Disclaimers: I only wish that I owned 'Castle.' If I did, I wouldn't be freaking out over money.

Summary: Early Kate Beckett from both perspectives. Spoilers from 1x5, 2x13, and 6x01.

A/N #1: The song for this chapter is 'Hard Luck Woman' by Kiss.

A/N #2: I'm using two of my favorite episodes as a basis for this chapter. 'A Chill Runs Through her Veins' and 'Sucker Punch.' I'm going to end with a bit of 'Valkyrie' to show how far Castle and Beckett have come since those early days.

Chapter 37: The Lady with the Invisible Walls

Scene #1: Post 'A Chill Runs Through her Veins'

If never I met you

I'd never have seen you cry

If not for our first "hello"

We'd never have to say goodbye

If never I held you

My feeling's would never show

It's time I start walkin'

But there's so much you'll never know

I keep telling you hard luck woman

You ain't a hard luck woman

Rags, the sailor's only daughter

A child of the water

Too proud to be a queen

Rags, I really love ya

I can't forget about ya

You'll be a hard luck woman

Baby, till you find your man

Rick Castle had known the first time he'd ever met Det. Katherine Beckett that there was deep pain lurking behind those enormous green eyes. Now she'd given him a back story for Nikki Heat, only he wasn't so sure that he wanted to use it. He didn't think it was right to exploit her pain in that way. He decided to talk to her and sound her out.

He was staring at the file in his hands, the one that Esposito had given him before he left the precinct. He read the autopsy report and then he looked at the crime scene photos. Staring at the graphic color photos of Johanna Beckett's dead body in that alley, he thought about how many times Beckett had thought about those pictures. He knew that they had to have been burned into her brain. They had been a part of her existence since she was 19 years old. He knew that there wasn't a day that went by that Kate didn't think of her mother the way that she was on the last day of her life.

He was still deep in thought when Martha came into his office. "Richard, is something wrong? Are you 'borrowing' files from the precinct again?"

"No, Esposito gave me this one. It's the file regarding Beckett's mother."

"Oh my god, Richard," Martha sat down in a nearby chair. "I didn't know—"

"Neither did I," he closed the file. "I assumed that it was her father because I had noticed early on that she wears a man's wristwatch. Her mother was stabbed to death when Kate was 19 years old. They never caught the killer."

"Richard, does Beckett know that you have her mother's file? Please tell me that she does," Martha pleaded with her son. His silence was all the answer that she needed. "Have you ever stopped to think that maybe she wouldn't want you digging into her personal life?"

"It's her eyes, mother. When I looked into Kate's eyes today when she was telling me what had happened to her mother, I saw that scared, lost 19-year-old that she had been on that night when her mother was murdered. She said that it almost destroyed her dad, and although she'd be the last to admit it, I think that it almost destroyed her, too."

"I know that you care about her, Richard, but you're talking about digging into an extremely painful chapter in her history. I know that if were me, I wouldn't want you exploring it. I would be very angry and I'm sure that Beckett will be angry too when she finds out."

"That's why I'm going to make sure she doesn't find out. If I find some new leads, I'll pass them on to Ryan or Esposito. And if I don't discover anything, then nobody is going to be any the wiser."

"Well, I'm obviously not going to change your mind, but I don't want to hear any complaints when Beckett finds out, because I'm telling you she's going to find out."

***CCC***

"Hi, dad," Kate greeted her father over the phone after she'd put away her service weapon and her jewelry.

"Hi, Bug," his voice greeted her by her childhood nickname. "You sound tired. I take it you had a tough case."

"Yeah, it was a rough one. It was a cold case that was originally handled as a simple missing person. The original detective reminded me of Det. Raglan," she said, mentioning the name of the detective who had investigated her mother's murder.

"One day we're going to get answers, Katie. When that day comes, we'll all be at peace."

"I know, dad. I just hate . . . you know what? Never mind. How have you been?"

"Pretty good. I'm flying out to L.A. in a couple of weeks for a case that I'm working. Maybe you could take a few days off and come with me. You always liked walking a sunny California beach in the middle of the winter," he chuckled.

