It's been four days since everything nearly came crashing down from his carelessness. Kylo is in his office, attempting to get caught up on reports but mostly thinking about Rey. He's taken to removing his helmet when working alone, having grown used to being without it.
They'd spent the night before last together again and Rey is becoming quite adept at making him incoherent with pleasure. He's trying to give her time between each visit, but he's not managed it yet. Thus far he's succumbed every day to his need to see her, knocking on her door to at least kiss her goodnight. Sometimes he's visited twice. But she hasn't seemed angry or frustrated, she only smiles and lets him in.
He'll see her again tomorrow and he's determined to prove that he can go a day without her, if only so she won't feel that he hadn't listened when she'd asked that he continue to give her space.
Everything is ready for her birthday, he just needs to make sure she's comfortable leaving the ship with him. He can't decide when to give her her present; it's not something he can bring with them. He wants to reveal that it's her birthday once they reach their destination, however. Perhaps he'll simply give it to her without remarking on the occasion or wait until they return. He does have something else to give her while they're away. Kylo wants to ensure that he makes her birthday as perfect that he can. He put a great deal of thought into what she would like, how to show her he's listening, and he thinks his plan will please her.
He's wondering if he should also give her more jewelry when the Bond comes alive, abruptly commanding all of his attention. A tense spike of something strong blazes across their connection. He can't think through the storm of overwhelming emotion, it's too much to discern, but then he starts to sense confusion, bright joy, relief, and a strange ribbon of fear. Then the Bond is again silent. She clearly hadn't done that on purpose. She's feeling something intensely; the last time she'd lost control of the Bond had been when she was injured. She hadn't seemed hurt, but he can't help but worry for her.
Kylo doesn't know what to do. Because she's been reaching out to him through the Bond more frequently, he tries not to push against her walls. But her feelings were so strong, he can't just ignore it.
He's about to write her a message when the Bond opens and she sends, "Kylo?"
"Are you alright, what was that?" he rushes to ask.
She ignores his question. "I know we weren't planning on seeing each other tonight, but would you please join me for dinner?" She seems like she's focusing on staying calm and his concern increases. What's wrong? Why won't she just tell him?
"Would you like me to come now?" He's going to her no matter what she says, he decides—already standing from his desk.
She hesitates. "Yes, please, if you can."
"I'm on my way," he says as the Bond closes.
Once again, his helmet is left behind as he rushes to Rey's rooms.
He knocks on her door and she opens it before he's managed to finish the second rapping of his knuckles.
"Rey! What is it, what's wrong?"
Her expression is the strangest mix of elation and fear that he's ever seen; it does nothing to allay his concerns. His eyes trace her form, finding her unharmed and in a simple tunic and leggings, her hair braided down her back.
"Come in, I'll explain." Her eyes are alight with a strange fire and his worry intensifies. Something significant has happened. She doesn't seem upset; in fact, if he had to guess he'd say she was overjoyed. However, she's not acting as she usually does so his senses are on alert.
Before he has the opportunity to remove his gloves, she takes his hand and leads him to her settee. They take their usual places and he sheds them swiftly. She's practically vibrating with excitement and he's incredibly on edge.
She angles herself towards him and catches his gaze. Her eyes transfix his with their intensity.
"Please, tell me," he pleads. She's being so strange and he's beginning to truly panic. He must know what's happened to her.
"I've been working with your holocrons. You said you've never opened them?" she confirms.
"No ... I didn't want to revisit the time in my life when I was Jedi."
He needs to touch her, she'd not given him the opportunity to kiss her. He wants to crush her to him, but he needs to know what's happened. There's an urgency in the air that's deeply unsettling. He takes both of her hands in his and her fingers instantly lace through his. At least the feel of her skin calms him somewhat.
Eagerly, she says, "One of them is about Force Bonds! I've learned so much. I know what happened to us!
One of his holocrons was about Force Bonds? All this time the answers they've needed have been sitting in his room of treasures?
"You've obviously learned something that pleases you," he says carefully. The Bond is always a difficult subject for them and he's not sure if her obvious excitement bodes well for him or not.
She's smiling widely and she squeezes his fingers. "Oh, yes. It's wonderful! I've been hoping to know this from the very beginning. It explains everything. I know How they're formed, how to break them. I know what it all me …"
He can't understand anything she says after he hears that she knows how to break their Bond. She's still talking, her eyes are bright, but there's an odd rushing in his ears and the room feels like it's spinning. He thought it was unbreakable. She could … No. This can't be happening. His vision is swimming and he feels like he's completely unmoored.
Even with her walls, he is always connected to her, she's always right there, woven throughout his being. She's his constant, the star by which he navigates his life. But she looks so happy and he understands—with soul deep terror—that she's going to break their Bond, his heart, his soul. Her perfect face is animated as she's explaining what he can only assume is the process for rending him in two.
His head is flooded with memories of the months of endless, agonizing searching. Her constant rejection. Every single time she'd denied the Bond. The hunger, the craving, the madness. The only thing that kept him from descending into lunacy was Rey's faint energy, slight, but always threaded through his heart. He can already imagine the aching, bloody hole she'll leave where she once was. She'll have what she always wanted. She'll be free. Of him. Of the Bond, his reason, his purpose, his Rey. Gone. Broken.
