More Than Duty Chapter 36
January 10, 1918
Mary had set Elizabeth on the chair at her vanity, using a thick book to boost the little girl up high enough that she could see herself in the mirror. Tying another blue silk ribbon in her daughter's pale blond hair, Mary then stepped back to appraise her work. "You look beautiful sweetheart," Mary said.
"Pretty," Elizabeth exclaimed at her own image.
"Yes, very pretty darling," Mary agreed. Blue was certainly Elizabeth's color, so Mary had ordered her a new dress and ribbons in a lovely sky blue for this special day.
"More," Elizabeth requested.
"No, darling. There are already two ribbons in your hair, and I think that is enough."
"Peas," Elizabeth asked.
"It is please Elizabeth, please," Mary said gently.
"Peas," Elizabeth repeated, still unable to get the word right, but smiling up at her mother in hopes of getting her way.
"Very well, you may have two more ribbons, but that is it. So don't you think to ask for more than that," Mary agreed with a sigh, wondering how it was that this little girl could get her to do almost anything just by saying 'peas.'
"Mama," Elizabeth said with a toothy grin as she looked back into the mirror to watch as Mary began to but the requested additional ribbons into her hair.
"Yes, your mama can't say no to you, but if anyone asks, I shall say it was always my plan to put four ribbons in your hair," Mary said. Several minutes later, Mary had finished her work on Elizabeth's hair. "Now darling, Mama needs you to sit quietly and play with your doll for a few minutes," Mary said, settling the child in the window seat and handing over her favorite doll.
Mary fastened the pearl necklace that Matthew had given her several months ago and then applied the perfume she knew he loved. As she stood before the full length mirror appraising her appearance and the new red suit she had ordered for the occasion, Anna entered the room holding the new nightgown Mary had ordered which Anna had just freshly pressed.
"I will hang this hear for tonight my lady," Anna said, hanging the gown on the hook on the door. "It is lovely."
"A little short perhaps," Mary said, questioning her decision to buy the darling silk and lace nightgown that did not even reach her knees.
"I doubt his lordship will mind," Anna said, her checks turning slightly pink.
"No, I don't suppose he will mind. Just make sure no one else is present when you press it," Mary instructed.
"Of course, my lady."
"Well, I suppose we should go," Mary announced.
"Papa?" Elizabeth asked when she heard her mama say go.
"Yes darling, we are going to meet your papa at the train station," Mary confirmed. Excitedly, Elizabeth scooted off the window seat and hurried to her mothers side requesting repeatedly to go. "Yes darling, we are going," Mary said as she lifted up her daughter.
"Mr. Branson is waiting with car," Anna said as the trio left the room. "Shall I call nanny to go with you to attend to Lady Elizabeth?"
"No, we shall be fine on our own," Mary replied.
When Mary arrived at the train station, she carried Elizabeth to the appointed platform where Matthew's train was scheduled to arrive in a few minutes. Mary then set the little girl down on her feet and knelt down to straighten Elizabeth's new dress. "There. You look perfect darling. Now hold Mama's hand. Papa will be soon," Mary said, holding Elizabeth's hand in hers as she stood back up and waited impatiently for the train to arrive.
"Look Elizabeth, the train is here. Papa is on that train," Mary told her daughter.
"Papa!" Elizabeth called out, jumping up and down with excitement.
"He can't hear you yet Elizabeth," Mary said with a laugh. "You must wait until the doors open."
Soon, the doors of the train opened, and the passengers began pouring out of the train and onto the platform. Not wanting Elizabeth to let go of her hand and get lost in the crowd, Mary quickly lifted Elizabeth up into her arms and balanced the girl on her hip.
"Papa?" Elizabeth asked.
"Papa must be at the very back of the train car. He doesn't know we are here you see so you must be patient for a few more moments," Mary told Elizabeth. Mary's eye's had never left the first class car, but soon the flow of passengers exiting the train slowed and then stopped without Matthew emerging through the door. Looking through the window, Mary could see that the car was now empty. Her heart sped up a bit, wondering what could have happened to him, before the thought came to her that perhaps Matthew decided to ride in one of the lower class cars with William. Yes, it would be just like Matthew to forego his comfort as show solidarity with his men.