"I'd love to take some time off, dad, but I've got a lot of stuff on my plate right now."

"Well, in that case, could we get together for lunch one day before I leave?"

"I'd love to," she smiled. "Or, better yet, how about dinner next Friday night?"

"Dinner sounds great," he agreed.

After making final plans for dinner, Kate ended the call. It had taken a long time for her and her father to get to the point that they were currently at. She still hadn't completely forgiven him for drowning his sorrows in a bottle and all but forgetting that he had a daughter that had also lost her mother. But in the last couple of years, things had been getting somewhat better. They met once every couple of weeks for lunch or dinner. They were able to now talk about her mother without either of them completely losing it.

She was still somewhat surprised that she'd told Castle about her mother's murder. It had been a long time since she'd felt comfortable enough for her to confide that part of her history to anybody, much less to someone that she still wasn't sure she even liked. The Melanie Cavanaugh case seemed to have cemented their still tenuous working relationship. They had both been sickened by the way the original detective had handled the investigation.

She was jolted out of her reverie by a knock on her door. She opened the door, feeling slightly annoyed when she found her new partner standing there. "Castle? What're you doing here?"

"Uh, I was wondering if we could talk for a few minutes. I promise that I won't stay long."

"Come in," she stepped aside to let him into her small apartment. "Would you like something to drink? I have beer, wine, and sodas."

"No. Like I said, I can't stay long. I can't stop thinking about what you told me today, about your mom."

"And?"

"Beckett . . . Kate," he seemed to be at a loss of words, very unusual for him. "While it's true that I'm basing some of Nikki Heat's character on you, I won't give her such a tragic back story if you are in any way uncomfortable with it. I don't want to exploit your tragedy for royalties."

"If you change some things around, you won't be exploiting me," she looked at him. "You're creating a story for a minor character. It's part of who Nikki is; but it doesn't have to define her, any more than my mother's murder defines me. I was in therapy for a year about a year after it happened. In the year before I went into therapy, I let my mom's death dictate who I was, who I was becoming. I was in a really good relationship with a really great guy," she smiled wistfully as she remembered. "If she hadn't died like she did, I probably would've married him and had a couple of kids."

"Your grief drove him away?" Castle looked at her.

"No, not my grief. I stopped letting him get close. I stopped letting everybody get close. I lost a lot of friends. I just wasn't a lot of fun to be around. I started drinking too much. I'd get too wrapped up in my work. Finally, it was suggested that I see someone. My therapist made me see that I was letting my mom's murder take over my life. She told me that if I didn't stop looking for the answers and just take care of me, it was going to destroy me. I know that I'm probably rambling. What I'm trying to say is I'm not Nikki Heat and she isn't me."

"I just don't want to cause you or your father additional pain."

"Castle, you can't possibly cause us more pain. We've already had as much pain as any person should ever have to endure."

"That's why you do what you do," she looked puzzled so he quickly continued. "That's why you're such a strong advocate for the victims. Because you understand what they're going through."

"It's something that only someone who's been in their shoes can understand. When Det. Raglan came back to our house the day after my mother's murder, he sat in a chair in our living room and told my father and me that he understood our pain. But, as I sat there looking into his eyes, I knew that he didn't have a clue as to how we felt. It was just words coming out of his mouth. He might as well have been reading off of a cue card."

"The only thing that I can tell you is I'm sorry for your pain. For your father's pain. But, I'll never pretend that I understand how you feel nor do I ever want to understand it."

"This is one of those times when I don't want anybody to walk in my shoes. As for Nikki's back story, she needs a reason for why she became a cop. Just don't use my mom's story word for word. That's all that I ask of you."

"I can change things up," he smiled. "So, see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, Castle. I'll see you tomorrow."

