Authors Note- This chapter is a bit longer. Part of this was chapter 38 but I decided to add a little bit more to it, so here it is! Enjoy!
Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.
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EPOV
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December 21st, 2008
My Dearest Edward,
I know this letter is probably coming as a surprise to you. I didn't want to put you through any more pain than you already have facing the situation. When you are ready, I want you to know that I am always here. You can call me if you want, and visit when you are ready. I am so happy that you at least gave me one chance to tell you how the situation was from my point of it.
Despite might you might think sometimes; I love you so very much. You hold a place in my heart that absolutely nobody in the world could ever replace. There was never a moment in my life that I have ever stopped loving you. Even when you pushed me away, and when you tried not to acknowledge my presence in your recent life. I'm sorry for all of the stress that I have caused you, and the hurt, abandonment and fear that you have carried around your entire life. I never wanted it for you, but I know that with the family you have now; everything will work out for you perfectly.
Let them into your heart, Edward. Show them the Edward I know who is truly inside of your heart. Underneath the anger and sadness is that boy who is full of life and happiness. He is in there, I know he is, and let them people see that side.
For the longest time I never thought I would ever get the chance to see you again. I thought that I would have never been able to tell you everything, but I can't tell you that I wasn't ever not scared to face you. But you are a man worth something, and I know that in the future, you will be the best husband and father that anybody could ask for; because you will know how to treat your family with the respect that your father should have had all of those years when you were a child.
You have lost so much in your life, but there is one thing that I want you to have. Your great-grandfather Nicholas' house. I want you to do what you want with the house. You can live there, or you can decide to sell it. The choice is completely up to you, but I want you to have it. All of the paperwork is in the envelope, and all the information to sign the contract, or in thirty days the property will belong to the state.
I want you to know that I love you, Edward. I do.
Sincerely,
Elizabeth
Her phone number and address was listed below in her elegant writing.
She didn't give an exact reason as to why she wanted me to have the house, besides the fact that she knew that I lost a lot of my life from back then. Not that I wanted it back.
It meant a lot to me.
I looked over the letter again, folding and unfolding it as thoughts rushed through my head.
I wasn't going to be calling her anytime soon, or going to even see her right now. I needed time right now to heal from everything in my life. This was a choice I knew that I had to make, because I had to do what was right for me for once.
With one chance to live, you only have one chance to make everything right again. Nobody gets a second life, and for the first time in my life I actually realized that. With a deep sigh I folded up the letter one last time and put it back in the envelope, as I was doing this, I noticed something inside of the envelope I hadn't seen.
It was a ring, and also a small note on thin paper.
When I looked at it, I saw that the ring was my father's mother's ring. I was honestly sure it was an engagement ring.
I'd never met my grandmother Evelyn, but when I was a young boy my grandfather, who taught me to play the piano, talked so much of her. I knew he always missed her, and he always talked about her; especially when we sat down to have dinner. I'd seen many pictures of her, but she had died three years before I was even born.
I picked up the ring and marveled at it. The band was a shiny gold, and there were diamonds set in an oval shape, many little diamonds that glimmered in the light. It was a beautiful ring, absolutely gorgeous. I put it inside with the envelope and sealed it securely.
I sent Bella a text, not wanting to be without her longer than should be. She came back into the room within almost seconds and sat on the bed next to me.
" I want to go see the house and go from there...If I don't feel right about it, I won't be doing it."
She nodded and leaned forward with her arms open. I took her in my arms, being careful of my injured hand. I felt her burrow into me, resting her hand on my stomach. I breathed in her scent, feeling it ease me to my core.
Everyone else had left, but Bella stayed and we napped together in the bed. She had brought me a blanket, one that was actually hers, to sleep with. Since she hadn't slept here last night, because I insisted that she should get some real sleep, she brought me this and I didn't sleep great, but I slept alright. It had her scent on it.
" I think as long as I have you, I can sleep on cement." Bella stated.
" Cement?"
" Mhm."
" When are you planning on leaving?"
" I'll stay with you tonight. You're most likely going home tomorrow."
" Where is home?"
" Uhm...Carlisle doesn't think you should go back to the apartment; considering what went on there. So, he figured that you could stay with him and Esme, look at the house, and see where to go from there. Either way I think Jasper is getting a single apartment on campus. So if you don't take your great-grandfathers house then you will have to go apartment scouting."
I sighed, " This is great."
" I told my dad about what happened...He actually seemed kind of worried about you."
" That's odd."
