Hey guys! Fifty four reviews-ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?! I asked you guys to get me to 1,000, and you did that in less than two hours. Just... wow. I love you guys so much. SO MUCH.
S/O to MissNena214 for posting the first review and also making my laugh WAY to hard! Lol
Wow there are actually so many reviews that I feel too overwhelmed to specifically respond to a lot of them. Thank you guys so much.
Also, the only criticism you guys seem to be giving me is that they haven't had sex, which I have to say, makes me extremely happy. Just wait it out guys, it will happen. I promise. Also, I'm still not sure where I stand on the whole 'smut writting' thing, so let me know what you think. Should I write their sex scene out or no? Ugh idk.
OH I JUST REMEMBERED SOMETHING IMPORTANT. **ATTENTION** PLEASE GO BACK TO THE LAST CHAPTER AND REREAD THE PART THAT IS IN MAGNUS'S POV. I know that seems kind of stupid and pointless, but I wrote that part when I was really sick, and it was totally shitty and I apologize that you guys had to read it. I rewrote it last night, so I hope you guys will go back and reread it and not think terribly of me.
As for the special Malec Prompt... you guys obviously earned it. I haven't finished it yet, so to make up for that, this chapter is NINE THOUSAND WORDS LONG. FUCK YEAH. LOVE IT. But seriously, it is very long. The longest thing I've ever written, actually. So yeah.
But back to the prompt thing... I will be starting that as a separate story, and it will basically be scenes that I left out of "Who You Are" from lots of different peoples POV's. I don't want to say TOO MUCH about it, because I don't want to spoil... but I hope you guys will like it. It's going to be really fun for me to write.
S/O to my best friend Amanda for being a kick ass beta and also just being awesome. You rock my socks.
Now that I've blabbed my mouth for eight years, I'll let you guys get to the chapter.
Disclaimer: I do not own anyting, blah blah blah.
Enjoy! (AFTER YOU RE READ THE END OF THE LAST CHAPTER PLEASE)
Alec cracked his eyes open slowly, blinking into the darkness of the room in confusion. The only light in the room was coming from the stars and moon, which were shining through the window, illuminating the room in an almost ethereal way. Magnus's room, Alec realized. He didn't have any recollection of falling asleep in Magnus's room, much less on Magnus's bed, but then again, last night's events were a little hazy at the moment. He felt Magnus's arms locked around his waist and felt instantly warmer. He had only slept over at Magnus's house one other time and it was something he was sure he could get used to.
That thought made Alec freeze as last night's events became more and more clear. He suddenly remembered the phone call, the fear, not being able to breathe, Magnus…
Magnus. Alec closed his eyes as he remembered crying in Magnus's arms. He knew Magnus wouldn't think less of him afterward, but there was still a part of him that wished Magnus hadn't seen him that way. Alec had only cried like that once before in his entire life and it scared him to think that Magnus had witnessed the second time.
Alec pried Magnus's hands off of his body and slid off the bed to retrieve his phone. He stared at the device for a moment before he could work up the strength to check his messages. He had a text from Jace.
Where are you?
Alec sighed and dropped the phone back on the floor, deciding not to answer it until morning. He glanced toward the window and realized that it was still dark, which meant it must be pretty early. He glanced at the clock and blanched. 4:00 am. Alec ran his hand through his hair and glanced over at Magnus, whose eyes were open.
"Hey," Magnus said quietly, sitting up on the bed.
Alec stared back at him mutely, unsure if he could trust his voice at the current moment. Magnus regarded him with wide, thoughtful eyes, and it made Alec feel terrible for what had happened last night. Magnus had enough burdens of his own, burdens that were much heavier to bear than what had happened last night and he didn't need to be weighed down with Alec's as well.
"Come here," Magnus said, motioning Alec over to him.
Alec sighed and walked toward the bed, stopping when his knees were touching the edge. Magnus grabbed his wrist and softly tugged, urging Alec to get on the bed, which he did, with hesitancy.
"What happened last night?" Magnus asked, sliding his hand from Alec's wrist to his hand, linking their fingers together comfortingly. Alec sighed a relenting sigh and decided to tell him.
"It wasn't Isabelle on the phone," Alec said. "It was my dad."
Magnus's eyes rounded out to such an extent that they looked like they were going to fall right out of his head, but he said nothing. It seemed that he was waiting for Alec to continue.
So he did. He told Magnus everything his father said to him, from accusing Magnus of using him as a means of making money, to how he told Alec that he had ruined their family and was not welcome home any longer. Magnus was silent during the entire story, keeping his eyes intently on Alec. His fingers slowly tightened around Alec's as he spoke, and by the time Alec finished, he could hardly feel his fingers anymore with how tight Magnus was holding them.
"I'm so sorry, baby." Magnus said in a scratchy voice. "I'm so sorry."
Magnus enveloped Alec in his arms and squeezed him tightly. Alec could barely hold back the next round of tears that were threatening to make an appearance.
"It's not your fault." Alec said.
"It's not yours either." Magnus said, pulling back and placing his hands on Alec's face. "This is not your fault."
Alec nodded, though he wasn't entirely sure he believed Magnus. It didn't help that he was still embarrassed about what had happened in the bathroom last night.
"Hey," Magnus said, forcing Alec to meet his eyes. "I mean it. This is not your fault—not in any way."
"Magnus, he doesn't love me anymore." he said, his voice cracking.
