did you know they were here?"

I shrugged, "I ordered surveillance on this house after I denied them entrance into the area. I got word tonight that they were here."

Homeland Security chuckled, "and I'll just bet you didn't have to jump through any legal hoops to get that surveillance did you?"

I smiled again, "nope. Is that a problem?"

He shook his head, "not for me." FBI looked less sure, but he eventually nodded his assent.

I began, "all right then. Godric will be going in the back, and Agent Langford will you go with him? Agent Pettigrew and I will go in through the front."

FBI asked, "what about a search warrant or an arrest warrant?"

I looked at him, "you can see two dead bodies on the floor through the front window. Doesn't that constitute … probable cause, is that the correct legal term?" Both agents nodded. "I want you coming in with us so that you can see first-hand all the evidence. If we went in without you, there might be some question about it later on. But make no mistake, these are very dangerous vampires. Stay behind us as much as possible for your own safety. Agreed?" They both nodded. "Let's get into position."

Godric said, "Agent Langford come with me." He then put his arm around FBI's waist and lifted up into the air with him to go behind the house.

Homeland Security whispered, "why are they flying?"

I whispered back, "less noise." I gave them time to get in position and turned to Homeland Security, "ready?" He nodded. I put my arm under his and lifted us to the front porch and landed us as quietly as possible. Placing the agent behind me, I braced my hands on the door frame, and kicked down the door. All three vampires inside turned, dropped fang and hissed. The only other sounds in the room were the song "Staying Alive" and the moaning of a not-yet-dead third human. The irony of the juxtaposition was not lost on me.

"What do you want, Eric?" Malcolm asked. "You know you can't take all three of us, even with that human behind you. Or were you kind enough to bring more food?" All three of them laughed.

"You really are very stupid, aren't you?" I asked. "I brought this agent with me so that he can see first-hand the evidence of your crimes. I'm not going to be the one who arrests you. He is. And then you will have the human legal system dealing with you. I'm pretty sure we're looking at a capital crime here. You know what that means, Malcolm? The death penalty. Or in your case, the true death penalty. Although the idea of a life sentence without the possibility of parole is quite intriguing in your situation as well." I heard Homeland Security chuckle behind me.

Diane decided to chime in, "you think that's funny, asshole? I bet you won't be laughing when I fucking drain you dry."

I smiled, "first you'll have to get through me. Any of you numbnuts feeling lucky?" Liam made a bee-line for the back door, only to be tossed back into the center of the room with his neck broken. That was when Godric and FBI revealed themselves. "Still feeling cocky, Malcolm, Diane?" They just stood there trying to decide what to do. "Agent Pettigrew, we want this to be totally legal, so would you mind informing them of their rights, please."

He nodded, "with pleasure. You have the right to remain silent. If you give up that right…"

Malcolm interrupted him, "shut up. You ain't arresting nobody."

Diane said, "be quiet, Malcolm. That's Godric behind us."

Malcolm wouldn't relent, "fuck Godric, and fuck you too, Eric. You're going to have to kill me to take me."

Well, that wasn't much of a threat. I shrugged and said simply, "ok." With that he charged me. I grabbed him by his neck, broke it, and threw him on top of Liam.

FBI asked, "are they dead?"

Godric and I chuckled, and I added, "no, we just broke their necks. They'll heal soon enough. Is it your turn now, Diane?" She shook her head and raised her hands in surrender. "Continue with the rights, Agent Pettigrew." He finished reading them their rights and when he asked at the end if they understood those rights, Diane nodded her head vigorously. Good girl. The agents placed the silver restraints on all three vampires. Godric took Liam and I took Malcolm, and we tossed them over our shoulder to bring them out to the transports that would take them to jail. Meanwhile, someone had called for an ambulance for the third human, and the coroner for the two who were dead.

As she was being led out, Diane turned to me and said, "I have some information that you might find valuable, Eric, I mean Sheriff. Do you think you can help me out?"

I looked at her for a moment, and I wondered if she actually had valuable information about Victor Madden. I finally said, "Diane, I'm not the one who is arresting you. But, I will come to visit with you tomorrow night. If you actually have information that would be helpful to me and mine, I'll see what I can do for you. That's the best I can do under these circumstances."

She nodded, "thank you, Sheriff, you won't be sorry." And I had to wonder why it was that every time someone said 'you won't be sorry' that I always ended up being sorry. Ah well…. Wedding planning underway, Disco Triplets handled, points scored with human law enforcement, Victor threatened, and Freyda insulted. All in all, not a bad night.

AN: Review, review, review. It's my only paycheck.

Many thanks to all who reviewed since last time, as of 9/3/17: Casey8686, ljhjelm49, hummingbirdgrrl, Nicolle1977, jackie69, Jfozz, Duckbutt, VampMad50, scorpiolady68, BRock525, tleel, Asami's clown, MsNorthman, Perfecta999, ciasteczko, bttrflybelle, The Vikings Succubus, FlowerChild23, ericlover69, Guest, fanfictionfan4444

Harvey update: Less than 24 hours after I put up the last chapter we were hammered with a direct hit from Harvey as he came back in from the Gulf. We were already flooded from the outer bands of Harvey's original landfall, and we got a deluge of water again. There are entire neighborhoods in my area where the water went up to the roofs of houses. We're OK though. We've had some of our neighbors who weren't as lucky staying with us. There is a nightly curfew, and some food is hard to come by. My sister and I had prepared in advance, so we have food and have shared it. This coming Saturday, 9/9 is the biggest event of the year for my company, and I've lost a week in preparation because the streets were too flooded to get to my office. I've been trying to do as much as I can from home, but there is still much to do. So, this coming week I will not only be playing catch-up, but I will also be traveling to Minneapolis for the event – if the airport is open. In other words, it might be a little longer before the next update. Please be patient with me. We're coming to some good stuff in the story.