" I think he kind of likes you. He just won't say it out loud yet." Bella teased.
" Mm, I bet."
I wrapped my arms around her tiny waist and pulled her to me.
" I brought some pasta salad. It's in the fridge. And I snuck in a coke for you."
" Thank you so much."
" I think if the nurse's would have brought you one more bottle of fruit punch you would have hurt them."
" I swear. I just said to bring me water if they wanted to bring me something. Fucking water. Not fruit punch."
She smiled at me and kissed my jaw, " I know, green eyes."
" Damn fruit punch."
~\\~
I signed my name for the last time on the discharge papers. I was ready to get the fuck out of here. My things were already together and Bella was with me. I knew she was nervous about me leaving. These past few days were probably her only peace of mind that I was okay, but I assured her that I wasn't going to be doing what I had again.
It would take time for her to believe me.
After saying a 'fuck no' to being wheeled out, Bella and Carlisle walked with me out of the hospital. I turned to Bella and reached out for my keys. She shook her head.
" Give me the keys to my car."
Again, she just said no. I reached into her back pocket and took them out. Carlisle didn't say anything about the exchange, he just smirked at us. I threw my bag in the back, and Bella sat there, while Carlisle sat in the passenger seat.
When I sat in my car, I enjoyed how familiar it all felt. I started up the car, hearing the familiar purr, and headed towards the Cullen's house. Carlisle and Bella were quite for the most part, and I was glad that they were giving me some space. I didn't want to be handled with kid gloves.
My hand still hurt, and was still cut up, but they took off the cast and it was now just wrapped up with gauze underneath the ace bandage. It wasn't that bad, and I had pain medicine for it; which was to be given to me by someone else. I wasn't allowed to have access to pills on my own anymore.
Fucking great.
When I got to the Cullen's, Esme of course got into an excited ' I'm glad you're home', spiel. I wasn't exactly in the mood for it. I thanked her and Carlisle for letting me stay with them a few days, and headed upstairs with Bella.
I was surprised to see most of my things at the apartment in here. I looked at Bella and she shrugged sheepishly.
" Alice and Emmett have been helping out."
I sighed and sat down on the bed. Bella sat down next to me, taking my hand in hers.
" It's going to be okay."
" Sometimes I wish I wasn't saved that night." I told her honestly.
Her hand squeezed mine tighter. I looked over and saw her tearing up slightly.
" I'm sorry for saying that."
" Don't apologize, because eventually I'm going to make sure that you say you're glad that you made it. And mean it."
She stood up and grabbed my bag, putting it on the bed. As she walked over to my old dresser, she opened up the drawer and I saw my clothes tucked in neatly. Bella took off her shoes and unzipped her jeans, working them down her smooth creamy legs. I stared at the curve of her ass, and the smooth curves of her tiny waist, slim hips and down her long shapely legs.
She then tossed her shirt over her head and grabbed one of mine. Once it was on her she untucked her hair from the neck and turned towards me.
" I'm going to take a nap in the other room. You can settle in."
" I don't want you sleeping on a damn water bed."
" I've been sleeping in a small hospital bed with you. I'll be fine. I love you."
Bella gave me a long lingering kiss before walking out of the room, going across the hall and closing the guest bedroom door shut behind her. I stood up and grabbed the bag containing clothes that needed to be washed. I headed downstairs and got started on it, and as I was putting Tide into the detergent slot, Esme appeared.
" Oh, let me do that for you, Edward."
" I can do my laundry, Esme. But thanks for offering."
" But you just got ho-"
" I'm fine." I said, cutting her off sharply.
Her expression changed, and she looked crest-fallen.
" I'm sorry, okay? I just need to get a sense of normalcy if everybody wants me to get better. I don't want to be babied or watched twenty four seven."
She nodded, " Okay, Edward."
I finished with the load of laundry and started it up. Afterwards I sat outside on the step and smoked a cigarette, no sound in the air besides my breathing. The entire backyard was covered in a thin sheet of snow, untouched and slick. The silence made my mind wander, and I felt the chest pains and the sting of tears in my eyes.
I heard the sliding glass door open and close. There was nobody in the house that I wanted to see me like this.
" I'm fine." I stated, my voice cracking.
" No, Edward. You aren't okay." Carlisle stated steadily.
I bent over and felt the tears falling. I couldn't stop them, and I didn't even want to try. It was no use holding anything in anymore. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired of everything. Carlisle said something beside me in a hushed voice, and I was unable to understand. He walked closer towards me and sat down.