The pain in Magnus's eyes was clear and it suddenly dawned on Alec that Magnus was one of the only people he knew that would really understand what he was feeling. There was a certain depth in the way Magnus was looking at Alec, a certain undertone of unadulterated heartbreak in his eyes that let Alec know that Magnus didn't just feel bad that this was happening to him, he felt it. He understood. Magnus seemed to know that there were no words that would be adequate, so he said none.
Magnus pulled Alec into his lap and held him, his arms locking around Alec's chest in a way that was both protective and soothing and Alec felt the familiar prick of tears forming at the corners of his eyes.
"What am I supposed to do?" Alec whispered, leaning his head against Magnus's neck.
"What do you wantto do?" Magnus replied, running his fingers through Alec's hair. "It's not about what you're supposed to do, it's about what you want—what you need to do. That's all that matters."
Alec was silent for a moment, allowing Magnus's words to settle in his mind before speaking again. "I don't want to lose my family."
"You haven't." Magnus said. "You will never lose your family, Alec. Do you think Jace, Isabelle, or Max would ever abandon you?"
"No," he said.
"And do you believe that they love you?"
"Of course." Alec said.
"Then your family still loves you. Blood isn't what makes a family, love is." Magnus said.
Alec craned his neck so he could look at Magnus and felt his vision begin to blur. The way Magnus was staring at him just then made him want believe Magnus, made him need to believe Magnus. But he couldn't.
"But I've still lost my father." Alec said, turning away from Magnus when he felt a tear slip down his cheek. "I've lost him."
"He lost you." Magnus said. "You didn't lose him, he lost you."
Alec thought hard about how his parents always used to say that nothing would ever make them stop loving their children and family was more important than anything or anyone else, and it suddenly clicked. Magnus was right. Alec hadn't done anything to deserve losing his father, but his father had done something to deserve losing him. Alec had never stopped loving his father, even now, after everything his father had said to him, he still couldn't stop loving him.
"What if I don't want to be lost?" Alec whispered. Magnus's arms tightened around him.
"Then we'll figure it out."
And that was enough, for now. Alec knew that it wasn't his fault that he was gay. He knew that it wasn't his fault that Jace and Isabelle had arranged for him and Magnus to be photographed or that Camille had recorded him and Magnus at the club. He knew and yet he couldn't believe it. How could it not be his fault, when it was him that was causing the problems? It was him that was ruining everything for the people around him—not Robert or Val or Camille. He knew that. All of this was happening because he was gay—something that he had no control over, but was ultimately a part of him. Something that he used to hate, detest with every fiber of his being, but had grown to love because of Magnus. Because of Magnus. Alec could remember with maximal clarity how much he had hated himself when he had first realized that he was different from other boys. The moment when he looked at himself in the mirror and knew that he wasn't attracted to girls. He could remember the way that he had cried and screamed and hated himself. He had thought nothing could ever be so wrong in the world, that nothing could ever get worse than that moment.
But he had been wrong.
Everything could get worse, it seemed, and so it had. When he had started trying to ignore or even forget about it, he began spiraling. He didn't go out unless it was for the sole purpose of blacking out or stumbling home practically legless, he didn't talk to anyone, even his family, unless it was unpreventable; and he spiraled. He had thought nothing could get worse—his life was a lie and nothing was good in the world. Isabelle found out eventually and things seemed to get better, but only on the surface. He was still lonely, still secretive, still untrusting.
And then, Magnus.
Magnus had changed everything. His world had changed from dull, emotionless shades of gray to vibrant splashes of feelings and colors beyond his wildest imagination. He had almost forgotten what it was like to feel this way, to feel happy, until Magnus came into his life. And he wasn't going to let that go for anyone.
Eventually Magnus and Alec both fell back down onto the bed, in similar positions to the one they had woken up from—only this time, Alec was holding onto Magnus.
"I can't go home now." Alec said quietly into Magnus's hair. "I don't even have a home. We were supposed to go to London for half of our Spring Break, but I can't go anymore."
"Then we'll go somewhere else." Magnus said with conviction. "We'll find another place that we all like and we'll go there."
"I don't think Jace and Isabelle would be up for that."
"I doubt that." Magnus said. Alec began to protest and Magnus cut him off. "But even if they were to say that they were going to London without you, it would be fine. We would just go somewhere else."
"We?"
"We. It would be like a boyfriend vacation."
"Where would we go?" Alec said.
"Anywhere," Magnus said softly. "We could go to Hawaii, Ireland, Italy, Australia, South Carolina… anywhere you want."
"That sounds nice." Alec breathed. Magnus was silent for a moment, and Alec wondered if he had fallen asleep. He wouldn't blame him, of course. Especially after he had woken Magnus up at four in the morning.
"Alec?" Magnus voice was small, almost like he was afraid to speak.
"Hmm?"
"You'll always have a home."
Always. There was so much meaning, so much promise behind such a simple word. Too much. But somehow, Alec believed him.
Because Magnus was his home.
Alec tightened his arms around Magnus and kissed his neck softly.
"I know."
"Alec, finally!" Jace shouted through the wall after Alec's door slammed. "Where were you last night?"
Alec had been dreading this conversation the entire ride back to school. Tessa had decided to stay at the house with Will and Jem since it was Saturday, which of course led to an undeniably inappropriate amount of teasing and innuendos from Magnus while Alec tried to physically force him out the door, so the two of them rode back to school alone. Magnus had told him during the ride that he didn't need to tell Jace or Isabelle about his conversation with Robert yet, if he wasn't ready, but Alec didn't think he would be able to do that. Also, he didn't want Jace to think he was being mopey again for no reason. On the other hand, he wasn't sure if he would be able to tell Jace what had happened without breaking down into a puddle of tears like he had last night with Magnus and he didn't think he wanted to do that either, so he was at a crossroads.