He shakes his head, trying to find his way through his confusion, but her voice fills his head. Rey's right in front of him but it's not this Rey's voice he hears. Echoes of the past pull him down.
I don't know why you talk as if we have something. Please get out of my head, please. I don't want this. Stop, please. Just … please just leave me alone. Please.
She never wanted this. She'd told him over and over again that she wanted to be free of him. He remembers how she'd asked why they couldn't just block the Bond and forget it existed, forget he existed. He can't, he can't, he can't. This will kill him, he knows he won't survive her loss.
Please, please let me go. No, no! Stop—just let me go. I will never be yours. You have no claim on me. Keep on begging. Please don't. Just let me go.
Please don't.
Stop, please.
Please.
Please.
Please.
He staggers to his feet. He dimly feels Rey pulling at his hands as she stands with him, but he rips them away and beats at his head, trying to make the memories stop. He thinks he hears his name, but all there is is a constant stream of her damning words.
You really are a monster, aren't you? You have to leave me alone. You aren't capable of goodness. I won't ever be with you.
Please.
She never wanted him. She was just using him. Making the best of a horrific situation, trapped in the monster's lair. She's going to break the Bond.
I will never surrender to you! I don't want this … I've never wanted this. Never wanted you. I will never submit to you. I will never come willingly.
Please.
Why? Why? Why? He remembers how she'd cried "Yours!" as she'd shattered as he'd brought her higher and higher. Break the Bond. She wants to break the Bond. Oh Maker, she's going to throw him away.
Keep on begging.
He slides to his knees in front of her. "No, Rey, please," he begs, just as she'd told him to do in his memories, his eyes stinging.
"What?" she asks in alarmed confusion, bending forward, reaching for him. She's giving him this last mercy before she destroys him.
"I'll do anything, anything. Please Rey, please."
"You're scaring me! What is it? Please tell me!" Her expression twists from joyous to terrified and it just adds to his confusion. It's all so hazy. Isn't this what she wants, to cast him aside? Isn't she relieved? She'll finally be free of the creature in a mask.
Now she's on her knees as well. Why is Rey on her knees? Nothing's making sense, he just has to convince her to keep him.
"Don't sever our Bond, please don't! I'll change! Anything, anything, please." He doesn't care about Grandfather. He'll go back to his mother. Anything, anything, anything. Don't, please, don't. No, no, no.
"What? No!"
"Please." Disband the First Order, seek his uncle's forgiveness. Anything. Anything. Anything.
"Kylo!"
"I promise, I'll leave you alone. You never have to touch me again, just don't break the Bond!" He can live on the memories alone. Don't break the Bond, please, please, please.
"Kylo, listen to me, I don't want to break the Bond!" she shouts frantically as she takes his face in her hands. "Look at me, look at me!"
Then her light floods him. Is she letting him feel it one last time? Can he stay here in this moment forever?
"Kylo!" she screams and finally, he sees her properly. Her eyes are wild and he blinks. He's upset Rey. He shouldn't have done that.
"I don't want to break the Bond!" she cries and he begins to understand her. She doesn't want to … but she'd looked so jubilant.
"What?" he asks confusedly, blinking, trying to focus on her.
"I don't want to break the Bond." She's stroking his face desperately and her eyes are panicked.
"You don't?" He doesn't understand. She'd said she knew how to break the Bond and he'd felt her joy spike. He knows she never wanted this, never wanted him. She only cared about him because of their connection. She says it often enough. She would never choose him.
"No, Kylo, no," she says as she pulls him close. He doesn't respond, he can't comprehend what's happening.
"Please, come back to me. Please. I will never break the Bond."
Her words partially penetrate the fog. Rey will never break the Bond? He's not about to lose his reason for living? Rey isn't leaving him?
"Please, Kylo, please," she sobs and he realizes that she's crying. Oh no, Rey mustn't cry. He wraps his arms around her and holds her as tightly as he can. They're both trembling.
"Shhh, shhh, I don't want to break the Bond," she repeats as she strokes his back.
Finally, finally he truly hears her and his mind is beginning to return to him. Rey is not going to break the Bond. "I thought … oh Rey," he shudders out. Her light threads around him, beating back the terror.
"I know, I know," she soothes as she continues to rub his back and she sniffles lightly. "Never. I promise. Especially not now."
Especially not now? He wants to ask her what she means, but he can't speak. He stays in her arms, holding her clasped to him, not sure he can ever let her go. Her light pulses through him, healing the ragged, torn places left by his anguished fear. After an age she starts to pull away and he shakes his head, refusing to release her. What if he doesn't get her back?
"Please, let's get off the floor."
He comprehends that they're kneeling in the middle of her sitting room and he's fully back in himself. He realizes that it happened again, he fell apart right in front of her. Oh Force, he debased himself at her feet. Weak, weak, weak. How could she ever love such a pitiful creature? He stands awkwardly, embarrassment flooding him. He's pathetic. Frail, feeble, fragile. Ben Organa lives still.
He helps her to her feet as she says, "Stop, Kylo. You have no reason to be embarrassed."
He snorts. He'd literally fallen to his knees and lost all sense of reality.
"Really, I … I understand why you were so afraid. I know … I felt, I heard through our connection. I didn't … I didn't know how much I was hurting you when we were … apart." Her eyes are open and full of entreaty.
"It doesn't matter," he dismisses. He has no wish to discuss how he'd gone to pieces like a mewling boy.