" It's not fucking fair." I cried, tugging and pulling at the strands of my hair.
" I know, Edward."
" No, you don't know. Nobody knows, and they need to stop telling me they know how I feel, and that they know and understand. Nobody understands how I feel."
The door opened once more and I felt someone kneel behind me and two tiny arms wrap around my neck. I knew it was Bella
" I don't want this. I don't want people to feel like they have to fucking help me when I can't be helped."
Bella moved to sit next to me on the step, still wearing my shirt, but also her jeans back on. I felt her take me in her arms, running her fingers through my hair as my head rested on her shoulder. She didn't say anything to me, but eventually I found myself stumbling upstairs with her. I laid on the bed and she curled up beside me.
" Talk to me, Edward, please."
" I want to feel worth something. I want to be the man you deserve, the one who takes you out on Saturday night dates and can laugh with you about everything. I want to look like I can actually fit in with this family, and I want to be a normal person with a normal life and loving every minute of it. You deserve so much better than me. So much better, Bella." I told her, resting my hand on her cheek as tears fell freely down my face.
" Don't say that. I picked you because of who you are, and I love you; that includes everything that comes along with you." she said.
" You can't love all of that...All of this."
" It's not a walk in the park, but I love you. And I want to be here with you more than anything in the entire world. There is no place I'd rather be than here with you. And I don't need to go out on special dates every Saturday night. And you may not look like them, but you complete this family. We've got Emmett who thinks he is tough and all that, bubbly Alice, and the not so shy but appears to be Edward. Normal is boring anyways, I hate normal."
I sighed and brushed her hair from her eyes before moving my hands down to her jeans. I pulled at the button until it was out and unzipped them. Once they were off Bella grasped my belt and threw it off somewhere in the room. I tossed my jeans to the floor near hers as her hands worked on the buttons of the shirt I wore.
She leaned forward and kissed me slowly as she ran her hands over my shoulders and down my arms, taking the shirt with her. Then she put her hands under my wife beater and pushed it up. Once it was over my head she buried her face in my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and held her closely.
" I'll be here every single step of the way to help you. I love you."
" I know you do, sunshine. I love you, too."
" Promise me you'll try..."
" I promise."
" Okay."
" I want to marry you someday." I whispered into the crook of her neck.
" And I might say yes one day." she replied.
" I might like that."
Bella laughed quietly and pushed on my shoulders, making me lay on my back. She seated herself on my lap and stared down at me.
" I miss your long hair."
" I know."
I ran my hands over her soft curves, marveling at the feeling of her smooth skin under the shirt. She steadied herself with her hands on my hips, and closed her eyes under my touch. I liked that she was enjoying it. I used my free hand to reach up and trace her delicate features, from the slope of her nose to her straight jaw.
Catching her by surprise I sat up quickly and pushed her on her back, laying over her. She let out a gasp of surprise and I claimed her lips with mine, still letting my hand wander under the shirt.
She bit my lip and I groaned before pulling away.
" You cloud my thoughts."
" Is that good."
" Yeah, most of the time."
With a long yawn and laid down beside Bella, laying the opposite way on the bed. She sat up and grabbed a pillow. I rested my head on it and she did the same, her face inches away from mine. I tangled our hands together and held them between us.
" You're my everything, do you know that?" I informed her.
She nodded, " I know. And you're mine also."
I wrapped my arm around her and she sighed against my chest before quieting, the only sound was her very quiet breathing. I soon fell asleep, her in my arms, in my bed, and it was the only thing that felt right, right now.
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It was only the next day I was heading to my great-grandfathers house. I was a little bit nervous, but I was still somehow keeping it together. Bella was coming with me today, and only Bella. I didn't want to do this alone, and she wanted to come along with me anyways to look at the house.
When I pulled up to the street, I felt the hairs on my neck stand up. Bella squeezed my hand reassuringly and I looked around the neighborhoods. This was a Victorian subdivision, and all of the houses dated back to even the 1800's, they were in amazing condition it appeared to be, and some of them even looked familiar.
" Here it is. 2311...Masen street? Is that ironic?"
I chuckled, " Yes, considering he was on my mother's side."
I looked to my right and saw that it was indeed the house. I pulled up to the house, parking in the empty driveway. I had the key to the house; Carlisle had given it to me because Elizabeth had also left it at the apartment. There were three of the keys, and she gave me each copy.
When I got out of the car, I looked up.