Scene #2: After Coonan is killed in 2x13 'Sucker Punch'

Before I go let me kiss you

And wipe the tears from your eyes

I don't want to hurt you, girl

You know I could never lie

I keep telling you hard luck woman

You ain't a hard luck woman

You'll be a hard luck woman

Baby, till you find your man

Castle poured two fingers of Scotch into a cut crystal glass, welcoming the burn as the smooth liquid glided down his throat. The whole afternoon replayed before his eyes in slow motion. He could still feel the barrel of the gun as it had poked into his side. He could remember the look in Kate's eyes as she leveled her weapon at the chest of Dick Coonan. Even though she wanted the answer to the question that had been in the forefront of her mind since she was 19 years old, her primary concern for was Castle.

The back of his head still hurt where he'd head-butted Coonan. He rubbed it as he remembered the sounds of Kate sobbing hysterically as she tried to keep Coonan alive after she'd been forced to shoot him or risk watching Castle get shot in front of her eyes. He had seen his partner choked up a few times, but today had been the first time he'd ever seen her cry. "Dad?" He looked up and smiled at Alexis, who was standing in his doorway. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, pumpkin. I just had a rough day at work," he smiled.

"Did anybody get hurt?"

"No, well, unless you count the bad guy. Beckett had to kill someone in the precinct. This man . . . was the one who murdered her mother."

"Is that why she was here the other night? Because she'd found out?"

"Sort of. We knew that the man who had killed Jack Coonan was the same man who had killed her mother because Lanie noticed that the wound patterns were caused by the same weapon. Beckett was naturally devastated by the news. She thought that Lanie had held out on her. When she came over that night, it was because she wanted me to help her find the man who had killed her mom."

"Did he tell her why?"

"He was hired by somebody else; somebody that he claimed Beckett would never touch. He died before she was able to get a name."

"So, what're you going to do now?"

"I don't know. I feel like if I hadn't reopened his mother's file, none of this would've happened. I'm not sure I can go back and shadow her anymore."

"Dad, if you hadn't asked for that file, Beckett never would've known. Just think; if you hadn't told Lanie what you had learned, then she wouldn't have noticed the similarity in the wounds. You gave her some answers. I know that you didn't give her all of the answers, but you gave her something."

"I just wish . . . I just wish that I'd had some words for her. She was forced to shoot him to save me. He was lying on the floor dying and she was begging him to stay alive. All she wanted was one name. I just wanted to comfort her somehow," his eyes were bleak as he stared at his daughter.

"Det. Beckett's the toughest woman I've ever known, dad. I don't think she would've appreciated you riding in on your white horse to rescue her, even if she was upset. She doesn't strike me as the damsel in distress type. Have you talked to her since it happened?"

"No, she had to give her statement to IAB, so Montgomery told me to go home. I was thinking about calling her, but I don't know what to say."

"Just give her some time, dad."

***CCC***

Rags, the sailor's only daughter

A child of the water

Too proud to be a queen

Rags, I really love ya

I can't forget about ya

You'll be a hard luck woman

Baby, till you find your man

You'll be a hard luck woman

Baby, till you find your man

Kate was lying back in a hot bubble bath, the sounds of John Coltrane playing in the background. The events of the last several days kept flashing through her brain, keeping her awake long into the night. She still couldn't believe that she had the man who had killed her mother in her grasp. And instead of the punk gangbanger that Det. Raglan had always suggested was the killer, instead he was a slick businessman, a man who was a heavy hitter in the distribution of heroin.

But she'd also learned that while he was the actual murderer of her mom, he wasn't the top of the food chain. He refused to tell Kate who had given the order, insisting that she'd never touch him. That bit of information told Kate that her mother's murder wasn't a random event, but an execution. But she didn't understand why. Her mother was a civil rights attorney, but at the time of her death she hadn't been working anything dangerous that either Kate or Jim had been aware of.

The decision to shoot Coonan had been an easy one. She wasn't going to let him kill Castle. As she'd told Montgomery before going up to give her statement to IAB, even though she wanted answers, she had to save Castle's life. It was a no-brainer. She still could feel the gentle pressure of Castle's hand on her shoulder as she performed CPR on Coonan, as he bled out under her hands. She hadn't even realized that she'd been crying until after it was all over.

