Ch. 37- Emperor Assassination Plan

One Piece © Oda

Blizzard and Monkey D. Aika © Me

Rokuji © Gakuto1991

Color Spread: The Straw Hats hanging out at the beach with herons.

"I'm not particularly interested in any plan to assassinate Big Mom," Sanji started, "but...is she even the type of person who can be killed with things like artillery fire? If you ask me, the woman's like a blimp made of steel! How exactly do you go about killing someone like that?"

"He's right," said Pedro. "Assassination requires that the job be successful in a snap, or else we'll be surrounded and dealt with, promptly."

"...I don't like the sound of this," Aika said, worriedly.

"So the Four Emperors really are strong, huh?" Luffy asked, nonchalantly.

"Of course!" Nami answered. "She's a monster! We had to risk our lives, just to get Brook back while she was sleeping!"

"Don't talk so casually like that!" Blizzard exclaimed. "We're going up against one of the Four Emperors, here!"

"Nami's right!" Brook added. "So why do you choose the tea party for your assassination attempt, when all of her officers will be there?!"

"What are you driving at, Bege?" asked Jimbei.

"Well, that's an honest question," Bege answered. "First, I'll make it simple. Under certain conditions, I can have Big Mom dead in just 5 seconds!"

"Five seconds?!" Chopper asked as he munched on some biscuits. "Are you sure?!"

"Don't talk with your mouth full, Chopper," Blizzard said.

"Sorry," Chopper said before he swallowed.

"But creating a five-second opportunity at the party will prove difficult-rero," said Vito. "One of her people will stop us in an instant. Perhaps one of the Sweet Commanders-rero!"

"Then it turns into a battle," Bege began with a wide, malicious grin, "and our chances of victory are zilch! Heheheheh..."

Nami and Chopper felt their faces pale while Carrot gulped nervously. Blizzard glared at Bege for speaking about the fact so casually while Aika whimpered as she looked up at Luffy, worriedly, but he just reached over and pet her head again while giving that same reassuring smile.

"We'll be okay," he told her.

"Now then," Bege began, "our plan begins with the capture of Caesar, here."

"IT'S GASTINO, YOU LOUT!" yelled Caesar. "DON'T CALL ME BY THAT NAME IN FRONT OF BIG MOM!" He then grabbed Bege by the collar of his coat. "Once this plan is over, you give me back my heart and set me free! That's the deal and don't you forget it! Otherwise, I'll take the life of your son! Shulolololo!"

Bege scowled before he breathed some smoke into Caesar's face, causing him to cough.

"Don't get so paranoid, Gas-hiko!" Chiffon shouted while holding Pez, protectively. "Bege is a man who keeps his word."

"GAS-HIKO?!" Caesar questioned, angrily. "MY NAME IS GASTINO, WOMAN!"

"AHAHAHAHAHA!" Luffy laughed. "Gas-hiko! That's hilarious!"

"Who cares what he's called?" asked Nami. "He's still trash."

"Anyway," Bege started, "he's got a very crucial job."

"Yes!" Caesar exclaimed, happily as he went rummaging around for something. "Shulololololo! Here it is!"

He soon revealed three loaded RPGs with the rocket nozzles holding some sort of needle at the tip, and they seemed to be filled with some sort of fluid.

"Behold my latest creation!" Caesar exclaimed. "The KX Launcher! One will do the job, but I made two extra ones, just in case! Each one carries a full five-gran dose of glooooorious organophosphate gas, the most brilliant, most diabolical creation ever created! Death...sweet, glorious death to all~! SHULOLOLOLOLO~!"

"Okay, we get it," said Sanji. "You made some kind of instantly lethal weapon."

"...Does he really have to be here?" Aika asked. "He's making really uncomfortable."

"Sorry, kid," Bege answered, "but we do need him."

"It's okay, Aika," Nami said. "You know we won't let him touch you."

"Unfortunately," Bege began, "when she's healthy, no needle can break Big Mom's hardy skin. You won't find many weapons in the world that can harm her!"

"What?!" Chopper questioned. "Then what are we gonna do?!"

"There are two certain conditions necessary for the KX Launcher to do the job, properly!" said Bege. "We need to make sure no one can get in the way for five seconds, and Mama's body has to be weakened, somehow!"

"Optimistic much?" asked Sanji.

"As it happens," Bege started, "as it happens, those convenient conditions will come about at...the tea party!"

"WAAAAAAH~!" Pez wailed, awakened by his father's shouting.