Alec jumped when the bathroom door slammed open and Jace came skipping through it with a smile plastered across his face.
"Were you with Magnus?" he asked. "We wanted to go out last night, but you didn't answer my text."
"You could have gone without me." Alec said.
"What's the fun in that? You're the most fun drunk out of the four of us, let's be honest."
"You were going to let Max come?" Alec demanded. "Jace, he's only sixteen."
Jace waved his hand dismissively. "Let's not pretend we didn't go out drinking when we were sixteen, Alec."
"That's different—"
"No, it's not." Jace said. There was a knock at the door and suddenly Alec's other two siblings were making their way into his room.
"It is way too early for this." Alec whined.
"It's past ten." Max said, giving Alec an amused smile. "And it's good to see you too."
"Sorry," Alec said, pulling Max into a quick hug. "I was up late. It's good to see you too."
"Please don't go into details about that." Jace said, covering his ears.
"I wasn't up late doing that, Jace. Jesus." Alec said, rolling his eyes despite the blush that was creeping up his neck.
"Speaking of Alec's sex life," Isabelle cut in, ignoring Alec's choking protest. "Where is Magnus, on this fine winter morning?"
"Sleeping, probably." Alec said, his face flushing.
"Is he all sexed-out?" she said, taking a seat on his bed.
"Isabelle!"
"I always thought Magnus would have more stamina than that." Isabelle continued thoughtfully.
"Oh my god," Alec said.
"They have been spending a lot of nights together recently." Jace added.
"That's true. He's probably getting exhausted." Isabelle said. "Well, I guess that depends on how much work he's been doing. Do you figure he tops or—"
"ENOUGH!" Alec shouted. "My god, Isabelle."
"But Alec, I think I deserve to know if—"
"Izzy, stop." Jace said, his tone much more serious than it had been a few seconds ago. "Alec, are you okay? You seem—"
"I'm fine." Alec said flatly. "I just need to uh—I need to shower."
All three of his siblings stared at him for a moment, in what he could only describe as a condescending way, before Isabelle spoke.
"I can smell Magnus's shampoo from here." Isabelle said. "You don't need to shower."
Alec stared at her, but said nothing.
"Alec," Jace said quietly. "Do you remember what you promised me after you got in a fight with Val?"
"It wasn't really a fight, but—"
"Do you remember?"
"Yes," Alec said forcefully. You have to tell me next time something like this happens, Jace had said. Alec was regretting agreeing to that right now.
"Well it applies to anything bad that happens, not just fights." Jace said.
"What are you talking about?" Max said, glancing back and forth between Jace and Alec with confusion.
"Dad called me last night." Alec said, swallowing thickly when Isabelle gasped.
"What did he say?" Jace said, his eyes steady and impossible to read.
"He said a lot of things." Alec said with a sigh. The room was silent for a moment, and Alec could have sworn he could hear his own heart beating.
"Like?" Isabelle finally said.
For the second time, he began retelling what had been said during the phone call last night, and in that moment, he decided that he would not do it a third time.
The moment he stopped talking, Isabelle wrapped her arms around his waist and held him tightly. "Don't listen to him, Alec. He's wrong."
"That bastard." Jace said, his voice laced with fury.
"If he thinks we would ever go home without you, he's mad." Isabelle said against Alec's chest. "You know that, right?"
"I do now." Alec said quietly. Alec looked up and locked eyes with Max, who was shaking his head.
"Now?" Max said. "Have a little faith, Alec."
Alec felt his throat thickening so he held his tongue. He had known his siblings would stand by him to an extent, but he hadn't guessed they would feel so… personally offended by what had been said. He didn't necessarily want to turn his siblings against their father, but it still felt good to know that they were on his side.
"There is no way in hell I'm going back there without you," Jace said. "And if he thought even for a second that I would, he can go fuck himself."
"That goes for all three of us." Max said as Isabelle looked back at him. "We're a family, and family doesn't throw each other out just because they happen to like kissing sparkly fashionistas."
Alec couldn't help but smile at that. "I love you, guys."
"We love you." Isabelle said, turning to face Jace and Max while keeping her arms wrapped around Alec's waist. "And we will stand by you no matter what."
"No matter what." Jace repeated.
"And we are definitely not going to London without you." Isabelle said. "We'll just go to Aruba like we were supposed to last time."
"You guys don't have to do that for me." Alec said. "Honestly. You can still go to London—I'll just meet you afterward and then we can go wherever we were supposed to."
"Hell no." Isabelle said. "I'm not going to go home and pretend to be a happy family while Mum and Dad plan lovely family outings without you. No way."
"But I don't want you to—"
"We're going to Aruba. All four of us… and then some. We're sticking by you, Alec. So get over it."
Isabelle squeezed him one last time before finally releasing him and walking slowly toward the door. "I need to go ask Maia if she wants to come with us."
"What about Simon?" Jace called out, wiggling his eyebrows at her.
Isabelle promptly stuck her middle finger out at him and left the room without a word, leaving the other three boys laughing as she made her exit.
Jace and Max left shortly after Isabelle and Alec was secretly grateful. He loved his siblings, needed them too, but he needed to deal with things like this alone. He needed time to think—to figure out what he wanted to do on his own terms. Although, come to think of it, Alec wasn't sure that there was anything left to figure out. His father had said what he needed to say and there was really nothing he could say that would change his mind. He couldn't change the fact that he was gay and he wouldn't change the fact that he was with Magnus. Maybe there really was nothing he could do.