On each side of the house there was a set of stairs to get inside, although the one to the left was more of a side door, and the one nearest to the driveway was the main entrance and there was a wraparound porch in the back.
There was a turret by the stairs to the main front door, and on the second floor the turret had a balcony up on top. The siding was a light sage green, and at some high peaks there was a darker green stone, and the house had a dusty red color for the window accents and others. It looked the same, but I could tell it was freshly painted and everything, no chips or anything.
I stood and stared, and I barely felt Bella standing next to me. I looked up and at the top of the turret, and the tip was the familiar north, east, south, and west direction sign made out of wrought iron. It had always been up there, and it sparked memories.
Soon I grabbed the key from my pocket and headed up the stairs with Bella's hand in mine. The stairs creaked only slightly, but not much. I stood at the front door and put the key in the lock before opening it.
The inside looked nothing on the outside.
On the inside it looked all bright, crisp and clean, while the outside was still nice, but looked more classic style and older.
It didn't look the same. The deep dark wooden floors and wood paneled walls were replaced with light wood and dry wall. The foyer was open and light despite the dreary day. Off to the left was where the turret was, it was basically like a small library. There were modern black shelves that were all along the walls, and even were built around the window. It was big and expanse. I loved it.
Almost in the middle of the foyer, but slightly off to the right was a familiar spiral staircase, with a black wrought iron railing, the same light wood going up the stairs, but with a stripe of rich red carpeting in the middle. To the complete right was a dining room obviously, there was a very old style chandelier hanging in the middle of the room.
I remembered it.
I started walking forward down the open hall, to the left was a bathroom, and to the right was a coat closet. And straight forward were double doors out back, and to the right was the kitchen, which also was connected to the dining room. It was modern looking, same light wood floors, but there were white cabinets from top to bottom, and on the top they were white framed and built, but glass in the front, stainless steel fridge, microwave and a double side to side stove, and nice dark tan granite counter tops. It was also very light and open, and there was also an island in the middle with another, more modern, black wrought iron with frosted glass and lights inside of the frosted glass outer part across an open space from the kitchen, was the living room, separating the rooms with white carpet, and there was also a very old white fireplace. It was always lit when I came over. Even in the summer at night.
The rest of the room was empty. There was a door in the corner of the room, which was the side door on the outside.
I would need to buy some damn furniture.
" Its beautiful in here." Bella marveled, looking all around her surroundings and the high ceilings here in the living room area.
" Let's go look upstairs."
Bella's little heels clicked on the floor, and I smiled at the sound. I let her go up the stairs first, and she had a smile on her face.
" I've always wanted to go up a spiral staircase." she said openly.
I smirked at her and when we got to the top, it was a wide all red carpet hallway. There were five doors total; three on the right and two on the left. I opened the first door on the left, and it was white carpet, and there was the balcony on the turret. Bella walked in front of me and walked towards the French doors. They opened with ease and she breezed outside, leaning over the balcony. It was big enough for two chairs and a small round table.
" I love this."
I watched Bella, and even though it was freezing out she loved it. I saw her hair breeze around her in the wind, and I could see the radiant smile on her face.
In that moment I was almost sure what I wanted. I wanted to live here, and I wanted Bella to move in with me. I didn't want to wait for that.
Bella stepped out of the cold and locked the doors securely before looking over at me.
" It would be beautiful in the summer."
There was a big closet in this room, and also an attached bathroom. The second room on the left was a smaller room, about the side of an office, and the last room on the right was a bathroom, and the other two rooms on the right were nice sized bedrooms. The bathrooms were all white tiled, white cabinets and cream colored counter tops. The master bedroom, which I considered it, had a rather new looking glass shower and a big tub.
Bella fell in love when she saw the jets.
I don't think she exactly realized everything. It almost felt like we were looking at buying a house together, and that's how she acted. It made me happy, because I saw the joy and excitement in her eyes, it gleamed.
Walking around in this house, I remembered spending Easter on a big mat in front of the double doors in the back; we would sit cross legged on the floor and color eggs. My great-grandfather always made meat loaf from what I remembered.
It was weird to most families, but it was how we had done it.
There used to be a big piano in the living room, it was never touched by anybody but me from what I had known. …
The memories in this house were good. They were positive and it wasn't a familiar place from my childhood that I wanted to run from. There were no tainted memories of the horror I experienced as a kid.
Bella I could see was in awe, and when we went into the backyard, it was open and clear, with old trees that were bare because of the cold, but I knew had bright colors. Close to the house there was a stone layout, which was to put a grill on and an outside table set and umbrella.
