A/N: Again, thanks for all of the reviews. I hope you like what I have done in this chapter. It is a little shorter than most which may be a welcome change...

Disclaimer: I wish I owned Flashpoint...but I don't :(

Knowing Where You Need To Be

Chapter 37

Spike was left in the kitchen staring at the floor when Anisa walked out of the apartment. His feet wouldn't move, it was as if they had been cemented to the floor. He was consumed with dread and was having a hard time breathing. He wasn't sure he if he should leave or stay. As he pondered his next move, his phone buzzed.

In a shaky voice, he said, "Hey Boss,"

"Hi, Spike. How are you doing this morning?"

"I've been better," answered Spike honestly, wishing that he had not answered the phone.

"So, have you talked to Anisa?"

"Yeah. It didn't go so well. I told her everything, I apologized, I begged for forgiveness."

"What happened?"asked Greg.

"She walked out. Left me standing in her apartment."

"Are you still there? In her apartment?" asked Greg surprised.

"Yeah. I can't bring myself to leave. Part of me wants to wait for her to get back to see if she will forgive me. And part of me wants to run away and hide forever. But, I'm afraid that if I leave, I may never see her again. I don't know what to do," said Spike hoping that Greg would offer some guidance.

"I get that. Maybe wait a little while and see if she returns. I know that waiting for her decision is agony, but you can't rush her," said Greg, listening to the silence on the other end of the phone. "Buddy, she loves, I know that and you know that. I think she will forgive you and I am confident that she will return to you."

"I don't know, Boss. You didn't see her face. She was so hurt and ...I can't blame her. I hate myself for what I have done to her," mumbled Spike.

Greg hated hearing the self loathing in his young friend's voice. He knew that feeling and the destructive behavior to which it can lead. "Spike, Buddy, you made a mistake, a bad one, but you have to remember that you are human. We all make mistakes. It's how we handle those mistakes that defines us. You did the right thing by being honest and telling her the truth," explained Greg. "You have to remember that nothing you did was done intentionally to hurt her. I have known you for years and in all that time, I have never seen you intentionally hurt someone. You are the one on the team who brings the kindness and sensitivity to the table everyday. Your loyalty to those you care about is exhibited in everything you do. Even in your actions in the last 24 hours, you have shown where your loyalty truly lies." Greg heard Spike grunt on the other end of the phone. He knew that there was no punishment that Anisa could dole out that could be worse than the internal punishment that Spike was inflicting upon himself.

"Spike, above all else, remember she loves you. Let's just wait and see, OK?" said Greg. "I'll give you a call a little later. Have faith."

"I'll try. Thanks, Boss," said Spike hanging up the phone.

He wandered out into family room not sure what to do with himself. Seeing its state of disarray, he decided that the least he could do was to tidy it up.

Anisa stepped out into the street, which was beginning show the bustle of a Saturday morning, as the cool air slapped her in the face. She usually liked the briskness of the fall, Toronto air, but not today. With her hands rammed into the pockets of her sweats, she walked down the street and around the block.

She found herself in the park, where people were walking their dogs, jogging and simply ambling along completely unaware that her world was caving in on her. She took a seat on a bench and tried to sift through her thoughts. She remembered how she had felt after Sean's death, lost, confused angry. Her mind then went back to some of the things she had done when she had been drinking during that time... the ugly words she spewed at Ryan on a regular basis, the one night stand she had with a man she met at a bar in hopes of being able to feel something again. She was not proud of her behavior then. There were many things that she regretted, especially when she had been drinking. "Was it hypocritical of her to be so angry with Spike when she had done much worse things when grief stricken and drunk? He had done barely more than kiss Gina and then left and was immediately sorry."

She was deep in thought when a little fluffy white dog scampered toward her and leaped into her lap, followed by an elderly couple walking briskly toward her.

"Oh dear, I am terribly sorry. I don't know what got into Guinevere. She is normally so well behaved. Guinnie down," commanded the woman gently.

"That's alright, I like dogs," said Anisa with a smile. She stroked the pup's head, as the dog lifted her head into Anisa's touch.

The older woman sat down next to Anisa and introduced herself, "My name is Betty and this Hugh. You've already met Guinnie."

"Anisa," she said extending her hand to each of them.

"I was about to get some coffee for us, may I get you one?" offered Hugh, smiling lovingly at his wife.

"No thank you," said Anisa, continuing to scratch Guinnie behind the ear. The dog had curled up on her lap and was resting peacefully.

Betty looked a Anisa with a slight grin, "She doesn't usually do that. She usually ignores people. She must really like you."

"She's sweet," said Anisa beginning to feel some of the tension, that had been building all day, start to release. "How long have you two been married?"

"48 years, next week," answered Betty with a twinkle in her eye. "The love of my life," she said.

"That is wonderful. Congratulations!" said Anisa. Again, Anisa became quite, lost in thought.

"Are you alright dear?" asked Betty, patting her leg affectionately.

