I end up at Cuddy's because I don't know where else to go. My college friends are all back in their hometowns, my family is in Connecticut and Pennsylvania and that's all I have. Cuddy and Wilson are the two people who've known House the longest, who will know what to say. I think she's been waiting for me because she answers the door with a cup of tea for me. Wilson is there, sitting on the couch. He looks guilty and he's holding Aaron against his chest. Babies are everywhere, torturing me with their presence.

He tells me what happened and apologizes for not stopping him. I laugh and tell him I know he could never have stopped him. I sit and Cuddy asks me if I'm okay and I try to say yes, but I come out with a no. My husband doesn't want a baby with me or with anyone else. He told me he was glad I had a miscarriage.

Wilson asks me what I expected and I honestly don't know. I knew he didn't want a baby. Hell, I'm not even sure I want a baby, especially when my marriage is in jeopardy. He tells me I need to give House some time to come around and even I know he's lying. Greg House doesn't come around; he sticks to his guns and fuck anyone else.

I have tears trickling from my eyes but I don't notice them. I'm not sobbing, not shaking. I laugh and say I should pawn the ring to pay for an abortion and file for divorce. Cuddy tells me I'm being brash, I need some time to think and I'm not so sure. She tells me to stay here as long as I like, take some time to think and then make my decision.

I don't know how I could have a baby without House. The thought alone scares the hell out of me. Cuddy puts me to bed in the guest room and tells me to think about it in the morning, when I'm not so upset.

When I wake up in the morning, I hear moving around in the kitchen. I walk to the door of the kitchen and I see Wilson kiss Cuddy on the forehead before washing some dishes. I see the way she holds Aaron and looks down at him lovingly and I feel… jealousy. They're happy about being together, happy about having a baby, happy in general. I want that. And I know I want to keep the baby.

Cuddy sees me and smiles and holds up her plate, full of scrambled eggs and toast and asks me if I want any. The sight of the clumpy yellow eggs makes my stomach turn and I rush to the bathroom. I won't miss this when it's over.

Wilson offers me toast and I only want it if there's going to be peanut butter on it. He tells me he'll talk to House at work and if he has to, he'll grab some of my things from his apartment. I thank him and ask Cuddy if she's sure it's okay for me to hang out at her house all day. She'd rather have me here than anywhere else. I know she wants to get to House; if she has me, he can't get to me and if he knows she has me, it'll drive him insane.

I also know she cares. She's seen House at his best and at his worst and she can lend me a shoulder to cry on. I know Wilson cares, too, because I've been the only one since Stacy that House has opened up to and loved and he knows he loves me more than he ever loved Stacy. He wants House to finally be happy like we were and like we're supposed to be. If House can be successful in love, anyone can, including a three time divorced guy like him.

I've always stood up for House, always done exactly what he wanted me to do. I've babied him and cared for him and eased his pain. I've cooked for him and cleaned for him and delivered meals to him in the hospital at all hours. I've done everything he asked in bed and more. I've never asked anything of him; he was the one who asked me to move in, he was the one who asked me to marry him.

This time, I'm doing something with or without him. I'm keeping the baby whether he wants me to or not.

xXxXx

Wilson won't leave me alone when I get to work. He calls me an idiot who's about to lose the only good thing in my life, completely ruining a marriage that's barely a year old. I'm not in the mood for his nagging or his crap. I ask him where she is and he doesn't answer and that means she's at Cuddy's.

I tell him that harboring a fugitive is punishable by law and he shoots back that if I hadn't thrown my pregnant wife out of the house, he wouldn't have to harbor her. I tell him if she hadn't omitted the fact that she was pregnant or, better yet, if she hadn't gotten pregnant in the first place, we wouldn't be in this position. He snaps at me that it takes two people to make a baby and he wonders who wouldn't want a tiny person with her eyes and my sunny disposition.

I tell him I don't want to be a father, I won't be a good father and if she wants to be with me, she'd be better off falling down some stairs. Wilson calls me a liar and a bastard and tells me I want to have a baby with her, but I'm just scared. I tell him to back off and I hobble away as far as I can as fast as I can.

The next person to assault me is Cuddy. She comes into my office as I'm brooding, staring at the wall and listening to the Stones. She goes on about all the messes of mine she's had to clean up, the angry patients she's had to console, the lawsuits she's had to talk people out of. She tells me that Henri loves me and I love her and I'm a fool if I don't see that. In fact, she goes on, if I don't see it, I don't deserve her. She can't believe someone would throw their pregnant wife out of the house, even me.

I tell her it's none of her business, even if she's staying with her. Cuddy gives me one more jab before she goes: Henri isn't terminating and Wilson will be at my apartment to collect some of her things later on. That angers me, but I hide it. I tell her to get the hell out unless she has doctor business for me. When I'm alone again, I start bouncing my ball against the wall.

It's not that I don't want a baby with Henri. I'll admit that to myself. I'm an angry, addicted cripple. What can I offer a child? I wasn't good at being one and my father wasn't a good example; combine the two and I'm not going to be a good father. Who needs a narcissistic, pill addicted, volatile father in their life? I can't kick the habit, I've tried too many times and it's not going to happen.

It would be better for all parties involved if either Henri terminated or I wasn't involved. I love her and I don't want to lose her, but I don't want to be my father; I won't be my father.

When I get home, I see most of her things are gone. I find one of her t-shirts on the floor and inhale her smell and I know I'm being a stubborn prick. I don't care; throughout my life, I've never done the right thing but for once I'm going to do the noble thing. I'm not going to ruin Henri's life any more than I already have and I'm not going to ruin a child's life.

I pull out a bottle of scotch and start drinking. I end up half naked, playing the guitar on the couch. In my inebriated state, I think my reasoning skills are better and I call Henri. I don't know what time it is but when she answers, groggy, and tells me it's two in the morning, I almost feel bad.

I tell her I want things the way they used to be, when it was just us doing whatever we wanted when we wanted, fuck everyone else. I tell her I can't be a father and she's too young and not ready to be a mother and she should just terminate and things can go back to normal.

I can hear her depression in her voice, but I'm deaf to it because of my drunkenness. She tells me she loves me and she always will, but she won't terminate just because I'm scared to be a dad. The line goes dead and we don't speak for two months.