"Don't do that." She frowns slightly and her brow furrows.
"Do what?" he asks flatly.
"Deny that you've been hurt. It's alright to acknowledge when someone has hurt you. When I've hurt you. You aren't alone anymore. You'll never be alone again. Neither of us will."
He's not ready to think about his months of searching, to acknowledge the cost, so he only nods. She takes his hand and pushes him down on her settee. Then she's kneeling in front of him. She starts to remove one of his boots.
"What are you doing?" he asks, chagrined by her tending to him.
"Making you comfortable."
"No, you shouldn't do that. Please, get up from the floor." It's his job to care for her.
"I'm already here," she says as she pulls his right boot from his foot.
He continues to protest but she completely ignores him and finishes her task. Once done, she stands and makes him lie down on his side, with his back to the cushions. She joins him so that they're lying face to face and his arms automatically go around her. Perhaps her idea has some merit after all. Holding her like this is mending the jagged rips in his heart. Somehow, she knows precisely what he needs. She's helping him recover from thinking he was going to lose her in a way so painful … only her death would be worse.
Her eyes hold his and there's nothing but welcome in their fathomless depths. Then she begins to touch him, running her fingers along his jaw, then his cheek. It's so sublimely healing, the way that she's lightly caressing him. It's as if she's knitting him back together with her delicate hands. His eyes slide shut as she strokes his face and he realizes how tired he is. The adrenaline is leaving his system and he's feeling a bit queasy.
She still hasn't closed the Bond, and her light is so fine, so good. He'd never hoped to feel so blessed. It almost feels like forgiveness. She leans forward and presses her lips to his forehead and she murmurs, "You must know how much you mean to me, how I … I'll never break the Bond. Never." Her sweet breath ghosts along his skin and he shivers.
"But it's possible." His voice shakes as he opens his eyes.
"Yes, it is, but I can't ... I can't imagine you no longer being there. I would have reacted the same way if I thought you wanted to sever it."
"Never!" he exclaims, drawing back to see her face.
"I know. I just wanted you to know that if I thought you were going to break this, leave me, I … it would destroy me." For a moment he sees her eyes flash with the abyss he knows so well, the fear of losing that which is most dear. Then there is a hollow sadness and he gets flashes of Jakku through the Bond.
"I will never abandon you. Ever. You are mine and I am yours," he promises as he reaches behind her and begins to unbraid her hair.
She smiles as she continues to run her hand over his body, a constant dance of reassurance. "I know."
"Do you?" He almost has her hair free so he pulls her as close as he can and wraps a leg around her. He finishes his task and begins to card his fingers through her long waves.
"Yes … I do. For the first time in my life I think I know what it means to be loved."
"I do, Rey, I love you more than I think anyone has ever loved anyone." She's still not close enough so Kylo buries his face in her hair. Her arms go around his neck and they just hold each other. They're so intertwined that there's no space between them. Then she seeks his lips and they're kissing passionately, all of the fraught feelings given form. He pours all of his devotion into his kiss and soaks up the feeling of her in his arms, kissing him back. Rey wants him. Rey cares for him. He has everything he's ever wanted right here, close and warm.
He strokes his fingers through her hair and runs his other hand along her back. He just needs to touch her, ensure that she's truly here. That she wants to be here. She delves her tongue into his mouth. He senses her surface feelings and that delicious warm, soft feeling he's never been able to name. Whatever it is, it alleviates the effects of his descent into mind numbing fear and he knows he's safe. Rey isn't going to reject him.
Their caresses turn languid and she's running her fingers through his hair. There is only solace and tenderness in Rey's arms. Her kisses slow and she holds his face to hers, their cheeks touching. They both let out a long breath and settle further into each other.
He lets himself drift in her light, accepting the comfort she offers.
He's not sure how long they've been sleeping when he opens his eyes. Rey is still breathing evenly and he lifts his head away to be able to see her. There are tried tear tracks on her cheeks and he tightens his arms around her. He detests that he'd frightened her, upset her, made her cry. He can't quite believe he'd broken down so utterly. He detests when this happens, the way he can't keep from spinning into that place with no control. At least he hadn't lost his temper, he supposes.
Rey stirs and opens her eyes slowly. Her fingers clutch at him reflexively and she smiles then the Bond closes. He keeps the sadness from his face. He must be patient. One day she will simply leave it open … he hopes.
"Are you feeling better?" she asks.
He looks away for a moment, still feeling humiliated for his behavior. He sighs and looks back at her. "Yes, I am. I … I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to see me like that."
"I wouldn't have it any other way; I can't bear the thought of you being alone when that happens."
"It shouldn't happen at all! If I wasn't so wea-"
"Stop," she says as she puts a finger over his lips. "We've both been through too much. You have so much inside you, so much pain. I've felt it, I know. I do too. You catch me when I fall, you hold me when I cry. How is this different?"
"I don't know. It just is," he says stubbornly.
She shakes her head. "Hmm."
He waits for her argument, but she only pulls him close again.
Eventually, she starts to pull from him and he holds her fast. "Kylo, I'm just going to get a drink of water. I'll be right back."
"Oh. Alright." He reluctantly releases her.