Sunday morning passed rather quickly and uneventfully and Alec's siblings spent their entire morning trying to plan where they were going to go for spring break and who was going with them. In the end, they had all decided—okay, mostly Isabelle—that they would be staying on the eastern side of the island, as close to the beach as they could be. Jace, Max, and Isabelle had apparently decided that none of them were to tell their parents of these plans until the day before they left, so neither Robert nor Maryse could protest. Alec couldn't say he minded the idea. The less he had to talk to his father, the better. As for who was going… Isabelle had decided that only one person should be invited per Lightwood, so it seemed there would be eight of them, plus Stephen. Alec was grateful that the trip wouldn't be too crowded.
They would be leaving on Friday after school got out, which meant that they would have more than a week before they had to be back. Alec was relieved to hear that the flight was only five hours long.
Magnus joined the group in Jace's room just in time to order some takeout with the rest of them. The conversation was light and superficial and Alec couldn't help but let his mind wander. He couldn't think about Maia and Jordan's relationship drama that Isabelle had supposedly witnessed when the conversation with his father still weighed so heavily on his mind. He couldn't think about anything, really.
"Alec," Magnus said into his ear. "Do you want to go for a walk?"
Alec blinked away some of the fog that had been subduing his mind for the past hour and looked over at Magnus's bright eyes. There was something more than a question behind them, but Alec wasn't given time to worry about it. The moment he nodded, Magnus stood up, pulling Alec up and out the door along with him.
Once they made it outside, the chill of the wind helped clear Alec's head a little more. He glanced back and forth down the sidewalk and saw no one, which made him wonder for the first time how cold it actually was. Magnus grabbed Alec's hand and they began walking silently, which was odd, for Magnus. Alec was usually content with this kind of silence, letting his mind wander or allowing himself to listen to everything around him, but with Magnus, it usually didn't last long. Magnus almost always had something to say.
Alec glanced up at his boyfriend's face and stared at him as they walked. Magnus seemed to be focused on something entirely separate from Alec. His eyebrows were scrunched together over his wide eyes and Alec could practically see his thoughts racing. The hand that wasn't in Alec's was tapping against his thigh with agitation, finger by finger, and it was making Alec nervous.
Alec wrapped his arm around Magnus's waist and leaned over to kiss his cheek, which earned exactly the response he had been hoping for. Magnus smiled and slipped his own arm over Alec's shoulder, holding him tightly as they walked.
"Are you okay?" Alec asked.
Magnus chuckled softly. "I was going to ask you the same thing."
"I think," Alec said, "I'm okay as I can be."
"Fair enough. I just don't want you to feel like you can't talk to me."
"I do talk to you."
"Not about everything." Magnus said. His voice wasn't accusing, but rather stating a fact, which surprised Alec. He was used to Jace or Isabelle trying to force him to talk about things and getting angry when he wouldn't, but that didn't seem to be the case with Magnus.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean… I talked to Tessa this morning while you were in the shower and she didn't look very surprised when I told her what happened."
"Y-you talked to Tessa?"
"I didn't tell her what happened with your dad, just… the other part, in the bathroom. Will is the one that carried you to bed, so I'm sure he told her anyway, but that's not the point." Magnus said, staring straight ahead of him rather than at Alec. "She knew what was going on, without me explaining anything to her—which is especially odd, considering I didn't even know there was something that needed explaining."
Alec felt his muscles freeze and he was suddenly glad that Magnus's arm was around his shoulders and neck propelling him forward, otherwise he didn't think he would still be walking.
"Magnus, it's not like that—"
"Then what is it like?" Magnus asked, stepping in front of Alec and staring into his eyes. Magnus's hands were on Alec's biceps while his eyes blazed into Alec's in such a way that Alec was surprised he hadn't turned to ashes. "She would have told me herself if it wasn't something serious, but she said that you needed to tell me yourself."
Alec couldn't speak. Magnus's eyes were boring into his own with rampant emotion that could almost be mistaken for anger if you didn't know him. But Alec did know him. Alec knew him enough to see the sliver of desperation in his eyes, the need for Alec to trust him that Alec recognized and knew so well himself.
"It's not—whatever you think it is, you're thinking too hard. She was just talking about my panic attacks. I asked her not to tell you." Alec said.
"Your… panic attacks?" Magnus said.
"I've had them since I was five, but they've calmed down quite a bit in the past two years." Alec told him. "I hardly ever have them anymore."
"Why didn't you want her to tell me?" Magnus asked.
Alec chewed on his lip for a moment. "I didn't want you to think that I was making things up to earn your forgiveness."
Magnus looked bewildered. "What?"
"I didn't want you to think I was just being an ass, then blaming the attack for it."
"For what?"
"Breaking up with you."
That silenced Magnus. Alec was torn between staring into Magnus's eyes and hiding in a whole in the bottom of the earth as he waited for Magnus to respond. He could see Magnus putting everything together and it scared the living shit out of him. This was one thing he had been hoping to never tell Magnus.
"You were having a panic attack when you broke up with me?" Magnus asked quietly.
"No—yes, I mean, sort of. It wasn't, I mean—"
"Alec."
"I don't know what I mean." Alec sighed and Magnus released him. "It wasn't bad until you left, but I don't want you to think that none of this was my fault now, because of the panic attack, because it was, and—"
"You're such an idiot." Magnus said.