"Oh, I'm sowwy, Pez~!" Bege cooed. "Daddy didn't mean to wake you! Go back to sweep, now, okay~?"

That seemed to calm Pez down, for he went right back to sleep while the others blinked in disbelief.

"...Well...that was something," Blizzard said.

"Kinda weird," Luffy said.

"Ahem!" Bege cleared his throat. "As I was saying, we've been under Mama's umbwella- I mean...umbrella for over a year, now, and we never once saw her get injured! Destroying towns, sinking ships, taking bullets and cannon blasts...I've never seen that sturdy body of hers take so much as a single scratch. Steel blimp, as you so put it Black Leg, is a better comparison than you realize!"

Nearby, Pez remained asleep in his mother's arms.

"As it nappens- I mean, happens," Bege corrected himself, "I have seen Mama take a small scratch on one occasion."

"The case of Mother Carmel's picture!" Vito exclaimed.

"Exactly," said Bege. "At every tea party, in the seat across from Mama, there is a picture placed before an open seat. No one is allowed to sit there. Mama considers this her most precious treasure more than anything else in the world!"

"A picture?" Luffy repeated.

"Yes," Bege answered. "It is a picture of Mother's Carmel. That is Mama's one weakness!"

"But why?" Aika asked.

"Well, my inquisitive little miss," Bege said, "it seems that Mama owes her some kind of great personal debt...but otherwise, she is a mystery."

"...A portrait of the deceased?" asked Nami.

"Apparently, she just went missing, one day," said Chiffon. "None of the family knows much about her. At one tea party...a waiter accidentally dropped Mother Carmel's picture. Mama's reaction was unlike any I've ever seen, before! Her face went pale and she let out this ear-piercing shriek! It was a different kind of fit than when she has her hunger pangs...it was all we could do cover out ears and protect our eardrums. Some people even keeled over and passed out!"

"In addition to the screaming," Bege said, "Mama had unleashed her own Conqueror's Haki!"

The Straw Hats and company all stared in disbelief.

"Just from dropping a picture like that?" Nami asked.

"That's right," Bege nodded, "and when Mama fell to her knees in her moment of shock...you wouldn't believe what happened next. She had scraped her kneecaps, bloody! The idea that this monster shed red blood was the biggest surprise. Once she gets like THAT, her body loses its defensive resistance. So...what do you suppose will happen if we split that picture in two at today's tea party?! Mama will grow weak! We'll have at least five seconds where all will be paralyzed, and that's when the KX Launcher will deploy its full potential, and Big Mom will die! The news of Big Mom's assassination will race to every corner of the world!"

"I dunno..." Aika said. "Killing somebody while they're in shock like that...doesn't that seem cruel?"

"Aika, I hate to say this," Blizzard began, "but I think in a case like this...maybe it's for the best."

"...I guess..." Aika muttered.

"Hold it!" Chopper piped up. "What about the shrieking?! Won't the paralyze us, too?!"

"Not if we use these," said Bege as he held up a pair of simple earplugs. "The Invisible Symphonia System!"

"Don't you mean earplugs?" Sanji asked.

"Hey!" Luffy spoke up. "If just breaking that picture is gonna that much of a ruckus, why don't we save Sanji's family while we're at it?"

"Hmm?" Bege hummed, inquisitively. "What are you getting at? Don't act like it's going to be easy! You'll have about 3 seconds between the breaking of the picture and Mama's hysteric fit. If you can survive for three seconds before she starts up, surrounded by the furious Big Mom Pirates, then you'd be some kind of a miracle worker! In fact..." He then grinned. "You're the one who actually plays that role, Straw Hat."

"Why are you looking at my Big Brother that way?" Aika asked, worriedly.

"Hold it right there!" Nami shouted. "I hope you don't plan on using my fiancé as bait!"

"Bege, have you forgotten that Nami and her crew saved Lola's life?!" Chiffon asked. "You can't possibly think of sending them to near-certain death like that!"

"No, it's okay!" Luffy beamed. "I'll do it!"

"Huh?!" Aika gasped.

"Luffy, wait a minute!" Blizzard cried. "Stop and think these things through for a second! Do you realize what you're getting yourself into?!"

"Relax, you guys, it's fine!" Luffy said. "And besides, I just thought of a really cool way make my entrance! Shishishishi!"

"...I guess you know what you're doing..." Aika muttered.

"Luffy, are you seriously trying to die before you marry me?" Nami asked with a frazzled expression.