When she returns he's sitting up, waiting for her. She hands him a glass and he sips the cool water. Rey takes her usual place by his side and snakes her arm through his, putting her head on his shoulder. He leans forward and puts the glass on the low table then pulls her into his arms. He's still feeling a bit lost from earlier and isn't sure he can ever be close enough to his love.
Now that he's calm and she's put him back together, he realizes she wasn't able to tell him what she'd learned from the holocron.
"I still don't know what happened, why I felt so much from you through the Bond," he murmurs against her temple.
"Right, of course." She moves away and he tugs her back. "I need to see your face," she says with mild annoyance.
He thinks for a moment and pulls her into his lap. She's sitting across his thighs and her arms go around his neck and his around her waist. "Will this do?" he asks with an arched brow.
She nods and looks into his eyes and is quiet. She holds his gaze for a long moment then an absolutely beautiful smile blooms on her face. "They're real," she breathes out, her eyes glowing.
"I don't understand, what's real?"
"Our feelings. They're real. It doesn't compel emotions. It just makes us need to communicate frequently over the Bond when we're far away from each other. If we're in physical proximity, it's satisfied. Everything I feel for you is real, is mine," she says excitedly, tightening her arms around his neck.
He's always known his feelings were his own, however what she's saying doesn't make sense. "But ... the pull, I feel it, all the time." It had driven him to such lengths when he didn't have her with him. System after system, methodically searching the galaxy, needing to find her at all costs.
"So do I. But it's not the Bond. It's just ... us." She shrugs slightly, shifting in his lap.
"Us?" His mind is swirling with this new information. He knows how she's struggled with her fear that the Bond was making her feel things she wouldn't otherwise feel, and the implications for her are significant. He's never believed he was being influenced, but she's used the Bond almost like a shield. She's hidden from him behind it.
She continues to explain. "Spontaneous Bonds, like ours, are formed when two Force users are balanced ... suited." She ducks her head and blushes. "Uhm, soulmates, basically." Her eyes flit to his shyly.
Soulmates? He's always known their connection was deeper than the Force Bonds he's read about. Everything he found had talked about bonds created between master and apprentice, and what he shares with Rey has always been so much more. But to have it confirmed this way, having Rey admit to it, relief fills his chest pushing away the lingering effects of his recent storm. She's said she was his, that he was hers, but this makes it undeniable. Rey will never be able to push him away, not after this revelation.
"There's more," she says.
More? He must know what else she has learned. "Go on."
"The pull, it's us, our attraction." Her blush intensifies, trailing down her neck and clavicle. "The Bond just gets wrapped around what we're ... feeling," she finished awkwardly.
It takes a moment for what she's said to sink in. He's always known his feelings were real, but he'd assumed the overwhelming need was the Bond. But no ... it's simply his need for her. It's always only been Rey. Somehow, she becomes even more precious with this knowledge.
"So … this," he says as holds his hand near her face, feeling the energy between his fingers and her cheek, "is just what's between us?" He presses his fingers against her skin. Touching her still makes warmth course through him. He's never grown used to it. He's not sure he could, it brings both peace and excitement in equal measure. Comfort and fire, connection and tension. It's the most profound feeling he's ever known.
"Well, I don't think it's just anything, but yes."
"No, I didn't mean to minimize it. You know how much I-"
She smiles. "Yes, I do."
He strokes his thumb across her cheek and looks into her eyes. No wonder she'd lost control of the Bond with the enormity of this new awareness. It's a gift beyond his ability to comprehend … to understand—to finally know the exact nature of the Bond and everything it isn't.
"The Bond, it would have happened no matter what, wouldn't it?" he asks.
"Yes. It was … fate, I suppose. I'm sure that going into each other's minds like that hastened it … but the moment we met, it must have begun to wind through us. They're exceptionally rare, there have only been four instances in the last thousand years and only a handful before that. The records weren't very well kept, apparently. It's why you're so powerful, why I can heal the way that I can. In theory, I'll grow the way you did, but in healing. Your dark … my light. Like I said, balanced."
"I think … I think it was brewing before we met. The Force wanted me to find you, I'm sure of it. When … when I was first told about you, I had an overwhelming feeling that you were important. On Takodana, I was always looking for you, not that droid."
"I felt it too. I was pulled to the forest, I just had to get away from Maz's castle. I'd just had a Force vision where I saw you."
"What? You never told me." He'll need to ask her later about her vision, but he doesn't want to get sidetracked.
"It terrified me. But I had to run and somehow I felt like I needed to go to the forest. The Force … the Force always wanted us together, didn't it?" It's her turn to touch his face as she slides her fingers along his jaw.
"It's what I have always believed." He takes her hand and kisses her fingers.
She snorts and shakes her head.
"What?" he asks, mildly offended.
"It's very annoying that you were right the whole time."
He chuckles, no longer feeling affronted. "Well, if it's any consolation, I've found that you tend to be right about nearly everything else."
"Don't forget it," she smirks.
"I don't believe I ever could."
He leans forward and presses his lips to hers and she sighs into his mouth. They share a lazy kiss and he basks in the security of this new knowledge. Rey can't leave him now, not after this.
Then he remembers the tense fear he'd felt through the Bond when she'd first discovered the nature of their connection and he pulls back.
"You were afraid when you first realized your feelings are real. Please tell me why?"
She runs her fingers through his hair and he shivers slightly from the sensation. Her eyes take on a note of sorrow. "I ... It frightens me a little to know my feelings are real. Before you found me on Illaria, I told myself that it was just the Bond, that none of it was me."