And then Magnus's mouth was against his and he couldn't help but stumble backward. Magnus wasn't deterred by it, and continued kissing him, both hands holding as face as if he would try to pull away. As if that was even a possibility.
The kiss was gentle and Alec could feel Magnus smiling into it, which was odd. What could Alec possibly have said to make Magnus smile?
"Magnus," Alec gasped when Magnus finally loosened his hold. "Magnus, I'm serious."
"I love you." Magnus breathed against Alec's cheek, his forehead pressing against Alec's.
"I love you too," Alec said. "But—"
"No buts." Magnus said, kissing him chastely. "'But' is not allowed to come after 'I love you.'"
"Magnus, you can't just—"
"Actually, I can." Magnus said. His eyes grew serious as he stared at Alec. "Just to clarify, you're saying that you didn't tell me because you didn't want me to think you were making up excuses about breaking up with me, right?"
"Right."
"So why didn't you tell me before that?"
Alec was at a loss for words. How were you supposed to tell someone that you were too afraid to look afraid?
"Alec…"
Alec sighed and sat down on the curb, Magnus quickly following suit. "There wasn't really a point. I barely even have them anymore."
Magnus arched his brow. "How often is 'barely?'"
"I've only had four since you met me."
Magnus's eyes bulged. "If four count as barely any, then I'm afraid to know how many constitute as a lot."
"When I was fourteen I used to have them almost every day. Eventually my parents made me take medication and it got a lot better after that. When I met you, I hadn't had one in a year and a half."
"Are you saying that I give you panic attacks?" Magnus said. His tone was teasing, but Alec could hear an undertone of fear behind it.
"No, of course not. I've never had one that was solely related to you." Alec reassured. "I've just had a lot of shitty things happen to me this year." He looked into Magnus's eyes. "And a lot of good things."
Magnus smiled distantly and looked away. "So is that why you didn't tell me? Because you didn't want me to coddle you?"
"Sort of." Alec said, which made Magnus glance back over at him. "I don't like telling people about it. It makes me feel… I don't know, weak, I guess. Like I can't handle my own emotions."
"You are not weak, Alexander." Magnus said, wrapped his arm around Alec's. "Anyone could see that. But not confiding in people and leaving yourself to deal with shit like this alone… that's bound to make anyone feel weak."
"How?"
"People need other people. It's how we were made and it isn't a fault. You should never feel weak for needing somebody to lean on."
Alec sighed and let his head fall on Magnus's shoulder.
"You can always lean on me." Magnus said quietly. "Always."
"I love you." Alec said.
Magnus twined his fingers through Alec's and pulled them to his lips.
"I love you."
Monday morning was a blur of classes and faces that Alec couldn't be bothered to remember. When the bell finally rang, signaling that school was out for the day, he was more relieved than he could ever remember being. When he made it to his room, Jace was playing with Alec's soccer ball in the middle of his room, bouncing it off the wall haphazardly. Before he could warn Jace not to break anything, went soaring toward the ceiling fan, effectively shattering three of the four light bulbs inside it.
"Jace!"
"Sorry! I'll go get some new ones." Jace said, smiling apologetically. "Don't step on the glass."
"I wasn't planning on it." Alec said with a frown. His soccer ball was lying on the floor near his bed, and Alec tiptoed around the glass and grabbed it, taking a seat on his bed to pick the glass out of the ball. There seemed to be quite a bit of glass stuck in the ball.
When he was finished, he ran his hands over the surface of the ball to check for any remaining shards and swore when he sliced his palm. He had bandages in his bathroom cupboard, so it didn't take long to bandage the wound, but he couldn't help but feel mildly annoyed at Jace for breaking the glass in the first place.
"Alec?"
Despite his annoyance, Alec couldn't help the smile that tugged at his mouth at the sound of Magnus's voice. Alec quickly finished cleaning off his ball before responding.
"Jace broke the light," Alec said as he walked out of the bathroom.
"Of course he did." Magnus said, shaking his head. He gestured toward the ball. "With that?"
Alec nodded and set the ball gently on his bed and turned to Magnus with a rueful smile.
"What happened to your hand?" Magnus said, taking Alec's hand to inspect it, though it was bandaged, so Alec didn't really know what Magnus was attempting to see.
"I was trying to get the glass out of the ball." Alec said. "It's fine, just a little cut."
Magnus nodded, staring at Alec's bed contemplatively for a few moments.
"Do you miss it?" he finally asked.
"What?"
"Playing," Magnus said softly, picking up the ball and spinning it on his fingers.
"Of course I do," Alec said honestly. "But there's really nothing I can do about that."
Magnus stopped spinning the ball. "You can still play, Alec."
"Not for a team."
"Then do it for yourself." Magnus said. "Play with one of your teammates."
Alec shook his head. "It wouldn't be the same. Besides, they wouldn't want to practice with me anyway."
"Let's ignore that completely false statement," Magnus said.
"You know it's true."
Magnus shook his head. "It is not."
"Magnus—"
"Okay, fine," Magnus said, rolling his eyes. "Let's pretend that's true. You could still play without them."
"Then who would I play with?"
"Me." Magnus said, smiling brilliantly. "Right now."
Alec smiled. "I appreciate the gesture, but you don't even know how to play."
"So, teach me." Magnus said. He was obviously determined to get his way and Alec didn't feel like arguing.
"I don't know…"
"Please," Magnus said, pulling Alec toward him so that their faces were only inches apart. "I promise I'll make it worth your while."