I could see everything here.
It wasn't far from school or the hospital for me, and when I thought about Bella, it was honestly close to where Little Brown was building. It was absolutely perfect. The location, the house, everything.
I wanted this.
I felt it in my bones.
As I stood with Bella in the foyer, she watched me closely; waiting for what I wanted to say.
" I want to take the house." I told her.
" Really?"
" Yeah...I remember being here. And the memories are good...It's close to school and the hospital. This feels right; something about it just completely feels right to me."
Bella smiled, " I'm happy about this, Edward. I'm happy for you." she murmured.
I looked deep in her eyes, watching her closely before speaking.
" It's close to where your work is going to be." I commented.
" It is."
" I want you to stay here with me. I don't want you to stay here for a few weeks and leave. I want you to live here. I want to see your books with mine in the shelves, and I want your clothes next to mine in the closet and even see your little fucking girly products on the bathroom counter. And every morning I wake up I want to see you next to me, and in the summer I want us to sit out on that balcony and talk about our future and what we want. I want all of it, Bella. I want you."
" Edward...It hasn't even been six months."
" Does it matter anymore? I love you, and you love me. We want to be together so why wait? There isn't anybody else I want but you, Bella."
I held both of her hands in mine, watching all of the emotions flicker across her face before she wrapped her arms around my neck.
" Stay with me."
" Can we...trying something first?" Bella asked me gently.
" Try what."
" Since you are taking this house, I am going to be living with you, Edward, regardless of everything. Can we maybe see how this goes before I am moving everything in? I love you, Edward, but I don't want to mess us up if we go way too fast."
" Okay," I murmured, rubbing her back.
I was going to make sure that Bella was going to want to move in with me completely.
Soon.
~\\~
" This is where you were so excited to take me?"
" Yes,"
" I don't think I've seen you so excited before."
" Really?"
" Well, maybe the first time you kissed me, or when I said I loved you."
" You get my mind off things. I don't feel as depressed. Do you want to help me with this or no?"
" Of course I do!"
I weaved my fingers through Bella's and pulled her to me. She kissed me softly and leaned her entire body into mine. Before we got too carried away, I pulled my lips from hers and drew her towards the building.
It was a mattress store.
" Want me to lay on beds with you?" she asked.
" That's the point."
" Well, you have to get sheets and things for the bed, what colors are you doing?"
" We bought an ass load of pain yesterday, and I want to do the bedroom dark blue, with lighter sheets. And I want to keep all the wood tables, entertainment centers and everything else the same black that the bookcase is."
" You, Mr. Masen, have a great eye for color."
New Years had already passed us, and it wasn't any special gathering. It was Bella and I, at her house while her father worked a late shift, just spending quiet time together. The apartment was already emptied, and all of my things were basically hanging around in the Cullen's garage, and would soon be in the process of being moved to the house.
I talked to Jasper just about once, and he said that he had absolutely nothing to say to me.
He and Alice are currently on a break that started the day after New Years.
I fucking hated that this was affecting Alice, but none of us knew why Jasper was acting like an asshole. He wasn't apologizing, and made that pretty damn clear. I know that Alice is very angry at him right now, and apparently he was near tears when she told him they needed to take a break until he decided to apologize for what he'd said to Bella, and what he said to me the night that...
On January third I had officially signed all of the papers to the house, and it was completely mine. It was paid off, but I would still have taxes to pay obviously, but it was a big reason why I also went for it. I wouldn't have to be paying the fucking crazy mortgage, which sounded great. I would obviously have to pay for electric and water, but otherwise, I was basically set.
I know that furnishing the house and buying furniture is going to be a shit load out of my bank account, and I'm not planning on resorting to going into my savings unless I am in dire need to do it. With all the money in there, I want it to just stay and grow for any possible future I might have.
January fifth I had called a psychiatrists office, and I set up a first appoint with a Dr. Amy Greggs. I would be seeing her the eighteenth of this month, which is a Sunday. Carlisle had also said that he knew of her, and that she's done great work with a lot of people. I was nervous as hell, but I knew that this was something I had to do if I wanted to get better.
Most of my days, my mind went exactly back to doing and finishing off what I had in December. But I never once attempted.
2009 has already been a year of a lot of change for me, which was fucking scary, but I was getting through it, and Bella never faltered.
When we walked into the store we were greeted, and immediately they wanted to know if we wanted help.
No.