"And it frightens you that that's not true. Would you prefer to not care for me then?" he asks with a tense tone.
"No! That's not what I mean. You always find the worst possible interpretation of my words. It's just … I've been so confused, how I feel for you, it's so strong. Knowing that these feelings are mine, only mine, it was a lot to take in. I fought so hard not to feel this way ..."
"I see." He tries to tamp down the hurt that stabs through him at the reminder of how hard she had struggled to keep from accepting the now undeniable truth of their connection.
"I don't think you do. It made this easier for me when I thought I was compelled to feel as I do, before, when I was with Leia."
"So caring for me, wanting me, you'd rather you were forced? Am I so repulsive to you?" He stiffens and starts to push her from his lap; she tightens her arm around his neck and refuses to move. Her eyes are fierce and her expression stormy.
"That's not what I meant! Force, Kylo, please try not to think everything I say is designed to hurt you! I said before. Things are different now. You aren't the brutal, unhinged man you were when you were hunting me."
He keeps his expression neutral. He's not sure he agrees that he's changed so much, if he even wants to have. He's never thought himself to be brutal, simply efficient. His goals require actions that are often harsh. He's certainly much more centered now that Rey is with him. He'd been holding onto his sanity by the thinnest of threads when he'd finally found her. Yes, he's attempted to minimize violence for Rey's sake, but he won't change course, he will do what needs to be done. However, there is no reason to correct her assumptions at this point.
Choosing his words carefully, he says, "Being without you, it drove me nearly insane, I know that. I know how much I frightened you, and I wish I could go back and do it differently. And I certainly I wish I'd opened that holocron!"
Rey grins, "That might have helped a little."
"Just a bit," he says ruefully.
She settles back into his lap and leans her head against his, stroking his hair again.
"Have I told you how much I like it when you do that?" he asks, closing his eyes and giving himself over to the pleasure.
"No, but I know. You're almost like a cat. Sometimes I think you'll start purring."
He snorts and opens his eyes. He shifts her in his lap until he can see her eyes. "Perhaps I will," he says as he kisses her cheek before drawing back to again see her beloved face. "Oh sweetheart … you have no idea what you do to me. I never knew love like this existed, that I could be so consumed. That I would revel in the powerlessness. I love you, Rey, I love you."
Her eyes light with affection then her face grows serious.
"What is it?" he asks with trepidation.
She turns a bit so that she's facing him directly and moves her hand from his hair and brings up the other until she's holding his face. Her eyes are burning with intensity and he finds himself utterly caught in her gaze.
"There's something I need to tell you." He feels a wave of apprehension, but the way that she's looking at him pushes it away.
Her eyes roam over his face and the softest smile he's ever seen pulls at her lips.
"I think you know already. I hope you do … It's such a relief to know that my feelings are mine. Do you know what I'm trying to say?"
She's looking at him like he's the only person in the entire galaxy and he dares to hope that she …
"I …" she pauses and takes a deep breath. Then she almost whispers, "I love you, Kylo."
He stops breathing and he blinks. Could she? Could she possibly?
"Y-you what?" Please, please, let him not have misheard.
"I love you," she repeats, stronger now. The words caress him, weaving along months of longing and endless thirst.
"Rey …" his voice cracks and his eyes fill with tears. He thinks perhaps he should be embarrassed, but he can't find it in himself to be anything other than elated. She loves him. Rey loves him.
She closes the distance between them, her lips nearly touching his, and she murmurs, "I love you," one more time before kissing him. It's the most beautiful kiss he's ever experienced. Through the Bond she lets all of her feelings flow through him. This, this is what that warm and soft feeling was, all along it was there. But now her emotions are overpowering in their intensity. They're so pure, so good. He can't believe that anyone feels a fraction of this for him, and that it's Rey, his perfect, exquisite Rey … the tears gathering in his lashes spill over and course down his cheeks.
He never truly thought she would love him. He half expects to wake up and find this has all been the most transcendent dream he's ever dreamed. But it's real. Rey loves him. Their lips are moving together and he pushes his own feelings towards her, how desperately he loves her. Their emotions course between them, building and twining together and it's almost too much, the incandescent joy sparking through the Bond.
He wants to kiss her forever, but he needs to see her face again. He pulls back slightly, finding that her lovely hazel eyes are also brimming with tears and love. For him. One of her hands leaves his face and the other brushes away his tears while he wipes away hers, their hands mirroring each other's.
"Oh, Rey …" he sighs. "I never imagined …"
"Neither did I."
"Rey, Rey, Rey …" he chants her name then he's kissing her again.
The lust that always burns through his body is quiet and they're lost in the Bond and the rapture of their connection. Rey loves him.
He's not sure how long they indulged in the heady feelings traveling through them, but when they'd finally emerged from drifting in one another, it was late enough that It hadn't been worth returning to the bridge. They'd ordered an early dinner and now they're again wrapped around each other.
"Why don't we watch a holovid?" Rey suggests.
He can't remember the last time he's done something so mundane and he almost laughs at her suggestion. Luckily he realizes she's serious before he manages to hurt her feelings.
"It's been a long time since I've watched one," he offers neutrally.
"I just thought … something light. This afternoon was so …" she trails off.
