This next chapter includes lyrics to songs that I do not own. I have noted the credit to the proper bands who performed the songs as I have heard them.

Chapter 37

Spencer watched her. "I didn't do much."

"You gave me hope," she shrugged. "I wasn't exactly stable that night…" Scarlett stood and went over to her phone. She scrolled through a different playlist and selected a song. The room filled with Five Finger Death Punch 'Far From Home' .

Reid listened to the lyrics, knowing she was trying to tell him something.

Another day in this carnival of souls, another night settles in as quickly as it goes; The memories are shadows, ink on the page-And I can't seem to find my way home.
And it's almost like Your heaven's trying everything, Your heaven's trying everything - To keep me out
All the places I've been and things I've seen, A million stories that made up a million shattered dreams
The faces of people I'll never see again, And I can't seem to find my way home- Cause it's almost like Your heaven's trying everything to break me down, Cause it's almost like Your heaven's trying everything to keep me out Cause it's almost like Your heaven's trying everything to break me down Cause it's almost like Your heaven's trying everything Your heaven's trying everything to break me down To break me down To break me down Your heaven's trying everything Your heaven's trying everything to break me down

After the song ended, he looked to her, waiting for her to speak.

"The night you talked to me…" she looked away from his eyes, unable to keep the contact. "I was listening to this…"

He nodded. He didn't have her recall for the music, but it sounded familiar.

Pacing away from the couch, away from him, she went to the window and looked out to the night sky.

"I was thinking of killing myself," she told him quietly, embarrassed by the awful truth.

"I couldn't see any way out and I thought I just needed to be done with life…"

She saw in the window's reflection that he'd stood, his hands clenched to fists at his side.

"You think you didn't do much… you gave me hope," she told him honestly. "I hung on because a perfect stranger could see I was in pain, and wanted to help. So you did a lot…"

Reid heard her words, heard the pain in her voice and ached to hold her. He stepped quietly until he came up behind her. Her eyes met his in the glass.

"I had no idea…"

"You knew something. You felt something…" she told him, leaning back into his chest. She shivered as his arms immediately moved to hold her. He buried his face in her hair and breathed in deeply. She felt him shudder and raised her hand to his head, holding him close.

"I remember thinking you had the most amazing eyes…" he said, his breath fanning her neck as he tucked his face into her shoulder. He straightened and turned her slightly so he could look into those green depths now. "I wanted to take away the pain that I saw there…"

"You did," she told him, tracing her hand down his jaw to let it rest along his neck. "It took a little more time, but you did. I didn't try anything, after talking to you," she stated. "I held on…"

Spencer let out his breath and pulled her tightly against his chest. He thought back to those first times they talked, trying to remember everything as she did. Something occurred to him and he looked down into her face.

"You…" he said incongruously. She watched as his brain processed something and he moved across the room to his bookshelves. He reached up and pulled down a worn leather notebook. He carried it back to stand in front of her.

"This was yours…" he stated, looking at her for confirmation. "I found it in my bag…" he said, remembering the flight home from Morgan's family picnic. "I thought Garcia had done it, but it wasn't her handwriting," he said. "I never knew where it came from…"

Scarlett nodded, taking the now worn notebook. He'd read it often, it was obvious.

"I wanted to help… like you'd helped me. I knew you were going through a tough time- that's why Derek dragged you home," she opened the book, leafing through the pages of her favorite quotes and lyrics to songs.

"It did," he said taking a moment to study her. "You could have told me. You should've brought it up- that you'd given it to me…"

Scarlett looked at him. "My sweet farm boy… I did. You read the inside cover, right?"

Reid cocked his head to the side, thinking. "A poem…" he recited the words he'd read often from his memory.

Please come now I think I'm falling, I'm holding on to all I think is safe, It seems I found the road to nowhere - And I'm trying to escape. I yelled back when I heard thunder, But I'm down to one last breath-
And with it let me say … Let me say … Hold me now I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking maybe six feet, Ain't so far down …

I'm looking down now that it's over, Reflecting on all of my mistakes, I thought I found the road to somewhere, Somewhere in His grace - I cried out Heaven save me! But I'm down to one last breath - And with it let me say, Let me say- Hold me now I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
maybe six feet, Ain't so far down…

Sad eyes follow me, But I still believe there's something left for me

So please come stay with me, 'Cause I still believe there's something left for you and me- For you and me

Hold me now, I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking maybe six feet Ain't so far down,

Please come now I think I'm falling I'm holding on to all I think is safe.