"Yeah. Just trying to work through some things," replied Anisa.

After a moment of quiet, Betty said, "Sometimes it is easier to talk to a stranger, than somebody you know... and I'm a good listener."

Anisa smiled at her then looked down at the sleeping pup in her lap. "It's my boyfriend, he did something that hurt me and I am not sure if I can forgive him."

When Betty spoke, her voice had a slight edge to it. "Did he do that?" she asked pointing the bruise on Anisa's face.

Lightly touching her nose, Anisa answered, "Oh God no! He would never lay a hand on me... this was an 'on-the-job' injury." She glanced at Betty who was eying her skeptically. "I'm a police officer. I got head butted by a suspect when I was apprehending him." Betty's look soften a bit, as she noticed the RCMP sweatshirt Anisa was wearing. She sat silently waiting to see if Anisa would continue, which she did. "Umm...he did something that was really unlike him. And not to go into all gory the details, he let his ex-girlfriend manipulate him in an attempt to seduce him. They kissed, and she tried to get him to do more, but he walked away. Anyway, he apologized and I can forgive him, I think."

"What's the problem, then?" asked Betty.

"I am just not sure I will be able to forget, you know? She is stunningly gorgeous and I have this image of him in her arms and I can't get that picture out of my mind. How do I know that he won't fall for her again?"

"Well, dear, we never really know those things, do we? We have to have faith in our partners, and in ourselves and in our relationships...that is why it is called 'being faithful.' I guess the decision is whether or not you think that he is worth taking that chance on," offered the older woman. Anisa pondered the Betty's words

Just then, Hugh walked up with a paper tray containing two cups of coffee and an iced coffee. He handed his wife a coffee and the iced coffee to Anisa saying, "They made this by accident, so he was giving it away. I thought you might like it."

Taking the drink, Anisa smiled and said, "Thank you. That was very sweet."

"Have you ladies had a nice chat?" he asked taking a seat next to his wife who placed her hand on his leg familiarly.

"Oh yes, we have been solving all of the world's problems," said Betty trying to deflect the conversation a bit, assuming that Anisa didn't want to go through the whole thing again.

Smiling at his wife, Hugh asked, "So did you? Solve the world's problems?"

Anisa chuckled, "Not all of them." Then she glanced at Betty, smiled and said, "But maybe a couple of them." She nudged the dog awake and handed her to Betty. Standing up, she said, "Thanks for the drink, and the conversation. You guys have a great rest of the day."

Betty smiled at her and said, "Anytime. I hope to see you around again and I know Guinnie would like that, too."

Anisa nodded her head and waved as she walked away, feeling a little better. Spike was definitely worth taking a chance on.

Anisa walked into her apartment feeling optimistic about her decision and hoped that Spike would still be there. Looking around, she saw that somebody had picked up all of the books and things from her floor and replaced them neatly where they belonged. Spike was nowhere to be seen. She quietly walked into the kitchen and saw him sitting at the table writing something.

"Hey," she said softly to get his attention.

Spike had been so engrossed in what he was writing that he didn't hear the door open. At the sound of her voice, he snapped his head around to see her and responded, "Hey." All of a sudden he was a bundle of nerves. He felt as if his future would be decided in the next few moments. In what seemed like super-slow motion, he laid down his pen and stood up to face her.

Not knowing how to start the conversation, Anisa simply said, "Thanks for cleaning up." She smiled shakily, feeling as if she were treading water.

"Ha, no problem. It's the least I could do," answered Spike. He was on tenterhooks awaiting her decision about the future of their relationship. Whatever the decision, he would accept it.

They stood in silence looking at each other, both afraid of what the other one was thinking. Anisa glanced at the table, at the paper where Spike had been writing. Spike's eyes followed hers.

"I...I was writing you a note. I wasn't sure you would come back," said Spike with a hint of desperation in his voice.

Anisa chuckled, "I live here...I was coming back." She took a small step closer to him.

"I don't know... I didn't know if I should stay or go. I thought maybe you would wait for me to leave before you came home," Spike explained softly.

"I'm glad you stayed. I'm sorry for walking out...I just needed some time alone...away from you and your eyes and your face and your dimples. I needed time...to think."

Spike just nodded. The room fell back into an uneasy silence. Finally, Spike couldn't take it anymore.

"And?" asked Spike tentatively. "Did you come to any conclusions? Can you forgive me?"

"Of course," she said softly, "I can and I have forgiven you..."

Spike knew that she was still hesitant about something, so he asked, "But?"

After a pause she said in a shaky voice, "Honestly? I...I am wondering if I will be enough for you."