"Yes, quite. Well, if that's what you'd like to do, I have no objection." He'll be able to hold her and that's enough for him.
"What kind?" she asks as she goes to the console.
"You pick." He's actually curious to find what she'd select.
"Oh, this one is funny," she says as she starts the projector.
She returns to him and soon she's enraptured with the flickering images casting a blue glow across her face. He's barely paying attention. He's just watching her. How her face moves in delight, how she giggles and sighs. She is far more interesting than a cultural conflict between a human and a twi'lek sharing a living space.
He keeps thinking, "Rey loves me." He can't stop. He doesn't want to. They're both stretched out along her settee and she's tucked between his long legs, her back against his chest. Right now he's pulling his fingers through her hair. She shifts, giving him an absolutely marvelous view of her breasts beneath her shirt. She's not wearing anything under her tunic and he begins to react.
She turns to look up at him and wriggles back against him.
"Oh really?"
He nips at her neck and rasps, "Yes, really," against her skin. He begins to kiss and nibble at her throat. Her hand comes up and she holds it against his cheek. He sucks, hard, at her flesh and she gasps.
She keeps watching the holo, which annoys him, so he smooths his hand along her thigh, up under her tunic until he reaches a glorious breast. He palms it then flicks at a nipple. Her breathing grows harsher, but her eyes are still on the holo.
This simply cannot be allowed. With his other hand, he delves into her leggings and finds that she's already wet for him. Not so unaffected, then. He smiles smugly as he strokes along that delectable bundle of nerves and finally she groans and closes her eyes.
"That's my love. I will not be ignored," he growls.
"No, you won't will you?"
She turns her head and kisses him while he kneads her breast and plucks at her clit. The way that she moans into his mouth makes him grind against the small of her back. He pushes his hand further along her tight curls and delves a finger inside, his thumb circling that perfect spot.
The last night they'd spent together, he'd still found lingering insecurity in her eyes and he wants to give her something that he's never given anyone else. Her declaration emboldens him to take things further tonight. He gentles his kisses and she whimpers in protest.
"Shhh, I want to try something."
He withdraws his hands and encourages her to sit forward. He untangles his legs from around her and maneuvers her until she's sitting back against the settee, Then he's on his knees in front of her.
He holds her eyes. "Do you trust me?"
"Mostly?" He rolls his eyes and she giggles. "Yes, yes I trust you."
Continuing to hold her gaze, he inches her leggings down, making sure to hook his thumbs through the fine silk covering her heat. He pulls them down slowly, giving Rey the chance to stop him. Her breath only quickens. Soon he's removed her leggings and underthings and he gently spreads her legs, placing himself between them. Finally, he breaks their eye contact to look down. He gasps at seeing her, glistening and pink. He's never really seen a woman bared to him in this way and he thinks she's beautiful. He'd never even considered doing this before meeting her, but now he finds he's desperate to taste her.
She sits up slightly and pulls off her tunic. Now she's completely naked before him and he wants to worship her. She smiles self-consciously.
"You're perfect," he says, his eyes burning with passion.
"Rey," he purrs. Her eyes go to his. "I want you to know that this, what I'm about to give to you, this is only for you. I've never given this to anyone. It's all yours. I'm all yours."
She nods, blinking slowly and nibbling her lip.
He leans forward and just before he reaches her, he inhales. She smells fresh and so very feminine. He spreads her open with his fingers and experimentally swipes his tongue along her clit. She jerks and suddenly her hands are in his hair. Deciding that was successful, he continues to swirl and lick and she grasps his locks.
She tastes divine. He'd not known what to expect, but it's unlike anything he's ever tasted and he likes it. He laps at her, enjoying the feeling of rolling her clit with his tongue. She's making the most delightful sounds and he hums in happiness. Curious about what it would feel like to have his tongue held close by her passage, he shifts and thrusts into her, as deep as he can.
"Kylo," she gasps out as she pulls at his hair, forcing his face into her folds. Oh, he's going to do this every chance he gets. The feel of her tightness around his tongue travels straight to his cock. It's so easy to imagine how she'll feel around him.
She's pulling him up, trying to get him to return to that delicious bud and he enthusiastically complies. He takes it between his lips and he sucks.
She gasps out, "Too sensitive!" so he ceases immediately, sitting up.
He delves his fingers inside, now stimulating her clit with his thumb. "Rey, darling Rey," he croons.
She looks at him blearily.
He continues to pump in and out of her and he says, "I need you to tell me what you like. I want to learn how to make you boneless with pleasure. Will you help me, beloved?"
"Uh huh," she agrees with hooded eyes. "I really liked the swirls."
"Like this?" he asks as he descends upon her again, circling his tongue around her clit firmly.
"Yes, yes, just like that, ungh-" and her words are lost to her whimpering. He keeps his fingers working between her folds and finds a rhythm she seems to like while relentlessly licking her hard nub.
She begins to pull at his hair sharply as her other hand slams down on the cushion and she calls out, "Maker, yes! Kylo, I love you, oh stars, I love you."
And if that doesn't make him redouble his efforts, nothing would. His face is buried in his beloved and she loves him back! He tries swiping his tongue up under her hood and she groans.
"That, do that again, please, please do that again," she begs. He smiles into her heat. Yes, he likes this very much indeed.
He does as she asks and she's getting loud again. He wants her to scream the whole ship down. Let them hear. He wants them to hear.