We just wanted to fucking lay on beds and find one for my new bedroom.
Bella and I tried a basic mattress, but it wasn't nice at all. We tried out a sleep number also, which was just fucking weird. I could see the appeal of how two people who needed different comfort and firmness in a mattress, and couldn't stick with one because of their own comfort. Obviously those are for the type of people who don't have their husband/wife or girlfriend/boyfriend fucking burrowing into them, like I have Bella. We don't sleep not touching in some way.
I think we could agree on a nice bed all around, because we didn't need no fucking sleep number mattress. We were going to be sharing this bed for as long as I could get her to stay there, and I hoped it would be forever.
Unless I failed to make her stay with me completely.
We tried out a deluxe king mattress, nothing too fancy. It was nice, but not as plush and soft as I would have liked it to be. There were a lot of mattresses; we were bound to find something in here. We also tried out some premium comfort shit, and then went to the tempur pedic.
Maybe the inner kid inside of me was disappointed the bed didn't bounce. I think Bella was upset, too. The moment we sat down, it was hard like a brick and then we sunk in.
" I think this might be more suitable for heavier people." Bella whispered.
I smiled.
" You're as skinny as I am, and this feels like a brick."
We found a winner when I sat on top of a deluxe pillow top mattress. Sitting on it led to laying down, and laying down went to pulling Bella down with me and cuddling up with her on it. It was soft and nice to lay on.
" This is nice."
" Very nice." I groaned, pulling her closer.
" Is this the winner?"
" Fuck yeah, do you like it?"
" Mhm, it's very nice for sleeping, and other activities. Maybe reading..." she trailed off suggestively.
" Reading sounds nice..."
I got us off the bed before I decided to take it farther. I paid for the expensive, big ass, but comfortable, mattress, and we headed out to a Darwin furniture store, a place where I knew I was going to be spending probably much money here.
As I walked through aisles with Bella, holding her hand, a thought ran through my head.
" How would you like to help me tile the backsplash of the counters?"
" I could help you."
" I already plan on painting the kitchen that dark brown color, and I think I want to do like a dark blue tile back splash, it would match the blue specks in the countertop."
Bella nodded, " That sounds really nice, Edward."
When we came across couches, Bella was in heaven. Laying across plush couches, reclining in recliners, and sinking into soft chairs. It made me chuckle as I walked through the big area at all of the choices. I wanted something modern and nice.
I came across an 'L' shaped leather couch. The end extended into a nice ' nap place' as Bella put it, and it was very nice and incredibly soft to lay on. We had a lady with a sheet writing down all the information for things we were placing orders on.
I found a matching end table and coffee set. There was a black wood frame for each table, and the top was made out of glass. I also found a tall, but thin black wood table that I wanted for the foyer. I could toss my mail on there, keys and randomness. Bella picked out two nice lamps, two of the same, which were for the table in the foyer, and the different one that was antique-ish was for the living room table.
Eventually I came across dining room sets, and found myself buying a table big enough to fit eight fucking people. Black wood, of course, all the chairs matching and the chairs were upholstered on the seat and the back for comfort, and it was a rich dark brown fabric. I figured that I would also paint the dining room the same dark brown as the kitchen.
Then we came to desks, and I indulged myself in a rich dark wood desk with a nice leather chair, a nice standing light. I figured I could build some shelves in the room. It wouldn't match the rest of the house with dark wood, but it was just one room, it could be different.
Then we came to the bedroom. I needed to get a dresser, a frame for the bed, and a headboard to match, also end tables for the bed and lamps for them
The bed ended up being wrought iron, and there would be expensive fabric on the top bar connecting each of the posts, to create some closure if wanted. There were tiny wrought iron roses wound around the posts, and I think Bella fell in love. There wasn't a headboard, but it didn't matter.
As we looked over it, Bella tugged on it, kneeling over the mattress that it was modeled on. It was when she tugged on it I got a great idea.
" Lay down." I told her.
" What?" she asked, " We are in the middle of the store?"
" On the bottom floor in the back. Just do it." I instructed.
Hesitantly, Bella laid on the bed on her back, looking at me with a very curious stare. I glanced behind me, saw that it was empty around here and got on top of the bed, straddling Bella's waist. She gasped in surprise.
" Edward!"
I laughed, " Shhh."
I grasped the wrought iron, taking a guess on what I would grab in a…certain moment I would share with Bella in the future. I tugged hard on it and I felt her hands on either side of me. I saw how red her face was in embarrassment.
