A/N: Hi everyone, I thought I would post today because I'm not sure how much time I'll have to write over the next week, so I thought I would give you an update. This update may upset some of you, but it puts Meredith and Derek on the road to recovery, so I hope you won't hate me too much!

Chapter 36

Derek waited with Addison for four hours, getting increasingly more worried as time passed. Dr. Springer promised to update him frequently, and she did, at least in the early stages of the surgery. An intern was sent out when they first opened Meredith up, letting him know that everything looked good so far and she was stable. He was updated again about forty five minutes later when Springer had located the rupture, and the intern once again assured him that Meredith and the fetus were stable. But after that, nothing. And no updates were never a good thing. It either meant that an unexpected complication had occurred, or the patient had died. So Derek was worried.

"Derek, will you please stop pacing," Addison said from her seat. She hadn't even looked at Derek; she was flipping through a magazine while he burned a hole in the ground. "She's fine."

"You don't know that Addie," Derek snapped. "We haven't been updated in almost three hours. That is not a good sign."

"Derek, you need to calm down."

"I'll calm down when I know she's okay."

"Fine," Addison sighed, giving up trying to reason with him and return to her magazine.

After what felt like an eternity, Dr. Springer emerged. She was flanked by two people, the intern who had updated them on Meredith's progress during the beginning of her surgery, and a woman who Derek vaguely recognized. He had to think about it for a minute before he put the pieces together; it was Dr. Scopes, the head of OB/GYN and Neonatal Departments, as well as Addison's mentor. She was the best on the East Coast; she was in her fifties with an athletic build and short greying hair. She always seemed to have headline making stories and surgeries coming into the hospital, and was always being interviewed for medical journals and such. As they approached, Derek nudged Addison, who looked in the direction Derek had indicated with his head, and immediately stood up.

Derek stared desperately at the doctors in front of him before one spoke.

"She's stable," Dr. Springer said, smiling gently at him, but there was pity in her eyes that Derek didn't quite understand. "She's just been moved back to her room for Recovery, and she should be waking up in about ten minutes."

Derek let out a sigh of relief, his heart soaring as he moved to hug the doctors. "Thank you, thank you so much."

Dr. Springer stepped away from Derek. "However, there were complications." With that, Derek felt like he was going to be sick. They told him she was stable, but there were complications? He didn't understand; he began going through all of the potential problems. She may have had a seizure or actually had a brain injury, or she could be paralyzed, or they may have had to remove the spleen entirely, along with additional organs. Derek shook his head, trying to push the worried thoughts from his mind.

Dr. Scopes the stepped forward. "As you know, surgery during a pregnancy is risky, especially early in the first trimester. The fetus started to show some distress during the surgery, and we were able to stabilize it for a while, but the stress of the surgery was too much. I'm sorry.'

"So," Derek said slowly, trying to understand what had happened. Addison put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed reassuringly, but Derek didn't really process it. "Meredith is fine, but the baby didn't survive?"

Dr. Scopes nodded gravely. "I am so sorry for your loss. But, Meredith is fine. The miscarriage did not damage or severely affect her reproductive organs, so she will be just fine."

Derek could only nod, completely numb. He didn't think that he could feel any more pain then he did when Meredith left him, or earlier today when she was wheeled in on the stretcher. But he was wrong, this felt so much worse. The child he had known about for only six hours, the child that Meredith had hidden from him, was dead. And with it, at least in Derek's mind, went his marriage to Meredith. She had no reason to stay with him, to be in his life, now that their baby was dead. If she didn't want him, she could leave, no strings attached. And Derek didn't think he could handle losing his wife and child in the same day.

"She's in room 2348," Dr. Scopes continued, completely unaware of Derek's freak out. "Would you like us to take you to her?"

Addison looked at Derek, and deciding that he wasn't going to answer, turned back to her mentor and smiled. "That's alright Dr. Scopes; we know how to get there."

"Oh right, of course," Dr. Scopes smiled. Her pager went off, and she turned to leave. "I'll see you both later."

Once the three doctors had left, Addison turned to Derek. "Come on, let's go see how she's doing." She grabbed his hand, but Derek shook her off.

"No," Derek shook his head.

"What do you mean no?" Addison snapped. "Your wife is going to wake up from surgery and want you there."

"No she won't," Derek said morosely. "She didn't even tell me about the baby. She's not going to wake up and want me there when the doctor tells her it's dead. And she didn't want me there earlier."

"For the hundredth time, she has a concussion! She's confused and she didn't know what she was saying. Go to her!"

"I can't Addison," Derek said softly, looking defeated. "I just can't."

"So what are you going to do? Go home and pretend you don't know she's hurt?"

"No, I'm going to wait right here, but you are going to go wait for her to wake up."

Addison's eyes narrowed in confusion. "What? Why?"

"Because she doesn't deserve to wake up alone. She deserves to have someone with her when she wakes up, and I'm not sure she's going to want me, so please go in my place," Derek was begging now, actually begging, and Addison felt sympathy.

"Am I allowed to tell her you're here?" Addison asked.

"Yes, of course," Derek nodded. "If she asks, please tell her that I'm in the lobby and that I want to see her, but I won't force myself on her."

Addison fought the urge to roll her eyes at Derek's words and just nodded. "I can do that for you. Expect a text from me in about ten minutes when Meredith is desperate to see her husband."

Derek nodded, but did not seem confident in Addison's words, but she smiled and headed towards the elevators to go and sit with Meredith; hoping that she really would want Derek there.

When she entered, the room was empty save the girl lying on the bed and the nurse. The nurse was checking Meredith's vital signs, and smiled as Addison walked in the room.

"How is she doing?" Addison asked the nurse softly.