"Well, in that case…"
Alec heard someone clear their throat the second his lips met Magnus's and he couldn't help but scowl.
"I hate to be the one who breaks up this little tryst," Jace said. "But I have light bulbs to replace."
Magnus ignored Jace and kissed Alec one more time before stepping away. "Get changed and then meet me at the soccer field in fifteen minutes."
Alec barely had time to respond before Magnus was out the door. Jace raised his eyebrows quizzically.
"The soccer field? I always figured Magnus was kinky, but—"
Alec threw a pillow at his face. "We're playing soccer, Jace."
"Magnus? Playing soccer? That'll be a sight for sore eyes."
"As if you would be any better."
"I would be amazing." Jace said. "Maybe Clary and I will stop by and teach you a few things."
"You do that." Alec said, slipping on a pair of sweats and yanking a t-shirt over his head. He grabbed a sweatshirt and his ball and bolted out the door before Jace could respond, and silently hoped that Magnus would tire of this quickly. He didn't really feel very up to playing soccer at the moment.
By the time he made it to the soccer field, he was surprised to see that Magnus was already there and had changed his clothes as well. He was now wearing black leather pants with a loose white t-shirt and a red lieutenant jacket. The only reasonable thing about his outfit were his combat boots, even though Alec couldn't really say that they counted as reasonable.
"Magnus, you do realize we're playing a sport."
"Nobody ever died for looking fabulous." Magnus said. "Now, show me what you've got."
Alec raised his eyebrows but played along with his boyfriend, deciding that humoring him was probably more important than telling him he was going to ruin his clothes.
"Alright. You're the one that wanted me to teach you, so what do you want to learn?"
Magnus unbuttoned his jacket and draped it over the bench. "I'm up for anything you are."
Alec showed him how to kick the ball correctly and how to head it, and Alec was surprised at how quickly Magnus seemed to get the hang of everything. Before long they were playing a mock game, working their way up and down the soccer field as they took turns making goals—although, truth be told, the only times Magnus scored were when Alec let him. After they had been going at it for a half hour, Magnus started getting antsy. He denied it, of course, but once Magnus started letting his eyes wander and his hands linger while Alec explained something, it was pretty clear where his mind was.
"You've been letting me win," Magnus said suddenly, while Alec was in the middle of explaining the difference between a yellow card and a red card.
"I haven't!"
"Oh, come on, Alec. I could spot a lie in your face from a mile away."
"You're doing very well," Alec said indignantly, placing his hands on his hips.
Magnus shook his head. "Whatever. Let's run the last one again."
Alec took the ball back to the middle and they started again. This time, Alec put a little more effort into it, and he was ahead of Magnus, working his way toward the goal, in a matter of seconds. Suddenly, he felt Magnus crash into his back, his arms wrapping around Alec's waist. They both flew toward the ground and landed with a thud. Alec had somehow ended up on his back with Magnus clinging to his hips, lying on top of him.
"That," Alec gasped. "is against the rules."
Alec felt Magnus say something against his stomach, but he couldn't make out what it was. Before he could ask, Magnus began crawling up his body until they were looking into each other's eyes.
"You know," Magnus said. "I could get used to this position."
As if to make his point more obvious, Alec felt Magnus thrust his hips gently against him, grinning when Alec's eyes widened.
"You wish," Alec said weakly, rolling onto his side so Magnus fell onto the ground. "Come on, let's go again."
Magnus stayed on the ground. "What's this I hear? Alec, who didn't even want to come in the first place, wants to keep going? Has hell frozen over or have I lost my mind? It must be one of the two."
"Shut up," Alec said, grabbing Magnus's arms and hauling him to his feet. "Just a couple more minutes and we'll be done."
"You're really having fun, aren't you?" Magnus said, his smile growing smug. "I knew you would. You just needed to play again."
"So let's play," Alec pressed, pulling Magnus close to him. "Please, I know you're having fun too."
Magnus sighed dramatically. "These pants are going to be absolute hell to get off if I'm all sweaty."
"I guess I would just have to help you then," Alec said, blushing as the words came out of his mouth. He wasn't sure what had put him in this mood, but Magnus seemed to be enjoying it.
"In that case," Magnus murmured, pulling Alec closer to him. "We'd better get playing."
He immediately released Alec and jogged over toward the ball, taking advantage of Alec's momentary shock and taking the ball halfway down the field before Alec leapt into action.
Magnus kicked the ball with what Alec had to admit was terrible technique, but nevertheless it edged its way into the net, clipping the corner and hardly making it in. Alec heard Magnus's joyful shout and watched with a mixture of amusement and pride as Magnus began doing a celebratory dance.
Before Alec had a chance to say anything, Magnus tackled him to the ground and began kissed his mouth with enough enthusiasm to make the kiss sloppy. Magnus put both of his hands against Alec's chest let his body drape across Alec's, not touching the ground at all, and Alec groaned.
"Don't you think," he said as Magnus pulled away to gasp for breath. "this would be better suited for a different venue?"
"What did you have in mind?" Magnus purred.
"Um, something not completely on top of me."
Magnus laughed and slid his legs apart so that his knees were on the ground on either sides of his hips. "Is this better?"