" Okay, it's good enough. Now get off!" I heard her exclaim
I hopped off the bed and brought Bella with me.
" I can't believe you did that."
" Bella, if that thing fucking collapsed if I gave it a tug, we'd be fucked. Do you want wrought iron breaking off our bed to ruin the moment?" I replied
" You didn't have to mount me and make it look like we were screwing in the middle of the store!"
I smirked at her, not saying much else.
The rest of the room had white wood furniture. An armoire, tall dresser, and two side tables that all matched together in a set. When the order was set in and I paid for everything, I wanted to cringe at the price, but I bit my tongue, nodded and wrote out the check.
I wanted to almost cry, but I wouldn't ever have to really worry about doing this again. Ever.
Bella and I were going to do the bed sheets, curtains, rugs, pillows, decorative and bed, and other small things, but wanted to save it for next time. We were exhausted. Instead, I picked up some Chinese food to bring to Bella's. Charlie appreciated it, so that was always good. I figured I could do this more often.
He never said anything about what had happened with me previously, and I appreciated it. I'm pretty sure he was not pleased with the fact of how much stress I put his daughter through, but for some reason he never walked up and confronted me about it.
I already understood.
Later on Bella asked me what I was going to do with my old bed, the desk and dresser that I had in my bedroom, along with the couch in the apartment. With my old bed, I was going to put it in one of the spare bedrooms and set it up as a guest bedroom basically. It was a nice bed, and mostly new. The headboard was wooden and square, basic and nice, and the dresser and desk matched. It would be nice for the room.
After dinner was done, Bella and I headed up to her bedroom.
" I told my dad last night about how I was going to be staying with you for awhile."
" And?"
" He asked me why I just didn't move in with you completely."
" That's a valid question."
She smiled, " Is it?"
I pulled her to me and kissed her forehead, " Yeah...I think your bed would look great in the other spare room."
" You think so?"
" I know so."
I leaned down to capture her lips with mine. She knew I was trying to convince her this way, and she wasn't giving in. Bella stood with her arms at her side and lips not moving. I coaxed my lips against hers, trying to get a response. Her arms then wrapped around me and she kissed me with passion.
I lifted her up into my arms and she wrapped her legs around my waist. One hand securely on her waist, I used my free one to push her hoodie off her shoulders. Bella threw my leather jacket to the floor and put her hands underneath my fitted white v-neck.
" Your dad is downstairs." I noted
" And what he doesn't know won't hurt him."
When I sat on her bed, it squeaked. Loud. When I tried to lay down it was worse.
" What the fuck happened to your mattress?"
" Broken spring? I don't know." she said uncaringly, pressing her lips to mine.
I steadied her back and adjusted her over my body. Feeling the length of her against me light a fire inside of my body and with her lips moving against mine only added fuel. I wanted to take it further, but with Charlie downstairs, there was no damn way I could even think about doing anything more than kissing.
And I knew emotionally for myself, it wouldn't be...right. My emotions were pretty unstable, and on the 12th of this month, January, I would be going back to taking classes and at the hospital. I hadn't been working at the library as of right now, but I was planning on resuming it soon. Luckily, I even still had that fucking job.
" I need time." I told her, pulling away.
The rejection that washed over her face broke my heart into pieces. I felt fucking awful.
" Listen to me, okay?"
She looked away. I cradled my hand in her jaw and made her look at me.
" I'm...still trying to get a good grip on myself after everything that has happened. Bella, I love you more than anything, and before, it was about needing a good moment, but now; it's not about that. When I move into the house, and you're with me; it won't be anybody but us there. No parents downstairs, or friends across the hall, or anybody walking in on us just before. I want to feel fucking right with myself, so that I can be with you in every way possible, including mentally inside my fucked up head."
" You're not fucked up."
I leaned forward and kissed her slowly while her hands rested on my thighs.
" I feel selfish for wanting you now." she said lowly.
Fuck.
" Bella, no. You're not selfish for wanting me, at all. I'm being selfish for not giving you what you want."
" But for a good reason. I don't want you to be far away when we are so close. Look, for now, we'll let each other know when the time is right. If you pull away, I won't be as offended because I understand, and I know that you really do want me."
" I do." I murmured, pulling her completely into my lap to hold her.
" I love you, so much, my Bella."
" I love you, too. I'm so glad you're here."
Leaning forward, I gently kissed her neck and felt her lean into my embrace, completely relaxing into me.
" I won't try to leave you again. I promise."