That marvelous flutter is beginning around his fingers and he can't wait to feel her orgasm, suck her pleasure from her. A new wave of wetness coats his fingers and his tongue continues to swirl and lick.
He loses himself to the cadence of thrusting his fingers inside and the incomparable feeling of being so close, so intimate with his Rey. He feels like he's learning her from the inside out. He wants to feel her come apart for him, knowing that this is new for them both. This is the first time they're sharing something that neither has experienced and he hopes she understands he is entirely hers. It doesn't matter that he's been with other women, everything with Rey is different and he's not sure if she knows how she's remaking him.
Her walls begin to contract—hard—around his fingers. Her muscles clench down and his fingers are nearly pushed out as she moans his name over and over. His cock twitches as he imagines he's above her, thrusting deeply inside her, these wonderful undulations moving along his length instead of his fingers.
Then they start to come faster and she's almost screaming. "I'm, I'm, oh Force, Kylo, I'm coming, oh Maker, I'm coming," and he wants to say yes, yes, yes, my love, but his mouth is far too busy. With one final groan, she arches off of the cushions and almost pulls his hair out by the roots. He doesn't care.
She relaxes back into the settee and pants. That was amazing. He's absolutely doing that again as soon as possible. Maybe she'll let him do it again later tonight.
He lifts his head and finds her eyes. They're unfocused and she's still breathing hard. He pulls his hand from her and deliberately licks his two fingers that had so recently been thrusting inside her. Her eyes grow wide.
"Mmm, you taste so good," he says between sucking the last of her juices from his digits. He places his hands on either side of her hips and leans forward, placing a kiss on her belly. Then he moves his way up, kissing a trail between her breasts until he's at her mouth. His lips are almost on hers when he breathes you, "Would you like to taste yourself on my tongue?"
She doesn't make a verbal reply, only kisses him soundly. He knows his face is a mess, and now they're both covered with her. He loves it.
After kissing him thoroughly, she pulls back. "Now …" she says, pulling at his clothing. "I want to taste you."
He was already hard from feeling, hearing, enjoying her, but at the thought of that delicate mouth wrapped around him, his cock throbs in anticipation. But he doesn't want her to feel she must reciprocate.
"That was for you, you don't need to," he says as he shakes his head.
His tunic is already being pulled off when she says, "I want to. I've wanted to do this for months."
"What?" he asks, shocked.
"You already know that I would think of you while I touched myself. I thought about that … frequently."
Now she's standing and pulling him to his feet. Before he puts everything together she's on her knees in front of him and he's standing there naked after she pulled down the last of his clothing. His cock is achingly hard, so ready for her.
"Rey, you really don't hav-" then he can't talk because she engulfs him in one movement. She can't take it all, but she's already moving her lips along him and he's not sure he's ever going to be able to think again. Any awkwardness of being naked in front of her for the first time is lost to her mouth. It feels so good and his knees are starting to buckle.
"Rey!" he chokes out.
She pulls back and peers up at him. The sight of her, nude, on her knees in front of him, his cock against her cheek, he knows he'lll remember that image for the rest of his life. "What is it?"
"I … I have to sit down, I won't be able to hold myself up."
From her position on the floor she pushes him down on the settee and she's about to settle between his legs when he grabs a throw pillow. "Here, for your knees," he explains.
She smiles and places it on the floor then sinks down onto the cushion.
She puts her hands on the tops of his thighs and regards his erection. She takes him in her hand and pumps up and down. He would be thrilled if that was all that she did, but then her pink tongue comes out and licks a bead of pre-come from his swollen head. He groans as she takes just the tip into her mouth while stroking his shaft
"Oh, love, you really don't have to."
She pauses and pulls back. "I want to. Unless … do you not want me to?"
"Oh, no, never that. I want you to. Oh, Maker do I want you to. But if it's too soon, if you're uncomfortab-"
"I can stop. I know that. I told you. I thought about this a lot, what it would feel like, how you would taste. And I want more." Her eyes are hungry and a strangled moan escapes him.
She smiles and returns to her task, again taking only his head into her perfect mouth. She moves her tongue around the ridge, teasing and him while she strokes his shaft. Maker, she's good at this and he smirks. His darling is a prodigy in more than just the Force, it would seem. Then she suddenly takes as much as she can in her mouth and he groans loudly. "Rey, oh, Rey. Your mouth feels amazing."
She bobs up and down, using her hand to make up for the fact she can't take him all. He can't tear his eyes from watching his cock disappear between her lips. It's the most erotic thing he has ever seen. Her cheeks hollow as she pulls back and she's swirling her tongue along his head and shaft, adding such glorious sensation to the already fantastic feeling of her lips wrapped around him.
Before he knows it he's already close. This is so different than when he's experienced it before, like everything with her. It had always been about power in his prior entanglements. Grabbed hair and forceful thrusts. He can't imagine treating Rey like that.
But he doesn't want to think about anyone but Rey and her perfect, hot mouth and how good she feels. His balls are beginning to tighten and he knows he'll come soon. She pulls back slowly and holds his eyes, then she's descending again and his cock hits the back of her throat. He manages not to buck up and choke her, but it's a near thing with how intensely she's holding his eyes.
Her voice forms in his head. "This is even better than I imagined. Feeling you in my mouth. You're so hard, your skin is so silky. I could suck on your cock for days."