"Everything looks great," the woman responded, finishing her notes. "The anesthesia has been wearing off. She's woken up briefly three times, so I'm going to assume it's going to stick very soon. Will you be sitting with her?"

Addison nodded. "Yes, I will be."

"Alright, just page the doctors when she wakes up so they can come talk to her about her surgery," the nurse replied before stepping out of the room. Addison pulled up a chair and sat by Meredith's bed, picking up her magazine to pass the time,

Soon, she saw movement on the bed. Addison looked up expectantly as Meredith's eyes fluttered open. At first, it looked as though they were going to close again, but soon, they lost their glassy gaze and looked straight ahead before turning towards Addison.

"Wh-what?" Meredith choked out, her throat dry from the tube that had been inserted during surgery.

"We were in a car accident Meredith, and you needed surgery," Addison said slowly.

Meredith nodded, concentrating on putting the pieces together. As she did, she remembered the last time she was in the hospital. It was almost two years ago, but there was a major difference: Derek. He wasn't here now, and Meredith wasn't sure that he knew what happened.

"Derek?" Meredith said softly, and Addison's eyes softened more than they already had.

"He's in the waiting room. He didn't want to bother you because he knows you want space, but he'll be here if you need him to be." Addison was silent for a moment, thinking about her words before continuing. "Meredith, I think you should let him see you. He's a wreck, and he is so worried about you with everything…" Addison's voice trailed off, but Meredith didn't miss the way her eyes had flickered to her stomach.

"Is the baby okay?" Meredith asked, afraid to know the answer.

"Meredith, I just paged your doctors, they'll be here soon," Addison said gently, but this only made Meredith feel worse.

The two sat there in silence until Dr. Springer and Dr. Scope arrived, both smiling at Meredith and commenting on how glad they were that she was awake.

"Meredith," Dr. Springer began. "When you came in, you presented with a mild concussion and a potential splenic rupture. However, due to your pregnancy we were unable to do a CT to confirm it, so I had to go in blind. Dr. Scopes accompanied me on the procedure to monitor the fetus. Your spleen had been lacerated and ruptured in the car crash, but I was able to repair it, and you should be fine in two to three weeks."

Meredith nodded, but her thought was only on one thing: her baby. "How was the baby during surgery?"

Dr. Scopes gave her a sad smile, and Meredith knew what was coming. Dr. Scopes wouldn't have to say it, Meredith could feel it, and it was enough to bring tears to her eyes. "The fetus was doing well in the early stages of surgery, but eventually it went into distress. I was able to stabilize it for a while, but it could not handle the stress of the surgery. I'm so sorry Meredith."

At that, she let out a gasp and a loud sob, her hand once again returning to rest on her stomach, where her child was no longer housed. She felt incredible guilt; she hadn't been able to protect her baby and keep it safe. She nodded at her doctors, just wanting to be alone.

"Thank you," she whispered, not trusting her voice to become any louder.

"We'll be back in a few hours to check on you," Dr. Springer said before exiting the room.

As the door shut, Meredith burst into tears, mourning the loss of her child. This was the second time she had lost a baby, and even though the first time was by choice, it didn't make the pain any less. As she cried, Derek's face flashed across her mind, making her gasp. Does he even know? She thought. Oh God, I never told him. She turned to look at Addison, her eyes wide with desperation.

"Does…Derek…know?" Meredith managed between sobs.

Addison nodded slowly. "He found out just before you were wheeled into surgery."

"Is he mad? Does he hate me?"

"No Meredith, he doesn't."

"But he's not here!" Meredith said, picturing Derek, angry and hurt, waiting to yell at her.

"Do you want me to get him?"

Meredith nodded vigorously. "I need Derek! I need him…"

Addison stood up, reaching for Meredith's hand and giving it a squeeze. "I'll go get him Meredith; he'll be here soon."

Meredith continued to cry and hyperventilate for what seemed like an hour before the door opened again. Derek had rushed in, turning to face her and study her. Meredith looked for any signs of anger or betrayal in his expression, but found none, only worry.

"Mer," he said quietly, stepping towards the bed tentatively.

"You know about the baby?" Meredith asked, working to keep her voice even.

She saw pain cross his eyes before he answered. "Yes," he said. "I found out."

This was all too much for Meredith, and she began to cry loudly again. "Meredith?" Derek asked, taking another step closer to the bed. "What's wrong?"

"I'm so sorry!" she cried. "I should have told you about the baby, but now it's too late and it's dead and you probably hate me for leaving you with the baby and not telling you about it until after it's died!" She buried her face in her hands, failing miserably to control her breathing.

Next thing she knew, she was surrounded by a pair of strong arms, and instinctively sank into Derek's embrace. He kissed the top of her head and held her while she cried. She was so unbelievably sad, but at the same time, she had never felt more safe.

Eventually, her sobs became more manageable. Derek pulled away from her briefly, though her arms remained around her. Meredith looked up in shock, afraid that he was going to let her go and leave her. She saw the pain in his eyes again, and her fear grew.

"Is this okay Meredith?" he asked, giving her a squeeze to let her know he was referring to him holding her.

Meredith immediately nodded, burying her head back into his shoulder as tears began to fall again. He eased them back, so they were lying down, and Meredith instinctively curled into him, relying on Derek to comfort and protect her. And she couldn't help but hope that, despite all of their recent problems, they would be alright.

A/N: I know, I know, I pulled a Shonda with the miscarriage, and I'm sorry! My original plan was to have the baby miscarry, but then I tried to alter the story and allowing the baby to live, but it didn't work as well, and didn't allow for Meredith and Derek to have the talk they needed to have. Though, I do promise that Meredith will not have a problem getting pregnant in the future, and there may be McDreamy babies at some point in this story ;) Please stick with me, and let me know what you think!