She had wanted to talk to Castle, but when she returned to the bullpen after giving her statement, he wasn't there. Montgomery informed her that he'd told Castle to go home since he wasn't sure how long she'd be upstairs talking to IAB. She had so many things that she wanted to tell him, first and foremost was to once again thank him for putting up the huge bounty that Coonan had demanded to catch the killer. She vowed that she'd somehow find a way to pay him back, even though he'd refused when she first made the offer.

***CCC***

The next afternoon, Castle made the rounds of several different restaurants, knowing the different things that Kate liked to eat. Not sure of what she might be in the mood for, he got a bit of everything. When he stepped off of the elevator on the fourth floor, he spotted Kate at her desk reading with her chin casually propped up on her hand. She looked up and smiled when she saw Castle walking toward her desk, carrying a bag by the handles. He looked askance at what she was reading. "Oh, Montgomery's post-incident evaluation. You come off like Steven Segal."

"Should I be flattered or insulted?" He asked, putting the bag on the floor and sitting in his chair.

"Both," she teased him. "What's in the bag?"

"I didn't know what you felt like, so you've got sushi, you've got Italian, some Thai, and I grabbed some hot dogs," he pulled the food items out of the bag, one by one, placing them on her desk.

"It wasn't your fault, you know?" She could read the guilt that was all over his face like a cheap novel.

"I overstepped. I came down here to say I was sorry. And that I'm through. I can't shadow you anymore. If it wasn't for me—"

"If it wasn't for you, I would've never found my mom's killer. And, someday soon, I'm going to find the sons of bitches who had Coonan kill her. And I'd like you around when I do. And if you tell anybody what I'm about to say, there's going to be another shooting, but I've gotten used to you pulling my pigtails," he smiled at the inference. "I have a hard job, Castle. Having you around makes it a little more fun."

"Your secret's safe with me," he smiled at her.

She handed him a pair of chopsticks as she unwrapped a plastic fork and opened the container of Thai food. "How's your head?" She asked, referring to his head-butting Coonan the day before.

"I have a nice knot on the back of it. I'm just sorry that he died before giving you a name."

"Someday soon, we'll get a name. Castle, I meant what I said about paying you back—"

"And I told you not to worry about it. I'd do it again. In fact, I'd offer up 10 times the amount just to give you and your father peace. To give your mom justice."

"Thanks, Castle. That's really sweet."

***CCC***

Scene #3: Post 6x01 'Valkyrie' after Castle puts the ring on Kate's finger

The kiss was slow and very sweet. Kate's hands were firmly on the back of Castle's head as she drank him in. They had been through so much together in the past five and a half years. And now they were about to embark on a new adventure; husband and wife.

When she finally pulled away from him, Castle smiled at the huge smile on her face. It was as wide and as bright as he'd ever seen it. He loved seeing her smile like that. "You surprise me every day," she whispered against his lips when he drew her in for another kiss.

"I could say the same thing about you. You are the best thing that's happened to me in such a long time. So, how do you feel about going home and celebrating this rock that I just put on your finger?" He teased.

"I'd like that," her smile got even wider.

Walking back to the loft with her hand firmly in Castle's, Kate thought back over the sadness over the last few years. She was glad that all of that sadness was being replaced by the absolute joy that she was feeling right at this moment. As she walked by Castle's side, she wondered if there was any woman on the planet who was as happy as she was right at that moment. Even though the upcoming move to DC was heavy on her mind, she knew that she was still going to have her very best friend at her side. Her best friend who was soon going to be her husband. She couldn't wait for the day when she became Mrs. Richard Castle.

Oh yeah, bye bye, so long, don't cry

I'm just packin' my bags, whoa, leavin' you

Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye, baby, don't cry

I gotta keep movin', yeah movin'

Bye, bye my baby

Ooh, don't cry, baby, oh

A/N #3: I want to give a shout out to some of my Castle followers on Twitter who give me encouragement when I'm feeling down and being who they are: Ilovetoread09, Klff_, KB_RC23, LivWilder2, NoOrdinaryLines, Bindid24, and many others too numerous to mention. All of these great people are wonderful writers, so if you get a chance, check out their stories and follow them on Twitter, too.

I can be found on Twitter Caskett1960 and Tumblr Caskett1960.