He had no idea Rey could be so downright naughty and he knows he's the luckiest man in the galaxy. He's getting closer, the pleasure rippling along his spine. Then she pushes through how she's feeling and he almost comes right then. She wasn't lying. She loves this. Her enthusiasm has him moaning as her love for him courses through him. Her light, her beautiful light winds throughout him and it's like he's bathed in warmth.
So close, so close. "Rey, you have to stop."
She shakes her head determinedly and keeps working his shaft. "Ung, Rey, I'm going to come any moment."
"Good," she sends through the Bond. "I told you I want to taste you. I want you to fill me until I can't take any more."
That's it, that does it. The thought of coming in her mouth tips him right over the edge. Bright hot ecstasy courses through him, thrumming through his whole body. He feels like he's flying apart and somehow she's catching him. He fills her mouth with rope after rope of his seed, his orgasm feeling endless. She meant it, she swallows it all down then for good measure she licks up from the base of his cock to the head, ensuring she found every last drop.
Swiftly he takes her by her biceps while he shifts. He pulls her up until she's lying on top of him, both of them on the settee. He takes her face in his hands and kisses her furiously. She's left the Bond open so he sends, "I love you; that was incredible. I've never felt anything like that ... Thank you, sweetheart."
She keeps kissing him back and he's tasting himself on her lips. He's never tasted himself before. It's not unpleasant, but he far prefers her luscious flavor.
Then they both still as the feeling of their naked bodies pressed together runs through them. She's draped across him and the intensity of the feeling of all of that contact makes them both gasp. They stop kissing and just look into each other's eyes. His lips part in wonder, the languid post-orgasm feeling twining with the overwhelming sensation of so much connection. It seems that the more of their skin that is touching, the deeper the feeling.
"I love you," he whispers.
"And I love you," she returns, equally shaken. They gaze into each other and time ceases to have meaning.
She lifts her hand and runs it through his hair and he holds her tightly against him. Her hazel eyes blink slowly and the Bond feels as if it's weaving around their naked bodies. He pulls her head down until their foreheads are touching. "Oh Rey …"
He turns them until she's tucked against him, her back to his front and he winds a long leg around hers. He feels sated in a way he's never known. Her skin is warm against his and he revels in how he's able to engulf her with his larger frame. It makes him feel protective and possessive.
"You'll stay tonight, right?" she asks with confidence, but he hears the hint of fear that he'll say no. Oh, beloved, doesn't she know by now that he's simply incapable of denying her?
"I told you, I will stay with you every night you wish me to," he says quietly into her ear, then he pulls her earlobe into his mouth and sucks gently. She shivers in his arms and he smiles as he releases it.
"Maybe you should."
"Maybe I should what?" he asks as he palms her breast, enraptured by how he's allowed to touch her in this way.
"Stay every night. I mean … I miss you when you aren't here. Knowing you're just down the hall … last night I almost let myself into your quarters."
"Oh, I wish you had. I was missing you terribly last night." He'd woken in the middle of the night and his arms had physically ached from her absence.
She turns over so that she's facing him. He rearranges his limbs so that she's again wrapped in him. Her face is eager.
"See? It's silly to sleep apart. We don't have to have dinner beforehand."
"I'd like it if we did," he says sincerely as he strokes her cheek with his fingertips.
She purses her lips slightly and her eyes flit away for a moment. "I still need a little more space than that. Sometimes I eat with Vitok. I don't want to give that up."
"No, of course not." He thinks he successfully hides his disappointment.
Wistfully she says, "I wish Kes could have dinner with me, but she's always on duty in the evenings."
"Ah, well, there's something I want to tell you about Kes's situation that I think you'll like, but first: yes, Rey, I will happily sleep beside you each night."
She leans forward and kisses him softly. "Good," she whispers against his lips. He closes his eyes and the realization that he will sleep with her every single night washes over him. She loves him, she wants him. He will see every day.
Even if she never gives one more inch, he knows that he would be the happiest man alive with this life. He holds her close, afraid to speak lest he spoil it.
Finally she pulls back slightly. "What did you want to tell me about Kes?"
He blinks, pulling himself from his reverie. "Ah, yes. I'm going to ask her to help me overhaul the stormtrooper program. As a consequence her duty schedule will change and she should be able to have dinner with you from time to time."
"Wait, you're going to change the stormtrooper program?"
"Yes, I have recently come to some … conclusions regarding discipline, fear, and loyalty. I want to try something different."
"That's ... That's wonderful!"
"I thought you would approve."
"Kes will be so happy!"
"Well, I haven't asked her yet, so please don't say anything."
"Alright, I won't. But you'll ask her soon?"
"Tomorrow. I had to make a few arrangements first. I will admit I'm assuming she'll say yes."
"Oh, she will. She has all sorts of ideas, too."
"You've already been talking about ways to make changes, haven't you?"
"Well, you did say you were going to think about it."
"That I did."
She tucks her head under his chin and he runs his fingers up her spine, enjoying the way she shudders in his arms.
Rey loves him.
A/N: Thank you jackie_01 for the alpha read and brilliant suggestion. Thank you CharlotteCAgain, who is a marvelous beta and helps calm my insecurities.
Thank you readers! You are all so wonderful and I missed you with no Thursday update. I'm not sure if I'll manage it this week, this chapter is a bit of a beast.