"We must have the wrong car Elizabeth. I think Papa is back here," Mary said as she walked toward the other cars. Although people were still filing out of the train cars, she saw no sign of Matthew yet. When the trail of passengers out of the train compartments finally slowed Mary called out to a solider she saw leaving the train.
"Excuse me sir," Mary said, gaining his attention.
"Yes?"
"Did you see a captain on the train?" Mary asked, wondering if perhaps she missed him.
"Ma'am no captain would be back here. You should check the first class cars," the soldier replied before rushing off to find his family.
Mary felt herself freeze as her stomach seemed to tie itself into knots. Why wasn't Matthew here when he was supposed to be? Her blood ran cold as she considered the horrible possibilities. No, she told herself, I will not think of that. There had to be a reason other than the one she was trying so desperately to push from her mind - that he was laying dead somewhere.
"Papa!" Elizabeth demanded, her patience having run out.
"Darling, he must be on a different train that comes in later today," Mary said, hoping desperately that her words proved true.
"Papa papa!" Elizabeth screamed, kicking her legs to try to break free from her mother's grip, but Mary just held her tighter. Finally, Elizabeth's gave up calling out for papa and simply began to cry as Mary tried to comfort her.
When Mary made it back to the car, Elizabeth was still crying and mumbling the word 'papa' every so often. Branson's face betrayed the shock that Matthew was not with them, but he said nothing as he opened the door to allow Mary to climb in.
"We must have at the time for the train wrong," Mary said firmly, as if trying to convince herself of the truth of her statement.
As the car pulled into the driveway, her family and the staff were lined up to receive them. Taking a deep breath, Mary exited the car with Elizabeth in her arms. All the faces showed surprise that Lord Grantham was not there.
"Please take Elizabeth to the nursery. She is a bit upset," Mary said as she handed the girl to her nanny.
"Of course my lady," nanny said as she took Elizabeth inside, rubbing her back soft to comfort her.
"But where is Matthew?" Cora said, giving voice to the question on everyone's mind.
"He must have taken a different train. Perhaps we had the time wrong. Where is Daisy?"
"In the kitchen my lady," Mrs. Hughes said.
"Please send her to me in the library at once. Ask her to bring the letter she received about William's leave," Mary instructed, carefully keeping her voice calm and even.
"Right away my lady," Mrs. Hughes replied, leaving quickly to quickly to fetch Daisy as requested.
"Mama, Granny, Carson, please join me in the library. Branson, please keep the car at the ready," Mary said, walking swiftly to the appointed room.
When they reached the library, Daisy was arriving in a rush. Carson ushered her into the room and then closed the door.
"Daisy, neither Matthew nor William were on the train. I must ask if perhaps you had the date or time wrong," Mary said, hoping that perhaps this was the answer.
"No, my lady. Here is the letter. It says 4:00 pm on June 10th. Perhaps William wrote it wrong," Daisy said as she passed the letter to Mary for her inspection. Mary scanned the letter which confirmed that it did indeed show that Matthew should have arrived on the 4pm train.
"Perhaps you are right. I will try to get an answer and shall let you know what I find out. You may go Daisy," Mary said. When the door closed behind Daisy, Mary turned toward the window so the others could not see her face as she bit her lip and tried to fight the fear and urge to cry. No, you need to be strong, she reminded herself. After breathing deeply for several moments and wiping her eyes, she managed to get control of herself and turned back to face the others. She resolutely walked to the desk and sat down to draft a brief note, feeling all the eyes in the room on her. When she finished, she stood again and took the note to Carson.
"Carson, have Branson take you into Ripon at once and have this telegram sent," Mary said, handing him the words she wanted delivered to Matthew's commanding officer questioning his whereabouts.
"Mary, I believe the telegram office is closed," Cora said.
"They can very well open it again. Carson, find out who runs it and go to his house if necessary. I will pay whatever they ask, just be sure it is sent as soon as possible and wait there for an answer," Mary instructed.
"I won't leave until I have one, even if it takes all night," Carson assured her.
"Thank you Carson. I knew I could count on you. And ask Mr. Bates to go to the train station and wait there to see if perhaps he arrives on a later train tonight. Mama, perhaps you could call Edith and ask if her chauffeur could take Mr. Bates and bring Matthew back if he arrives."