"I don't understand how that would tell me you left me the notebook," he said, still confused.

Scarlett chuckled and Spencer felt that now familiar trip in his chest at the sound.

"For someone so very smart, Spence, sometimes you can be dense. It's not a poem, it's a song…" she moved over to her phone and touched the screen to play Creed's 'One Last Breath'… which he quickly recognized as her ringtone.

"It didn't really matter to me if you knew I was the one who left it. The messages inside were what was important," she looked down now at the well worn pages.

"I can see you got that," she said handing it back to him. "They were all songs and words that helped me though; I wanted to share that with you…"

He took the book and opened it to the last page. "It did. I read it a lot," he showed her the last entry. "What were you saying with this one," he said, pointing out the words, feeling like some puzzle pieces were dropping into place since she told him.

She smiled and touched the screen of her phone again. "This was more for me than you- the song reminds me of you…" she said softly as she moved into his arms and began to sing.

Her voice was clear and strong, not like the other night when she'd laughed as she sang off key. He listened as she sang along to words he'd long since memorized.

Beyonce's 'Halo' ran through the speakers as he held her.

Remember those walls I built? Well, baby they're tumbling down, And they didn't even put up a fight-

They didn't even make a sound. I found a way to let you in, But I never really had a doubt, Standing in the light of your halo- I got my angel now…

It's like I've been awakened, Every rule I had you breakin', It's the risk that I'm takin', I ain't never gonna shut you out! Everywhere I'm looking now, I'm surrounded by your embrace, Baby I can see your halo- You know you're my saving grace. You're everything I need and more,

It's written all over your face, Baby I can feel your halo- Pray it won't fade away…

I can feel your halo I can see your halo…

Hit me like a ray of sun, Burning through my darkest night, You're the only one that I want, Think I'm addicted to your light-

I swore I'd never fall again, But this don't even feel like falling, Gravity can't forget to pull me back to the ground again …

Feels like I've been awakened, Every rule I had you breakin' , The risk that I'm takin',

I'm never gonna shut you out! Everywhere I'm looking now, I'm surrounded by your embrace, Baby I can see your halo- You know you're my saving grace!

You're everything I need and more, It's written all over your face, Baby I can feel your halo- Pray it won't fade away!

I can feel your halo I can see your halo…

Everywhere I'm looking now, I'm surrounded by your embrace- Baby I can see your halo, You know you're my saving grace!

You're everything I need and more, it's written all over your face, Baby I can feel your halo, Pray it won't fade away!

I can feel your halo I can see your halo…

Scarlett ducked her head a bit as the song ended and she opened her eyes to see him watching her. Her face heated into a blush, knowing she just showed him how long she'd carried some very deep feelings for him. She offered a quick prayer that she didn't scare him with that knowledge.

Spencer didn't allow her to step away. He reached under her chin and lifted her face to meet his gaze.

When her green eyes locked with his hazel ones, he told her quietly, "I am no angel, Katy Scarlett. That's far from the truth…" She saw he was uncomfortable at her thinking of him that way.

"Maybe not, but you are to me. You are my angel… I was broken, lost and in pieces. You gave me hope enough to put those shattered bits back together…" she felt her eyes fill with tears and tried to blink them back. "And I honestly never believed I'd be standing here one day telling you all this," she said, swiping at her eyes. "You probably think I am crazy…"

He shook his head. "Not any more than usual," he teased, his grin splitting his face.

Scarlett laughed loudly and covered her mouth to mute the sound. She shook her head.

"Smart ass," she told him, her smile dispelling any other tears. She reached up and caressed his cheek and he kissed her palm. "God, how I love that grin," she said.

Reid smiled again and took her face in his hands, wiping at the last tracks of wetness along her cheeks. "There's my girl," he said softly and brought his lips down to hers in a kiss.

He felt her lips curve under his as he deepened the kiss. When she moaned and curled into him, he felt a surge of heat burn through his veins.

"Scarlett," he whispered against her mouth. "Let me love you…" When she pulled back and simply nodded, he swept her up into his arms and carried her to the bedroom.