She nodded and pillowed her head on my chest, the rest of her body molded on top of mine in a weird, but comfortable to her, position. I kissed the top of her head and ran my fingers through her hair and down her back, creating a nice motion that seemed to calm her even further.
" Go to sleep, sweetheart."
" I'm fine." she protested weakly.
I chuckled quietly. " Okay."
Bella was asleep in my arms within ten minutes. I laid with her for awhile, watching her sleeping figure and the slight flutter of her eyelashes every few minutes. Soon I knew I had to leave and I woke her gently and encouraged her to change. I ended up helping her out of her clothes and she put on one of her little night gowns.
Sleepily, she walked with me to the front door and stood at the tip of her toes to give me a kiss.
I wrapped my arms tightly around her, not wanting to let go.
" I'll see you tomorrow, okay? I love you so much." she whispered quietly in my ear.
I nodded and kissed her temple softly, running one of my hands through her hair. I hesitantly pulled away from her and she gave me a tired smile.
When I left the house, I drove home with my iPod playing quietly in the backround to keep me busy and my mind from wandering.
The furniture was to be delivered in a week at the most time, which meant I had to get to painting very soon. When I got to the Cullen's house and headed upstairs to my bedroom, I sat down on my bed.
I opened up the bedside drawer and took out the small box, opening it up to see the ring that my mother had given me. I stared at it for awhile, looking at all of the shimmery diamonds and delicate band.
Suddenly I heard a knock on the door before it opened. Carlisle stood in the doorway, and he was very obviously staring at the ring I held in my hand. I didn't attempt to hide it. The attempt would be futile, and he already saw it.
He walked into the room and shut the door behind him, asking me in a silent way if he could sit at the end of the bed.
" What's that you have there?" he asked with a smile.
" This ring was with the letter my mother gave me. This was my Grandmother Evelyn's ring. I never got to meet her, but it was hers. She was the last one it was passed down to before me. It's been in the family for many generations."
" It's a beautiful ring."
" It is."
" I think Bella would fall in absolute love with it."
I looked over at him, " I think she would, too. It's not like other rings out there with all the fancy fucking diamonds everywhere and big rocks in the middle."
Carlisle nodded, " Are you planning on...?"
" Not right now. I want to be better for her first. Good enough."
" Edward, you've always been good enough; even if you don't feel like it."
" I don't want to be her depressed little boyfriend. I want to smile and laugh with her; be a good husband and provider for her one day. Have children with her and know I'm doing the best I can with nothing holding me back." I stated quietly.
" I think you'd be a wonderful father and husband, Edward."
" Why?"
" Because, unlike many; you know how to be one. You know what not to do, and what is right to do after experiencing what you did as a child."
" Yeah..."
" You're going to do great things, Edward. I'm proud of you."
" How can you be proud of me?" I asked in a whisper.
" From the moment I met you I knew you were going to grow up to be a good man. That night in the hospital, yes, you were very scared, but I saw something inside you that I'm sure nobody else saw. I've seen many kids in similar situations, and all they did was fall deeper as time went on. They dropped out of school, turned to drugs and some even criminals later on, but you rose above all of that. When you went to high school, Esme and I were so proud of all the success you had there, and how smart you were. Edward, what happened to you on Christmas Eve was...devastating to this entire family and Bella. When I walked into this hospital and saw you; I thought you were gone. I knew at one point that you might crack in life. You always refused therapy, and said you would be fine. But I don't think I have ever been as happy to see you alive and much as I truly am now. I've always worried about you, Edward, when you were away at college. But I've also been so proud of how successful you have been. You are my son in every sense of the word, and there was never a moment I ever thought differently. I can't put into words how happy I am that you are still here, alive, and breathing. Losing you would have been like losing Alice, or Emmett. And Esme loves you more than I think you are aware of. You are such a good man, Edward. A good man."
Something inside me just compelled me to hug Carlisle, and I did.
Never in my life had I ever realized how much I meant to him, and hearing it struck something inside of me, because I did feel a type of fatherly love, as fucking stupid as it sounded. He patted my back gently.
" Thank you." I said once my arms were dropped. I picked up the ring box and put it on the end table.
" I wanted you to know that, Edward. Now, I'm going to get some sleep. You should, too." he said, patting my knee.
I nodded, " Goodnight."
He gave a nod and a smile and heard him leave the room.
For once, I felt like I had people proud of me for who I was.
Authors Note- Alright, that's progress, and next chapter we will have Edward's first day of therapy! See you all in about a week!
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