"Of course darling. I am certain Edith will be willing to help," Cora assured her.
"And Granny….." Mary said, trying to decide what to have her grandmother do.
"I shall call Shrimpy. He has some important office in London, so he may be able to obtain information about Matthew," Violet said.
"Isobel is expected for dinner tonight so if we have no answer by then, she must be told," Mary said.
"I will tell her," Cora offered.
"No, she is my mother-in-law so it is only right that I do, but hopefully we shall have more news by then," Mary said.
It was the worst evening Mary could remember. Although hours had passed, there was no new information on Matthew's whereabouts. Mary had to tell Isobel who broke down into tears even as Mary tried to fight her own tears which was becoming increasingly harder. Mr. Bates had returned after the last train had arrived with the sad but expected news that Matthew was not on a later train. Shrimpy had informed Violet that there was nothing he could do this evening, but that he would work on obtaining information first thing in the morning. Carson had phoned to say that the telegram operator had insisted that no reply would be forth coming that night, but had agreed to stay the night in the office after Carson insisted that he do so.
When Mary could take no more, she retired to her own room. Hanging on the door was the nightgown that reminded her of all her hopes for the evening, hopes that may have been dashed forever. Seeing it caused Mary to finally crumple to the ground and break down in tears.
"Please god, let him be alright. I don't know how to live without him anymore," Mary whispered through tears.
Mary didn't know how long she had been crying on the floor when her mother knocked softly on the door and then entered the room. Not wanting anyone to see her pain, Mary managed to stand up and tried to wipe her tears away. Her efforts were in vain though as the tears which had begun to fall would not stop.
"Oh my darling," Cora said, embracing her daughter and leading her over to the bed. When Mary's sobs quieted, Cora pressed a cup into her hands.
"What is it?" Mary asked.
"Something to make you sleep," Cora said gently.
"I can't sleep tonight, what if some news comes in, what if…"
"Darling, no news will come tonight, but if by chance it does, we will wake you right away," Cora said, urging Mary to take the cup, but Mary shook her head. "Mary, you must sleep. You were so strong today, but if you don't sleep, you won't be able to maintain that."
"I can't," Mary replied, shaking her head again.
"Give me a moment," Cora said as she stood from the bed and left the room. She returned a few moments later with a sleeping Elizabeth in her arms. She sat down next to Mary and tried again. "Drink the sleeping tonic Mary. You need to be strong for her. Sleep will give you the strength you need to make it through the next few days. No matter what happens, you don't want Elizabeth to see you fall apart."
Recognizing the truth in her mother's words, Mary reached for the cup and drank the bitter liquid down quickly. "Chances are it was a mix up and Matthew will be here soon," Cora said, hoping she sounded believable.
Mary wanted to believe her mother, but she knew that given the fact that Matthew was fighting in a war, chances were equally good that something dreadful had happened.
"I will take Elizabeth back to her nursery," Cora said.
"No, leave her here with me. She can sleep with me tonight. I don't think I could stand an empty bed tonight," Mary said. No, she most certainly could not face an empty bed and the thought that Matthew's side could be permanently empty. Before the tears could begin falling again, she reached out and took Elizabeth from Cora's arms.
Being jostled caused Elizabeth's eyes to flutter open. "Mama," Elizabeth muttered as she snuggled into Mary's neck before falling back asleep again.
\\\\\\\\\\\\\
Matthew leaned up against a tree wondering again how on Earth he and William had managed to get lost behind enemy lines. He shivered and pulled his coat tighter around himself, wishing he could start a fire, but knowing that doing so would alert the Germans to there presence. Shivering, he pulled his knees up to his chest to try to conserve his body heat against the January winds. There would be no sleep tonight - if the fear of capture didn't keep him up, the shivering certainly would. He cursed the army for sending him on one last patrol before his leave. If not for that damn patrol, he would be curled up in bed with Mary at this very moment. As his mind wandered to Mary, he prayed that God would be merciful and would return him to her. In the same breath, he thanked God that she didn't know to expect him so that she would be spared the worry that would plague her otherwise.
TBC
/
Author's Note: Thank you all for your kind words. It really encouraged me to keep going so I hope you liked this chapter even if it is an angst one.