"Ooh, what kind of entrance is it, Luffy?!" asked Chopper.

"Can't tell ya!" Luffy answered. "It'll spoil the surprise!"

"Hey, no offense," Chiffon whispered, "but your captain is a few eggs short of a dozen, if you get my drift."

"I know," Nami replied, "but no one can tell you who to fall in love with and...well, we make it work, so that's good enough for me."

"Your confidence is certainly inspiring, do you know that?" Bege inquired.

"When Sanji kisses Pudding, right?" Luffy asked. "That'll be when the plan starts?"

"She's not gonna kiss me, Luffy!" Sanji retorted. "She's gonna try and shoot me instead! So I have to dodge and THAT will be the signal! Got that?!"

"Oh, right!" Luffy remembered. "Yeah, that's easy to remember."

"You moron..." Sanji muttered under his breath.

"And now that we're all on the same page," Bege started, "when Big Mom screams, that's our cue. While the entire party is paralyzed, you save the Vinsmokes and we'll do the killing. It's got to happen within 10 seconds at most, understood?" He then pointed to Caesar. "That's when this idiot arrives."

"Yes, that's when I- WHAT?!" Caesar questioned before he shook his head and began to use his powers to float through the air. "Anyway, remember that I can fly! I'll burst onto the scene with my trusty sidekick here..."

"Don't call me your sidekick!" Brulee snapped.

"While I'm carrying a mirror for the purpose of our escape!" Caesar finished.

"AAAAHH!" Brulee screamed. "MAMA WILL KILL ME!"

"Bringing Brulee along was quite a clever move on your part," said Bege. "You couldn't ask for a better power for escaping!"

"Heheheheh...!" Chopper giggled as he bashfully scratched the back of his head.

"Once we're all done with our missions," Bege continued, "we leap into Caesar's mirror while everyone else is still paralyzed by the scream, and from there, we can easily make our getaway using the mirror. Make sure you have a mirror on your ship so can get there easily! That will give us the shortest possible escape route off the island!"

'I've got to report this to Mama!' thought Brulee.

"Once we're on our ships," Bege began, "the alliance is over! We're each on our own to escape Big Mom's territory!"

"Shulolololo!" cackled Caesar. "Best of luck, gentleman. You'll need it!"

"Yeah! Let's do this thing!" Luffy exclaimed.

"Sounds like a plan to me," said Jimbei.

Sanji then glanced over at the clock, which read 7:29 AM.

"Crap," he cursed. "Only 2-and-a-half hours to go until the wedding starts. Come on, Aika. We gotta get moving. They're expecting the groom and the flower girl to be in their bedroom."

"...Can I sleep when we get there?" Aika asked, wearily. "I'm exhausted."

"You can rest for a bit," Sanji replied, "but you gotta be awake in time for the wedding, understand?"

"...Okay," Aika murmured.

"Poor baby," Nami said as she kissed her forehead. "Don't worry. Once this is over, you can sleep as much as you want."

"I'd like that," Aika said. "I'd really like that."

"Same for us," Bege said. "We've got to put on our little security show."

"Yes, sir!" exclaimed the Firetank Pirates.

"Say, Bege, I've got a question," Luffy said. "When I make my funny entrance-"

"It's not supposed to be funny, you moron!" yelled Bege.

"Luffy, for Pete's sake, take this seriously!" Blizzard shouted. "If you treat this like some sort of stupid game, we're all gonna die, plain and simple!"

"Okay, okay! Jeez, you guys are killjoys," Luffy muttered.

"If being a killjoy means staying alive, then yes, we are!" Nami added. "NOW GET GOING!"

XXX

Meanwhile, around the islands of Totto Land, such as the Cheese Town of Milk Island, where houses were made of different kinds of dairy products and even had a giant cheeseburger in the center, the townsfolk were rejoicing about Pudding's upcoming wedding.

"The day of the tea party is a holiday!"

"I can't believe Lady Pudding is finally old enough to be married."

"Yes, to the 3rd son of Germa 66, no less! A very might connection to have, indeed!"

"Why don't we celebrate with some brie suprême and beer?"

"A fine idea!"

XXX

At the Peanuts Town of Nuts Island...

"I heard that the whole Du Feld Conglomerate's going to be at the ceremony!"

"My goodness, we're in for some prestigious guests, aren't we?"

XXX

At Chocolat Town at Cacao Island...

"Congratulations to Lady Pudding!" exclaimed the police officer that tried to arrest Luffy and Chopper for eating Pudding's cafe before he popped open some confetti.