"Yeah," Alec said quietly, leaning up to capture Magnus's lips. Magnus responded with the same amount of enthusiasm he had started the kiss with, somehow undeterred by Alec's slight shut-down. Alec felt Magnus's slim fingers wrap around his wrist and jerk his hand down from his face, and for a moment Alec was worried he'd done something wrong. That fear was quelled when he felt Magnus drag his hand toward his ass and plant it firmly there, while Magnus's own hand moved to the back of Alec's neck, gripping him like he thought Alec would pull away. Alec kissed him as fiercely as he could manage, and it didn't take long until they were both rolling back and forth, fighting over who was on top of who. Alec gasped when Magnus began grinding into him through the leather, but he held his ground, pushing himself into Magnus with more force than was probably necessary. It was always like this with Magnus; both of them lacking the control to slow things down or savor an action for longer than a second before the fire in their bodies began consuming them and pushing them into action. Alec wouldn't have it any other way. Magnus made a choking sound in the back of his throat and inched his hand around Alec's hips until it was firmly gripping Alec's ass, groping him like neither of them would ever get the chance again.
That's when Jace arrived.
"CHRIST! You two go at it like a couple of sex-deprived chimpanzees!"
Alec jerked back, wrenching his hands out from under Magnus's shirt, though he wasn't sure exactly when they had gotten there, and rolled off of Magnus. Magnus was grinning at him in amusement, a sentiment that he himself did not share, and tugged his shirt back into place as he sat up.
"You don't know the half of it." Magnus said to Jace with a wink. Jace made a gagging noise, which only seemed to spur Magnus on even further. "Well, maybe you do. I suppose that depends on how much Alec here has been willing to divulge—"
"Magnus," Alec hissed, slapping his arm.
"Do you want me to vomit, Bane?" Jace asked. Alec heard someone giggle and glanced around for a moment before seeing Clary, standing a few feet away from Jace.
"Why are you here?" Magnus said.
"I invited him." Alec said.
"I wouldn't have come, had I known it was that kind of invitation." Jace muttered.
"Sweet Jesus, Jace." Alec whined, dropping his head into his hands.
"If we wanted to have a threesome, we wouldn't have asked you." Magnus said. "I'd have sooner asked Lewis—"
"Simon?" Clary said, her eyes growing wide. "I don't think you're his type."
"I'm everyone's type." Magnus said proudly.
"I doubt that," Jace said, giving Alec an annoyed look.
"Jace—" he started.
"Please leave," Magnus begged.
"You want me to leave so you can get all hot and sweaty with my brother?" Jace asked.
"Yes."
"Fat chance." Jace said. "I came to play ball with Alec and I intend on doing just that."
Magnus began muttering to himself as he stood up and Alec couldn't help but turn red and hope that Jace couldn't hear him.
"Fine," Magnus said. "Let's play."
Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday flew by without a kink and by the time Thursday rolled around, Alec was more ready to leave for Aruba than ever. He was tired of walking up and down the halls while Val and Jon glared at them, sometimes throwing in biting remarks when they passed each other or even shoulder-checking him, which infuriated Magnus to no end. Although Alec couldn't be certain why Magnus was so strung out over it; it wasn't like Alec never made any counter moves. When Jon "accidentally" tripped him in the cafeteria, Alec "accidentally" fell toward him and landed on his elbow. On accident. The best part about the whole thing was that all of the teachers seemed to be on Alec's side—they all apparently felt bad about the whole Alec-being-forced-to-come-out-in-front-of-the-whole-school thing. Val had yet to try anything more than staring hatefully in Alec's direction, but Alec couldn't say he was excited for it to turn into anything more.
Things with Brad were finally back to normal—normal enough that Max had chosen to pick Brad as his plus-one for the trip to Aruba. It struck Alec as a little odd that Max and Brad had become such fast friends in such a short amount of time, but he no longer held any ill feelings toward Brad, so he was willing to go with it. Besides—It wasn't so long ago that Alec and Brad had been the ones who were best friends and Alec felt like he needed to make up for that, after everything.
"Alec," Magnus said, poking his arm with a pencil. Alec blinked a few times before he noticed Magnus was nodding his head toward the front of the classroom meaningfully.
"Mr. Lightwood," Professor Seelie said. Alec could guess from her tone of voice that she had tried to get his attention more than once. "You've been called to the Dean's office."
"For what?" Alec said without thinking. He glanced around the class and turned red when he saw all eyes were on him.
"How would I know?" Professor Seelie asked with an amused smile.
Fair point. Alec got out of his seat and walked toward the door, sparing a questioning look at Magnus, who sent him two thumbs up and a wink, mouthing you got this, as if it were supposed to be comforting.
When he made it to the office, he was told to wait outside—which wasn't unusual—until the other party arrived. That, Alec had to admit, was confusing. He couldn't think of a single reason that he would be having a meeting with someone besides the Dean. Eventually he was brought in alone because according to the receptionist, "there was no time to waste."
"Is that man ever on time to anything that doesn't involve a ball?" The Dean asked when Alec sat down.
Alec was stunned. "Who? I wasn't told anything—"
"I hope I'm not late." a voice said. Alec spun around as his eyes locked with the man whose voice he would have recognized anywhere.
"Alexander," he said. "We have quite a lot to talk about."
Magnus's POV
Alec never came back to class, and there was something very wrong about that. Magnus almost never worried about Alec—he knew Alec could take care of himself—but it was nerve wracking to be away from him these days. Jon and Val seemed to be holding a personal vendetta against Alec, despite the fact that what they were angry about was Brad's fault and not Alec's, and they were taking out their anger against him at every possible moment. It seemed like the more angry Magnus became, the happier Val got and the harder he pushed. Alec let most of it slide under the rug because he saw no reason to "sink to their level", but Magnus did not quite see eye to eye with Alec on that specific point. He wanted to sink to Val's level, further even, and beat the living shit out of him until that stupid smirk was wiped right off of his worthless face; but he knew Alec would never allow that, and Alec's anger wasn't worth it to him.