Spike looked her in the eyes trying to figure out how to explain his true feelings to her. He started with, "Anisa, you are more than I could ever want. You are more than I deserve. You entered my life and have changed it, for the better. Whenever I am near you, I want to touch you, hold you and kiss you. Being around you is a constant exercise in self control for me." He was nearly pleading for her to understand, "I love you and not just because you are beautiful and smart and funny. I love you because of who you are, how you treat people, everyone... you are kind and thoughtful and empathetic. You always put everyone else's feelings before yours. You have a tenderness about you that is rare in most people, let alone people in law enforcement. Anisa, I love the strength that your body and spirit exudes. " He paused, spun the ring box in his pocket. He pinched his eyes closed trying to hold back tears, but when he opened them, the tears came anyway.

"I love you because you have no idea how beautiful you are and you are completely irresistible when you are holding a child. Nor do you have any idea that you make eating ice cream into the most sensual experience imaginable." Spike paused for a moment and smiled at the image, while a tear trickled down his cheek. "I love you because, when you curse at your wild, gorgeous hair, all I want to do kiss you and run my hands through it. When you smile my heart melts and when you laugh it feels like it might explode. I love you for how you make me feel, how you make me laugh, how you know me. You know when I need to hear your voice, when I need to feel your touch, when I need to be alone." Spike stopped for a brief moment to collect his thoughts and attempt to ebb the tears. "I know my behavior over the last couple of days doesn't show it, but you mean more to me than anyone ever has. And I promise you that everyday for the rest of my life I will do everything in my power to convince you, to prove to you, that you are the most important person in my life." He quickly wiped the tears away and tried to look Anisa in the eyes.

He wanted to take her in his arms and hold her until she understood how he felt. However, he knew that he couldn't do that now, he had lost that right. He knew he had to take his cues from her, so he waited.

She listened to his words and let them slowly sink into her brain. She saw the tortured expression on his face and after a moment, she took two steps toward him and gently placed her hands on his hips then slid them around his waist. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and back and held her close, as she buried her face in his chest. They savored the intimacy of the embrace and stayed that way for a length of time neither of them could discern. Spike slid his right hand up her back to the back of her head, tangling his fingers in her hair and holding her head against his chest. His left hand slid down to rest in the small of her back, gently pulling her closer to him.

Anisa inhaled his scent and pressed her ear to his chest, listening to his heartbeat. As she felt him pull her closer, she slid her arms up his back under his jacket feeling the ripple of his muscles. She let out a shaky breath at the feel of his body against hers, as the desire began to rise within her. She felt that familiar tingling sensation that made it difficult to think straight. Suddenly, she heard his heartbeat quicken, as she felt him nuzzling her hair.

She lifted her face to look at his, expectantly... hoping he would kiss her. At that moment, all she felt was his love for her. She knew for sure that he loved her and that was all she needed to know.

"I want to kiss you now, even more than I did that first day I was in your apartment," he murmured softly, as he gazed into her eyes. He was going to let her dictate the pace.

Anisa rose onto her toes and inched her arms up his back, gripping slightly, trying to pull herself up a little. She gently pressed her lips to his. Spike slid his left hand lower to cup her bottom and lift her a little more. She deepened the kiss then brought her lips down to kissed his chin, then down his neck to his Adam's apple. Spike let out slight moan at the sensation. Anisa's lips continued their journey back to his jawline then to his ear. As she nibbled on his earlobe, she whispered, "I think we should go to the bedroom."

Needing no further encouragement, Spike picked her up with ease and carried her to the bedroom, setting her down gently near the bed. Spike didn't take his hands from her waist. Anisa slid her arms up his chest to his shoulders.

Looking into his eyes, she said, "I love you, Michelangelo Scarlatti." She kissed him gently and then said, "Your father asked me to be your light in the darkness, but you have been my light since the first day I met you. I can't imagine my life without you in it." Looking into her eyes, as if asking permission, Spike brought his lips tentatively to hers. Anisa slid her hands down his shoulders loosening his jacket.

"Take your jacket off," she whispered into his lips. Spike released her and shrugged off his jacket, letting it fall to the floor, and hearing the gentle thud of the ring box. He was wearing a black v-neck t-shirt that hung loosely, only giving a hint of the well muscled body beneath. Anisa slid her hands under his shirt and up his back. She missed the feeling of his body against hers and she began to tug his shirt off. Spike was still letting her set the pace.

He started to help her with the task, but stopped and asked softly, "Are you sure?" Saying nothing, Anisa lifted her own sweatshirt off, then reached for his shirt, causing Spike tp inhaled sharply at the sight of her naked chest. That was her answer to his question.

The first thirty minutes of their lovemaking was all about Anisa and her pleasure. Then Anisa took charge, flipping him onto his back in one quick motion. The couple fell asleep blissfully, wrapped in each others arms. It was the most restful sleep either of them had had in weeks. They both felt safe and secure...and at peace.

Anisa felt cocooned in warmth, as she opened her eyes. She inhaled his scent and smiled slightly. She whispered her thoughts into his chest. "Michelangelo, thank you for coming back to me. I love you." Not waking up, Spike tightened his hold on her, as he breathed deeply into sleep.

A/N: So...what did you think of the resolution? Believable? Silly? Ans as always, thanks for reading.