"You're still a bit early, aren't you?" asked a dwarf man.

"Can you blame me for wanting to celebrate?!" asked the police officer.

XXX

At the Germa Kingdom...

"Today is the day!" exclaimed one of Germa's soldiers. "Master Sanji's wedding!"

"I guess we're not allowed to send our soldiers to the castle to send him off," said another.

"No way to be in the procession, I suppose," answered a third. "Who ever heard of security at a wedding? It's supposed to be a peaceful event!"

XXX

At the Whole Cake Chateau...

"Esteemed guests of the Vinsmoke Family!" exclaimed a Rook Peacekeeper. "Good morning!"

"Yeah, yeah..." muttered Ichiji as he, Niji, and Judge were getting dressed.

"Yonji!" Niji yelled as he banged on a nearby door. "Wake up, stupid! We gotta get ready for the wedding!"

"Stop banging on the damn door!" Yonji yelled. "I got a freakin' hangover, dammit!"

"Where are Reiju and Rokuji?" asked Judge. "They were not in their room."

"Now that you mention it," Ichiji said, "she and Rokuji kind of disappeared on us, last night."

"Miss Reiju is currently making preparations in another waiting room!" answered the Peacekeeper. "We still have an hour, so do take your time."

XXX

"Can you walk?"

"Yes...it doesn't hurt anymore."

Rokuji sat nearby as Reiju stood up and walked to a set of clothes that had been laid out for her. She then sighed before she glanced at Rokuji, who stared up at her in concern.

"Milady, if I may," Rokuji said, "I can't help feeling that you're troubled by something."

"...Let's not worry about me, Rokuji," said Reiju. "I just hope...that Sanji heeded my word and escaped from here."

"...You told him, eh?" asked Rokuji. "The truth about Lady Sora's death."

"Mm," Reiju nodded. "I just hope he makes the right decision..."

XXX

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH~!"

"Mama?! What's wrong?!"

"Should we call the ministers?!"

Big Mom sniffled as she held up the fake Brook in her fist and shook it around.

"It's...it's not moving anymore!" Big Mom cried. "He's dead...my cute little skeleton is dead~! WAAAAAAAAAAAH~!"

"Oh, don't be sad, Mama!" Prometheus said in consolation.

"Yeah!" agreed Zeus. "After all, today's the big day of the party...aaaaaaand...!"

Big Mom gasped as she beamed brightly in delight.

"THE WEDDING CAAAAAAKE~!" she sang while tossing the fake Brook aside. "Maaaamamama!"

"Ahem!" a Rook Peacekeeper cleared his throat. "Mama, the Morgans party has just arrived in port, and many other guests are making their way to the castle, right now!"

XXX

In Pudding's room, the bride was sitting on the floor, wearing an elegant white dress and veil with pink roses in her hair. She also had pink lipstick on her lips and a bit of eyeshadow. She even had some makeup on to cover up the scratch she got from Aika.

"What's wrong with you, Pudding?" asked Nitro. "Your dress is beautiful!"

"I'm feeling just a bit depressed, is all," said Pudding.

"Aww, you got the wedding blues, hon?" asked Rabian. "Tell us about it, huh?"

"...It's too much for me, Nitro and Rabian," said Pudding. "After I kill that stupid Sanji...I'm going to get blood all over my pretty dress."

"Yeah, that's true," Nitro said.

"And I have to go around, erasing everybody's memories after that," Pudding said. "It's the only way I can keep up my 'sweet girl' act...but honestly..." She looked out the window and sighed. "It's all a big pain in the ass."

The tea party from hell...was soon to begin.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Next time on One Piece: The Whole Cake Island Arc!

Pekoms: Aladdin! What do you think you're doing-groooowwr?!

Aladdin: We're leaving this country, Pekoms. You'll have to wait here until someone finds you.

Jimbei: Mama intended to sacrifice myself as well as all of you! I want you all to flee to safety!

Yonji: Hey, Reiju, where were you and Rokuji, anyway?

Reiju: Well, while you were all busy getting drunk, Rokuji and I had to find someplace quieter to sleep.

Partygoer: Look! The guests have arrived!

Jigra: Let me in there, dammit! *suddenly gets shot in the head*

Katakuri: Sorry...but he had to be dealt with.

Bege: Charlotte Katakuri...?!

Big Mom: Mamamama! Eat and drink all you like and just have a wonderful time! You're all in for a real show, today!

Next time: Ten O'Clock Start

Review, please!