After Professor Seelie finally let the class out for the day, Magnus went to his room and forced Tessa to come and wait with him so he didn't feel so pathetic.
"Magnus, you're being such a drama queen." Tessa said.
"I am not! He is pushing me, Tessa. PUSHING."
"Val or Alec?" Tessa said, lying down on the bed next to him. "Because it seems to be like it's a little bit of both."
"Alec never pushes me." Magnus protested, feeling a bit defensive.
"I don't mean physically—"
"Obviously."
Tessa elbowed him. "I meant… I feel like sometimes he just has a lot of things that he needs your help with."
"And?"
"And, I don't know, I don't want you to get overwhelmed by it all."
Magnus thought about Alec's dad and his panic attacks and the pictures and Brad and Val and tried to find something overwhelming about it all. Sure, it was stressful to think about the fact that Alec was no longer welcome at his own house and the emotional toll that would take on him, and maybe it was a little crazy that Alec was always followed by crazy people trying to take his pictures… but somehow, it didn't overwhelm Magnus.
"It's not like that." he finally said. "Or, at least, it doesn't feel like that."
"I just don't want you to get hurt." Tessa said. "Alec's life is insane."
"But it's my insane." Magnus told her. "I like it, thrive on it, even. It's like every day is this new adventure that I somehow managed to become a part of. Like…"
"Magic," Tessa said, tilting her head toward Magnus's.
"Like magic." he said.
"You know, there's a name for that."
Magnus looked down at her. "A name for enjoying someone's batshit crazy life?"
"Uh-huh. It's called 'being in love.' Something that, if I remember correctly, you always told me I was stupid for doing."
Magnus rolled onto his side and stared at her. "Did I?"
"You did. You also said you would forever stick with blondes so you didn't end up with someone like Will."
Magnus laughed loudly. "Well, the universe works in mysterious ways."
"I suppose." Tessa said, rolling her eyes. "Speaking of Will—do you really think Alec wants all of us to come on the trip? He doesn't have to feel obligated to let us come just because you're going—"
"He doesn't feel obligated, Tessa. You're his friend and he wants you to go." Magnus said firmly. "As for Jem and Will; I think he really got along with them and he just wants them to come. His parents have the money to take the entire school, Tessa, so I don't think three more will be a big hassle."
"I just don't want to turn your boyfriend vacation into a 'Magnus's friends' vacation."
Magnus sighed. "That idea was basically shot to hell the moment it came out of my mouth. The only reason I told you about it is so you would tell me about Alec's panic attacks. I knew his siblings would stand by him."
"And he didn't?"
"He questioned it, just like he questions everything. The only thing he doesn't seem to question is whether I'm telling the truth when I tell him I love him—thank god."
Tessa laughed. "At least he believes the important things."
"That's not always a good thing." Magnus said, lying back down on his back. Tessa was cuddled into his side now, staring up at the ceiling as he spoke. "That means he immediately believes it when people say they don't love him. He didn't even consider the fact that his father might have just been angry when he said everything that he said."
"Magnus, he might not have been." Tessa said gravely.
"I know." Magnus sighed, feeling every bit of calm energy drain out of his system as he thought of Robert Lightwood. "It's just… no one should ever have to hear their parent say those kinds of things to them. Especially not Alec."
Tessa shook her head sadly. "I want to slap that man more than I've ever wanted to slap anyone in my entire life."
"'Slap' is bit too gentle for my tastes." Magnus said with a smile.
Whatever Tessa had been planning to say was interrupted by a tap against Magnus's door. Magnus hopped off the bed and opened the door in record time in hopes that it was Alec on the other side of the door; he wasn't disappointed.
"Magnus!" Alec practically shouted, pulling Magnus into a hug and dragging him into the room, letting the door fall shut behind them. "Isabelle was right!"
Magnus laughed when Alec finally released him, turning to Tessa and pulling her into a tight hug too.
"What was Isabelle right about?" Magnus asked.
"There are still teams that want me!" Alec said, releasing Tessa and turning back toward Magnus. "It was Coach that wanted to talk to me, not the Dean. He said that there are a few teams that are still interested with me and that he set up meetings after spring break!"
"That's incredible!" Magnus said, jumping up and down excitedly. "Did he say who it was?"
"No, but he told me both of the teams were big ones." Alec said. Magnus couldn't remember the last time he had seen Alec look so deliriously happy.
Alec continued telling Magnus and Tessa about everything Coach said and Magnus thought he might explode with happiness. Somebody wanted Alec. After everything that had happened with his Dad, this was exactly what he needed right now. Magnus could almost kiss Coach.
Today, Alec would be happy; he would be ecstatic and so would Magnus. And tomorrow they would go to Aruba and they would forget about everything, and everything would be perfect.
For a moment, Magnus thought that maybe—just maybe—happy endings were possible. Because he had Alec; and with Alec, anything was possible.
Soo what did you guys think? This chapter took a lot of time to write, so pretty please give me feedback about it. I know a lot of stuff happened, but hopefully you'll be able to keep track of it all.
Also, I'm still sick, so I don't really have anything to do besides write and answer tumblr questions... lol. So feel free to bug me at any point of the day or night.
Please review, I love you guys SO MUCH. *GIANT GLITTER-COVERED HEART*
-Hannah xx