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Chapter thirty-five.

"What, Edward?" I asked him, curiously. Edward opened his mouth to speak but then paused, as if he was figuring out what to say.

"If James hit you…you'd know better than to cover for him, right?"

I closed my mouth and looked away, suddenly unable to speak.

"Bella?" Edward prompted after a couple of minutes.

My eyes stung as I remembered yesterday. Right after the dinner when I had run upstairs, James was coming out of the bathroom. His eyes were red and puffy. He was crying.

"There's something wrong with him", I whispered to Edward. He frowned and confusion swept his face.

"What?"

"I think…I don't know what…but there's something wrong with James", I explained to him, sighing. I didn't exactly care for my brother, not after everything that he had put me through. But I couldn't ignore the fact hat he wasn't himself lately. There was something wrong.

"I know there's something wrong with him", said Edward, nodding, "he's a jerk. He has a split personality and he's untrustworthy. That's what's wrong with him."

I shook my head immediately. Then nodded, rolling my eyes

"Well, yeah. But apart from that", I told Edward, "he doesn't seem himself lately. I don't know what's wrong though. He's just…not acting like James. He's being weird and creepy and not even my mother knows what's wrong."

"You haven't answered my question though", he said quietly, rubbing the sore bit of my stomach with the warm cloth. I reached out and ran my fingers through Edward's hair. It was soft and supple like I imagined it to be.

"He didn't do this", I told him, "James didn't hit me. And…I would tell you if there was something wrong with me, Edward. You're the person I come to when I need someone to hold me, to comfort me and to make me feel like myself again. I'd tell you anything."

Edward seemed pleased with my response for now. And I wanted it that way. Because what I had told him was the truth but some of it was still wrong. There was still a big secret that I was keeping from him. A secret that I was keeping from myself that I didn't want to believe.

The only thing was that I didn't understand how I felt about it, so how could I tell Edward how I felt if I didn't even know myself.

"You should've told me about this before, Bella", Edward said once more, pulling my shirt back down and sitting on the couch next to me. I leaned into his arm and buried myself into his chest. His touches were warm and just right. I closed my eyes. A voice ran through my ears.

Isabella…you might not be able to have children…

No kids. No little miniature me.

Did I want babies?

Well, I hadn't exactly decided yet but it was something that I wanted, in later life. When I had my own life sorted then maybe I'd want to have a little baby.

"So what did the doctor say?" Edward asked casually when I had relaxed into his arms. I tensed, not expecting this question. My eyes flew open immediate and Edward sensed my stiffness.

I needed to stir the conversation away from this.

I sat up and went to sit on Edward's lap, facing him but not looking into his eyes. Instead I focused on his hair. My fingers brushed the locks out of his eyes and back. His hair was a beautiful colour, odd but beautiful.

"The doctor?" Edward prompted arching an eyebrow. I leaned down and kissed his eyebrow, letting my tongue slip out and wet a piece of his skin. Edward moaned, snaking his arm around me and pulling me closer.

"Bella, are you trying to distract me?" he asked breathlessly. I kissed the side of his lips, running my tongue smoothly over the pink fullness. Edward melted against me and I felt his hardness under me, straining against his jeans. "Because it's…it's working."

"Shush…I love you, did you know that?" I whispered, nipping and sucking at his bottom lip. I rocked against him on his lap and he moaned out my name in the sexier way possible. Edward pressed his lips against mine and slipped his tongue into my mouth. Our tongues battled for dominance whilst our hands roamed around each other's bodies.

The perfect moment was suddenly ruined when I jumped off Edward suddenly, clutching my stomach and screaming out in pain.

Edward's POV.

One minute I was holding Bella perfectly against my chest. My hands were stroking up her back, under her shirt feeling the softness and warmth of her skin. My tongue was exploring her mouth. I loved the feeling of her so close to me, of her petite body on my lap. I wanted to hold her in that position forever. Heaven couldn't compete with Bella.

But the next minute, she had been snatched away from me, crying out in agony.

My eyes widened in shock as I saw her, gripping on to the edge of the sofa, her lips parted a piercing cry escaping her lips.

"Fuck! Bella? Bella, what's wrong?" my actions were automatic. I knelt down on the floor, next to her, searching to see what I could do.

Bella was panting, she bit her bottom lip to stop herself from screaming. The look of pain struck her face and I noticed she was holding her breath. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I hold her or rub her stomach or call an ambulance.

"What's wrong? Tell me what's wrong", I begged her, desperate to hear her say something, anything to me.

"Gimme…a minute", she panted, closing her eyes just as a tear escape the side of her left eye. I held back her hair, wiping it out of her face. I noticed she was furiously but gently rubbing her stomach with her right hand and muttering something quietly under her breath. My heart racing in the few seconds that she looked like she was battling a demon of some sort. Finally, Bella squeezed her eyes tighter and stopped breathing altogether.

