Loki found a lockbox to hide the Winter's Casket away in and then went in search of a book. Peter had made it clear he didn't want to talk to him and Loki decided that space and time were what was called for.
Finding a book was not particularly easy. According to Kraglin this was a Ravager ship, and Ravagers did not go in for reading. In fact Kraglin had stared at him blankly for a full minute when Loki had asked about library on board.
But Loki did manage to find something, and he found a quiet, out of the way room, and sitting in a corner, began to read.
He was used to losing himself in a book. Whether it had been when he was a child and needed to escape his feelings of loneliness and isolation, or later, trying to not to think about Meredith, slowly withering away on Earth without him, he had almost always found some relief, no matter how short, in his books.
This book wouldn't have been his first choice. For one thing it was fiction, for another the writing was atrocious, but it was better than nothing.
He was about a third of the way through when the door to the room opened and Peter entered. At once, Loki set the book down and stood.
"Oh. There you are," said Peter. "I've been looking for you."
"I'm sorry. If I'd known-"
"There's something I want to ask you." Peter crossed his arms and frowned.
"Anything."
"It's the only thing I want to know. Why did you leave my mom?"
"I didn't want to."
Peter snorted. "Same thing Ego said. He apparently wasn't my father but you two seem to have all the same answers."
"I loved your mother."
"And yet you left her to die alone, and sent Yondu for me. You know, I have a family. I have Gamora, and Rocket and the others. I don't need you. I just want to know why she kept loving you even after you abandoned her, because I don't get it."
"Did she?" A piece of Loki had always wondered…just a little…not a piece that had really believed that Meredith had ever stopped, but another piece, the one that hated himself, and always whispered how he wasn't good enough.
Peter rolled his eyes. "Everyone thought it was the tumor talking. But yeah, she was always talking about my dad from the stars. So I want an answer. How could you leave her?"
"I'm from a planet called Asgard. My father rules over the Nine Realms, of which Earth is one. There was a law at the time that Asgardians could not go to Earth. I broke that law. I met your mother and I fell in love. We had you. I would have given everything in that moment, to stay on Earth for the rest of my life. I would have given up my magic, my Asgardian lifespan. Anything. But that wasn't an option. My father found out I was breaking the law, and if he had known about you he would have taken you away from your mother. The day I went to tell Meredith goodbye, was the day she told me she was dying."
Loki's voice shook at the memory and he paused, allowing a moment to pull himself back together.
"Meredith couldn't lose you, me, and deal with her illness all at the same time. And beyond that, the life you would have had on Asgard would have been a half-life at best. I left so my father wouldn't take you from her. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. But I promised her, that when she passed, I would be there for you. A promise I will never forgive myself for breaking."
Peter still hadn't uncrossed his arms, though he looked a little less rigid. "So why did you? Why send Yondu?"
"I planned to escape with you out of the Nine Realms. And I thought the best way to insure that we would be gone before my father noticed I was missing, would be if I hired someone to bring you to the planet where I had hired transport to the Outer Realms. I was a fool to trust Yondu."
"He said he was protecting me by taking me."
"Yes. Apparently he looked into me after I hired him. Talked to some people that aren't actually my friends. They talked a lot about how I wanted the Asgardian throne and would do anything for it. Yondu put two and two together and came up with thirteen and decided I meant to kill you so you couldn't get in the way of my political agenda."
"And how do I know you didn't plan exactly that?"
"Well, for one thing I had the throne and I abandoned it to come rescue you here and now."
There was a long pause. Peter hesitated for a second and then started shaking his head. "It doesn't matter. I don't need you."
"I can see that," said Loki slowly and painfully. "You've done so incredibly well for yourself. Despite everything. You've become a wonderful man, one that your mother would have been proud of. One that I'm proud though I know that's not worth much. You know what she called you when she were a baby? Star Lord. It's what she wanted for you, and it seems you've become exactly that."
At last Peter unfolded his arms.
"I know I let you down Peter. And there will never be a way to make up for that. But I have never stopped loving you. I have made so many mistakes in my life. But seeing you here and now…every single one of them have been worth it, because they each and every one of them, lead me to you and your mother."
"Well," said Peter with an annoyed sigh, "you certainly make it hard to hate you don't you?"
Loki snorted. "You'd be the first person to think so."