I waited.

She stayed in the small, crouched position, smoothly rubbing her stomach and not saying anything.

"Bella? Bella, are you alright?" I whispered, scared of saying anything else. She opened her eyes slowly and turned to face me. She breathed out loud.

"Oh…oh – ouch. Ow, that hurts", she groaned, struggling to get up. I watched her warily, not saying a word, as I helped her stand up.

At that moment, I was so scared shitless and so angry that I would've broken down and cried if Bella hadn't been standing in front of me, wincing in pain.

"I forgot to take my pain meds this morning…that's why it was hurting so much", she muttered, staring at the floor and speaking mostly to herself.

I stared at her in disbelief.

"Pain medicine? You didn't tell me you had to take medicine because of that bruise", I snapped at her. I was so angry with Bella at that moment. The sight she made me watch caused me the most pain I had ever felt in the word. She was helpless on my apartment floor, clutching herself for dear life and I couldn't do a thing about it.

Bella looked startled. She shrugged at me, wincing as she did.

"What the hell is the matter with you?" I demanded, wanting to know the real answer this time, "you just told me you would tell me anything and everything and now…Bella, what's wrong? Why are you keeping secrets?"

"There's nothing wrong, Edward, I'm –"

"Don't you dare say you're fine", I cut in through her sharply, "because, honey, that little episode was not the definition of fine to me."

She clenched her teeth and set her jaw, glaring at me then finally giving up.

"I'm sort of hurt badly", said Bella quietly, she lowered her eyes to the floor, "inside…it's injured quite badly. But it's healing. All I can do is take pain medicines and wait for it to heal. The reason I didn't tell you is because it's not a big deal, Edward."

I stared at her and I felt like truly burying my head under my pillow. She didn't understand how hurt I was to see her hurting. She didn't understand that her pain was my pain.

Not a big deal.

"It's a bigger deal that you'd ever thought Bella", I said quietly. I wanted to tell her something that day, but this had ruined it. I needed to find another way of asking Bella to move in with me.

--

Bella's POV.

It was my birthday tomorrow, Friday.

I felt like my life was crammed with all the bad bits of a horror movie. It was like God or whoever was up there, had picked out some random horrible things and just mixed it into my life just for pure entertainment. And however much I tried; I couldn't shake off the bad things. I couldn't sort anything because it turned out worst and worst.

"Would you like to talk?" a voice broke through my thoughts. I looked up to see my mother walking into my room. She didn't knock anymore. I noticed how her lips pursed as she looked around and her eyes zoned in on the stray clothes lying around. She said nothing though, which I was grateful for.

"Talk about what?" I asked, settling myself back on my bed.

"You've been staring at that picture for a while", she commented, ignoring my question.

Renée gestured the framed picture I held in my hands. It was of James as a baby. Just a newborn. One day old, wrapped in a purple blanket in my mother's arms. I was looking at her face, how tired she looked but the happiness clearly glowed off of her. I could see her weariness but I also saw her pride as she held her first baby, her only son.

"What are you thinking, Isabella?" she asked gently. My mother sat at the end of my bed looking at me. I handed back the picture to her and she smiled looking down at it.

"I don't know how I feel", I told her, "how I feel about not being about to…to have babies. The thing is, I feel like I don't care. Like it doesn't affect me at all."

"Of course it does affect you", Renée said, shaking her head, "to be able to carry your child for nine months is a privilege, Isabella. There's always a connection between the mother and child. Trust me, you not being able to conceive is something that you'll be regretting for the rest of your life."

I stared at her blankly. Thanks for the comforting words, mother.

"This is a baby, we're talking about", she carried on, "your own flesh and blood. Your own little bundle of joy. Yours. A miracle of your creation. And…you can't have it. You won't be able to have it."

No…

"There's always adoption", I said quickly before she continued, "I could just adopt, mum. I can have children, I just won't be able to give birth to them. I'll love any child just the same."

"And what about your husband?" she questioned, "Do you think a man would want to be with a woman who can't carry his child? With a woman who won't be able to carry on his last time with a child? Are you sure your husband would want you, when you tell him you can't have children?"

I blinked back the tears that were pooling in my eyes. The words were harsh and sharp. I felt each one of them slicing through me, leaving deep wounds.

"No man would want a woman who is such a dead end", said Renée, standing up, "they'd want someone whole, not you, Isabella. I'm sorry, but not you."

I know Renee sounds harsh. But believe it or not, that last conversation with Bella and Renee is actually something that's based on a true story.

Review please, Bella's birthday is the next chapter. That's when everything changes...

Thanks for reading.

xXx